How Did We Get Here From THERE?

I got this email the other day that had a series of old magazine ads.  Wow, have we ever come a long way in our national attitudes... most of us, anyway.  There are still pockets of resistance here and there, but whattya gonna do?  So let's look at some of these ads... they can't be that bad, can they?  I mean, this is America!
(Note: you can click any of these images to see a larger version.)

Wow... right out of the gate... woman as "doormat."  Or is it "conquest?"  I can't even tell what this is an ad for... (Stupid small print)  Leggs?  How does this sell pantyhose?

Jon Benet Ramsey - The Pre-quel.  Coming to a molester near you.

Two smoking Santas... you wonder if he ever singed his beard.  "If it's good enough for a beloved fictional character, it's good enough for me."

"When Dr. Emphysema tells you to 'turn your head and cough', he beats you to it."   Personally, I don't trust anyone that looks like Spiro Agnew.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  And you're supposed to BUY something that has this picture in the ad???  Someone's going to have to rock me to sleep, tonight.

"Yes, I can squeeze a bowling ball out from my lady-parts, but I can't open this lil' old ketchup bottle!  Please help me, Del Monte!"

Just like the Lutherans... hooking them while they're young.  I'm betting there's some Seagrams in there too.

Whoa!  Quoting the ad: "...if he discovers you're still taking chances on getting flat, stale coffee... woe be unto you!"  Woe be unto you???  Who's running that ad agency, Leviticus?  Did they really spank over coffee back in the day?  I never saw that on Ozzie and Harriet.  Although I suspect Desi might have turned Lucy over his knee a time or two.  

Ooh, dusting in heels... Crazy Brunette, is that your grandmother?  I love the dusting apron.

This one really isn't that bad of an idea.  It's just very sneaky.  The jewelery business has been using this angle for years.

I'm only including this one because I used to collect beer cans, back before I was old enough to empty them myself.  And the flat-top can was always a big find.  Now admit it... did you really know that you used to have to use a can opener (called a "churchkey") to open a beer?  (Fan, Dog, Bagger, I know you know...)

I wish you could see the type on this one, but it's an ad for... get this... Lysol-Brand Douche!  Ahhhh-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa.  I can just see it... "Oh my, I don't feel so fresh... ~pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht~  Yay!  I feel so much better now!  I can tear down these giant cobwebs my husband somehow spun. Where's my apron?  Where are my heels?"

Oh.  Yeah.  She'll follow your heinous smoke-breath anywhere.  Like to a dentist's office to clean those second-hand yellow teeth.

But then again, it worked on Sugar Snow.

And you wonder where all the "boy bands" got their start... By putting their heads together around a Bradley Group Shower.  Why didn't they just call it, "Sausage-Fest Plumbing"?