Politix 4 Dummies

It’s been interesting to watch the institutional panic set in with the Republican Party, as it looks more and more like Donald Trump is a shoe-in to be their presidential nominee.  The reason for the panic, I believe, is that in addition to being unpredictable, they can’t control him.

Because of his wealth and name recognition, he doesn’t really need their money or the party machinery.  That frees him up to do pretty much whatever he pleases.  And everyone who’s tried to attack him has gotten their asses handed to them. 

Fox “News” seems to have a love/hate relationship with him, depending on what week it is.  But Trump has already shown that they need him more than he needs them.  He’s getting free coverage from all the networks, of everything he says and everywhere he goes.

I’ve mentioned it before but Dilbert cartoonist, Scott Adams, has been running a series of fascinating blog posts which explain why Trump appears bulletproof; triumphing over gaffes that would end the campaigns of anyone else.  In fact, he predicted back in August, that not only would Trump win the nomination, but he’ll win the general election in a landslide.

You can find a complete listing of all his applicable posts, AKA the Trump Master Persuader Series, by clicking here.  But be careful, you can totally go down the rabbit hole.

The general point is that Trump is highly trained in the art of persuasion. While he may seem like a content-free, gaffe-spewing bumbler, everything he says has a specific purpose.  He speaks in images and identity, not specifics.  He leaves out detail so the listener can supply his own.  He speaks “past the sale,” so subconsciously, people already picture him as president.  And he is the master of the linguistic “kill shot.”

“That face…”

“Low energy…”

“Too nice…”

“Will be tied up in investigations…”

“Sweats too much…”

“Chokes under pressure…”

If you’re paying attention to the race, you likely know who the recipient of each of those was, because they were designed to stick.  (Granted, the last two were for one candidate.)

Adams also points out that some of Trump’s most extreme positions, (building the wall and having Mexico pay for it, banning Muslim immigrants, etc.) are not actually intended to be enacted as is.  Rather, they are the opening positions in a long negotiation, coming from a guy who’s an expert in deal-making.  And should Trump win the election, look for him to be pragmatic in getting the best deal that can be had, rather than sticking to the opening bid.

So what do I think?

I’ve enjoyed looking behind the curtain on the campaign, but I think a Trump presidency would be a disaster for the middle class.  The one-percenters will continue to reap record profits, as per custom during modern GOP administrations, but the rest of us will have to hear a lot about “austerity.”  We can’t afford Planned Parenthood or SNAP, but heaven forbid we cut the defense budget.

Granted, the same would be true under Cruz or Rubio, but I’d prefer the guy who’s not a religious zealot.

To me, the thing about Trump’s campaign is that I can’t respect the lack of substance.  I’m the kind of guy who wants to know HOW a process is going to work.  I’m not satisfied with a campaign based on 4^th-grade level vocabulary.  It’s the very definition of lowest common denominator politics.

Don’t tell me “Many, many people think this is a good idea,” tell me how many, or cite an independent poll.  Don’t tell me “many Mexicans coming over the border are murderers and rapists.”  What are the stats and how were they gathered?  If you can’t quantify it, I don’t believe it.

But politicians don’t want to give that kind of evidence because there usually isn’t any, or if there is, it’s underwhelming.  This is a political campaign and the rules of right, wrong, and common decency do not exist.  The amount of misinformation getting put out there is staggering.  They tell lies they know are lies and when they’re reported as lies, they blame a biased media.  The only thing that matters is corralling votes by playing to people’s prejudices.

And if Trump is bad, his followers are even scarier.  I haven’t seen this kind of nationalistic fervor since the 1930s (via newsreel).  Trump can claim up and down that he’s not racist, but when his policy ideas become rallying cries of avowed racists and white supremacists, the personal attestations to the contrary don’t really matter anymore.

It’s funny how these idiots proclaim America to be so great, so exceptional, and so free, yet their first order of business is to turn America into a Christian version of Iran.  Cognitive dissonance, anyone?

And it’s no wonder there’s such a large market for Trump’s simplistic platitudes.  Most Americans are just not trained in critical thinking and that’s by design.  The powers that be don’t want educated people; they want pliable people who are educated just enough to get a job, but can be influenced to vote against their own best interest.  Trump’s not the first person to take advantage of that.

So, tomorrow should be telling, once the Super Tuesday votes have been counted.  If the Trump machine continues to roll, the Republicans will have a decision to make: Do they get on board, or sacrifice the will of their low-information voters to scuttle the whole thing through back-room convention deals?

Personally, there’s nothing I’d like to see more than a crash and burn, but I don’t think that’s likely.  They already ignored the lessons of the last two elections and doubled down on playing to angry white men and religious wing-nuts. 

And now their chosen constituency is selecting an unpredictable, self-financed, uncouth steamroller.  I don’t see how they can ignore the will of their people and then expect them to turn out in November.

If only the 1% took up a greater share of the electorate, right?

You're Not the Boss of Me

I’ve mentioned before, over the life of this blog, that my company has been up for sale.  I don’t think I ever mentioned, but the sale closed last November.  The merging of the two companies is ongoing.

At the moment, it looks like I get to keep my job, which is a great thing.  After facing it a couple times before, I’m scared witless of getting laid off and having to job-search in this day and age.  The couple times that happened to me in the past pretty much ruined my life.  It took me many years to catch up.

So, I’m thrilled I can keep doing what I do.  Of course, there are other big changes afoot, with the disbanding of the department in which I’ve been working for the past 10 years.  I would have gladly worked for my prior boss for as long as she’d have me.  We “got” each other.

Two Mondays ago, after a couple months of not knowing how the chips were going to fall, I heard from one of the head guys from out of state, who told me I could continue to manage our fleet of company cars, but that I’d be reporting to our real estate group, under Carlos.

I was fine with it.  In fact, my old boss mentioned this as a possibility several weeks before, so it wasn’t a surprise.  And I knew Carlos… he was a part of our site security team, which used to meet monthly to discuss issues dealing with the facility.  He seemed like a nice guy… always said hi to me in the hallways.

After the call, I waited all day to hear from my new boss, but no one ever contacted me.  So at the end of the day, I went down to Carlos’s office to stick my head in and say hi.  We chatted for a couple of minutes; just small talk about the department; then I left.  I figured they’d let me know what they wanted from me soon enough.

But I didn’t hear from anyone for the rest of the week.

In the meantime, I had another phone conversation with the out of state department head, who asked me to have Carlos evaluate both our organization’s contracts with our fleet vendor.  (I.E. the company that provides our fleet cars and services.)

That Friday, I passed Carlos in the hall again and gave him a heads-up that I’d be sending over the contracts, as soon as I received them.  Then last Monday, I did so.

Later Monday afternoon, a guy walked past my area and said, “Hey, I hear you’re joining our department!”

I didn’t recognize him, but we exchanged pleasantries.  Then he said he got the contracts and would look them over.

What the…

I asked my co-worker, “Who was that guy I was just talking to?”

He said, “That’s Carlos.”

Fuck.  Me.  This whole time I’ve been talking to the wrong fuckin' guy.

I described the guy I had been talking to and learned he was another guy from the same department.

Yes, both guys are members of our site security team, BUT, they always call into the meetings; they never show up in person.  And to make matters worse, because they work from home so often, they all use the same office.  And none the offices have names on them anymore.

There are also hundreds of people in the building who I see all the time, with whom I have even had conversations, without ever being formally introduced. 

It’s no wonder I didn’t know who’s who.

Now my only question is whether they ever noticed I didn’t really know who they were.

I figure I’d better wait a couple of months before I tell them this story.  I’d rather have a short track record of being competent before letting them know what a dipstick they have in their department.

Courting Disaster

Saturday night, Bluz Sister texted me with the best news I’ve heard all year, about the passing of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

Now, I don’t wish death on anyone, but I sure won’t miss his crusty ass on the Supreme Court bench.  Every position this guy has ever taken is the opposite of what I’d like to see done.  He claimed to be a “Constitutional Originalist,” meaning the document should be read literally and that’s it.  It’s a perfectly valid stance if your goal is to find for rich, land-owing white men at the expense of, well, everyone else.

So I wrote her back “Gonna be one hellacious fight in the Senate.  Bet the GOP tries to run out the clock, no matter who he nominates… They will take no prisoners to make sure that no liberal judge replaces Scalia.”

That’s the big thing, this time around.  When Kagan and Sotomayor were nominated, it was to replace liberal judges.  They were just holding serve.  This nomination could switch the balance of power on the Supreme Court.  All those 5-4 decisions could start going the other way.

Then on Sunday morning, I read this quote in the paper, from Mitch McConnell: “The American People should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court justice.  Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

I’ve seen a lot of dumb political quotes before, but this one reaches a new level.  I knew exactly how I was going to respond and practically had my blog post written in my head.  Then I saw this meme on Facebook this afternoon, which pretty much says exactly what I was going to say:

Obviously, we who voted for Barack Obama knew damn well that appointing seats to the Supreme Court would be one of his most important duties.  And I’m sure there are a lot of people who thought the same thing and trusted their vote to Obama.  Twice.  And he won by a greater popular margin in both elections than George W Bush ever did, when Bush claimed he had a mandate from the people.

But I’m sure McConnell wasn’t intending to reach anyone with an IQ over 95 with that statement; it was for Fox “News” viewers, the place where their “facts” aren’t facts anywhere but on their network.

With the Republicans in control of the Senate, they are in a position to stall the next nomination indefinitely, even into the next presidential term, if the election doesn’t go their way. 

I’d like to say they could be pressured into granting a vote if enough people got involved, but I don’t think that’s likely.  They don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, aside from their rich business donors.  And the rich business donors will want a conservative, pro-business-at-all-costs court, so not to be forced into doing anything which could cost them money, like cleaning up after environmental messes they make or paying a living wage.

The last two appointments were bumpy, but they were a piece of cake compared to this next one.  This one is going to be all out war.  It’s going to be fought everywhere; in Congress, in the press, over social media, over regular media.  I am not looking forward to the misinformation that will be disseminated.

I mean, why would it be any different than what’s going on now?  Did you hear what Ted Cruz said on Meet the Press this weekend?

“If liberals are so confident that the American people want unlimited abortion on demand, want religious liberty torn down, want the Second Amendment taken away, want veteran’s memorials torn down, want the crosses and Stars of David sandblasted off the tombstones of our fallen veterans, then go and make the case to the people.”

Well, that would be quite alarming if any of it were true.  What he’s doing there is twisting a series of liberal positions into something absurd and then casting it as what liberals really want.  He’s practically creating a parody of what liberals want and pretending it’s real.  Let’s analyze.

“American people want unlimited abortion on demand…”

Nope, practically no one is in favor of that.  Most people don’t want to see late term abortions, barring some tragic health threat to the mother or fetus.  And people are overwhelmingly against having one group of people tell another how to live their lives.

No, wait, that’s not exactly true… Republicans are totally for that.  I should rephrase.  People are overwhelmingly against anyone else telling them how to live their lives.

“…want religious liberty torn down…”

Wrong.  The GOP uses “religious liberty” as palatable terminology to describe discriminating against people who aren’t like them, or don’t believe as they do.  And in this country, you can’t do that.  What they really mean is for the rights of Christians to do whatever they think the Bible tells them to do.  Believe me, if Jews, Muslims, Buddhists or anyone else felt their beliefs were keeping them from serving Christians, then we’d see how fast the concept of “religious liberty” is dismissed.

What liberals want is for no one to be able to use their religion as means to persecute or infringe on the rights of others.

“…want the Second Amendment taken away…”

Another gross over-simplification.  For some reason, conservatives are just fine with modifying every other concept and amendment in the Constitution but seem to think that the Second Amendment is absolute.  It’s a complete exaggeration of the most common liberal positions.

Wanting full background checks and keeping known terrorists from legally buying guns, limits on high-capacity magazines and armor-piercing bullets isn’t taking the Second Amendment away… it’s self-preservation of society… It’s claiming the right not to be killed because some idiot thinks you look funny.

“…want veteran’s memorials torn down, want the crosses and stars of David sandblasted off the tombstones of our fallen veterans…”

Wrong again.  It’s not a liberal position to tear down veteran’s memorials.  However, he’s probably referring to the occasional fight over a giant cross on government land, used as a veteran’s memorial.  Again, it’s the hubris of insisting that Christianity is a one-size-fits-all blanket that covers the USA.  Men and women of many religions fought and died for their country.  Either include them all or make it a secular tribute.  The soldiers’ service to their country transcends any particular religion.

Likewise, no one is looking to remove religious insignias from tombstones.  The only controversy I’ve seen on the matter is where certain options aren’t offered.  People who have died in the service of their country should be able to have any logo they want on their fucking headstone, whether it’s a cross, a Star of David, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

But that’s a long way from forcibly removing religious emblems from headstones.  It’s just a logical bait and switch.  Or in other words, lying.

“…then go and make the case to the people.”

Make what case, Ted?  This fiction you call the liberal position?  It doesn’t exist; it’s propagated by you and the other GOP dipshits, who twist words and ideas into something that will sufficiently frighten low-information voters into voting against their financial self-interest.

In other words, business as usual.

Busy as a Bachelor

I know I have it pretty good.  I mean, I complain and kvetch about being busy, like most people, but I know I don’t have nearly the kind of burden that others do.  All I have to do is look out for myself.

When I set something down, I know it will be there later.  When I put leftovers in the fridge (yeah, it happens every once in a while), I know they will be there when I want them later.  When I set the temperature on the thermostat, it stays that way.  And when I clean something, it stays pretty clean unless I mess it up. Or, it gets dusty…

That really removes a lot of stress from my life.

So it’s funny when every so often, I think, “Wow, I was really busy this weekend,” or “I got so much done,” and then I have to add a colliery… “Well, yeah, for ME…”

I thought I had one of those busy Saturdays last week.  I had to go do some shopping to solve some household issues.

First of all, during a seasonal cleaning, (“seasonal” meaning I clean once during football season, and then again during baseball season), I learned that the vacuum cleaner that Temporary Girlfriend left me in 2014 had stopped working.  There was still suction but the roller brush no longer spun.  I never liked that vac in the first place, so I figured I’d go pick up a new one.

I used to have an old classic metal Hoover; the kind with the bag that you have to replace (which I rarely did, until it was ready to burst).  But she made me toss it and use her multi-attachment suction hose thingy.  It was OK in principle, but I think it was on its last legs.  It was also deafeningly loud.

In addition, I needed to replace the broken screw that secured the toilet seat to the toilet.  It had snapped clean off.  Someone, (who totally wasn’t me,) was standing on the toilet seat, to pour soapy water over the top of my shower stall, when the seat slid and snapped the screw.

Heaven forbid I’m ever using the toilet for its intended purpose (as opposed to as a step stool… or would that be a stool step?), and slide off onto the floor.

And while I’m in the plumbing department, I thought I’d take a look at the shower heads.  A year or two back, my landlord had low-flow shower heads installed in all the units.  I can’t stand it.  Every morning my showers are totally uninspiring.  The shower stream is so feeble; it feels like I’m getting peed on, instead of getting my clean on.

I meant to pick up a new bathroom rug to go in front of the toilet, but I didn’t like the ones they had.  My current one is perfectly functional, but I had a bit of a laundering mishap.

They used to match.

I washed all the bathmats together, along with the dark blue ones I have in the other bathroom.  Oops.  Don't know why only the one turned.  First time in 30+ years of doing laundry that I ever had a color mishap.  Time to start a new streak.

Anyway, the shopping trip was successful.  And I was able to find just the screws, so I didn’t have to buy a whole new toilet seat.

So when I came home, I had some chores to do.

First, I replaced the toilet seat screw and tightened up the other one.  Good to go!

Tool use: pliers and screwdriver.  Ding! 2 bonus points.

I replaced the shower head, with a very simple 3-way spray number.  And when I fired it up, the water came out with a nice “woooosh!”  I may never have to clean the shower glass again.  Morning showers have been much more bracing, ever since.

Tool use: pliers.  Ding!  1 bonus point.

When I took off the old one, I could see a lot of grit collected in the in-flow screen.  I’m sure that’s what was killing the water flow.  I could have cleaned it out and put it back on, but: A) I had already opened the package for the new one, and B) even when it was new, the water flow was still pretty piddly.

Then it was time to get serious… I had to assemble my new vacuum cleaner.  It was easy, though, no thanks to the directions, which were conveniently printed on the box flap.  All I had to do was attach the handle to the base, using two screws.

This might have been a job for my power screwdriver, but alas, it was not charged.  (Damned thing loses its charge in no time.  I really have to plan for using it, so to charge it up the night before.)  But I had a ratchet screwdriver, and that did the trick.  I probably would have had to use it anyway, because the screws didn’t go in very easily.  I had to bear down on them.  (Yes, Rik, the ratchet was set on forward, not reverse!)

Five years ago, I would have spent the next couple days in misery, from the hives I’d get from putting that much pressure on the heel of my palm.  But my Delayed Pressure Urticaria seems to have cleared up and is no longer a factor. [knocks wood]  When I woke up in the middle of the night, I felt a little sting in my palm, but by the time I got up in the morning, it was gone. So if that kind of hard pressure on a concentrated area didn’t create hives, I don’t know what will.  Halle-freakin-luiah… only took 14 years.

Tool use: Ratchet screwdriver.  Ding!  1 bonus point.  (If I’d used my power screwdriver, I’d get 2 bonus points… it’s an extra point any time I use a power tool.  Ups the danger / fuckup factor.)

Anyway, after putting it together, I had to take the vacuum out for a spin, right?  This unit must have some serious suction… the canister was filled past the fill line with one vacuuming.  I wonder if there’s any fuzz even left in my carpet.

So that was my “busy day;” I changed a screw, put on a shower head, attached the handle to a vacuum, and swept the floor.  All told, it about 35 minutes of labor, about half of which was the vacuuming.  Whew, I was exhausted!  And that’s why I laugh…

To conserve energy, I waited until this past weekend to try out the attachments.  But they work.  I successfully used the suction brush attachment to clean the dust from my mini-blinds.  I also used the furniture attachment to suction off my couch and throw pillows.  I don’t think that’s ever been done.  (I guarantee it hadn’t been done by ME.)

Had a bit of a problem using the edging attachment to clean out the tracks on my sliding glass door… it kept sucking in the sheer curtains.  I felt like I was in a Lucy sketch or something.

In marginally related grown-up news, my Mom sent me a box of spices this week.  We were talking about seasoning roasted potatoes and I mentioned I’d picked up some rosemary to go on them.  Mom asked if I had any sage.  I didn’t.  Next thing I know, there’s a box of spices being delivered.

So now I have to figure out what to use them on. I emailed her right away.

“Hey Mom, what goes best on frozen chicken fingers, tarragon or herbes de provence?”

I took a shot at using some of them with swordfish, on Saturday.  I looked up on the internet to see what would go best and came away with oregano, rosemary, and thyme.  I also added black pepper, butter, and lemon juice.

Just to see how much of a difference there’d be, I did one piece with the new spices and the other like I always did before; with just lemon pepper and butter.  (I did add the lemon juice.)

Picture is before cooking.  Forgot to take one after cooking... I scarfed them up too quickly.

Both were good, but the newly spiced piece was much better.  Funny, though… it didn’t just taste better, it was tenderer and juicier.  I cooked them both together in the broiler and both were the same thickness; I don’t see how one could be drier than the other. But it was.  Maybe the spices have some insulating qualities I don’t know about.  I’ll just have to try again.

In the spice box, they also had some loose things… cinnamon sticks, bay leaves, and a couple of nutmeg nuts.  I understand I have to use a cheese grater to shave the nutmeg nuts, which means I’ll have to go back to the store and buy a cheese grater.

Because they’re so small, I’ll have to be careful not to grate my knuckles.  I can totally see that happening.  Maybe I can use some pliers to hold the nutmeg when I grate it, the next time I make pasta.

Tool Use / Unconventional: pliers.  Ding!  3 bonus points.

Houston, We Have a Problem

I had to chuckle, last Monday, when I saw the results of the Planned Parenthood investigation in Houston, Texas, where not only did the grand jury not indict Planned Parenthood, but they chose to indict the con artists that created the video.

(I would have written about it then, but was already planning on writing about rest rooms.)

Last August, the Republican Lt Governor of Texas asked a Republican district attorney to investigate the well-publicized but woefully unconfirmed claims that Planned Parenthood was selling fetal remains.  And for the 8^th time, (because 8 different GOP Governors have requested investigations), an anti-choice witch hunt yielded zero proof of wrongdoing, with this grand jury indicting the people who duplicitously produced, edited and distributed the political hit piece.

And still, they want more investigations.  Apparently they’re looking for a DA who will manufacture evidence, the way the videographers did so that they can look tough to social conservatives during an election year.

The one thing is undeniable; that filming people saying they “don’t sell baby parts” and editing it so that they are seen to be saying they “do sell baby parts,” isn’t proof of a crime; it’s proof of a lack of integrity on the part of the anti-choice lobby.

I’m just bummed that the videographers were only indicted on what I consider a technicality; that being the falsification of state driver’s licenses.  I’d much rather have seen an indictment calling them fucking liars and criminals.

As a testament to just how far removed from reality some of these people are, let’s look at the comments from Rep. Brian Babin (R-TX):

“It’s deeply offensive and ridiculous that those who illegally sell aborted human body parts get a pass -- while these two pro-life defenders are indicted for using aliases to expose Planned Parenthood’s unlawful and disgusting practices of selling baby body parts.  This decision begs the question: how else could they get the truth?”

First of all, you can tell his statement is primarily for show, as he finds a way to jam “selling human parts” and “selling baby body parts” into a single sentence.  Subliminal messaging much?

Secondly, he is confusing what he wants the conclusion of the investigation to be, with what the evidence says. 

“Those who sell aborted human body parts get a pass...”

No, they don’t, because no one was selling body parts.  There was zero evidence found.  There is no pass needed.

“…while these pro-life defenders are indicted for using aliases.”

No, they weren’t.  You can say you’re anyone.  But when you falsify a state-issued ID card, that’s crime.  A ticky-tacky crime, but a crime none the less.

“…Planned Parenthood’s unlawful and disgusting practices of selling baby body parts.”

Still no unlawful practices of any kind.  No one sold baby body parts.  This is just more smear; another attempt to keep the illusion of some heinous wrongdoing alive.

“This decision begs the question: how else could they get the truth?”

They DID get to the truth.  Rep. Babin just doesn’t like it.  And neither did the videographers, because they edited the truth of “no, no, no” into “yes, yes, yes,” and passed it around like it was the actual truth.

I’ll give the DA credit.  I’m sure she did go into the investigation looking for a trophy to bring home, but in the end, she respected the evidence (or lack thereof).  I’m sure her life would be much easier now if she’d been able to dig up something up, even if it didn’t stick.

What I think is happening now is that the Republicans are “Clintoning” Planned Parenthood; that is, conducting an endless series showpiece investigations, in an effort to keep up negative publicity, exert political pressure, curry favor with their base, and maybe somehow, some way, find an unseen wrong-doing during one of these fishing trips, upon which they can actually bring charges.

Granted, women’s health services spiral down the drain, but that’s not really a priority with these right-to-life types.  They’re only interested in their right to dictate the terms of other people’s lives.

Where's Art Vandelay When You Need Him?

I’m sure a lot of people will be posting about the killer snowstorm we had here in the Mid-Atlantic last weekend.  And I already see complaints on Facebook about “Oh God, it’s just snow…”  So I’ll cover something else today.

Do architects actually use public restrooms?  That’s what I want to know, because judging from the design of our men’s room at work, I have to wonder.

As you may recall, last summer our office moved into a state-of-the-art, glass-walled, eco-friendly office building, in the ritzy part of town.  And there is much about it that is quite beautiful...

...Like the view, for instance.

We also have an “open seating” style  floor plan, which I still hate, but am getting used to.  But at the moment, it’s the men’s room that’s the bane of my existence.  There’s just no room… no buffer.  Let me explain.

To start, let’s look at the men’s room layout I came from, at our old building.  It was sweet!  Not only were there tons of stations, both stalls and urinals, but there were hardly any dudes on our floor.  It was perfect.  It was laid out like this:

I don’t remember if there were 5 stalls or 7, but you had quite a choice.  I was always partial to Stall #2 because you had to figure, Stall #1 was the prime real estate.  That one definitely saw the most action, on account of it being the furthest away from traffic.  So I’d pick the next one, which was still pretty far away, but much less frequently used.  In other words, I was far less likely to encounter some other guy’s remnants there.

The handicapped stall (5H) is also in the perfect spot.  It’s right by the door, for easy access and most people are prone to use the furthest stalls away, which leaves the handicapped stall open for anyone who needs it.

And the urinals?  They were around the corner from the stalls, so usually you barely even noticed if anyone was in a stall.  There was also a time-release bathroom spray gizmo, which kept the funk at bay.

And there were plenty of urinals, so you didn’t necessarily have to rub elbows with a guy beside you.  There was room for an empty “buffer” urinal.  Call it the Movie Seat Strategy.  You know; you never go and sit directly beside some stranger; you leave at least one buffer seat unless the theater is packed.  I think a urinal buffer is even more important because you’ve got your dick in your hand.  A guy doesn’t want to be crowded when he’s in a vulnerable position like that.

So, on to our shiny new showcase of a building… with bathrooms that are a fraction of the size of our old one, on a floor with hundreds of people on it.

There are only 3 stalls and 2 urinals.  The biggest problem is the placement of the handicapped stall; they stuck it in the most distant place.  So when someone comes in to drop a deuce, if he’s to be a good corporate citizen and avoid the handicapped stall, he can either sit in Stall #2, which guarantees that the next visitor will have to nest right next door, or to go Stall #3 and be right beside a highly used urinal.

With only two urinals, the one on the left is standard size, and the one on the right is the handicapped urinal, which is much lower to the ground.  Because I’m tall, using the short urinal is a problem because it leaves me likely to pee on the top of the urinal.  But if there’s someone bombing out Stall #3, I have no choice.  I have no intention of standing two feet away from someone who’s blasting away in there.

All the architect had to do was put the handicapped stall in the #3 position.  That would make Stall #1 the most attractive option.  And if a second guy came in to pound one out, then he could leave a buffer in the middle.

For the first several months, there was not a bathroom spray mechanism in there, and I’ll tell you, in those closed quarters, it smelled like hot death in there.  All it took was one guy and the whole room was destroyed.

They fixed that, though, although it kind of smells like someone took a dump in a fruit smoothie shop.  But it was a step in the right direction.

Not that this has anything to do with anything, but last week I was in there and all three stalls were occupied at once.  It almost looked like the starting gate of a horse race.  I wanted to set off an alarm clock bell in there and see if the doors slammed open all at once.  “And they’re off!”

Anyway, all this strife is what made me change my own bathroom schedule, to ensure I rarely have to pinch a loaf at work.  (And that’s what makes that whole “fan” thing from the last post, so aggravating.)

So now don’t you wish I just wrote about the snow?

For what it’s worth, yes, we got just shy of 30” of snow here in Baltimore.  It started coming down Friday afternoon.  I had a full fridge, pantry, and liquor cabinet, so I was able to just stay home and ride it out.  Luckily I never lost power… that would have sucked.

This is from about 11:30 Saturday morning, when I went out to do an intermediate cleaning.  It continued snowing for the rest of the day.

This is what it looked like out my window, Sunday morning.  My car is that lump in the middle.

I worked from home today and am hoping that they got the sidewalks cleaned off enough downtown so that I can make my way from the subway stop to the office.  I’m not holding my breath, though.  They probably just pushed the snow from the roads, onto the sidewalks.  I ought to pack some snow shoes.

But if I have to work from home again, at least I know I won’t have to share the bathroom.

Director’s DVD Commentary: I know I shouldn't have to explain this, but if you’re puzzled about the reference in this post’s title, it comes from Seinfeld.  Whenever George Costanza needed an alter-ego or fake identity, he said he was architect Art Vandelay.

Odd Bits - The Dropping Like Flies Edition

Sorry I didn’t post last night… I was thrown off by a bathroom fan.  I probably should explain.

My apartment complex posted a sign on the door last week, saying that they would be sending over electricians on Thursday or Monday, to fiddle around with our outlets.  I wasn’t sure if they were here Thursday or not, but I realized they weren’t when they showed up about 5 minutes after I got out of bed on Monday.  (My office was closed for MLK Day.)

So, they had to shut the power down and get to their fiddling.  It was fine with me; I had my paper to read and the crossword puzzles to do, so I would be occupied.

About 45 minutes later, they packed up and left, presumably to another apartment in my building.  I looked around and didn’t see anything awry until I went into the bathroom.  When I flipped the light on, both the light and the fan came on.  There is a separate on/off switch for each… or at least there used to be.

At first, I thought maybe the made a mistake, but when I checked my other bathroom, it was the same way.  No way could that be a mistake.

It pissed me off because I don’t want the freakin’ fan going every time I go in the bathroom. There are only two activities in which I require the fan: using the can and taking a shower.  When I go to take a leak, or clip a fingernail, or take some medicine, or brush my teeth or get myself ready to leave the house, I don’t need the damned fan.

In the mornings, I’m trying to listen to the radio or TV while I’m in there.  The fan is essentially a big white noise generator, so I can’t hear anything else until I turn it off.

So I kept an eye out for when the electricians were done with the other apartments, and stopped them on their way out the door.  They told me they were instructed by apartment management to make that bathroom fan switch and there was nothing they could do about it.  They said, “Even though nobody likes it, we have to do it.”

I let them go because I know it wasn’t their call, but now I was seriously pissed, because before they left my place, I asked them what they were doing.  All they told me was that they had to “check the outlets that hadn’t been checked the last time,” whatever that means.  So that told me they purposefully omitted the whole bathroom fan switcheroo, no doubt hoping they could make a break for it before anyone noticed.

I’ve now been spending time considering what to do about it.  I’m pretty sure complaining to the landlord won’t do any good; they’ve already made a call and already know it’s unpopular with their tenants.  I do wonder why, though.  Is it a safety thing?  Are they trying to eliminate a growing mold problem?

Anyway, judging from how quickly they had it done, I’m betting it’s a really simple thing to undo.  I figure one could just take the wire off of one switch and attach it to the other.  Not that I’d try it myself, mind you.  But I have a friend whose husband is an electrician.  Maybe we can work something out.

Anyway, the whole thing kind of put me out of the writing mood yesterday, hence the Tuesday post.

The Dropping Like Flies Department

What the hell is going on with 2016 celebrity deaths?  Geez, they’re dropping like the temperature did last weekend.  I know these things are supposed to go in threes, but where do you start?  I’m counting five in the last two weeks.

First was Lemmy Kilmister, from Motorhead.  I was never a big Motorhead guy, but I understand that Lemmy was a hero to a certain generation of metalheads.  I like a song or two that he does, so I was mildly bummed.

(By the way, the name “Lemmy” comes from his penchant for saying, “Lemme a fiver, will ya?”  Or “Lemme a cigarette.”  The more you know…)

Then David Bowie passed and Facebook went nuts.

I never cared for Bowie at all.  As you know, I’ve always liked my music with a little more crunch to it.  Wasn’t into the glam thing at all.  And I never understood why he had to have all these personas.  I was like, “For fuck’s sake, pick a personality and stick to it, will ya?”

I remember when I was in college, his big comeback album “Let’s Dance” was inescapable.  I found it mildly tolerable but was still not a fan.  At least he gave Stevie Ray Vaughan a chance.  (I just didn’t know that at the time, of course.)

So I was pretty “Meh…” over Bowie.

But then we got word about Alan Rickman. 

Shit. Low blow, man. Hans freakin' Gruber?  Hans can't be killed unless he's dropped out a high-rise window!

Rickman created the first villain I ever saw who was as compelling as the hero.  He was so slick in “Die Hard,” you almost wanted him to get away with it.  Did you know it was Rickman’s idea for him to wear a suit, as opposed to a “terrorist uniform?”  He said Hans might need to blend in with the hostages, which led to his sequence with the American accent.

Professor Snape, from “Harry Potter?”  Rickman did more with dramatic pauses than most actors can do with an Oscar-winning script.

One of his often overlooked roles was The Metatron, (aka the Voice of God) in Kevin Smith's "Dogma." He was unexpectedly hilarious in that role. (Granted, it's unexpected if all you knew of him at the time was his part in "Die Hard.")

Happy trails, Hans. I hope you're somewhere "sitting on a beach, earning 20%.”

I saw a quick notice that Dan Haggerty, who played “Grizzly Adams” on a TV show in the 70s, also passed away last week.  Again… “meh.”  I liked the show at the time, but that was so long ago, I barely remember it.  Or him.

And now, this weekend, Glenn Frey of the Eagles, passed away. 

Now who would have ever thought Glenn Frey would fail to outlive Joe Walsh?

Yeah, it’s sad. The Eagles had a tremendous run of light rock classics.  They were a little light for my taste, but you couldn’t deny the talent and their harmonies were unreal.  My friend the Carpetbagger said that without Glenn Frey, there would not have been a “Beverly Hills Cop,” to which I added, “or Miami Vice.”

I saw Glenn Frey open for Tina Turner, back in the early 80s.  I had his first solo album, which was called:

That’s a close-up shot of a promotional button from the record company.  (What? Of course I still have it.)

He had this song on it I liked, called “Partytown,” which had kind of a Chuck Berry vibe to it.

“I got sick of my job, sick of my life,

Sick of my future and sick of my wife.

I packed up the car and I got some gas.

Told everybody they could kiss my ass.

I’m going ta Partytown… (Yeah Yeah.)

They really party down.  (Yeah Yeah.)”

So… Lemmy, Bowie, Hans Gruber, and Glenn Frey are gone, but Keith Richards lives on. 

There’s probably a lesson in there, somewhere.

Debunkery - The Loophole Leap of Logic

Saw another ridiculous meme on Facebook last week… actually, there were several; most were versions of this:

Easiest debunking ever, for the simple reason that no one ever said, “If we pass more gun laws, crime will go away.”  Obama didn’t say it, gun opponents don't say it, no one with a functioning brain would ever say it, but here it is on a conservative meme.

See, it’s the oldest debating trick in the book… reduce your opponent’s position into something preposterous and then attack it as if it’s what your opponent believes. 

You know what made Jon Stewart such an effective advocate?  He didn’t just tell you about some stupid shit people said, he’d show you them saying it.  And THEN he’d pull it apart like an Oreo Cookie, and roast the gooey center inside.

I look forward to the day when there can be a serious discussion about guns in this country.  But that time is not now… and probably not ever.  Because even the baby step of requiring background checks is being met with such ferocious opposition full of bluster and hyperbole, and precious little substance.

Can someone tell me what it is that’s so special about gun shows? Why do they get a pass on doing background checks and legitimate gun shops don’t?  It can certainly be done.

And for that matter, what possible reason could there be for just about every single Republican in the Senate vote against requiring background checks include the terrorist watch list and no-fly list?  I haven’t heard a single legitimate reason behind that.  Not one… probably because there aren’t any.  But it still got voted down, didn’t it?

Thus is the power of the NRA.

Did you see any of the footage of Congressmen and women getting up on the floor of the House and railing against gun show background checks?  My God, they sure made a sight, one after another, condemning the President for abusing authority, undermining freedom and coming to take their guns away! 

CSPAN should have had a graphics package under each speaker’s name, showing how much the NRA had contributed to their last campaigns.  Then we could see exactly who they were performing for.

Oh, and by the way… all this “Obama the Dictator, abusing his power” bullshit?

If you really think this president is some kind of self-governing despot who’s running around mad with power, you’re too stupid to have me take your opinion seriously.  The facts overwhelmingly show that you’re wrong.  Not that it ever stopped Fox “News” or any of the ninnies they whip into a frenzy.

It’s the same logic that allows Republicans to continue beating the Benghazi drum for years while completely ignoring the 11 Embassy attacks under GW Bush.

I’ve said my piece on assault weapons before, and on the general gun-mania in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, so I don’t really have much to add.  The President enacted a mild piece of executive action that might make it a little harder for criminals, terrorists and whack jobs to get their hands on rapid fire killing machines.  It won’t fix everything, not by a long shot.  And it will probably be reversed by the next GOP president.

I’d call it a good first step if I thought there were going to be any more steps.  But there won’t be.  If this country couldn’t be moved to come up with some common sense rules for gun ownership after a room full of 6-year olds was slaughtered, I’m afraid there’s nothing left to shock people out of their gun lust.

There’s only one Constitutional right that anyone cares about anymore, and that’s the 2^nd Amendment.  All the others seem to be afterthoughts.

Director’s DVD Commentary: You might have noticed that I used a number of memes myself in this post.  Yes, I did, and I used them because they’re strong, on point and not loaded with logical fallacies.  See, it can be done.  Granted, it helps if you’re trying to make a valid point.

A Life of Temporary Leisure

I always hate that first work day after the New Year; not because it’s the beginning of the work year, but that I’m coming off a long vacation.  (You may weep for me now.)

After I do whatever it is I’m going to do to use vacation time during the year, I use whatever I have left to take the week after Christmas off, and use any other remaining days to take Fridays off preceding Christmas.  Our company gave us Christmas Eve off, so I had a solid 11 days off to end the year.  Before that, I had five 4-day weeks.

Needless to say, dealing with a 5-day week now is jarring.  I think I should only work two days this week.  Then 3 the next week, and then 4 more 4-day weeks.  And THEN, I’ll be able to deal with a full week.  You can’t just go cold turkey… you should be able to build back up to it.

I mean, 3:00 today, I was dying for a nap.  Maybe I can sneak a sleeping bag into one of our “focus rooms.”

So; 11 days with no kids, no house projects, nowhere to be and nothing I had to do.  You probably wonder how I spent my time.

Yep, I did a lot of nothing.  Naps, watching sports and movies, enjoying some cocktails… that was my vacation.  Mostly.  I look at this year’s end vacation as the tasty dessert after a long year of eating crap sandwiches.  Last year, I was sick almost the entire time I was off.  At least this year, I got that out of the way a couple weeks ago.

My time off had a lot of nothing, but not ONLY nothing.  I did get a couple of things done.  I fact, I tried to accomplish at least one constructive thing each day.  No, it wasn’t anything you’d call “taxing,” but I got to clean out a lot of stuff that was cluttering up my mental To Do box.

Like shredding.  I keep all my bills and utility statements for about 6 months, or as long as it takes my bill holder (re-purposed acrylic napkin holder) to fill up.  Once it fills up, I store the material and shred the previous 6-month wad of invoices.  I was afraid my bill holder was going to crack from the overstuffing, so I’d been meaning to get to the shredding.  Done… ding!

My kitchen faucet nozzle collects grit over time, which makes the water come out in different directions.  I used this opportunity to unscrew the nozzle, clean out the grit, and reassemble, to restore a nice, clean stream of water.  Done… ding!  Also, I had to use pliers.  Tool use… ding!  Extra credit.

I have a water-resistant windbreaker I wear to work frequently, but it’s starting to not resist the water quite so well.  So I bought a waterproofing spray online about 2 weeks back.  Last week, I treated 2 windbreakers, my winter coat, gloves, and my Penguins “rain hat.” (Meaning it was nylon and far less absorbent than my other cloth hats, so I wear it on rainy days.)  I don’t know how well it works yet, because naturally, it hasn’t rained since. 

I figure it’s the umbrella effect.  It never rains anytime I bring an umbrella or rain gear.  If you’re reading from the Mid-Atlantic area, you can thank me for the clear skies we’ll be having until at least April.  So, waterproofing… Done.  Ding! 

I installed a movie database app on my iPad a while back and I’ve been manually entering the data from my Excel list of DVDs.  Last week I was able to finish it.  Now it will be easy to keep up, just adding anything new.  I was hoping the data on the iPad would automatically load to the same app on my iPhone, but no such luck.  I originally wanted the data on my phone, so I could consult it in stores if I couldn’t remember if I already had a movie (or more likely, a particular season of a TV series).  Data entry… Done.  Ding!

I went out to see the movie “Sisters,” with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the weekend before last.  (I know it’s not exactly a chore; just an activity for the day.)  Anyway, I loved it.  As you know, I think Tina Fey is a goddess, and she and Amy together are gold.  I laughed my face off.  It was like a Judd Apatow/Seth Rogan movie, only with Tina and Amy in it instead, (plus everyone from SNL they ever worked with).  They must have loved not having network Standards and Practices lurking over their shoulders.

Even with Star Wars out, and Hunger Games and other highly publicized films out, the theater showing Sisters was crowded.  Whole middle section was densely populated… with women, mostly.  I only saw about 2-3 other dudes.  Movie I wanted to see… Done.  Ding!

And speaking of movies, I assembled and photographed my annual ticket stub collage.  (I did one last year, so doing another one now makes it annual.  In my family, anything you do more than once becomes a sacred tradition.)  Stub collage… Done.  Ding!

I mentioned the Orioles stats and other sports events attended this year in the last post, but I forgot to mention the ten movies. There was Sisters, plus:

Mockingjay Pt 1 (OK, that was from 2014. The stub must have jumped piles.)

Ted 2: Even more vulgar than the original; funnier too.

Terminator Genisys: Loved it.  A terminator movie with a happy ending?  Go figure.

Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation: Action packed and exciting.

Ant-Man: More light-hearted than the recent Marvel Comic fare.

The Martian: Also exciting and well done.

Mockingjay Pt 2: Loved it. Hits all the plot points from the book and puts a bow on the series.

Creed: Loved it. Rocky is more interesting as an old man.

Star Wars – The Force Awakens: Just wrote about that two posts ago, but loved it.

I had one kinda big project this week… not that it was strenuous or anything… it only strained my wallet.  Had to get a new set of tires.

As you may recall, I bought a 4 new tires last January, and then before a month went by, my car died and took the tires with it.  The 2013 Chrysler 200 I got in February still had its original tires.  I’d only taken them out in the snow once, and it scared the life out of me.  It was like I had no control at all.  (And I’m from the Midwest.  I know how to drive in the snow.)

So I wanted to replace the tires before we got any serious weather this winter. I thought it would be a simple in-and-out, but the tire shop didn’t have anything in my size.  He had to order them, to come in the next day.  Which they did.  So… Tires acquired.  Ding!

Usually, when I come home from work, I’m not in the mood to cook anything “involved.”  (Meaning: more steps than “microwave for 90 seconds.”)  But this week, I had time on my hands.  Early in the week, I made a roasted pork loin with red potatoes.  So that made two dinners.

You know, the fun thing about living alone is that you can stick a kitchen fork in the pork loin and eat it like corn on the cob.

“Fork Loin!”

Over New Year’s weekend, I got the hankering for pasta, and so cooked up the First Spags of the Year.  Because I like to cook in a clean kitchen, I Swiffered the floors twice; once dry, once wet.  Also ran a Clorox Wipe across all the counters and stovetop.  Luckily the will to clean passed before I could get too caught up in it.  But I did produce this:

FYI, it is much harder to keep a giant ball of spaghetti on a kitchen fork without it falling off.

It was awesome, although I had one small hiccup.  I’m not used to having very many spices on hand, so when I thought I was adding a half-teaspoon of nutmeg, it was actually turmeric.  I tried to counter it with a little extra of the spices I DID intend to put in and it seemed to work.  Had some for dinner tonight and will probably finish it up tomorrow.  Feasts... accomplished.  Ding!

I’m not usually a party animal on New Year’s Eve, but I didn’t feel like staying in this year.  Instead, I went out to my usual sports bar to watch the end of the Pens game, and the Michigan State/Alabama game.  At first, there were some regulars there whom I knew, but they didn’t stay long.  Once they took off, there wasn’t anyone left but couples.  Old couples.

I ended up leaving around 11:00.  The only thing worse than sitting home alone on New Year’s Eve is sitting out in public, alone, when the ball drops.  It also wasn’t a bad idea to get off the road and home before the cops start setting up checkpoints.  No need to get caught up with all the amateurs.

And aside from seeing my brother and his family on Christmas and New Year’s Day, that was basically that… How I spent 11 days doing just enough to not grow moss on my north side.

Next weekend: The tree comes down.

Ding!

I Guess it Wasn't Such a Bad Year After All

I was sitting here this morning, wondering about how I would classify the year I just had.  My first thoughts were that it was kinda bleah… but then I realized that my view was being overly colored by recent events, like the Steelers losing to the Ratbirds and probably missing the playoffs, and the Penguins looking generally terrible all year.

I’ve also had kidney stones return and a rotten cold that’s just finishing up.  I’ve spent the year free from romantic entanglements (and action) and my internet service is down to about 1MB every two minutes.  (I think Verizon is trying to squeeze me out of my grandfathered Unlimited Data Plan.  But the only thing they’re going to force me to do is jump to another provider.)

But really, all those things are pretty minor.  I actually had a pretty good year.  I mean, despite some emergency practice and a false start, I got to throw out the first pitch at a major league baseball game!  Holy shit; that was a dream come true.  (Almost as good as that Tina Fey dream I keep having, but I don’t like the odds of realizing that one.)

Speaking of Tina Fey, if you like her and Amy Poehler, go see “Sisters.”  Never mind what the critics say, the movie is just plain funny.  I especially liked getting to watch these two cut loose in an R-rated environment, without the heavy hand of network Standards and Practices interfering.  The ballerina music box scene is worth the price of admission by itself.  But I digress…

Early in the year, I got to Pittsburgh twice… once with my brother and nephew for Pens and Steelers games, (right after the Buckeyes won the National Championship!) and once with Sitcom Kelly and her Sitcom Sister, for a March Penguins game.

After watching my brother do all kinds of things with his smartphone, I finally joined this decade by purchasing my own iPhone and creating the iPhone Pledge.  And I’ve been boring you on social media with my comings and goings ever since.

This summer, I went to 21 Orioles games (O’s were 13-8 when I was there).  Eight of those, Sitcom Kelly went with me. (O’s were 6-2 when she went.  The Orioles ought to comp her some season tickets, to guarantee a playoff run.)  I went to a Social Media Event featuring Q and A from closer Zach Britton and acquired yet another orange tee shirt.  (I’m up to 10 so far, not including BGSU shirts.)

I also saw baseball games in Pittsburgh (at my Mom’s family reunion), Philly (with my buddy the CFO and his son, and a minor league game in Toledo. 

I got to play host to the CFO and his giant son in August.  They came out for a couple of Tigers games and the aforementioned one in Philly.  But we did a bunch more stuff too, like visiting the CFO’s old Navy post (in dry dock), the National Aquarium, the Maryland Science Center, and stuffed ourselves with meat at Fogo de Chao.

A month before that, they were the hosts as I went out for my annual visit to Northwest Ohio, where I took a campus tour with my muse, the CFO’s daughter, saw a Mudhens game, ate a pile of grilled stuff, AND chowed on the best pizza in the world.

Try not to drool on your smartphone.

I had to get a new car in February, but that could go either way.  I mean, “New car… Yay!” or “Aw crap; four years of car payments I wasn’t expecting.”  At least I didn’t smash into anything when my old car suddenly quit working… while I was driving it.

It was a good year in music, even if only for Joan Jett getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and seeing Billy Joel again.

OK, it wasn’t all fun and games in 2015.  First of all, Baltimore went straight to hell in a handbasket.  Later that year, someone stole the side mirror from my car.  And we lost my Grandpa, the Patriarch.  But still wasn’t all that bad, considering he was 99 and died in his sleep, surrounded by loved ones, with nothing sticking into him.  Grandpa won big, at the game of life.

There was some work stuff as well.  In June, my company relocated its office building, down to the ritzy part of town, on the waterfront.  The trade up is a beautiful, modern building.  The trade down is an open seating format.  My kingdom for a cube wall!

Also, the long-awaited sale of my company to its largest competitor was finalized in November. Now, we can begin to consolidate operations.  At the moment, I’m cautiously optimistic, but I should have a clearer look at my future by this time next year.

This is the first full year that I’ve done the “one post per week” schedule.  Somehow, I’m ending up with 53 posts.  I’m not sure how that happened… maybe it has something to do with it almost being leap year.

Let me thank you for coming along for the ride.  I may well still write if no one was reading, but it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.  I appreciate your encouraging my behavior.

Best wishes to you and your family for a rockin’ 2016.