The Timeline

Just for grins and giggles, I want to tell you about a project I spent some time on last year. Like most of my endeavors, it was pointless but fun.

I will help you to know, I am a record keeper and collector of things, from LPs, CDs, and DVDs to ticket stubs, photographs, cards and letters, whatever.

Last year, I finally acted on an idea I’d been kicking around for a long while, about creating a “Timeline” of my life. To be specific, an Excel spreadsheet featuring stuff that’s gone on, from the day I was born, to yesterday.

I figured I was uniquely qualified to create such a thing because of my collector’s nature, meaning I have a ton of sources to go to, to match dates with events.

I started with a list of places to which my family and I had relocated, then added every 10^th birthday. Then it was time for the spreadsheets.

I have full spreadsheets that include every concert (108) or sporting event (325) I’ve attended, and medical issues I’ve experienced. (Yes, really.) I created those soon after I got my first computer in 1999. I just started with every concert I knew I’d seen, cross referenced them with the ticket stubs I still had, and pictures I’d taken. The sports events were almost all based on ticket stubs, along with some occasional date-estimated remembrances from my youth. It really wasn’t too hard to do. Once you have all your old history added, you just take a minute or two to add the rest as you go. And the internet was a big help in coming up with final scores and attendance at long-ago games. (Yes, I tracked a lot of data, right down to the game jersey I wore, so I could keep track of the mojo effect.)

I created the medical thing after I had my first atrial fibrillation diagnosis and treatment, because I figured I’d better keep track of that stuff, since there’s no way I was going to remember all those names, dates, drugs, and procedures. And you know that’s always the first thing new doctors ask for.

So with that as a framework, I then dove into my journals. I’ve kept journals of sorts throughout vast swathes of my life, starting in 8^th grade. I have a book that covers 10^th and 11^th grades, and then appointment books from my sophomore though senior years of college. I ran my life with those appointment books, in which I not only recorded classes and assignments, but parties, nights out with friends, and romantic entanglements. It was a wealth of information from my young life.

Once I was out of school, I journaled again from 1985 in my first solo apartment in Toledo through 1988 in Cleveland, in 1990-92 in Albany, with another appointment book from 1995. I had one journal just for describing my softball and rec-league hockey games. I tended to journal the most when I was alone, especially when living in another new town.

To fill in some more holes, I have a year by year school book with old teacher documents and report cards, photo albums with records of family trips and riotous Barn Parties, digital picture files from the non-film camera age, old Far Side calendars I’d kept from the 80s, and info from Facebook and other social media outlets.

With all this information in hand, I sat down and went through it all, page by page, looking for anything that might be vaguely interesting. The whole thing probably took me about a month to do. As of today, there are 1019 entries.

This is a snippet of the Timeline. I started using my collage appointment book at the beginning of 1981, so you can see the increased detail afterward. Note: CC = our college Commuter Center, Renee's was the local dance club.

Yes, there was much I didn’t put in the Timeline. Maybe one day I’ll go thought and make a “Director’s Cut,” with all the scenes that didn’t pass the initial editing. That’ll draw a hard R rating though.

So, why did I do all that work? Just for the hell of it, I suppose. I thought it would be a fun experience. And I did learn a lot. In fact there were several scenarios that I realize I’d mis-remembered regarding the order of events that may have happened in a relationship. But there was no arguing with the dates recorded in the appointment book or journal. Data trumps my faulty memory every time, (especially data I created myself).

And now that I have a searchable database of my life’s events, why not inflict it on my Facebook friends and family? So every day, I do a search on that day’s date and see what turns up. If it’s something I think might be interesting to a cross-section of Facebook connections, I write up a paragraph or two, especially if I can come up with an applicable picture to go with it. And yes, there’s a LOT that I skip, usually stuff that would only be interesting to me.

So now, should I accidentally become famous (or infamous) for doing something monumentally great or stupid, my biographers will have a wealth of information left behind to reconstruct my life story of being either an inspiring example or cautionary tale.

Comic Sans Respect

I may be getting extra crabby as my age advances toward geezenhood, but I saw an editorial cartoon in our local Baltimore Sun this weekend, that just pissed me off.

It was ostensibly about bosses wanting their employees to return back to work, and the workers not wanting to, which would have been fine. The struggle is real and so it’s fair game. What pissed me off were the inferences about stay-at-home workers, because as someone who has been 100% working from home since March 2020, I have some skin in the game. Here’s the cartoon:

You have to remember, everything you see here was put there for a reason. Nothing is accidental. Here’s what I see:

Lady sprawled on the couch with a laptop, surrounded by pets. So they think we lay around like slobs all day? Not so. I have a small office room I go to every day to work remotely on a desktop unit at 8 and emerge at noon for lunch and then go back until 5 when the day is over. There is no laying about.

Lady is holding a full glass of wine, with a bottle in the crook of her arm. So we’re drunk? If my manager can’t tell from the work I’m doing whether I’m drunk or not, SHE should be fired.

Bag of “Lardo” chips and a soda can wedged between her and the couch back. So people who work from home are fat slobs? Believe me, there are enough fat slobs in the office environment. There’s no need to cast aspersions here.

Empty laundry basket on the floor, overturned cup and bottle on the floor. Again with the slobbiness.

Hair in a messy updo. Well, there is no longer any “up” in my “do,” and hasn’t been since I was in my 20s, however, I always shower and put on clean clothes before I start the day. Granted, I’m wearing comfy clothes, but why not? Literally, no one can see me. (I may join conference calls but I don’t even have nor do I want a PC camera. I have no intention of having to feign interest while someone drones on about business metrics during a video call.)

If you put all these visual slurs together, you come to the traditional businessman’s conclusion that if we elves are not under Santa’s close personal supervision, the toys will not get made on time. They think that people only want to work from home so they can slack off. It’s a fallacy, but it’s what many of them think. Bosses want to be able to look out upon their domain and see all the worker bees toiling away at their workstations. It’s visually satisfying, but that’s not a valid reason to force employees back into a mind-numbing, time-sucking, money-losing, daily commute.

I have never in my life been happier at my job than in the last three years of remote work. I get two and a half more hours of my life back every day because I can set my alarm an hour later and then avoid a 90-minute round-trip commute. I don’t have to pay for lunch in a cafeteria or restaurant, nor bring in uninspiring bag lunches. I either have leftovers or make something simple and much cheaper than what I’d get at the office. We don’t have to have a pet sitter come and let our dog out when he needs it. I get to avoid tedious small talk and chit-chat, which I loathe. And best of all, I no longer have to suffer the open floor plan the company inflicted on us 8 years ago. I’d never been in such an uncomfortable office situation in my life.

So yes, I plan to hang onto working remotely as long as I continue to work. The last thing I want to see is the daily rag casting monkey poo on my integrity, giving the Powers That Be more backing to start recalling people to the office, like it or not.

Now, I don’t think that’s going to happen with my company, which has been very generous and forward-thinking when it comes to work/life flexibility. They look at my work… if it’s done, I’m good. If it’s not, I’ll get called up for it. And that’s as it should be. They allowed me to apply to work 100% remote and then granted my request. If they were to go back on that agreement, well, that’s when I would retire, on the spot. My boss knows this too… I’ve tossed that out before just in general conversation. And because I’m really the only person that does what I do, they’d better think long and hard about whether this is the mountain they want to die on.

I just resent that there’s a faction of the American corporate power structure that thinks you’re not doing your job unless you’re suffering for it. This cartoon feeds into it by denigrating those for whom life in the office is not optimal.

I wonder where this cartoonist works. Do you think he comes into the newsroom every day to crank out panels amidst a sea of desks? I strongly doubt it. I’m sure he has a nice at-home studio with an easel and an array of pencils (or whatever they use). In which case I say, “You want people back in the office? You first.”

In Other “News”

Is this not the most “No Shit” headline you’ve ever seen?

To be fair, MT Greene was talking about being educated on a specific topic, not the general principle of being uneducated. (Although it still fits.)

She was trying to run some shit by the CDC Director, who told her that if she’d like, she could come and educate her staff on how to read and interpret the data in recent CDC reports. But the noble Rep. Greene would never let things like facts, data, or being educated interfere with her preferred talking points. She was trying to claim that the CDC was covering up what she asserted were vast numbers of deaths caused by COVID vaccines, by citing a report from the CDC themselves. The only problem was that this report was tallying deaths by various causes, post-vaccination, including getting hit by a truck.

But why let facts get in the way of a good rant, right MT?

I am getting so tired of these shit-kickers…

True Crime and Punishment

At last, we’ve learned of the Great Orange Tyrant’s comeuppance in the form of 37 indictments over his disregard of document security protocols. Not sexy, but it has teeth. All the names you’ve heard of people convicted of playing fast and loose national security secrets went to jail.

I still don’t think TFG will ever see a day behind bars; I’m positive that if convicted, there will be some kind of sweetheart deal worked out, like home confinement. He only ever wants to stay in his own properties anyway, so I don’t see that as much of a punishment.

I’d like to see the justice system come up with some kind of creative approach so that the punishment for these convictions at least stings a little bit.

For example, maybe they can ban him from using a golf cart, or only allow him a one-iron and a wedge in his golf bags. And he has to hit from the “lady’s tee.”

They could replace all his gold fixtures with aluminum or tin.

Or they can remove all the ketchup from his house detention and only serve chuck steak, cooked rare.

They can put every TV channel on MSNBC and take away his cell phone.

Or even better, tune the channel to some network that will never mention him, like BBC or something. Maybe Al Jazeera.

OR, eliminate all the news stations and limit his viewing BET.

If they actually want him to grow and learn while away, they could limit his TV watching to Sesame Street, in hopes he might pick up a more grown-up vocabulary.

They should eliminate all newspapers and magazines, but fill every room with books. Big ones, with no pictures.

Or if they really want to screw with him, they can take the last 15 minutes of the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice was pre-empted for Obama’s announcement that we killed Bin Laden, and run it on a loop.

No spray tanning, makeup, or hair products.

They can limit his visitors to Don Jr. only.

They can make him stay on his property in Scotland… Not only will the time zone put him out of kilter with the US, but he’ll also be surrounded by pissed-off Scotsmen, which is no place to be. Although I’m sure he’d learn a whole new assortment of slurs and obscene terminology. (And I mean that with the utmost respect and admiration for the Scots. They can string together the most profane stream of filth and vulgarity imaginable and make it sound roguish and charming.)

What I’m saying is that, if for the first time in history, they’re going to convict the first former president, it needs to at least hurt a little. There absolutely must be a deterrent to obtaining the highest office in the land and then prostituting it out for one’s own financial reward, or else that will become the new normal. We’ll be electing people based on how hard we think they’re going to grift. There has to be a better way forward and it starts with some meaningful convictions for the most noxious white-collar criminal ever to hold office.

I am concerned about Judge Cannon presiding over the procedures. She's already shown that she's willing to ignore the law and put her thumb on the scale to obtain a free pass for TFG. And I don't think she'll recuse herself of anything... This is the reason she was put there. They may remove her, or neuter her rulings, (if we're lucky) but she won't step down.

Having a Stroke

I almost wish I was a golfer, just so I could quit out of outrage over the Saudis' hostile takeover of the professional game.

From today’s Baltimore Sun

I can swear up and down that I’ll never watch golf again but it would only be the hollowest of gestures. I haven’t watched a minute of golf since Tiger was a rookie and I wanted to see him shake up Augusta.

I consider golf one of those things that’s fun to do sometimes, like bowling or darts, but painfully dull to watch others do on TV. And as George Carlin used to say, it takes up entirely too much room in our country; land which could be put to better use to house the homeless. It’s expensive, it’s a huge time waste, and it takes a lot of time and money to become any good at it.

I have a set of clubs my (ex) wife got me back in the early 90s… I used to golf with her dad. It would be funny to watch us stride up to the tee box… Me, a tall, athletic-looking 30-something and a stooped-over, silver-haired 70-something. Then he’d whack the ball 170 yards down the middle of the fairway and I’d smash a worm-burner into the left-side trees. I used to say my “golf game” was more like “gardening” for all the soil I’d displace.

Anyway, I can’t even sell my old clubs because the state of the art has surpassed them. Everyone now has a driver with a head the size of a softball, made out of metal that sounds like it was stolen from a nuclear reactor core. Geezanium or something…

I read today that the Senate is going to investigate the takeover and look into revoking the PGA’s tax-free status.

I’m not sure that’s going to be as painful as it sounds. I’m no expert on the golfing administration and hierarchy, but I’m not sure they have any earnings or holdings to tax.

It reminds me of when Congress was talking about revoking the NFL’s tax-free status, back when kneeling down was a big controversy, but they overlooked the fact that the NFL had no monetary worth of note, to begin with. The money was with the 32 individual teams, not an overall entity. But let’em check it out. Anything that upsets this apple cart is fine with me.

But it’s a testament to the concept that Money Talks, to see that this bloody regime can just throw their blood-soaked oil money in the right direction and walk away with an entire international sport.

Maybe they just needed a sure-fire market for sand.

Debt Ceiling, Coffee Wars, and Goodbye to a Queen

I had mixed feelings about the Debt Ceiling agreement that passed last week. I mean, there was a big part of me that wanted President Biden to keep giving the Republicans the finger and refusing to negotiate. Every time they’ve tried to hold the economy hostage over the debt ceiling, they ended up caving because they were unable to convincingly lay off the blame on the Democrats. So I wanted to see them get humbled, I really did.

But then, it’s easy for me to say because I’m not reliant on the major government services that were at risk of being shut down. I don’t take Social Security, nor do I have Medicare/Medicaid. I don’t get SNAP or Welfare. I haven’t been to a National Park in ages. (And I know there’s other stuff as well.) So I could just keep my head down and do my work-from-home job and wait for it to resolve without taking any hits to my comfort. But a lot of other people would get screwed, wouldn’t they? A lot of people would be SOL.

That’s why I’m glad we had the steady hand of Grandpa Joe at the wheel, who acted like the adult in the room and walked away with a deal that Democrats can live with. In fact, I don’t think he gave up much at all, considering Republicans came in wanting to (among other things) shit-can the infrastructure bill on which he’s staking his Presidency. As if that was ever going to happen. (It’s just like when Republicans wanted to hold the ACA hostage during the Obama years. Like he was EVER going to sign on to having that repealed.) The Republicans just needed enough movement that they could distort into an alternate reality where they fleeced a senile Commander in Chief.

I also agree with my friend the Green Eagle when he notes that the wealthy Donors That Be probably put a bug in the Speaker’s ear telling him to can all this nonsense so they don’t derail their gravy train. They no doubt notified the ignorant rabble-rousers in the House as well, to try to maintain the status quo. I mean, what’s the use in buying a Speaker of the House if he gets replaced within the year? They can’t have the inmates running the asylum, who think that printing more money is the solution to economic woes. Someone must ensure the money trough is still filling so it can be siphoned upward.

So, like always, the can was kicked down the road so it can blow up on another cast of characters and the charade can continue. If there’s a Republican in charge, they’ll raise the debt ceiling like it was a Congressional pay raise package. If it’s still the Democrats, be prepared for the next hostage drama.

This Is Not Your Father’s Folgers

I was in the grocery store over the weekend and came upon this rather disturbing display of a coffee brand I’d never seen before. Take a look at this stuff:

It looks to me like this “Black Rifle Coffee Company” is marketing directly to MAGAs and military wannabees, who are so insecure about their manhood that they need morning psych-ops with their cuppa Joe.

How do you even know what this shit tastes like? There’s nothing showing that tells you how one flavor compares to another. Or maybe it’s all the same shit only with different collectible bags, like Wheaties.

I have some theories about who these various versions are trying to reach:

Five Alarm: Fireman wannabees.

Freedom Fuel: Oil workers, drillers, and fossil fuel/monster truck fans. Those who fear E-cars and sustainable fuel production.

Just Black: All Lives Matters people. Slogan: “Black coffee matters!”

Gunship: Small dick fear.

Spirit of ’76: This should actually be tea.

Loyalty Roast: Trump fanatics. Probably shouldn’t picture a dog though. Just put the famously petless former guy’s picture on the box.

Tactisquatch: I don’t know… yetis?

I can see their new tagline now… “The Jews will not percolate us.”

Are You Ready for Tina?

It was with great sadness I heard the news of the passing of the great Tina Turner. That Friday, Sweetpea came home and asked me to put on some music before dinner. I said I had just the thing:

We had our weekly slow dance to “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”

My first memory of her was from when I was a little boy and Ike and Tina Turner were performing on some variety show. Tina was wearing one of those diamond-shaped dresses that was cut up to her hip bones, with the bottom point of the dress down between her knees, making it look like her legs were 8 feet long. I recall my Dad commenting, “Now THAT’s a woman.”

Like anyone with a soul, I became a huge fan and had mad respect for her after seeing her life-story movie where she was played by Angela Bassett. (I later read her book that it was based on, “I Tina.”) I cheered out loud when she finally left her bastard of a husband.

I ended up seeing Tina perform solo on four occasions. The first was in August of 1985, in Toledo, with Glenn Frey opening. I got a pair of tickets and took my mom. We were having a very nice pre-show dinner, because we had all the time in the world to get to the show… right up until I realized I left the tickets back at my apartment. But after some Fast and Furious driving maneuvers, we managed to get to the show on time. As always, it opened with a dark stage, with Tina’s sultry voice asking us, “Are you ready for Tina?”

I saw her twice within a month, in the summer of 1987, once in Baltimore with my parents and sister, and again two weeks later in Cleveland, both at outdoor pavilions with Wang Chung opening. The last time was at another outdoor pavilion in Saratoga Springs NY, in 1993 with my then-wife. Chris Isaac opened

Every time, she put on an unreal show, with her powerful singing and dancing her ass off with her backup dancers. In later years, I saw recorded concerts where she was still putting on the show well into the 2000s. The last one I saw, she was in her 70s. I was thinking, “Man, she’s really slowing down,” because, for about half the show, she sang from a stool. But I immediately had to qualify my thinking… “Yeah, slowing down for Tina Turner.” For any other 70+-year-old woman, she was a freak of nature, an Energizer Bunny with “legs long enough to wrap around the world.” *

*Quote from Bluz Mother.

I’m happy that she lived long enough to reap the world’s love and respect and retire in comfort. One of her songs from Private Dancer was called, “I Might Have Been Queen…”

As far as I’m concerned, there was no doubt about it. She was definitely queen.

Cookie Monster

I was as happy as anyone when recreational marijuana legalization passed in a referendum last November. Not that I’ve really been a user, I just think it’s best for it not to be criminalized any longer. Too many people have suffered too much over such a minor matter.

In my own history, I can count on my fingers the number of times I ever puffed on a joint, and still have a few digits left over. And almost all of those times, I’d already been so drunk, so I never noticed much of an effect. (Almost all of these times were in my teens and 20s.)

It’s not that I ever had anything against it, it’s just that I hate smoking… anything. Never having been a cigarette smoker, any recreational benefit I might have gotten from a toke was immediately surpassed by 15 minutes of coughing my lungs out. Plus, there’s the morning-after feeling in your mouth like it just hosted a poker party for Snoop Dogg, Bob Marley, Cheech, and Chong. It just didn’t seem like a good trade-off for me.

Now I just tell people, if you want me to get high with you, toss me an “edible.” That’s something I’ve been wanting to try ever since the referendum passed. (We still have until July until it goes into effect.) That way I would get the nice, buzzy “benefit” without hacking my face off.

So, cut to Saturday night. We’re pet-sitting Sweetpea’s out-of-town friend’s dog (who is “girlfriend” to our own dog), while the friend goes out to eat with family. After the event, she was staying the night with us.

Sweetpea was already in bed when the friend came home. I was staying up watching the new Sarah Silverman HBO special. As the friend came to sit for a while on the couch, she said, “I’d offer you a cookie but it’s got marijuana in it.” (She has a prescription.)

I said, “And?”

She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you liked it,” or something, and then gave me a baggie with two cookies in it. I was so excited to try my first edible so I snarfed one down quickly. It was like a peanut butter cookie with chocolate bits in it. Wasn’t bad, it just had a kind of metallic aftertaste.

Now, I didn’t have much in the way of expectations. I’ve tried that CBD/THC oil before and was kind of underwhelmed. And my brief attempts at hitting a joint left me unimpressed. So with this cookie, I was on high alert, looking for changes in my headspace. What I found was a brief feeling like I had just had another vodka tonic, just kind of lightly buzzy.

Sarah wrapped up her show and I went to bed around 11:30. No harm, no foul.

Then about 12:30 AM, I briefly roused and tried to roll over.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! How come nothing on me works?

Suddenly the Cookie Monster was kicking my ass.

First of all, I noticed strange things going on behind my eyelids. All I wanted to do was sleep, but there was this paisley pattern going on in front of my (closed) eyes like you see in those videos currently going around Facebook showing people knocking over playing cards they set up like dominoes. All these brilliant, colorful patterns were exploding in my face, to the point of my not being able to tell if I was awake or still sleeping.

I wanted to roll over but it was like I had forgotten how and I was afraid I couldn’t do it without falling out of bed. So I tried to stay still and just ride it out, maybe go back to sleep. But my brain was telling me my shoulder hurt, the one I was lying on. It was telling me this by showing me a “heat map” effect where rings were radiating out from my shoulder. I tried to “wake up” and evaluate, but when I did, my shoulder felt fine. So I lay there trying to reconcile my conflicting shoulder evaluations.

The next thing I knew, it was 1:30 or so and I had briefly fallen asleep. And now, I was even more desperate to roll over, so I rolled onto my back. Whenever I moved my head, I’d get really dizzy, and my hands and limbs were shaking.

Then the dizziness started making me nauseous like I was going to hurl. I tried to breathe it back like I used to do when I drank too much as a younger man. But no, it was coming.

In desperation, I rolled to sit up on the edge of the bed, and I felt like a newborn foal taking his first steps. I was shaking so hard it would have been visible from across the room. I quickly determined that there was no way I trusted myself to make it out of our room and into the bathroom next door, so I grabbed the trash can beside the bed and tried to let it all out.

I’m sure Sweetpea was quite alarmed by this point, although she still didn’t know why I was in such a state.

After a great deal of loud (mostly dry) heaves, I realized I needed a tissue or something. But the box was on the shelf behind the bed, about three feet from my outstretched hand. I just sat there straining for it, because I didn’t dare leave my spot. I’d forgotten how to move around, I was sure. But then as if by magic, Sweetpea pressed a tissue into my hand, saying, “Is this what you want?”

When I could finally lie down again, she asked what was wrong. I said, “Your friend gave me a cookie.”

She was like, “What?  Ohhhhh.”

All I could add was that I was “Trippin’ balls.” It’s the technical term.

I got maybe another hour’s sleep before the whole thing repeated. I tried to move again, got dizzy, sat up, and hurled into the trash basket.

I do not throw up often. Hardly ever. The last time was when I had kidney stones for the first time. That was bad. But this was scaring the hell out of me because I was afraid I was going to choke. I may love Bon Scott but I have no plans to die like he did.

I desperately wanted a drink of water and I had a glass right by my bed. But I couldn’t quite work out how to skooch my butt down and get into position to grab it. And my hands were shaking so badly, I looked like I was making a martini on Bar Rescue. I was sure I was just going to dump it all over myself. But I eventually eased close enough to get two hands on it and pour a little bit into my mouth, which felt like we added Seth Rogen to Snoop’s poker party being held there.

Somehow, I managed to get back in bed and get some sort of sleep. Throughout the night, I’d wake up and cough, but not be able to stop. It felt like I really WAS smoking it up, for all the coughing.

I felt Sweetpea get out of bed around 7:00. She checked back in with me about 9:00, to see if I wanted breakfast. I said yes, I thought it would make me feel better.

But then again, when I sat up and pulled my legs around, the dizziness came back and when I looked forward, everything was flipping up and up, like an old TV with a “vertical hold” problem. I’m sure my fellow “old people” remember that reference.

So I decided to lay back down again and try to clear my head. When Sweetpea stuck her head in again, I told her to cancel breakfast for me.

When I finally surfaced around noon, my vertical hold problem was fixed, but I was still getting dizzy when I moved my head. But I had to get up sometime, so I ambled into the kitchen and began my daily crossword puzzles from the newspaper. I ate the bacon she had already made, and a stray blueberry Pop Tart, which settled my stomach a bit.

The rest of Sunday was just vegging out. I went back to bed for a nap around 3:00 and got up again near 5:00, by which time dinner was on. Gradually the headache and dizziness faded as I couch potatoed for the rest of the night. According to my Fitbit for the day, I took only 392 steps and slept for 15 hours, 37 minutes.

Today, I’m more or less back to normal. Oh, and we gave the second cookie back. I don’t know how her friend can stand a dose like that. She must have a much higher tolerance because just that one cookie put me on my ass for an entire day.

So believe me, when the legalized marijuana edibles start circulating in earnest here in Maryland, I’m not saying I’ll never have any again, but I WILL be looking at the dosage and starting with small amounts. I’m sure there’s a happy medium in there, somewhere between Judge Judy-like sobriety and trippin’ balls.

Putting the "Rat" in Authoritarianism*

*if you read it backward.

It seems the Republicans’ new hobby is threatening impeachment of anyone they don’t like. Most recently, Rep. Adam Schiff has drawn their fire, for his role in presenting such compelling evidence in TFG’s impeachment hearings. My friends at Crooks and Liars have a story about Florida Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna having filed a resolution of impeachment against him, accusing him of sedition.

She said that Schiff lied to the American people and weaponized the FBI against Trump.

One US Representative can weaponize the FBI? Really? If that were true, Rep MT Greene would have the FBI at Biden’s house right now, looking for black market youth elixir. And since when is it “weaponizing” to have a law enforcement body go out to find evidence of wrongdoing and present it? Isn’t that their exact job? The fact that the vapid, empty vessel she idolizes was proven to have done wrong, doesn’t prove or even suggest that his accusers have committed any crime, let alone sedition.

Also, “Lying to the American people?”

Rep. George Santos telling the “truth.”

When Republicans have dealt with their own resident liars, then they can worry about others. Until then, STFU and STFD, Rep. Loona. Case dismissed.

I know Republicans are itching for “revenge” for the Democrats daring to prove TFG was a crook, but do they really want to open the door for ousting Congresspeople for specious personal reasons? Because it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility that the Democrats take back the House, and then what do you think can happen? With this new precedent, say goodbye to Reps. Greene, Jordan, Boebert, Santos, and add McCarthy, just for being a spineless weasel.

I don’t think this Congressional impeachment movement is really going anywhere, other than being a tool for self-promotion among little-known Congresspeople. There are cooler heads that will prevail, not including Speaker McCarthy. If he had any real power, he’d have already squashed this nonsense before it went public. The last thing he needs is a rock fight in his own greenhouse.

***

In yet another pointless bid for relevance, faded rocker Ted Nugent joined the chorus of conservatives lauding the ex-marine who choked out a homeless guy on an NYC subway car.

Again, that’s what it’s come to… applause for some guy to decide to be judge, jury, and executioner for some poor brain-addled guy, just because he was annoying.

Whatever the guy had done in his past is irrelevant, because the killer had no idea who he was. So when Nugent calls the victim a “monster,” it’s just a racist cover. All he was in that moment was a guy being loud and creepy in public. Maybe you put him in detox for the night, or have the cops take him to Central Booking. Execution seems a little harsh. That’s what they do in Iran. (After a little torture first, of course.)

I don’t, for a second, believe this was a life-threatening situation, other than that of the homeless guy. I’m no stranger to subway “performance art.” I’ve ridden the Baltimore Metro (subway) every day for 23 years and seen my share of ranters, ravers, panhandlers, and hustlers, making a scene on the subway when all you want to do is get home in peace. Yes, it’s bothersome. No, it does not warrant a fucking death sentence, handed out by some bored ex-military who craves an adrenaline rush.

If this guy gets off, where does it end? Are we now allowed to shoot, stab, or choke out anyone who alarms us? Am I allowed to snap the neck of anyone who walks up beside someone else on an escalator and then stops, so no one else can get by? How about the next time I see someone taking up two seats on a crowded car, I just set him on fire? Why not? It’s a public safety thing. The fewer people standing in a moving subway car, the safer we all are. Or if someone is singing loud with headphones on, can I put a pistol under his chin and fire?

“I’m sorry officer, but he was off-key and a little pitchy. This was a public service.”

We need to be very careful about what kind of public behavior is being encouraged, or no one is going to feel safe going anywhere. As long as we accept and reward self-appointed arbiters of who gets to live, we are all at risk.

 

"Someone Get Me Strom Thurmond on the Phone!"

Well, the good news is that Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has finally made it back to Washington, to resume her role in the Senate. The bad news is that she probably ought to be in an assisted living facility. I know the Senate has its share of senior citizens, but from the reports coming out of her camp, she’s going to need more help than the Congressional Page Service can provide.

Senator Feinstein. (Source)

A Rolling Stone story has that she cannot be left alone in the Senate building, so unbeknownst to her, they have a system to ensure she always has an escort. The story also describes how she has trouble retaining information, often asking the same questions in a meeting that she’d asked earlier.

This is a worrying matter because Senators hold a great deal of power, for which they are vetted by the public and voted into office. From the sound of it, California is being represented by an unelected staff, with no more than token input from the elected.

Granted, over a 30-year Senatorial career, her positions should be well-defined. If her staff were to “go rogue,” it would be known immediately.

And we’re not talking about what Republicans say about President Biden. Yes, he’s old too, but you don’t hear any stories coming from the White House about how he’s losing touch with reality. And you can watch him speak and see that there are still plenty of marbles rolling around under that silver hair.

It’s different with Senator Feinstein, for whom it’s clear that she has some cognitive mental issues, like the early onset of Alzheimer’s or dementia, and she needs to step down. But working out how to do that opens up a real bag of chaos.

Usually with dementia patients, their long-term memories remain intact but they can’t remember what happened just minutes earlier. They know who they are but don’t know what they had for breakfast.

So for Senator Feinstein to come to the decision to step down, she’s going to have to understand why, accept it, and remember it!

It’s not hard to conceive of her waking up every day, following such a retirement, and expecting to go into the Capitol building and go to work. Every day, someone may have to remind her that she’s not a Senator anymore. It’s a tough proposition.

With the presidency, you have the 25^th Amendment, which lays out how to remove a president for medical reasons or their judgment is compromised. There’s no such thing with Congress so you have to be careful when wresting political titles away from people. (Sure, their party may be able to force them out, but that’s an awfully big gamble that can have “Backfire” written all over it.)

After all, the people of California knew she was old when they reelected her to her most recent term. I don’t live in California, but I expect she must have done some kind of campaigning. Maybe a resident can let me know. Was she out on the campaign trail, or did they just run a lot of commercials with gauzy photographs of the Senator, with a voice-over about her past service?

Regardless, she WAS elected. But geez, it looks like her time has come and gone, and we need to get a more active and effective Senator in there, whose head is in the political game and not wondering why the darn clicker won’t work. The country needs its full allotment of Senators available for voting on the issues of the day. If someone can’t meet that criteria, they need to step aside for someone who can.

***

Don’t Fall For It!

Presidential candidate Nikki Haley is trying to tamp down expectations that a new Republican president will be able to impose a national abortion ban. She mentions that it’s not something that can be done via executive order, so it would need a law passed. To do so would require a large Republican majority in the House and 60 seats in the Senate, to overcome the inevitable filibuster. And she is exactly right.

Here’s why it doesn’t make me feel any better. What I think she’s trying to do is play to Independents, centrist Democrats, and Republicans concerned with reproductive freedom. It’s an attempt to neuter the Democrat's biggest, fattest, juiciest campaign issue. She wants to make these groups less wary of a Republican-run government, especially one not run by an orange nutbag.

But the thing is, none of those facts mean the Republicans won’t still try to pull off a national abortion ban. They may not be able to do it in one grand gesture, but then can still do like they’ve been doing the last 50 years and nibble around the edges until they’ve succeeded in making the procedure so difficult to obtain, it’s just as effective as a total ban.

Also, don’t forget that with Mitch McConnell back in control of the Senate, they could decide to eliminate the filibuster once and for all, to pass an abortion ban. But I don’t think that’s as likely. McConnell isn’t as tied to the religious dogmatists as he is to the fossil fuel industry. He’s a business guy. If Koch Industries blesses it, he’ll do it. And I think he also realizes that they can’t gerrymander the Senate, so the Democrats can easily return to power and then use the lack of filibuster for their own ends, like maybe putting some teeth into carbon reduction. And that’s something that gives the Koch Brother nightmares.

But the point is, Republicans are tied to the Anti-Choice people, because there just aren’t enough filthy rich bastards to win elections, and they need something on which to campaign to the rest of us, where the implementation won’t cost their donors any money. So no matter what Nikki Haley says, you can’t trust Republicans not to restrict reproductive health care. With the Dodd decision, they are the proverbial dog that finally caught the car… they just don’t know what to do with it once they have it and aren’t looking forward to dealing with the firestorm they created.

Ransom II - Gimme Back My Tax Cuts!

The Democrats have to take the gloves off over this debt ceiling thing. This is what, the third time they’ve pulled this shit in the last 15 years? They don’t give a rip about the deficit when they’re in charge… they raised the debt ceiling three times during TFG’s administration. Any bleating about fiscal responsibility is a mirage. By this point, we know that Republicans only use the debt ceiling as a lever to pry hard-won accomplishments away from Democrats. They Do Not Care about it, not until it’s time for the political theater of the debt ceiling being raised during a Democratic administration. In fact, if the ransom demanded by Republicans were to be paid, it would add hundreds of billions to the deficit.

This time around, they’re taking their marching orders from the fossil fuel industry, and fossil fuel Senators like Joe Manchin, who wants to get rid of all those pesky climate change provisions included in previous legislation passed by Congress and signed by President Biden. And, of course, they want to preserve all the tax cuts for the rich, which passed under TFG.

This is what President Biden proposes to address the deficit:

Now tell me, are there any relevant reasons why these changes shouldn’t be made? And don’t even start with the “job creators” bullshit. We all know what happens when business owners receive a tax windfall; they pocket it. We need to tell these Trickle-Down assholes to Piss up a Rope.

These look like common sense steps designed to benefit 98% of the country. So naturally, you’ll see arguments from Republicans addressing “tax and spend Democrats” and fearmongering that the IRS is coming for YOU. They won’t address the actual proposals because the only thing they can fall back on is that their donors want it, and it is the very reason why they are donors in the first place… to make sure their wealth and projected wealth stay intact. Everything else you hear is designed to deflect you from that point. They have to make you think that things that will help you actually hurt you. And that's why Republicans are so "truth-challenged" in the 21st century, they can't sell the truth.

If only someone could come up with a way to enforce an anti-price-gouging law, then this economy could really hum. But since suppliers and retailers are using the post-COVID supply chain problems to jack up their prices by far more than the amount needed to balance out the issues. You can’t claim that your business is getting hit hard when corporate profits are setting records. But they know most people don’t read the fine print.

But the point remains that the only way to create a solid economy is from the bottom up and not the top down. Seeding the top of the wealth brackets is merely taking “Lucy holding the ball for Charlie Brown” and making it national. We’re still waiting for our benefits from the Republican tax cuts for the rich to reach the rest of us and it will never come.

***

And now this, just because I thought it was funny:

Who’da thought that the Nuge would be canceled in Birmingham, Alabama, of all places? I always thought liberals were strewn across the state like so many raisins in a box of Raisin Bran, but I guess they clumped in Birmingham. 

I bet the people that got this show killed were like, “When Ted hears about this, he’s gonna shit his pants. Again.”

Hate Speech

I should know better than to react to things like this that I see on Facebook, I really should. And I know that this one is so intentionally inflammatory, they might have just called it, “An Ode to Owning the Libs.” And I even scrolled by it at first, thinking, “Ah, what can I even do with this?”

Then as I tried to lose myself in more mindless scrolling, it just kept lingering with me until I began to form a coherent angle for attack. Then I knew I had to scroll back and save it so that I could address it with you:

If it was me who was to name it, I’d call it “An Ode to the Pot Calling the Kettle Black.” As it’s been well established by now, Republican attacks are almost always an admission of their own actions.

It begins in an intentionally aggressive manner with “The Democrat Party…” a construction used by Conserves just to get under the skin of those who use and understand proper English. But that’s a mere nit to pick.

The whole thing boils down to something like this:

[Pouty tween enters the room] “Wah wah wah, the bad people hate us for no reason! Everyone’s against us and nobody cares.” [Stomps off to their room and slams the door.]

It’s funny how it never occurs to the writer or poster that maybe some of their “haters” have a reason for giving them grief. But then that would require “empathy,” a trait that is rarely found in the Republic Party.

Maybe poor people don’t like the rich getting richer at the expense of everyone else and rigging the game, business, politics, whatever, to ensure it stays that way.

Maybe Black people don’t like being persecuted for a few hundred years, the effects of which are still blatantly obvious today with policing and aggressive voter disenfranchisement.

Maybe gay people hated having to live in the closet for centuries for fear of getting the shit kicked out of them or being prohibited from enjoying the same basic human rights as everyone else.

Maybe “feminists” (meaning women who prefer to decide their own life path) don’t like being condemned to being nothing more than mobile, bi-pedal, incubators, who must seek the permission of strange men to determine what they are allowed to do with their own bodies. Depriving self-determinations does not engender good feelings toward the deprivers.

Maybe “environmentalists” (meaning anyone who cares about keeping the planet inhabitable for humans) are tired of watching Republics fight every common sense regulation that keeps poison out of waterways and toxic chemicals out of the air we breathe, for the singular purpose of making even more money.

Maybe “bratty college kids,” (meaning any student who contradicts his parents) are tired of being fed lies and mythology in a vain attempt to keep their heads in the sand, and under parental control well into adulthood.

The Conserves are proposing and passing laws that persecute every one of these social groups and then they stand back and whine about being hated? The gall of it all astonishes me.

There comes a time when people must stand up and say, “Goddammit, enough is enough! We will not let a minority of people inflict their narrow worldview on the majority, all in service of the Almighty Dollar, billions of which are permanently earmarked for the richest 1%.”

And in a misunderstanding that goes back generations, Republics don’t realize that a true journalist’s job is to report the truth. So when The News doesn’t run with Republics’ batshit-crazy conspiracy theories, it’s not persecution, it’s common sense. It’s their solemn responsibility to inform the public about things that are happening. That doesn’t include publishing easily disprovable lies and paranoid delusions.

I will do everything in my power to convince people to vote for Democrats, by pointing out the evil that is currently being conducted in broad view of the American public and disassembling every load of self-serving packs of exaggerations, distortions, and outright lies, like this one.

Are Democrats perfect? Not hardly. But the alternative is scary and bent on embedding their own people in power and pursuing their own narrow agenda, regardless of the majority's will.

Republicans started this “zero-sum” brand of politics back in the 90s. If it’s biting them in the ass now, so be it. I have zero sympathy.

I don’t know if Democrats do or don’t “hate” their political adversaries. But I do know we’ve had enough of their bullshit, and if they don’t like it? Tough.

The “Fuck your Feelings” crowd can go practice what they preach.

OK, I feel better now. I’m glad I got that out of my system. Oh, wait…

 

And Allen West? Go fuck yourself. Dat true too.

 

OK, now I’m good.

  

Where's Nelson Mandela When You Need Him?

In their ongoing campaign to wrest control of elections from voting citizens, the GOP once again showed who they were, last week, when a presenter at a Republican Donor’s Retreat gave a speech on how they needed to “combat” voting on college campuses.

Lawyer, Cleta Mitchell, who has represented Republican organizations, individual lawmakers, and right-wing groups such as the National Rifle Association, said, “"What are these college campus locations? What is this young people effort that they do? They basically put the polling place next to the student dorm so they just have to roll out of bed, vote, and go back to bed."

Cleta, whose name sounds like what you would call a group of Cletuses, thinks it’s a bad thing to make voting too easy. Well, too easy for people unlikely to vote Republican, anyway.

Lest anyone claim that Cleta is some kind of outlier on the subject, note the complete lack of disavowal on the part of national, or any other, Republicans.

They’ve been working on stamping out college voting for some time now… There have been 11 states, so far, with proposals to eliminate the use of college IDs, tuition, or housing receipts as voter IDs. Texas is considering a bill that would ban college campuses as polling places.

This is what you need to throw in the face of the next person who tells you that voter ID requirements are merely a way to fight election fraud. When you look at these actions, there is zero content that addresses fraud; it’s 100% voter suppression.

It’s obvious that Republicans have no interest in trying to persuade young people that their ideas are better. They’re just going straight to preventing the perceived opposition from voting by any means necessary. And I understand that, given their toxic policy intentions. It’s hard to sell the continued protection and enrichment of the 1%, forced births, White supremacy, and evangelical Christianity.

Republicans know that young people are especially butt-stung over Dodd and the toppling of Roe, and are not thrilled by being so aggressively disenfranchised, so they have to find some way to overcome the severe unpopularity of their platform. How else can they ensure that the views of 30% of the country, or less, take precedence over those of the rest of us?

Between this voter suppression, closing and under-staffing voting precincts, gerrymandering, packing the courts with ideologues who are happy to ignore case law to bless their noxious legislation, and running candidates who plan to switch parties, the GOP is working overtime with their efforts to turn the future USA into the old RSA. What’s the redneck word for “apartheid?” Anyone? I’m sure they’ll let us know soon enough.

***

Ohio, desperate not to let Texas surpass them in red state ratfuckery, is trying to sabotage a possible state constitutional amendment to support reproductive rights because they know it would pass easily.

They’re taking a two-pronged approach:

·         Proposing a hurry-up referendum to change the threshold to pass further referendums from 50% to 60%.

·         Holding that election in August, when the expected turnout is light. The Religious wingnuts will be sure to show up. Politically passive people may not even know what’s at stake and the Republican State government will ensure it stays that way. They’re counting on “election fatigue” to weed out the casual supporters.

So then, if it passes, it will be that much harder for the majority to see their collective will translated into reproductive freedom and minority rule will be enshrined into Ohio law.

***

Lest we completely succumb to the bleakness that is the current political landscape, there IS some good news to be found today.

“Ding dong, the whiney little bitch is dead.”

Now, I’m as happy as anyone to see that pious, pampered piece of monkey shit gone from his lair at Fox, we can’t get too far ahead of ourselves. They’ll just pop another talking head in there who will spew the same lies and misinformation, and pretty soon, he or she will be the next Worst Person in the World. But still, we can at least have a moment.

“People familiar with the situation” say that his firing came straight from Rupert Murdoch and is related to a discrimination suit filed against them by former producer, Abby Grossman.

I think there has to be more to it. Fox has been dancing with these kinds of lawsuits for years. It would take a lot for them to can the face of their network. I’m sure the Dominion lawsuit didn’t help, but he wasn’t the only one that came out of those depositions looking like a schmuck.

No, I think there has to be something more going on behind the scenes. I mean, all we have to go on is what the people at Fox are saying… and since when can we trust THEM to tell a painful truth about themselves?

Maybe he’s been believing his own bullshit for so long, he’s going to mimic his beloved/behated orange idol and make a run for office, maybe even president.

Then again, that’s a pretty remote possibility. I don’t think he could handle the kind of scrutiny that comes with a run for office. He certainly couldn’t run against TFG… he’d get mincemeat made out of him. There’s too much footage of Tucker fawning at the altar of Trump that could be used to cut him off at the knees.

Anyway, I expect there will be more information forthcoming, be it from the inevitable leaks, or legitimate investigative reporting.

Man, I hope it’s someone who has embarrassing pictures on him…