Thursday, March 6, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Some people used their real picture, but I never did. I wasn’t ready to be THAT honest…
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Maybe you’ve noticed, or maybe you haven’t, but I’ve slowed down my posting schedule. There are several reason, only one of which is the dreaded Winter Blahs.
The primary reason is more technical. I’m putting up this post via iPad, because after almost 10 solid years, my trusty XP-running PC has finally given up the ghost. (Or “data,” if you will.) The power went out to my building last Monday, and when it came back on, my PC was left unresponsive.
That’s happened before, and I’ve always been able to bring it back to life.
Not this time, however (or I would have photoshopped my PC into that shot). But it’s really all well and good, because as you know, Microsoft is discontinuing support for the XP operating system in April, meaning I would be without security updates from then on. The Internet has been rife with predictions of horror and evil waiting to be loosed upon the XP clingers, like the hot lava from Mt. St. Helens on those that refused to get off the volcano.
So I knew I’d have to get a new PC anyway… and now my hand has been forced. It’s not like I wasn’t looking forward to a newer, faster computer. My current PC is maddening in its slowness. Whenever I want to do something, it always seems to need tofuriously do something ELSE, which uses up all its memory and speed.
One of the reasons I’ve been putting off replacing it has been my apprehension about being able to carry over bookmarks, emails and email addresses. I’ve got 10 years’ worth of shit on that box. The hard files like pictures, videos, spreadsheets and all my blog post drafts have been backed up, so I won’t lose those. [knocks wood frantically]
What I have to say goodbye to is a ton of past communication. Oh, I know I could hire the Geek Squad to resurrect my hard drive and squeeze out my email records, but I probably won’t do that. I’ll start fresh… but that means I’ll have to rebuild my cache of email addresses.
Family will be easy… I’ll just mine the addresses out of the jokes my dad sends to everyone he’s ever met. It’s your address that might take some doing. I have the addresses to some of yinz on my work computer and others in my Yahoo account, which I can access from my iPad. Short of that, I may eventually send out a plea via blog or twitter. So I’ll work it out.
But it’s kind of easier this way. Now that I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to bring all that stuff over to a new drive, I can just get on with updating my hardware.
The other barrier was that I don’t want to deal with Windows 8. I’m no computer genius, but I know what I like. I’ll save all the touch screen bullshit for phones and tablets. (Well, other people’s phones, anyway. Love my 2006 flip-phone!) When I want to write something, or work on spreadsheets or photo editing, I want a big, honkin’ desktop, a keyboard, and a mouse on a decorative mouse pad. Call me when they come out with the3-D holographic interface I can manipulate with my hands, like in every futuristic movie and TV show from the last 10 years.
So then I read that you can still find PCs with Windows 7, if you search online. I found that while Best Buy didn’t have any on their sales floor, I could order one from them on their website. So I did; delivery should be later this week, or early next week.
Then, I’ll have to try to remember all the bells and whistles I’d like to continue to use, that I put on the last unit. (Hello Google Chrome!) The problem will be figuring out where I got them. I’m a good one for reading about a hot new app, clicking a link in the article to download it, and then discarding any record of what I just did.
More importantly, I have to get the thing hooked up to the internet. Gah! I hope it’s easier now than it was 10 years ago, when I had to enter all this connectivity information, just to get my Outlook working with my email providers. Seriously, I don’t have that information any more. If I can’t successfully Google it, I WILL have to call in the Geek Squad.
I also have to secure new versions of the MS Office apps, and a new photoshop program. I’m pretty sure my Paintshop Pro 7 won’t boot up on Windows 7. (It wouldn’t when I tried to have our Tech Support put it on my Windows 7 work PC.)
So seriously, I have my work cut out for me. If you don’t hear from me for a while, send in the Geeks!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
The FDA approved a camera-pill, which can be used for colonoscopies in certain cases. “Certain cases” is defined as “those who have trouble undergoing standard colonoscopies.” And I would define that as “anyone who doesn’t want 47 feet of pipe rammed up his ass.” I suppose that would become a problem when said person is strong enough in his conviction that his rectum exhibits the closing force of a crocodile’s jaws.
As a 50+ year old dude, I know I am overdue for a colonoscopy. So now, all I have to do now is wait a bit longer, until over-the-counter colon-cams become a “thing.” And then how much longer can it possibly be before you can follow the cam’s progress on your iPhone? I can’t wait to see the Google Doodle on the day that app comes out…
As comic Richard Belzer once said to his doctor, “Here’s 20 bucks; stay out of my ass.”
If You Can't Beat'em, Screw'em
Because Republicans apparently don’t believe they can win elections based on ideas or policy, they’ve fallen back on their old standby, dirty tricks. What they’ve done this time is set up a series of websites that look like they support the Democrat in a race, but in fact, all donations go to the Republican opponent. The disclosure appears in the small print at the bottom, (which approximately no one reads).
The funny thing is; we’re not even talking about a staff flunky on some local candidate’s campaign team. These sites were launched by the National Republican Congressional Committee. So what does that say about how they view their chances?
Rather than put forth viable solutions to unemployment and crumbling, they use trickery and misdirection to fund campaigns based on fear and self-righteousness. As far as I’m concerned, these actions are criminal. But that’s not the kind of “election fraud” conservatives are trying to root out when they’re kicking the young, old and poor off of voter rolls.
Miley Cyrus Hates Your Kids
The twerking, tongue-protruding pop singer was interviewed recently in W Magazine, and had some interesting things to say about her original fans.
“I don’t love kids. I don’t love them because, I mean, I think I was around too many kids at one point… They’re so fucking mean.
“Sometimes I hear kids with their parents, and I want to go over and, like, smack them myself. Like if they meet me, they’ll be like, ‘Mom, don’t you know how to use an iPhone? Like, can you take the picture?’ I’m like, ‘Dude, if I ever talked to my mom like that when I was a kid, I would have had no phone, no computer, no TV, no anything.’ And so yeah, kids are just mean.”
I don’t know what the world is coming to when I agree with Miley Cyrus. No, not that I want to smack your kids. I realize that there are lots of kids who are kind, respectful and polite. But when I used to manage record stores, I also saw a LOT of kids that needed a good smack for talking so disrespectfully to their parents.
I used to see it all the time…
“Come on, Mom, don’t you know anything??”
And that wasn’t even from a teenager… this was from a grade-schooler. No way I’d ever get away with talking down to my parents like that. (At least until I grew taller than them, in which case it was unavoidable. Ha!)
I think it’s even worse now, what with kids’ eroding social skills caused by iPhone/video game addiction. Anyway, all I could think of was that old bit from “Bill Cosby: Himself,” where he imitated his wife’s ravings after she administered the nightly beatings to their “brain damaged children:”
“You think I carried you inside my body for nine months so you could roll your eyes at me? I’ll roll that little head of yours on the floor. You don’t know who you’re dealing with. I’ll beat you ‘til you can’t grow anymore.”
Grain and Bear It
I saw an article in today’s Baltimore Sun where the Maryland state senate has passed alaw banning the sale of 190-proof grain alcohol. Normally I’m not a fan of banning things, but I think they have a point here.
There are very few benign uses for grain alcohol, and is overwhelmingly used to get college students blasted out of their minds… usually mixed in a fruity punch. Call it a date-rape cocktail.
I had an experience with that stuff once, when I was given a drink called “Hairy Buffalo.” (That night is featured in one of my better stories.). One glass of that and I was the walking dead for the rest of the night… the walking, tumbling, hurling dead.
I say, if you’re going to get drunk, do it honestly and purposefully. Make the decision, impaired or not, to continue drinking. Because it takes longer, there’s a chance that someone may intervene. Ideally, you just cop a nice buzz, and ride it out. A one-drink knockout punch prevents that, and then once you’re FUBAR, anything can happen to you.
I feel the same way about 151-proof rum. Back in my college years, I used to get blasted on that stuff too, and to this day, I still can’t stand even the smell of rum. In my book, there’s no reason for either of those liquors to exist.
As long as there’s bubblegum and icing flavored vodkas, frat boys will still be able to get the sorority girls drunk.