So What Happened?

I have to admit, I’m still pretty tickled about the election.  However my elation is eroding day by day, as I’m seeing evidence that little in our political culture is going to change.  Four more years of willful obstructionism seems likely, as pols and pundits on the right strain to delegitimize the president once again.

One might think this would be a good time to re-examine one’s failures as to why an election was lost, but I’m seeing precious little introspection.  What I’m seeing is the GOP and their media minions pointing the fingers of blame every which way but at themselves.

It’s mind-blowing that they are complaining about the popular vote… I mean, before we even get into the relevant facts, unless they complained about the Electoral College when Bush lost the popular vote to Gore, but won the presidency anyway, their opinion is null and void.  Just like with the Tea Party… unless you spoke up when Bush ran up the deficit, (which no one did) speaking up now is duplicitous, because it shows you don’t care as much about the deficit as they do about who’s doing the spending.

Ultimately, the fact of the matter is that Obama won the popular vote by around 3 million (as of this writing), which is the same margin by which GW Bush beat Kerry, prompting Karl Rove to claim a “mandate.”  You think anyone from the Right thinks 3 million votes is a mandate now?

So what went wrong for the Republicans this year?  The issues are plentiful.

• They preached top-down economics again, meaning give the tax breaks to the rich and let business function without consumer protections, and then they will trickle the wealth down to the unwashed masses in the form of creating jobs.  Unfortunately for them, there are too many voters alive right now that experienced that form of upper crust “benevolence” during the Reagan and Bush years, and know it doesn’t work.  In fact, it created the environment for the massive economic collapse that Obama inherited.  So why would anyone in the abused 98% want to try it again?

• They ran a chameleon that was either a severe conservative or a moderate pragmatist, depending on whom he was addressing.  Voters want to know what you stand for, so they can make a decision.  No one wants to put an Unknown Commodity in the White House.  The “Etch-a-Sketch” campaign strategy might make for a slick, cynical retort, but in this age of instant information, it insults the voting population. 

• The chameleon was also a Silver Spoon baby with no concept of what it’s like for the rest of us that don’t have trust funds, the best schooling, housing or cars.  Like the saying goes, “He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.”  George W. Bush grew up with the same advantages, but he also had a certain folksy charm that connected with people.  That quality was severely lacking in the chameleon, who exhibited all the charm of an automaton.  It should have been no surprise that people don’t warm to stiff, charmless fakes.

• Throughout the primaries, the other GOP candidates spent months (and zillions of dollars) airing pointed charges and characterizations at Romney, calling him out on his upbringing, his “vulture capitalism,” and general flip-floppery.  So when they in turn had to throw their support behind the nominee, their praise didn’t ring true.  Plus, it provided the Democrats with an arsenal full of ammunition.  Every time you hear the GOP complain about how negative the Democrats went, just remember where they got the material. 

• Their nominee pursued policies of tightened immigration and harsh sanctions on illegals, which invariably would harass those that WERE here legally.  While appealing to the “Law and Order,” (read “White Male”) voter, it completely alienated Hispanic voters, whose population and influence are growing.  Through the policies they pursue, the GOP is actively pushing Hispanics away. 

• Republican state governors were pushing bogus voter suppression “reforms” under the guise of fighting voter fraud (of which there has been found to be none.)  Want to ensure that your opponents turn out to vote?  Use a bunch of shady legal maneuvers to try to prevent them from doing so.  They’ll trample any barrier to exercise their right to tell you to stuff your “reforms” up your ass. 

• Lastly, there is the issue that hogged the headlines for months… Even though the statements didn’t come from their candidate, Republican Senators and Congressmen (White Males, naturally) repeatedly demonstrated their ignorance and insensitivity towards women, but pushing blatant untruths about reproduction and uncaring attitudes toward rape.  While they were castigated by the party leaders, the candidates themselves held back, lest they offend the far right.  And the funny thing is that the basis of all those misogynistic statements could be found right there in the GOP Platform.  Party Leaders weren’t upset about the content of what they were saying; they were upset that it was getting headlines.  They wanted to talk about the economy, not re-fight women’s rights, birth control or Roe versus Wade.  When you anger and insult over half of the country’s voters, it’s not a recipe for victory.

So now that the election is done and the GOP lost the presidency, as well as seats in the House and Senate, do you think they did any soul searching?  You think they’re realizing that their espoused positions are actively alienating a segment of the country whose numbers are steadily increasing?  Naaaaah…

They’re blaming everyone else, that’s what they’re doing.  They blame Hurricane Sandy for rudely interrupting their guy’s momentum and allowing the president to “look presidential.”  They’re blaming Chris Christie for actually doing his job as governor and having the audacity to give the president credit where credit was due.  They’re blaming more supposed voter fraud.  They’re blaming the voters for wanting “stuff for free,” like clean air, good roads, good schools, firemen and policemen to protect them and a viable Social Security system, to which they’ve paid into all their lives.  And they’re blaming the “liberal media,” of course, whose fault it is for reporting on facts when they inconveniently differ from GOP party dogma.

This election has shown that if the Republicans want to remain a viable party, they’re going to have to widen the door to their tent, because angry, straight, white, Christian men are not enough to fill it up any more.

And it’s going to have to be policy change, too.  Running a brown face out there to spout the same top-down policies is not going to change anything.  And having a woman go out and actively propose things that diminish the rights of other women, will not work either.

You’ll have to excuse me if this last bit was a tad day-dreamy.  Those things would require a degree of introspection, which is not something I’ve seen even a shred of, coming from the Right.  It’s far too easy to blame others.

This post wraps up my thoughts on the 2012 Election.  While I may chip in later on the coming “Fiscal Cliff” negotiations, I now return to my regularly scheduled bullshit.

Director’s DVD Commentary: I’d been planning on marking the date of my 600^th post, but it didn’t quite seem appropriate.  It ended up being my grand “Election Summation” post, which laid out the specific reasons why I (and everyone) should vote Democratic, and I didn’t want to detract from the message.  But hey… 600 posts… that’s a lot of words, especially when you consider how long I ramble on.  I think my fingertips are a quarter-inch shorter than they were in 2009 when I started.  I’ll have to do something nice for myself to celebrate my 4-year blogiversary in February.

Electoral Afterglow

I was late to work this morning, because of a traffic jam.  OK, it was my own fault, but I learned something.  I learned that the idea of “Dancing in the Street” is far better to be left to song than to be put into practice.  I hope all the car horns didn't wake anybody up.

If you saw my prior post, you know I had some big misgivings about what was about to happen.  And I was quite sure that it would take days, if not weeks, before we knew who our next president would be.  Let me be the first to admit that I was dead wrong.  And I've never been so happy to be wrong in my life.

Had we lost on election night, I was planning to go to work all Johnny Cash and be the Man in Black.  By the end of the night, I was breaking out my Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops.  Time to Par-tay!

Four More Years! (Photo: Jewel Samad, Getty Images)

As I’m sure you know by now, President Obama was re-elected, the Democrats picked up a few seats in the Senate and held serve in the House.  The balance of power is not drastically shifted, but we have some vibrant new players on the scene, like Elizabeth Warren.  (Warren 2016?  Don’t laugh.)  We also got rid of some walking, talking anuses, like Akin and Mourdock, (Ruined their chances?  No we “rectum!”), who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near public office, just for being so goddamned ignorant. 

Here in Maryland, all referendum questions passed.  The redistricting bill passed, which is good because the result of that redistricting was the ouster of a long-seated Republican from Western Maryland.  The Dream Act passed, so children of illegal immigrants, if they meet several strenuous conditions, can pay in-state tuition rates at college. 

Surprisingly, the gambling expansion passed, which will allow a 6^th casino to be built, and permit table games.  The money spent on that issue was staggering.

The biggest bombshell was that same-sex marriage passed, making Maryland (tied for*) the first state to approve it via popular vote.  As you may recall, this is an issue I've been talking about and promoting for years.  Passage required a lot of obstacles to be overcome, and damn if we didn't do it.  I've never been so proud of Maryland in my life.

* Same sex marriage also passed in Maine, and a constitutional amendment to ban it in Minnesota was defeated.  As of this writing, it is winning in the state of Washington, 52/48, but is too close to call.  Mailed ballots are expected to trickle in throughout the week.

I think it was a combination of a wise game plan and a change in culture that finds people now ready for it.  The biggest obstacle in Maryland was always going to be the African-American vote, which while reliably Democratic, has always been averse to accepting same-sex relationships.

In overcoming that resistance, you can’t underestimate the impact from when both President Obama and the NAACP came out in favor of same-sex marriage.  That was a boatload of clout and credibility right there.  Then they sought out the support of a couple of Baptist ministers, who cut commercial spots saying how religious protections would still be in place, and that no one had the right to make people adhere to someone else’s religious beliefs.

All the opposition could offer were the usual scare tactics… The Children, The Bible, The Children, The Slippery Slope to Bestiality and Oh My God What About the Children?  It’s my opinion that no matter what the issue, people only trot out “The Children” as a defense when they can’t win an argument on merit. 

The Catholic Church was another opposition ringleader.  The local Archbishop sent a letter for required reading at Mass, urging opposition to the question.  I've heard in Comments here before that some people have priests that do their own thing and are much more in sync with today’s times.  I theorize that it is so because the pressure is off.  I’d be interested to see what would happen if a similar hot-button measure is presented in that state.  Then we’d see how much autonomy a priest really had.

Let me tell you what happened here.  One local priest read the Archbishop’s letter during Mass, but then rebutted it with his more reasoned personal beliefs; that non-Catholics needn’t be bound by Catholic tenets.   He also posted a video with a similar statement on his parish website.  Two days later, the video was taken down and replaced by a new statement about how priests needed to subvert their personal opinions to those of the Church.  He was unavailable for further comment after that.  Hand slapped, dissent suppressed, case closed.

But throughout the state, despite scare tactics and negative ads, people were able to see through the bullshit and realize that it was a basic civil rights issue, that no one should be a second class citizen simply because of the way they were born.  Forty years from now, people are going to look back on the last decade and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.  The last ten years will look to them the same way we look at the racial strife of the 50s and 60s.  All that violent opposition, and for what? 

I mean, right now, look at New York, Massachusetts, Iowa, and the others states that have same-sex marriage?  Are they all dens of sin and iniquity?  Does anyone even notice a difference?  Of course not.  Life just goes on… only there’s now a percentage of the population that enjoys the same rights as the majority.  That’s how it should be. 

Obviously, the night’s top story was the re-election of President Obama.  Everyone knows that now, but what they don’t know about is my own behind-the-scenes role in it all.  You may be able to thank me, but I have to thank my buddy, Carpetbagger.

I gasped as I realized that I was missing that bullet from my arsenal.  I may have made a written case for Obama’s re-election and donated money to the cause, but I had completely forgotten my mojo responsibilities. I quickly shed the red sweat pants I was wearing and donned a blue pair.  The rest is history.  You’re welcome.

This was my first “Twitter” election and I had a real ball in using it.  I mostly stuck to CNN, with occasional flips to the local NBC affiliate to check up on the referendum issues.  I found that CNN was not as interested in being first as they were with being right.  They were rarely the first to project a winner, and some times waited hours to join their competitors.  But when they did, it sure seemed “official.”

I especially liked how they used the map to highlight the county returns and show how they justified their projections.  For example, they’d show how even though Obama was trailing overall, most of the votes were already counted for the traditionally Republican counties, where the places that went strongly Democratic still had over half the votes yet to count.

Twitter was useful in keeping me up with the other network projections.  It especially tickled me when Fox “News” would project a swing state for Obama.  That’s when I really trusted it, because I know it just killed them to have to do it.  It was especially funny when Fox projected Ohio for Obama, (and thus to win the election) and then their own pundit Karl Rove went on to criticize the projection, claiming that there was still time for Romney to pull it out.  He went on to argue with Fox’s data analysts on air.  Click that last link; it’s hilarious. 

I think he was just panicking over the thought of all that cash he dropped without receiving any of the influence he so desired.  Remember, it wasn't HIS cash, it’s money he raised by making promises to others.  Now he sounds like a guy who went in big with a loan shark to bet on a “hot tip,” who later pulls up lame in the 4th race at Aquaduct.

That’s what tickles me most about this election; that the Republicans spent a fuck-ton of money on it and basically got jack-shit in return.  Every corporation that sent money to Karl Rove’s or the Koch Brothers’ PAC not only pissed their dough straight down the toilet, they also pissed off the guys that won. 

Last night, the American people showed that they couldn't be bought and sold quite so easily.  As I said in the last post, money can’t buy the election out right; it can only buy the opportunity to influence your vote.  You have the ability to ignore the badgering, scare tactics and misinformation, and place your vote for those who best represent your values.  (Chances are; it’s not a human chameleon who will change his message to suit whoever he is standing in front of.) 

Last night we learned that more people value the rights of humans over the supposed human rights of corporations. 

So, Republicans, stick that in your PAC and smoke it.

 In case you don’t follow me on Twitter, (and why on earth wouldn't you?) here’s some of what you missed.

And with that, I went to bed a very happy man.

Election Night Jitters

I read today that the Japanese Ambassador was talking politics with the US Ambassador’s wife.  She said to him, “And when was the last time you had an election?”

He stammered and said, “Before blekfast.”

That’s my sole attempt at election humor for the day.  I’m too nervous to produce any real yuks on this tense occasion.  By the end of the night,* half the country will be elated and the other half will be despondent/enraged/suicidal.  All I can do is hope I’m not in the latter class.  Screw the rest of them.

* I am asterisking the “end of the night” bit because I’m quite sure it’s going to take a while before we have a winner.  I was tempted to take Wednesday off and stay up late into the night, to wait for the state-by-state returns.  I decided not to do so, because if ever there was an election that was bound to end with recounts and legal challenges, it’s this one.  The GOP has already been working for the last couple years to suppress likely Democratic voters; the polling places, staffing, and ballot accounting are their last firewalls against the unwashed liberal hordes.  So I’ll just have to show up tomorrow with a hangover, one way or another.

Entirely too much money has been spent to re-install the Republicans for them to allow it to be wasted.  Voting machine glitches have already surfaced in Pennsylvania, where hitting the Obama section of the voting touch-screen triggered a vote for Romney.  Maybe it’s just a faulty screen, maybe not.  I trust no one from a state government that just had their “voter fraud” countermeasures thrown out in court, because they would disenfranchise hundreds of thousands of voters.  They know there’s more than one way to skin a “Kenyan.” 

The money… oh Lordy, look at how much money has been spent on this election.  Can you imagine the number of jobs that could have been created if all the cash spent on this election had been used differently?  How many roads or schools could have been built?  How many policemen and firemen hired?  Or if you still believe in debt reduction when your own guy is in charge, how much could be taken off the deficit?  (A hell of a lot more than by defunding PBS and Planned Parenthood, I’ll tell you that much…)

But the money?  The only thing these power brokers can buy is the opportunity to persuade you how to vote.  If you can think for yourself and determine your own direction based on your own values, the effect of all that dough is massively diminished. 

Unfortunately, this is America, where flash and style trump depth and nuance.  After reading online and televised comments from the general public, I can only conclude that the nation’s critical thinking skills are somewhere between a rabid squirrel and a pissed off badger.  We, as a country, believe whatever plays to our original biases.  When “facts” become debatable, we are in serious danger of ceasing to be a rational nation.

So I sit here, today, quite worried for the fate of our country.  If Romney wins, it’s not just him that scares me.  I mean, he’s a rich, privileged, douche canoe, sure, but I don’t think he’s evil.  I’m worried about the cast of characters that rushes back into office with him.  Remember that during the Bush years; they were all very busy packing the governmental infrastructure with conservatives.  Obama didn't go in there and sweep them all out, because in theory, they weren't supposed to be “political” appointments.  They’re like sleeper cells now, going through the motions until they can be reactivated by a Romney administration. 

And aside from them, there’s all the other industry CEOs that will fly back to town, to resume the task of gutting the regulations from their respective industries and rewriting much more business friendly (and consumer and environmentally hostile) versions.  The Karl Roves will come back out of the shadows to pull the puppet strings once again.

Rove, as you may know, collected billions for his Super PAC, to prop up GOP campaigns all over the country.  The money was given from all the huge corporations that have skin in the game.  Because of the Citizens United ruling, it’s perfectly legal… immoral and conscienceless, but legal.

The thing with the money is; there’s always a catch.  You don’t think these companies are forking over millions just for the hell of it, do you?  Obviously, they expect something in return.  They expect the Republicans to tailor all policies and regulations to benefit businesses over the rest of us.  They are simply bought and paid for.

Yes, yes, the Democrats have some big donors too.  A couple.  The GOP always points to George Soros, and various movie moguls.  The thing is; guys like Soros are donating money to a party that will cost them more money.  They are giving with the goal of benefiting the entire country rather than protecting their own narrow self-interest.  That’s a huge philosophical difference. 

But besides the random cash cows, the Democrats gain most of their dough from the grassroots… people like you and me.  Me, for sure.  I swear; I've been getting a couple dozen donation appeals a day, since September.  I’m sure looking forward to getting back to the regular spam for steroids, porn and boner pills.

So it’s no wonder the Dems are always getting outspent.  It’s been miraculous that they've even been able to keep it close.  But again, education defeats money.  All it takes is a developed skill to identify flawed logic and faulty arguments.  Which we suck at doing.  Shit.

The Republican rallying cry has been “Take our country back.”  As Baltimore Sun columnist Dan Rodricks pointed out this morning, they’re “suggesting that the country has been in the hands of some foreign “other” rather than a man who received nearly 70 million votes in 2008.  That’s 10 million more than his opponent, and a margin of popular victory nearly 3 times greater that GW Bush’s over Kerry in 2004.

Remember that Karl Rove called the second Bush win a mandate, and a clear indication that conservatism had become the dominant political creed.  He said, “Those who oppose this agenda are in a difficult position. They’re attempting to block reforms to systems that almost every serious-minded person concedes need reform. …That’s not a good place to be in American politics.”

Did anyone hear about any “mandates” from the GOP after Obama won?  Hardly.  They immediately set out to block every attempted fix he made, all the while working to assign him the blame for every lousy metric.

It’s frustrating because if I was running the Democratic campaign, I’d be trumpeting “Republican Obstruction” at every speech and in every commercial.  They complain about nothing getting done all the while acting to ensure nothing gets done.  Americans don’t like dirty pool.  It would work.

Anyway, I’m veering off course here and I've already covered this ground.  Today, I just wanted to write about my immense unease with this whole election.  So much is at stake.  A win for Romney is a win for Big Money.  We, with Little or Average Money, will get squashed again, while the upper crust continues their treasure bath.

I was heartened, this year, by the efforts to actually fact check the campaigns.  It was really unprecedented.  On TV, in the papers and online, I could easily find breakdowns of which claims were true, partially true, out of context, or just plain bullshit.  The trick has been getting people to believe it, or even care.  Tonight will tell if the effort made a difference.

I feel like I've at least done my part.  I never wanted this to be a purely political blog, but I certainly intended to address politics.  Obviously I have an opinion and an agenda and this is the means to get it out there.  All along, I've tried to provide backup for my assertions and at least maintain a sense of reasonableness, while still being somewhat entertaining.

Elections are about values… yours versus those who want you to put them in office.  What I want to do is highlight the underlying values behind the issues, so that you get a good sense of what you’re voting for. 

For the most part, I know I mostly preach to the choir here, so I never thought I was doing much to change minds.  I’m happy if I can help others articulate some points when their private conversations turn to current affairs.  If I can provide you some ammo when arguing with Uncle Ralph across the picnic table, I call it a win.

This afternoon, I got a hint that this all may have been worthwhile.  As you may have seen from his comment, my dad sent my last Election Summation post out to select friends and family.  Today, he forwarded me an email he received from his sister:

“Well you will be happy to know that I voted for Obama.  I was on the fence, back and forth, but it was Bluz’s blog that pushed me over. Happy TV watching tonight.”

One mind: changed.  That’s all a dude can ask for.  See you on the other side.

Election Bluz - In Summation

Is it just me, or has it seems like we've just spent two solid years in this election cycle?  I’m sure I won’t be the only one who is glad to see all these campaign commercials replaced by the usual commercials for beer and ED drugs.  I sure would hate to be a company trying to unveil a new product right now.  Who can possibly get a commercial spot wedged in among the 30-second political diatribes?  (OK, Apple is the exception, although I’m pretty sure they just hack into the network feeds, directly from their Pacific Northwest hideout.)

I was watching TV last night and honestly, the political ads were stacked up 6-deep, both for and against each issue.  And I say “issue” because in Maryland, that’s where all the money is this year.  That Obama and all the Democratic congressmen and senators will win here is a given.  But the four referendum issues are bringing the real heat.  I've written about these before… aside from immigration and redistricting questions, the big-money issues are expanded gambling and same-sex marriage.  The local TV stations are getting rich off all the gambling money alone, as competing casino interests try to out-bullshit each other.

I think the presidential campaign began immediately after the 2008 election, when Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell declared that the Republican’s primary concern was to prevent Obama from getting re-elected.  And that’s exactly how they've operated ever since.  No matter what the President proposed, they were against it.  It didn't matter if it was something they've always been for; if Obama wanted it, they felt obligated to prevent it from happening.  Period.

Throughout this year, I've laid out my reasoning for voting Democratic.  I meant to touch on a lot more areas than I have… you know how it is with blogging… sometimes you get distracted by the ‘shiny thing.’  But in addition to my on-going free-floating hostility towards the puckered bungs of conservative upper crust, I expanded on four specific reasons why I (and everybody should) vote Democratic.

1) Republicans are only interested in feeding government dollars to Big Business.  I call it their “Prime Directive,” which states that they want the freedom to do as they please, we peasants be damned, in pursuit of bolstering Big Business’s bottom line profits.  That’s why they are perfectly willing to let our economy spiral down the tubes, in order to play a game of high-stakes “chicken” over allowing a single dollar of additional taxes to be levied on their corporate benefactors.  They are against anything that may benefit the vast majority of Americans, if it costs money.

2) Republicans are climate change deniers, for the reason stated above.  To do anything about it would cost money from the businesses that pollute.  So to continue to insulate the business class, they are forced to deny the OVERWHELMING SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE, in addition to obvious anecdotal observations, that serious things are wrong with the world’s ecosystems. 

3) Republicans are on the wrong side of social progress and are in fact, trying to roll back our hard-won social advances in favor of some kind of memory of past “good old days,” which really weren't all that good at all, unless you were a straight, Christian, middle to upper class, white male.  For a group that cries about limited government, they sure don’t mind the government taking over people’s most personal decisions.  The government is supposed keep from enacting regulations that keep business from bilking customers and taxpayers, but they ARE supposed to tell a woman that she is required to carry a pregnancy to term? 

Just look at the headlines throughout the year.  The amount of presumptuousness and just plain misinformation is staggering.  Women’s bodies automatically shutting down reproduction after a (“legitimate”) rape?  No such thing as a woman’s life or health being put in jeopardy due to pregnancy?  Who are these “gray-faced men,” as Tina Fey called them, to stick their collective noses into something in which they obviously have no expertise?

Reason #709 why I love Tina Fey.

Also in this category is the maintained opposition to same-sex marriage.  Again, they say that the government shouldn't try to enforce pollution standards on businesses, but they should prevent two consenting adults from getting married.  Listen, you’re either for limited government, or not.  I hate the hypocrisy there.  The Republicans love to talk about American “exceptionalism,” while having zero trust in Americans to run their own lives.  And by cherry picking Bible quotations, they just go to show that they know as much about what Jesus would do, as they do about reproductive science.

4) The Republicans engage in aggressive dishonesty, misdirection and hypocrisy.  They will go out on the campaign trail and knowingly tell blatant, obvious and irrefutable lies.  And they do not care because they know it works.  Just look at why it’s “common knowledge” that Obama lost the first debate.  They know that Americans would rather have a candidate that lies smoothly than tell the truth awkwardly.  They are masters at condemning in Democrats, for things Republicans have done for years.  Look at the whole Libyan Embassy thing.  It’s only a major campaign story because it’s Obama.

They talk endlessly about how Obama destroyed the economy, yet the numbers show the opposite.  The Republicans know this.  They just don’t care, and it’s intellectually dishonest.

Of course, if they were to tell the truth, they’d have to say, “Obama didn't fix all the problems our policies caused fast enough, so vote for us so we can put those policies back in place.”  When complaining about how Obama isn’t moving fast enough, they never mention that they've opposed, condemned, delayed or voted down every single proposal to help the economy that he’s made.  No wonder they have to lie and misdirect.  It’s a lot easier than admitting that they have a platform that’s destructive to 99% of the people. 

Those are the things I've already written about, but there were a couple more that I never got to:

* The Supreme Court

Odds are high that a new Supreme Court justice will be needed.  Now more than ever, we need a Democrat in the White House (along with a Senate majority).  I think Ruth Bader Ginsberg and/or Stephen Breyer are likely to retire this term, so replacing these “liberals” with other liberals will only be holding serve.  If a Republican goes in and a conservative justice is appointed, say goodbye to Roe v Wade, Affirmative Action, and overturning the Defense of Marriage Act or Citizens United.  And say hello to even more findings for the rich and powerful, over the interests of the common man.

Now if Anthony Kennedy retires, we’ll have a chance to “take back” the Supreme Court from the moneyed clutches in which it currently rests.  Unfortunately, I don’t think the other conservative justices are going anywhere for a while.  Alito and Roberts are both young.  Thomas is in good shape, and I don’t think Scalia will leave until they carry him out on his robe.

* Voting Rights

The Republicans’ thinly veiled attempts to suppress Democratic voting, under the guise of preventing “voter fraud,” goes against everything for which this country is supposed to stand.  George W. Bush’s own justice department found scant evidence of voter fraud after a 5-year investigation.  But Republican governors across the country have acted in the following ways to attempt to keep prospective Democrats from voting:

• Purging voter rolls, affecting immigrants, especially Hispanics.
• Enacting documentation barriers and red tape, affecting students, the elderly and immigrants.
• Eliminating or cutting back on early voting, affecting hourly workers and the elderly.
• Under-staffing and under-serving inner city polling places, ensuring long lines to discourage African-Americans and Hispanics from voting.

In every case, the state government is Republican run and the effects target traditional Democratic voters.  There is no conceivable way that it is a coincidence, nor do the facts show any meaningful voter fraud across the country.  It is merely the Republicans, using Stalin-esque tactics, to stack the deck in their own favor, all the while promoting the American values and freedom.  It’s sickening.

So, to summarize, the Democrats try to ensure the financial industry doesn't tank the country again, the Republicans are against that because regulations limit profits. 

The Democrats are trying to enforce environment regulations to keep industry from poisoning the planet around us.  The Republicans think that’s a problem because cleaning toxic industrial output costs money.

The Democrats put two justices on the bench in the last 3 years, who had long histories of service to the average American.  The previous Republican added two shills for big business who have found for the powerful over the powerless at every turn.  (Up until Roberts upheld ObamaCare, I should say.  Republicans want to make sure that never happens again.)

The Democrats are in favor of birth control being widely available and of a woman’s right to choose whether she should bear children.  The Republicans are against that, substituting the judgment of others over yours.

The Democrats are in favor of gay marriage as a civil right, because we should not discriminate on account of the way someone was born.  The Republicans are not because it’s icky and the Bible says so.

The Democrats are in favor of quick voter registration and easy exercise of the right to vote for all Americans.  The Republicans are not because they know that there are more likely-Democrats than likely-Republicans, so the fewer that vote, the better for them.

Regardless of what I may think of the President’s effectiveness, or that of the other Democratic congressmen and women, the choices in 2012 are stark.  Now is not the time to sit on the sidelines or be apathetic.  We have to vote for what we believe.

If you are a big business executive, a high-income earner, were born into money, or if you are an evangelical Christian that wants the government to adhere to your church’s rules, then you should vote Republican.  They will represent your interests well. 

I am none of those things, so I am voting Democratic.  So should you.

Loose Ends

It took me 2 months and 13 posts, but I finally got the story out about my long, twisted, gnarled life in the retail trenches. If you’ll recall the original chapter, it started with my having yet another dream that I was back to toiling away at one of my old stores. I know that by the end of the saga, I no longer had much of an audience (as evidenced by the evaporation of comments) but it was something that I felt I needed to write, if for nothing but to purge the material from my being.

It’s funny though, because I genuinely thought it wouldn't take more than two or three posts. And all I really wanted to write about was that last place; the video rental store. That’s where the prior 12 years of experience came together, for me to go in like a mad scientist and put everything back together within a month. But just like with any good book, for the end to have full impact, you have to set it up first, don’t you? OK, so I had a lot of setup.

You would think that after devoting so many pages to a single topic, I’d have run it dry. Not so. I still have some random stories from my retail time that I couldn't work into the narrative without making the posts ungodly long. So these will just be some random stories and tidbits from the various places in my retail history. Yeah, it will probably take a couple of posts.

Rabbit

When I first started in that original record store, I was introduced to the “Rabbit” game. It was something my boss always did. It’s very simple; at the first of the month, you have to say (or otherwise indicate) the word “Rabbit” to people before they can say it to you. If you do so, you have thus “Rabbitted” that person and you may lord it over him for the rest of the month.

Our store took it seriously, so the first of every month could be pretty crazy. It wasn't unusual to see people sneaking in the front door and tiptoeing into the back office for a sneak Rabbit Attack.

Once my manager broke out to become a DM, he brought the game to all of the other stores across his district. Then we had to become much cleverer to Rabbit each other because the players didn't necessarily work in the same place. Typically, we’d try to surprise each other on the phone. (There was no caller ID yet.) I was somewhat insulated because I rarely answered the phone if anyone else was on duty, but I had to put a stern warning to my staff: anyone handing me the phone under false pretenses (like another store manager put him up to it) would receive severe repercussions.

It got really interesting once I got to the home office. At that point, my old DM had territory in Florida and across the southeast, and he got his people there playing it too. So I was always at risk from the Rabbit phone call. But it wasn't limited to phone calls. You could Rabbit people by any means necessary. The rule was that in order to count as a Rabbitting, you had to know you were Rabbitted. In other words, common sense.

I had one crazy manager send me a Bugs Bunny Pez dispenser through the inbound company mail. 

Yes, I still have it. I have no idea why. It’s a disease.

Another time, she sent a photo of an Easter display from a grocery store, which featured inflatable bunnies hanging in a line across the ceiling. I would send her similar things because I had access to our mailroom, which put together weekly packages for every store in the company. It was no big deal to slip a little something extra in there. I just had to be mindful of the timing.

While I was at the home office, I conceived of and nearly executed the greatest mass-Rabbitting of all time.  Here’s the deal…

Our company wanted to create an anti-theft training video to send to the stores, and they recruited volunteers from the stores to play in it. Because I was: A) marginally trained in film-making, B) a seasoned in-store professional, and C) a ham-bone, I eagerly volunteered and was assigned the role of Good Store Manager. (I played the “What To Do” part, as opposed to another who played “What Not To Do.”)

We assembled at one of our mall locations after it closed and filmed until the wee hours of the morning. There was a scene about how to look for merchandise stored at the register. Sometimes it’s for a customer, other times, an employee might be setting it up to take later. So I was supposed to start pulling various goods out from under the register.

Now, I knew that this video was going to be premiered at our semi-annual company meeting that spring and my old DM (as well as many other Rabbit-playing guests) would be there. So I arranged it so that one of the things I pulled out was a big stuffed rabbit. When it was time for the shot, I pulled the bunny out with a flourish and eyed the camera knowingly. Gotcha! Every Rabbit player in attendance would simultaneously realize that I’d just nailed them. It was brilliant!

Well, it would have been brilliant if that particular shot hadn't, unbeknownst to me, ended up on the cutting room floor. I had been so excited that morning. I spent the first hour of the meetings ducking my old DM, so he couldn't Rabbit me first. And then, after all the anticipation… nothing. I was so bummed. I felt like all those cartoon villains after Scooby-Doo and those meddling kids ruined everything.

Loss Leaders

I loved working with our Loss Prevention guys. They always had such good stories, from the schemes they uncovered to the methods they used to get over on people. I remember when our Toledo store was first bought by the big company, the LP guy they sent out was a riot. He told us a story about how he got a guy’s confession for stealing, by telling him that a copy machine could be used as a lie detector.

We howled and naturally asked for a demonstration. He said we could use the copier right in our office.  He pulled a couple lengths of speaker wire and attached them to the dials on the copier. Then he had my buddy Kenny the Viking be the guinea pig and hold the other end of the wires.

He said, “OK, Ken, I’ll ask you an obvious question that we all know the answer to. Then I’ll push the button and the machine will tell me if you’re lying. Kenny, have you ever fucked a goat?”

Ken laughed and said, “Of course not.”

LP Guy pressed the button and the copier kicked into motion, spitting out a single sheet of paper, which of course, said,

He got up, waving the paper in Ken’s face, yelling, “Jesus Christ, Kenny, you’re a goat-fucking liar! You’re lying to me right now! Why are you fucking goats?”

All Ken could do was sputter while we laughed our fool heads off. Obviously, the LP Guy had a sheet of paper in the copier that said, “LIE,” which he pulled out to show us. To me, it wasn't just that he was giving my buddy the business, but that anyone would fall for such a stupid stunt. 

LP Guy assured us that it worked often enough to keep using it. He also pointed out that his suspects weren't usually the brightest crayons in the box, to start with. He often had the proof already, but everything went a lot easier when the suspect confessed.

There was a time, when I was in the Maple Heights store, when I shared my office with the local LP officer. He showed me a number of his currency “trophies.” Some of them were really quite clever. 

My favorite scam was a simple one-dollar bill, but on each corner, (where it says “1”) someone had glued the corner of a twenty-dollar bill. The trick was that you took one corner each off of four different $20 bills, (so that they remained usable) and put the “20” corners over the “1” corners. Then you slip the altered bill in among a couple of good twenties and when fanned out, most cashiers would only see the corners and accept the “one” as a “twenty.” 

They've since redesigned the twenty-dollar bill to vary the size of the corner numbers, among other things. But with the lack of attention from our nation’s cashiers, the scam would probably still work.

Loss Prevention also hired a former record “booster” (professional record thief) to come around and school us on how he and his cohorts used to steal large quantities of goods. They had a whole bag of tricks, from custom pockets sewn into their coats, to foil-lined baby strollers. (The foil blocked the radio waves from the security stickers.) The booster told us about their strategies, like how one guy would distract the staff, while the other one would “gather” the targeted titles into one place, before making the grab and concealing the merchandise.

He also told us that these guys would never put up a fight, but they’d do anything to get out of the store. They didn't want to sacrifice all the goods from other stores that they’d already loaded into their car.

I swear, with all the knowledge I gained from Loss Prevention and the ex-booster, I could have supplemented my meager retail earnings by turning to a life of crime. But it sounded like a lot of work and I just didn't have the time.

Next up: Bluz becomes a One-Man Media Department. For a brief period, I was actually using my degree in Radio/TV/Film. Somehow, fame eluded me.

Retail Bluz Part 13 - The Last Crusade

In September, I started to chronicle my life in retail. You can see by this being “Part 13,” that I've had a lot to tell. If you’re new to this series, you should start with Part 1. Otherwise, please join our hero as he wages one last campaign as a store manager.

After making the last post about my retail life, I took a look at an old journal entry and realized that I kind of underplayed the commotion that went on during my training at the downtown store. The girl who took the poorly timed break had pulled several similar stunts as well.

My friend, Little Bit, who had gone from the craft store to the video stores just before I did, also had problems with this girl during training. In fact, the girls at the training store made her cry.

No one makes my Little Bit cry and gets away with it, so I went in there already knowing what kind of BS might come into play and was keen to throw my own weight around if I had to. I was a grown-ass retail ringer, not a little 4’10” ball of sweetness.

So when this particular Chickie tried to go on her poorly-timed break, I stood firm… professional, but firm. Same thing when some of the other crap happened. I sized it up as a couple of girls who were trying to run the store like the upper-crust girls “run” a high school. You know, popular girls making sure things work well for the popular girls, and not necessarily the school. 

Each time I opposed the little Chickie, it was for the betterment of the store. It was stuff like not causing scenes with other employees in front of the customers, or turning on the A/C earlier than was traditionally proscribed, because it was 80 degrees in the store and customers were complaining.

She didn't like the upset to her little sub-kingdom and I didn't like putting up with a bunch of bullshit from some snot-nosed little princess. So she ran to the store manager about me on several occasions, which eventually resulted in a sit-down between the store manager, our district manager, and me. We all came to an understanding… that I was right.

The two of them straightened out the little Chickie soon enough and the temperatures lowered across the board. But it was funny because when I was in my first store, I probably wouldn't have had the stomach to confront the staff of a store in which I was training.

After a month or two, I was sufficiently trained up in store procedures that they began sending me out to other places to fill in when needed. It was cool to get to know the other managers and their staff, and see other ways of doing things. I attended district-wide meetings as well and was able to meet some more of the managers. Naturally, I saw one that was particularly cute. I figured I’d have to do some recon with my craft store refugees, to find out what her deal was.

About mid-June, my DM told me she would have a store for me soon, but couldn't tell me where. That meant someone was about to get the boot. But her reticence to tell me anything didn't necessarily  mean I didn't know where I was going.  I started working it through in my head.

I first eliminated the stores that were far away or out of state. I further eliminated a few managers who had been around forever and others who had received awards at the last District Meeting or had “Golden Girl” reputations. That left two stores, one in my neighborhood, and one in a run-down part of town. Little Bit worked at my local store, and I also knew that it was a pretty nice facility, so I kinda hoped I’d go there. But the manager there, I knew had just gone to fill in at another store. Because they don’t usually send poor managers to help out elsewhere, I was pretty sure I was going to the “rundown” store. The downside? That was the store where the cute manager worked. It was kind of déjà vu for me, only without the felonious lesbian aspect.

I tried out my theory on my DM and she gave me a non-denial denial. I asked another person who knew what was going on if I was wrong in my analysis, and she basically gave me the thumbs-up. So now I knew where I was going. My only concern was in scheduling because I had my family reunion in Pittsburgh to attend. Store management changes come with a lot of upheaval, so I didn't want to start any heaving until I was back from the Burgh.

Another thing I saw in my journal, last week, was that I had totally predicted what was going to happen. By this time in my retail career, I was intimately familiar with what was going to happen with the staff when I took over a new store.

Someone will quit right off, upon seeing that the party was over. An assistant manager or two will be combative and work against me, either because the manager was their buddy, or they wanted the job for themselves. Others would try to suck up and gain favor, in hopes that the party would continue. All of these people would be gone within months. But maybe, just maybe, there would be an employee or two just waiting for a little quality training and guidance. Those would have to be the people I’d build around.

I wouldn't be able to turn the store around until I cherry-picked the existing staff and then hired my own people, who would be loyal to ME. And this store was failing with a capital EFF. They were last or second to last in all store metrics and measurables.

I started there on the last day of June and everything with the staff went exactly like I’d foreseen. But we showed marked improvement in July and I had the store making sales goals by the end of August.  It was the finest work of my field retail career.

After I cleaned house and hired some shiny new employees, I went to work on the store. There were two main areas where I made a major and immediate impact. The first was in the store displays. My favorite example was the candy rack. 

Do you know those candy bags that sell for, like 59 cents (or two for a dollar)? Like gummy bears or burnt peanuts or Twizzlers or circus peanuts? They had them on a 4-sided spinner rack with 8 pegs on each side. Sounds simple, right? But they only had 2 or 3 varieties on the entire display! The whole rack was loaded down with dinner mints (the unwrapped chalky ones; the kind you never take from the restaurant checkout), wintergreen gel chews, and starlight mints; the 3 most blah selections they made! Obviously, they were just putting up whatever they had on hand after selling everything else. No one under 70 would ever buy any of that shit.

The first thing I did was get the candy catalog and order some of everything they had. Once I loaded the thing with Gummy Worms, Nerds, Sour Patch Kids, and stuff kids actually liked, the sales rocketed.  What I couldn't believe was not only did the previous manager not know to do this, but the DM never made a point of it either! I mean hell, 36 selections beats the shit out of 3 every time!

Once I was done with it, it looked like a smaller version of this.

It was the same problem with the Snapple they sold. The only thing they had on display was a single Peach flavor. I ordered a wider assortment and filled up the cooler with some alternatives and voila!  I’m a freakin’ genius! But why did no one else think of it? This was common sense, not string theory.

After tightening up the candy, drinks and getting the video sections properly organized and alphabetized, I had to address some store procedures. My first order of business was to emphasize turnaround. I made it Job One to get every returned movie checked in and back on the shelf immediately. And if it was too busy up front to get the movie on the shelf, they were to put it up on the front counter, so that people could find them.

And people ALWAYS wanted to look at the stuff waiting to be re-shelved… it was like we were hiding Willie Wonka Golden Tickets in there. But like I said, the video rental business thrived on re-renting the latest titles. You can’t move a title from under the counter (where the drop box emptied).

I also worked on some things to help the bottom line, like the Coke deliveries. In reading through some order forms, I saw that you could save up your empty Coke bottles and give them back to the driver, for a recycling credit. So I instituted a bottle-recycling program, which put a few bucks back in our account. Lord knows we drank enough of the stuff in the store.

Do you remember how video stores used to always have popcorn going? We had that too, free for all customers, but the neighborhood kids were eating us out of house and home. They would stop by on the way home from school, get a bag of popcorn, and then head home. The popcorn was supposed to be for our customers, but we were handing it out like free lunch. I put a stop to that immediately. The popcorn was for actual customers; I felt no obligation to feed the neighborhood kids from my store’s budget.  The kids got over it, and I didn't have to devote my staff’s time and energy to keeping an eye on them in the store. I mean; you had to have a credit card to take out a membership, so the kids didn't have any business in the store anyway.

Anyway, within a single month, I was able to completely turn the store around. It really was my best work. I was able to take all the skills and experiences I’d picked up over my retail career and use them to completely make over this store. Sure, it only took me 13 years…

So yeah, my DM and her boss were probably pretty pissed when I quit that October. I've already written in detail about that time in my life here, but suffice it to say, I wasn't happy. While I may have been killing it at my job, the job was killing me back. The hours were long and very late, so I had no outside life or any real contact with my friends. After spending my birthday alone, I realized I’d also be spending Thanksgiving alone and Christmas alone. That was no way to live.

After a nudge from my dear friend Little Bit, I found the courage to pick up and get the hell out of New York and start my life over again in Baltimore, with easy access to my brother and sister.

It worked out. I've been working in a nice, steady office job for the last 15 years (come March). And every day I walk into my cubicle, I thank my lucky stars that I’m not opening a register, or sweeping a floor. 

And I never, ever, have to ask anyone, “Do you want blank tapes with that?”