Threshold

As of today’s writing, we’re right up to the door, through which we’ll soon meet our new reality. Tomorrow’s election (that has been going on for over a month) will show us whether we’re still a nation of laws or if we’ve become a military state.

Regardless of the personalities involved, the midterm elections contain crystal-clear choices: either we vote for an authoritarian dictatorship in the making and those who have supported it, or for those who still, at least marginally, work for the American people.

The last two years have witnessed a disinformation campaign, the likes of which have never been seen since the 1930s.

When in doubt, ask an actual Liberal; don’t take the word of the Conservative Media Bubble.

All they have to run on are lies and smears, so that’s what they do. It’s up to us to combat their lies with facts.

What Republicans want for this country is not good for its citizens. Look at this new report:

Is that not the literal definition of modern Republican philosophy? Screw “The People” so we get a more profitable quarterly report. I don’t know what air these bloodless business barons think they’re going to breathe once the atmosphere turns to hot pudding. Maybe they have a special bio-dome built under Branson, MO, set up as a rich man’s refuge.

The president has said that he wants his minions to vote as if he’s on the ballot. He should be more careful what he wishes for because everyone else can take him up on that. I don’t know if there’s ever been a more reprehensible political figure in America than this guy. What exactly are his merits?

 And this is just the short list.

Once the vote totals start rolling in, we’ll finally see how they really intend to nullify the will of The People. This is one indicator, coming from the White House Chief of Staff:

:

More granularly, it might look like this:

It’ll be easy to convince his 30% MAGA alliance; the rest of us won’t buy it. That may be where the military comes in. He’s already made it known to the military leaders who are left (after yet another purge of leadership) that they should prepare for deployment on American soil. This is why.

When there are inevitable protests, he’ll send in the military to bust them up, literally. It won’t matter if the protests are peaceful; his soldiers will guarantee that they’re not. And that will provide his “cover,” shaky as it is, for declaring martial law and attempting to nullify the elections. Is that legal? Hell no. But who’s going to stop it? They’ve already weeded out anyone they suspect of having enough backbone to disregard illegal orders.

All he needs to do is create enough chaos to create an “emergency” he can use. It may not work long-term, but it will also serve as a beta test for 2028, when he’s due to leave office. I’ll say it again: He will never leave office willingly, not without trying all manner of disruption, with no angle off the table. Why do you think he’s so keen on that ballroom with its fortified bunker and his gunner’s nest / self-congratulatory arch?

So, anything that goes wrong can be planned for and addressed for the next go-round. For example, judges that rule against his plans may experience one of those “accidental” falls from a high window. And maybe there’s another “emergency” that he can use to convince enough members of Congress that replacement judges don’t really need Senate approval. He and Steven Miller have two years to work on it. That is, of course, unless Mother Nature or a high-fat, high-density diet render the point moot.

I’m also seeing a great deal of speculation on social media about his plans for Iran in the near future. (Like tomorrow night or Wednesday.) Multiple sources have made it known that he will be targeting civilian populations and infrastructure with serious bombing that may include nukes. Senator Chris Murphy emerged from a high-level briefing, looking shaken, and said that the Administration’s plans for Iran are “insane” and will “lead to devastating escalation and the likely destruction of our commitment to the rule of law.”

Understand that the use of nukes may prompt other nuclear powers with ties to Iran to retaliate with nukes of their own, maybe even on US soil. Or they may just unleash computer attacks on our electrical grid and plumbing systems.

Consider that the military has recently conducted drills on how to dig mass graves. Maybe that’s for Iran, maybe for here. We also know that there have been orders for military bases to create plans to operate without grid-provided power for up to 90 days. Whatever is going on, they’re trying to prepare the military for the worst-case scenario. And note that there have NOT been any briefings for the public. They must figure we’ll just have to fight it out on the streets, Mad Max style.

Or just make it easy on them and die en masse, making it that much simpler for them to rule over the ashes.

Remember that this whole scenario was created by the president, himself, when he tore up Obama’s agreement with Iran, which contained terms that we would be delighted to see back in force. Terms that were obtained without shedding a single drop of blood, and more importantly, were working. Part of those terms were regular, unlimited, on-site inspections by monitors.

Look at the terms of the Obama agreement versus the last deal this Administration proposed for a ceasefire:

And here’s more on the costs involved, human lives and otherwise:

So there would be no need for all the posturing about Iran having nukes if he hadn’t been so butt-hurt over an Obama success, and created the “emergency” he now claims he needs war to remedy.

So remember this when voting, if you haven’t already. And if you have, remember this when the Republicans start bellyaching about how long the vote count takes, and that because it takes “too long” it must be fraudulent. They created that situation too!

Once again, they created a set of circumstances for the express purpose of using it to dispute an outcome they don’t like. Are those the kind of people you want running the country?

See you on the other side.

RIP

Oh, one more thing… My Pittsburgh community lost an idol last week with the passing of rock star, Donny Iris.

I got to see Donny twice; once in a small Toledo club in 1984, then again at my college’s arena in 1985. Both shows were stellar. Donny had some amazing pipes that could nail that high note time after time. Most people, if they know him, know the songs “Ah Leah” or “Love Is Like a Rock.” One of my favorites was the title track to his third solo album, “The High and The Mighty,” which features an incredible rock n roll scream, which he hit spot-on when I saw him. Check out the first 20 seconds:

Day-After Update

I was up until two in the morning last night watching Americans turn the House and Senate blue in a complete shellacking of Donald Trump and the Republicans. I was all, “AMERICA!”

There is no other way to read this but as a complete and total repudiation of this president and everything he’s doing to the country.

The results were so complete and thorough that there’s no way to claim foul play. Perhaps the word had gotten through in the preceding week; he almost seemed resigned to his ass-whipping. There were no ICE agents at polling places, as many (including myself) thought there would be. And in his online and Fox “News” communications last night, he was more concerned with ducking the blame than contesting the results.

When I went to bed, (and now as well), the Dems had 54 Senators, with a chance to pick up two more in Alaska and Mississippi (of all places). Every one is important because that's one more who Special Interests have to buy off to ensure that no major changes get passed. (See: Manchin, Sinema.)

Now we’ll see how he’ll react to his new station in life. All this war escalation talk could just be another TACO moment. OR, he could be ready to “punish” Americans for rejecting him and go full throttle, damn the consequences to Americans. We’ll see.

But in the meantime, “Well done, America.”

Fuck yeah.

The 2026 Beta Test

Despite the serious intonations of wizened media types, I remain unshaken in my belief that there will be a massive attempt to steal the midterm elections, and it will probably succeed. I agree with Nobel-winning economist Paul Krugman:

The plain truth is that all the main players in this administration know that without control of Congress, their options for remaking this country into the Fifth Reich will be limited to Executive Orders, which can be easily reversed by a subsequent administration.

They also know that a Democratic Congress means investigations out the wazoo, and in this round, the prosecutors will have things like “evidence” and “proof.” Democrats may not be able to get the Orange Cretin out of the office, because the Senate will be unlikely to convict (short of a Democratic sweep this November), but they can get some of these fake-patriot clowns to make a public vote in support of the most unpopular president in history.

So, the Felonious Guy might not care about maintaining a Republican Congress in a general sense, but he understands that things will be tougher on him without one. He’ll be motivated to do whatever it takes to claim victory in the fall elections. A Republican Congress will also make things easier for him to create a third term as president. Having guys “on the inside” always does.

Yes, I know that many of the ploys the MAGA types intend to use are illegal; it’s just that it won’t matter. Take, for example, the idea of sending ICE into urban voting centers. They could quite possibly prevent Latin Americans from voting, as well as any other brown person with an accent. No one is going to risk their life and livelihood just to cast a vote in a midterm election.

Is that illegal? Sure it is. But once it’s done, it can’t be undone. Votes will be prevented, courts will say it was illegal, but there won’t be any recourse. Do you seriously think the current court system will allow an additional voting day to remedy the problem? Hell no. The Justice Department won’t even pursue the charges.

That’s their ace in the hole. Republicans own Justice, and the highest court will back them up. The only illegal actions are those that these conservative toadies SAY are illegal, Constitution be damned. There’s always a way to cherry-pick a decision so it only counts in a particular case. And the Court has already shown that they will play either side of a principle, depending on which way favors Republicans. They are not interested in consistency; they’re interested in acquiring and maintaining power, specifically power of rich, white, pseudo-Christian men over women, immigrants, non-Christians, and people of color.

It’s a similar situation if he can gum up voting by mail. If his minions at the Post Office can just delay ballot mailings to (or from) key zip codes, that’s all it will take. Again, the damage will be done with no chance for remedy. They won’t allow more time; hell, they fight the current grace period as it is (to count votes mailed by the deadline but not yet delivered).

Also note that some say curtailing mail-in voting will hurt Republicans too. I disagree because they have an easy workaround, as I side-swiped in the previous paragraph. They don’t have to kill ALL ballots. It’s certainly within their capability to curtail ballots going to and from key zip codes or precincts. Detroit can expect a trickle of ballots, but I bet Kansas will find clear sailing.

This Administration is going to fight against fair elections in every way they can imagine, and dare anyone to challenge them. Again, to whom are you going to complain? They run the power structure.

Unfortunately, I have no idea how to combat this, other than calling it all out as often as possible. I suppose state or local government could call out the National Guard or police to run interference at the polls, but I just can’t see that happening. I think it’s more likely that the Guard and the cops will side with ICE, if only for a chance to use their cool new electrocution gloves.

This fall will be a trial run for 2028. If the Republicans can pull off a coup here and avoid seating a Democratic majority, a third Trump term will be a done deal. The 2026 midterms are the beta test. The president will do everything in his power to avoid losing the protections of the office because he knows that he, his family, and his inner circle are likely to go to jail. He has zero incentive to respect the rules of our democracy and every motivation to burrow into the White House like a tick.

I would love to be wrong about all this; I really would. We’ll know for sure in a couple of months.

 

In Other News: RIP

Wow, it’s been a real bumper crop of celebrity deaths in the last weeks.

Frank Beard, drummer for ZZ Top. I’ve been listening to ZZ Top for almost as long as they’ve been around, over 50 years, at least. I always loved his drum fill right as the main riff for La Grange kicks in. Ironically, so many of his obits list his credits on Gimme All Your Lovin’, Sharp Dressed Man, and Legs, because they’re all from the album where they used a drum machine in the studio.

Hayden Panettiere, actress best known (to me) as the indestructible cheerleader on Heroes. It’s such a shame when someone so young passes. I haven’t seen an official cause of death but I’m guessing it’s a delayed reaction from being crushed under the weight of her giant, heavyweight boxing champion ex-husband.

Dolly Parton, singer, saint. Geez, who doesn’t love Dolly? I look at Dolly the way I look at Taylor Swift. She didn’t make my kind of music, but I admired the hell out of the person she was. She did more good work in a morning than most politicians do in their whole careers.

Tim Curry, actor, singer. Are they really sure he’s dead? They thought Pennywise was dead too, but he always comes back.

Jaye P Morgan, singer, game show panelist. I had a big crush on Jaye P during my early teen years, from her appearances on The Gong Show, because she was sexy, witty, and bawdy. Might have been my first “MILF,” had I even known what that was in the late 70s. I imagine her carrying on right now, with Gene Gene the Dancing Machine.

Super Bowling 2026

Welp, there’s another Super Bowl in the books. Might as well talk about it. (The viewing experience, not the actual game. There are sports pages for that.)

I don’t like either team, so I didn’t have much of a stake in the game. I no longer hate the Patriots like I used to when they had coach Belichick and Tom Brady. And I’m still annoyed about how the Seahawks fans bellyached about the officials for the next 20 years after the Super Bowl they lost to my Pittsburgh Steelers in 2006. Nevertheless, my self-interest won out over the other concerns.

I rooted for the Seahawks solely because I didn’t want the Patriots to win their 7th Super Bowl, which would surpass the number of wins by the Steelers.

My family and I actually attended that Super Bowl in Detroit; it was a lifetime dream, but one I wouldn’t care to repeat. It was insanely expensive then; end-zone tickets with a $600 face value cost us $2600 via ticket brokers. It’s more than double that now and basically cost-prohibitive for the average fan, which is a cryin’ shame but a sign of our modern times. And it’s a big risk too. It’s worth every penny when your team wins, but to spend that kind of dough to see your guys lose? That’s a real kick in the gut that I was lucky to avoid.

But I digress.

Most of the attention for this year’s game was about the halftime show, which featured a Puerto Rican artist named Bad Bunny. This distressed the president so much that his people created an alternate halftime show, because, you know, maybe speaking Spanish is contagious? The alternate show featured washed-up white rap guy Kid Rock and some other irrelevant white country singers.

After the show, TFG started putting out his numerous complaints about the original halftime show via Truth Social, which just goes to show that he didn’t want to watch Kid Rock either. He’d rather complain about foreigners than watch something he’s supposed to enjoy.

Before this halftime act was announced, I had never even heard of the headliner. The only Bad Bunny I knew was this one:

Run away! Run away!

Now, Bad Bunny wasn’t the halftime act I wanted to see either. But the cold, hard fact is that none of the acts in the past 10-15 years have been ones I’d pick. And that’s because I’m an old white guy who loves rock n roll, and I’m no longer the prime demographic for these things. I’m still upset that AC/DC has never done a halftime show, despite the fact that their music is played during games at every stadium across the country. Granted, they’re even older than I am, so their opportunity for that has passed. But I think George Thorogood could still put on a great halftime show. That’s football music! And when the Super Bowl was in Texas, they should have booked ZZ Top. They would have rocked the house for sure.

But the modern halftime shows are more about spectacle than the music. The dance routines are complicated, and the sets are elaborate. There are always a few random celebrities who pop up out of nowhere. Even if I’m not thrilled with the music, I enjoy watching the choreography and intricacy of the staging. A lot goes into it.

When I went to my Super Bowl, the Rolling Stones were the act. They basically rolled out a big stage in the shape of their logo, played three songs, and were done. It was like an extended appearance on SNL.

The stage, from our end-zone vantage point.

It was still impressive to see all the work that went into setting up that stage on the field and then getting rid of it just as quickly. I can only imagine how tough it was to put up yesterday’s stage with the tall sugar cane and all the levels.

The rehearsals must have been extensive as well. Did you notice that it was mostly filmed by a single camera, which had to move backwards throughout the entire set to allow the star to be filmed head-on as he walked about the stage? That takes some practice for all involved. I was impressed.

One thing I wished they would have done is identify the people who made cameos. When Lady Gaga came on, I thought it might be her, but I wasn’t sure. I had no idea who the guy was (who turned out to be Ricky Martin), but I figured he was somebody. He just wasn’t someone I knew on sight. Would it be so bad to flash their names on the screen for a second or two?

But as for getting so butt-stung over a halftime show that you need to find an alternate show? That’s insane. Jesus H. Christ, just go to the can or get some snacks or something. It’s just not that big of a deal. Life goes on despite its little irritations. Maybe if some of us weren’t so used to getting our way on everything, we’d be better at coping with disappointment.

I think the president has his minions so programmed to feel they are obligated to be given whatever they desire that they don’t even see how unusual that is. So now it’s “Immigrants have deprived me of the halftime show I want to see!” From there, they get to claim “victimhood,” which is a basic tenet of being MAGA. Every controversy is a race to claim injury and demand retribution. It’s a tailor-made distraction from the ongoing Epstein whitewashing saga.

Also, if Puerto Rico is an American territory, can there really be Puerto Rican immigrants? Um, no. But they’re brown and speak another language, so MAGA can conveniently label them as “other,” and therefore a threat.

So, we survived another national event. Apparently, there wasn’t an onslaught of ICEholes at the stadium after all, so we were spared having to watch people being dragged off to parts unknown. Maybe the Administration figured that if they could afford the massive cost of the tickets, they must have money, which makes them HIS people. He’s probably looking into giving them tax cuts right now.

We're There

 I don’t see how anyone with eyes can miss that we have arrived at a fully Fascist state of federal government. All the pieces keep piling up, and the conditions are getting checked off one by one.

Authoritarian rule. We see this in every aspect of TFG’s actions, from the obligatory adulation required of his cabinet meeting attendees, to the massive banners with his face on them, to placing toadies in leadership positions in the military, Justice Department, and even the Supreme Court, whose only required qualification is loyalty to him, to assuming control of even the entertainment venues like the Kennedy Center so none of his critics have a platform in town, and much more.

Extreme nationalism. We see the blatant “Christian” nationalism all over his immigration policies, namely, conducting large sweeps to round up all the brown people who speak with an accent and send them to foreign black sites for the kind of systematic torture we once used only on known terrorists. And while they SAID they were going after criminals, their actions have shown that breaking the law is a secondary concern compared to getting rid of foreigners. This also includes foreigners from allied countries who are here to spend money training Americans to work in the factory they are building. That project is now like those foreigners: gone. This administration revels in cutting off its nose to spite its face if it means they get to make their projected numbers of deportations.

Suppression of dissent. They just showed their hand in the last two weeks, didn’t they, with the demanded firing of Steven Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel. Additionally, there are lawsuits against the New York Times and other outlets that publish content displeasing to the Orange King. Now they’re coming for the comedians. There’s nothing fascists like less than being mocked. The mockers are still out there (for the time being). We’ll see how long it is before they start picking up the individuals rather than merely stealing their microphones. The death of Charlie Kirk thrust into the spotlight the raging double standard between when one of their guys kills someone and they mock the deceased, versus when one of their guys gets killed and they demand blind tribute. It’s truly staggering lack of self-awareness when they celebrate the hateful words of one of their heroes, but then, when an adversary merely quotes what their hero said, they get fired.

Also note that when what appears as “dissension” bubbles up from within, in the form of research studies that conclude something that makes them look bad, they don’t fix their actions; they change or bury the report.

This works with economic news as well as investigations into the world’s largest pedophile ring.

Glorification of violence. TFG has his own loyal army now, each soldier with no identity, no official orders, and no oversight. All they have to do is be loyal, instill fear, and kidnap some people from public streets, schools, churches, courthouses, and Home Depot parking lots, for delivery to dungeonesque holding sites. The private army is how he gets around the Posse Comitatus Act (wherein the US Military is forbidden to be used on American soil against its people). Meanwhile, on-air personnel for the favored State-Run Broadcasting company espouse the random execution of homeless people, which causes zero “official” backlash. The terror and violence are the point. It allows them to make even bolder moves with impunity. Many of us are against such Fascism. Not as many are willing to take a bullet to the head over it.

Scapegoating. This has always been a main part of the Republican Playbook. Whatever happens, they blame someone else. It’s Black people, or Muslims, Latinos, or gang-bangers, liberal professors, gay people, trans people, and most of all, Democrats. It’s never the fault of the white, male, conservative, even when the most damning of evidence is clear to see. A guy in a MAGA hat with a Trump sticker on his AR-15 and a “Fuck their Feelings” bumper sticker on his Ford F-350, with Fox News blasting from external speakers, could shoot up a parking lot filled with nuns, and Republicans would blame a gay classmate he had 15 years ago. That’s the Republican Way. Nothing is their fault; everything is their opponent’s fault. Repeat indefinitely.

There are also some hallmarks we’ve passed that weren’t on the first graphic, like:

Openly grifting. It’s "hands out" for everyone on the team. Just like with the Mob, bring in any scam you can think of, as long as the Boss gets a taste.

And then the hand-picked lackey running Justice has no other priority than to do the president’s bidding, which is prosecuting anyone who ever made him look bad. It doesn’t matter if there’s ever been a crime committed or if there’s any evidence. What matters is getting the case in front of the public, preferably before a Trump-associated judge who will give the prosecution every advantage. Making life tough for one’s enemies makes others think twice before becoming one of them.

But only they get to receive such largesse.

They’re happy to dismiss a resolved suit when military veterans were due to receive compensation from the credit union that screwed them out of millions. Big corporations and their executives are the only ones allowed to receive such a windfall. The rest of us are merely here to be used as natural resources.

Secrecy

It’s ironic that their use of non-secure public chat applications is what keeps their evil machinations secret from the public.

Presidential administrations are required to keep records of all conversations, emails, and texts for the permanent historical record. That’s the last thing they want, so they use “disappearing” text apps so their words only appear temporarily, and there’s no record that can be used later to jam them up in court. And the only reason we even know about it is that they’re too stupid to use it properly. Remember when someone from the DoD (sorry, I mean the DoW) accidentally sent their battle plans to a reporter? That was a firestorm for about ten minutes. I’m sure they’re back to doing the same thing now, only someone probably had their teenage son set up a distribution list for them.

The Department of War has also just instituted a required oath from beat reporters that they swear they won’t report anything that’s not cleared by the brass for release, which means nothing useful whatsoever. Just the company line. That’s not how Freedom of the Press works. But they don’t care about the First Amendment outside of how they wave it overhead to cover their own calls to violence, and disregard it when a comedian gets under their skin.

So, to sum up:

Whatever you wish the Germans did in 1933, it’s time to do that here, now.

 

Completely Unrelated Note

Lastly, to pull out of this dive-bomb of a bummer post, let me wish a Happy 67^th Birthday to my forever Queen of Rock' n Roll, Joan Jett. I got to meet her several times, and she was always a real joy and super kind to her fans, even if she didn’t know what to do with the birthday card I handed her, moments before she took the stage in Cleveland.

A Cut to Higher Education That Really Hurts

We’ve had a lot of noteworthy deaths recently (sadly, not him), but none really hit me hard. There was Ozzy Osbourne (Prince of Darkness) followed by Chuck Mangione (Prince of Flugelhorn). I liked a couple of Ozzy songs, but he wasn’t a big favorite, and that Mangione song was pretty nice, back in the 80s, so I was like, “Whatevs.” Then Hulk Hogan went and again, no big deal to me. I figure the biggest impact his passing has will be on the sales of tear-away t-shirts and spray-tan supplies.

Then today, I got word of a passing that really hurt. Many people will be like, “Whatevs,” and many more will be like, “Who?” But today, I must mourn the passing of a legend of musical satire and wordplay, Tom Lehrer.

Lehrer was a Harvard math professor who, in the 50s and 60s, became an underground musical hit, mostly in academic circles. (Full bio in the link above.) He was what you’d get if you crossed William F Buckley with Weird Al Yankovic. He played nightclubs and auditoria, and toured the world performing low-brow humor for high-brow crowds. He also wrote a couple of songs for the old kids’ show, “The Electric Company.” This is a bigger hit to academia than the destruction of the Department of Education

My parents had a Tom Lehrer record that I remember from when I was in first and second grade, simply called “Songs by Tom Lehrer.” It was just him and a piano, and I loved listening to it because it sounded like so much fun. He frequently used different accents when it suited the song, and the music could be quite rollicking. Back then, I mostly had no idea what the songs were really about, so I’d ask questions.

“Mommy, what does plagiarize mean?”

That was from a song called Lobachevski, about a Russian mathematician who encourages and celebrates the copying of others’ work. He sang it with a Russian accent, which I could identify because I often heard it from “Boris Badenov” on the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons, and it had a marvelous Russian-style rhythm to it, often punctuated with cries of “Aye!”

I learned a lot of other words that were far from standard lower-elementary vocabulary lists, and I’m sure it contributed to my lifelong pursuit of wordplay, clever turns of phrase, and tortured rhymes. But more on that in a minute.

It also began honing my appreciation for the taboo, like with the song called “Be Prepared.” If that sounds familiar, it got name-checked in the classic action movie, Speed, when Dennis Hopper tells Keanu Reeves, “Be prepared, Jack, that’s the Boy Scouts’ marching song.” That’s ripped right from the opening line of the song, which goes on to cast aspersions upon the hallowed scout troops:

“Be prepared, that’s the Boy Scout’s solemn creed,

Be prepared, and be clean in word and deed,

Don’t solicit for your sister, that’s not nice...

Unless you get a good percentage of her price!

[Snip to the big finale]

“If you’re looking for adventure of a new and different kind,

And you come across a Girl Scout who is similarly inclined,

Don’t be nervous, don’t be flustered, don’t be scared,

Be Prepared!”

I read that this was the one that got him in the most trouble. In fact, there were some markets where they wouldn’t allow him to play unless he omitted Be Prepared.

That album also contained songs about drug dealers (The Old Dope Peddler), a tribute to effete Ivy League football (Fight Fiercely Harvard) which is sung in an accent Charles Winchester III would later use on MASH, a folk song parody (An Irish Folksong) in which the main character kills everyone in her family, and one even my 6-year old self could understand, The Hunting Song.

“I always will remember, twas a year ago November

I went out to hunt some deer, on a mornin’ bright and clear.

I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow,

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

[snip to the bridge]

The law was very firm, it

Took away my permit,

The worst punishment I ever endured.

It turned out there was a reason,

Cows were out of season

And one of the hunters, wasn’t insured.

 

People ask me how I do it and I say there’s nothing to it.

You just stand there looking cute,

And when something moves, you shoot.

And there’s ten stuffed heads

In my trophy room right now,

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a pure-bred Gurnsey cow!”

 Notice the “firm, it/permit” rhyme. I loved those. This guy was a master of creating rhymes out of nothing, bending and combining words into rhymes, the more tortured, the better.

One more tawdry excerpt from this album was a bit from The Weinerschnitzel Waltz, lovingly played in traditional waltz tempo.

From the mid-song interlude:

“I drank some champagne from your shoe, la la la

I was drunk by the time I was through, la la la,

For I didn’t know as I raised that cup,

It had taken two bottles to fill the thing up.

 

It was I who stepped on your dress, la la la,

The skirts all came off I confess, la la la,

Revealing for all of the others to see,

Just what it was that endeared you to me…”

I remember figuring out what he was getting at there, and being proud that I was now in on the joke like the rest of the grown-ups.

Later into my teen years, I obtained two of his other albums, both performed in front of audiences. Those were “An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer” and “That was the Year That Was.” The latter was a TV variety show called That Was the Week That Was, from 1964, in which he’d play a weekly song. While all of his songs were culturally relevant, these were right from the week’s headlines, and definitely some of his best work. A lot of people have heard his song, “Pollution.”

Pollution, pollution, you got smog and sewage and mud,

Turn on your tap, and get hot and cold running crud.”

The album opens with a tribute to “National Brotherhood Week,” talking about how once we behave for the special week, we can go back to being pricks to each other when it’s over.

“Oh the Protestants hate the Catholics,

And the Catholics, hate the Protestants,

And the Hindus hate the Muslims,

And everybody hates the Jews…

But during National Brotherhood Week

New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans ‘cause it’s very chic,

Step up and shake the hand of someone you can’t stand,

You can tolerate him if you try.”

I was delighted to see this run in the Baltimore Sun. The quote is from the introduction to National Brotherhood Week.

There was one about how our space program was being led by ex-Nazi, Dr Werner Von Baun.

With thick German accent:

“’Vunce ze rockets are up, who cares vhere zey com down.

Zat’s not my department,’ says Werner Von Braun.”

There was one I loved, called “Alma,” about a woman whose considerable charms allowed her to marry three of the top creative men in Central Europe.

“The first one she married was Mahler,

Whose buddies all knew him as Gustav,

And each time he saw her, he’d holler, (in German accent)

“Ach, that is the Fraulein I must have.”

Alma, tell us,

All modern women are jealous.

Though you didn’t even use “Ponds,”

You got Gustav and Walter and Franz.”

I still get crossword puzzle answers based on knowing who those three guys are.

Who’s Next was about the nuclear race.

(In Egyptian music rhythm)

Egypt’s gonna get one toooo

Just to use on You Know Who

(Now in Israeli music rhythm)

So, Israel’s getting tense,

Wants one in self-defense,

The Lord’s our Shepherd, says the psalm,

But just in case… we better get a bomb!

Who’s next?”

The masterpiece on the album was “The Vatican Rag.” That one shook some people up, but it was so happy and peppy, with its ragtime beat, theycouldn’t stay offended.

I was going to reproduce the whole song’s lyrics, but hell, I might as well just link a performance of the song. It’s short though, only 2:45, half of which is introduction.

Look at the rhymes in there… see what I mean? Want if/Pontiff, religion’ll/original. Great stuff.

The other album had the classic “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park,” as well as a tribute to college life, Bright College Days:

“Soon we’ll be out, amid the cold world’s strife,

Soon we’ll be sliding down the razor blade of life!”

How’s that for post-grad pessimism?

If you watched The Big Bang Theory regularly, you might remember an episode where Sheldon gets drunk before giving a presentation and starts singing the names of all the chemical elements. He’s doing a Tom Lehrer song, which is literally the names of the elements on the periodic table, sung to the tune of The Major General’s song from Pirates of Penzance. Sheldon only goes about half-speed. The original is an almost impossible tongue twister, zipping through all those quadra-syllabic names. He concludes with:

“These are the only ones of which the news has come to Hah-vahd…

And there may be many others, but they haven‘t been discaaaavahed.”

This song is similar to another of his called, New Math, where he goes through a subtraction problem, using the new method of teaching I suffered through at the time. From the intro,

“The idea is to know what you’re doing… RATHER than to get the right answer.

He goes on to repeat the problem, this time in “base-8.”

He says, “Base 8 is just like Base 10, really… if you’re missing two fingers!”

You know, I could probably go on indefinitely, calling out favorite bits and clever rhymes, but I think I’ve gone on about it long enough.

For the longest time, I never knew what the guy looked like. None of his album art featured his picture, and he was notoriously camera-averse. Eventually, with the internet, there is a wealth of pictures, lyric sheets, conversations, and whatnot about this slice of 60s talent and wit. If he’d have continued performing into this day and age, he could have dropped the wildest rap lyrics to date. There’s nothing he couldn’t rhyme… I even heard he was able to set up a rhyme with “orange.” (The article wouldn’t play on my browser, so I have to take the word of the headline.)

Whenever I’m in a crowd of unfamiliar people, at a party or whatnot, I can often find a like mind by dropping a line from either Monty Python, or Tom Lehrer. Whoever responded, I knew those were my people.

This is a guy who reveled in taking shots at the upper crust and the status quo, and always with a twinkle and an impish tone. His erudite lyrics padded my childhood vocabulary far beyond what the sisters at St. Euthenasius were teaching. Even though he hasn’t performed in decades, I can’t help but feel that the world is a dimmer place without him. From the halls of academia to the stalls in beer halls, he will be forever missed.

RIP, Professor. Play us out…

We Will All Go Together When We Go, about a nuclear war to end all wars. Check these wicked rhymes.

When you attend a funeral,

It is sad to think that sooner or'l

Later those you love will do the same for you.

And you may have thought it tragic,

Not to mention other adjec-

Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do.

(But don't you worry.)

 

No more ashes, no more sackcloth,

And an arm band made of black cloth

Will someday nevermore adorn a sleeve.

For if the bomb that drops on you

Gets your friends and neighbors too,

There'll be nobody left behind to grieve.

 

And we will all go together when we go.

What a comforting fact that is to know.

Universal bereavement,

An inspiring achievement,

Yes, we will all go together when we go.

 

We will all go together when we go.

All suffused with an incandescent glow.

No one will have the endurance

To collect on his insurance,

Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go.

 

Oh we will all fry together when we fry.

We'll be French-fried potatoes by and by.

There will be no more misery

When the world is our rotisserie,

Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.

 

Down by the old maelstrom,

There'll be a storm before the calm.

 

And we will all bake together when we bake.

There'll be nobody present at the wake.

With complete participation

In that grand incineration,

Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.

 

Oh we will all char together when we char.

And let there be no moaning of the bar.

Just sing out a Te Deum

When you see that I.C.B.M.,*

And the party will be come-as-you-are.

 

Oh, we will all burn together when we burn.

There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn.

When it's time for the fallout

And Saint Peter calls us all out,

We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn.

 

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas.

Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollahs.

 

And we will all go together when we go.

Every Hottentot and every Eskimo.

When the air becomes uranious,

We will all go simultaneous.

Yes, we all will go together

When we all go together,

Yes we all will go together when we go.

Very late addition

I have to include this incredible three-way rhyme from So Long Mom, his rally song for the anticipated World War III, name dropping the famed Chet Huntley- David Brinkley evening news show.

"So long Mom, I'm off to drop The Bomb, 

So don't wait up for me.

But while you swelter, down there in your shelter,

You can see me... On your TV.

While we're attacking frontaly, 

Watch Brink-el-ly and Hunt-a-ly,

Desribing contrapuntally

The cities we have lost.

No need for you

to miss a minute 

of the agonizing holocaust. Yeah!"

  

Thunderstruck

We pause this series of spleen-venting posts about the impending end of this free Republic to bring you something completely off-topic. It’s the same old stuff going on week after week anyway, isn’t it? This week we have a new pope. I saw a post from MAGA wingnut Laura Loomer vehemently complaining about Pope Bob. All I can say is that if MAGA hates him, then that’s probably the best-case scenario I can expect. Meanwhile…

I’ve never made it a secret that I’ve been an AC/DC fanatic ever since the early 80s. They’re my favorite band by far, and I’ve been jamming to them since I first saw the concert movie, “Let There Be Rock.” Seeing the phenomenon known as Angus Young in action was life-changing for me. I’ve seen them five times before, from 1985 to 1996. So when I saw that their latest tour was going to Pittsburgh, I figured it was time to act. 

OK, to be honest, the only "action" I took was to plant the seed in my brother’s head (he who first brought AC/DC records into the house) that maybe we should round up his boys and go see the show. He did the rest, securing us tickets and hotel accommodations. (Thanks, bro!) Going to the show tonight in Landover, MD, would have been closer to us here in Baltimore, but we have family in The Burgh, so that made it a much more attractive trip.

The concert was to be in the football stadium downtown, a venue with which we are quite familiar. We stayed at the Sheraton at Station Square, across the river from the stadium. After landing in town and soaking up a little South Side* ambiance (and beer), we took the Gateway Clipper (ferry), which dropped us off outside the gate.

* "Sah-side" to the locals.

I was pleased as I could be with our tickets, not because they were the closest, but because they were in the first row of the second tier, meaning there would never be someone standing up in front of me, so I needn’t stand either. (These old knees aren’t what they used to be.) We had the same deal when we saw Springsteen last September. 

This was our vantage point:

It was an interesting crowd, definitely older than what I used to see at an AC/DC show. And I was pleased to see that a lot of the old folks were there with their kids. In fact, I sat beside a very nice mid-40s woman who was there with her mother. I had a great time yapping with them and trading concert experiences before show time.

We never got out there in time to see the opening act, so I have nothing to say about them. But as expected, AC/DC went on at the stroke of 8:30. Too bad they didn’t make a big entrance like they used to. When I’d seen them before, they usually had a big stunt or effect to get things going. This time, they just ran a video intro, followed by the band moseying onto the stage.

In the prior week, I looked up their set list for prior stops on the tour and learned that they didn’t deviate much. So I knew what to expect for the night, and it panned out that way exactly.

Now, two main issues were apparent. (And also expected, due to the preponderance of video on YouTube from the tour so far. The first was the State of the Angus.

Yes, Angus Young is old now, 70 to be exact. So there was no way he would match the energy and raw mania that marked his 20s and 30s. But goddamn, he still got around pretty well for such an old guy. He didn’t run around as much, and only did his trademarked “duck-walk” maybe a half-dozen times. But it was still there and always in the right place.

The other issue is Brian Johnson’s voice. It was still there, but we couldn’t really gauge the quality because the vocals were so far down in the mix. If we didn’t already know all the words, we’d have no idea what he was singing.

The photo looks like black and white because that’s how the video was designed for Back in Black.

But ultimately, it didn’t matter because the crowd was all-in on participation. I know I was singing my face off along with everyone else, especially during the big choruses of Highway to Hell, You Shook Me, Dirty Deeds, and all the “Oi’s” of TNT. I was surprised I still had a voice in the morning.

The good thing about knowing the set list was that I could pick the perfect times to nip out and take a leak. (And with all the pre-show beer, there was a lot to leak!)

There will always be songs you wish they’d play but didn’t, especially for a band with as many albums out as AC/DC does. But there are also “locks,” which you KNOW they’ll play, like (aside from the ones mentioned above) Shoot to Thrill, Thunderstruck, Let There Be Rock, and my favorite, Whole Lotta Rosie. But they played six songs I’d never heard them play before: If You Want Blood (opener), Demon Fire, and Shot in the Dark (two new ones), Have a Drink on Me, Stiff Upper Lip, Rock & Roll Train, and old classic Riff Raff (from Powerage, 1977).

As always, they finished the initial set with Let There Be Rock, which ended in a 17-minute guitar solo, with Angus working out on the end of his runway and being raised high overhead on an accordioning platform, finishing to bursts of confetti. My rock musician cousin, who was there with us, said that was his favorite part. For me, I’d prefer they trim the long-ass solo and play a couple more songs. I’d recommend Shake Your Foundations and Flick of the Switch, from their mid-80s albums (from which they never play anymore).

For the obligatory encores, they opened with TNT and closed with For Those About to Rock, cannons and all.

The cannons rolled up from above the drum riser.

They also had a set of differently-styled cannons on each side.

We bugged out during the last of the cannon fire, missing the fireworks show, but that was a small price to pay for not getting trapped in the aisles, waiting for everyone above you to file out. We got back to the ferry in good time so we could relax with another beer on the way back to Station Square.

I’d seen two other AC/DC shows with my brother, in ’85 and ’88, but I was especially happy with this experience because my two nephews got to go. They’d been hearing our stories all their lives, and while they’ve seen many videos, nothing is like being there.

I don’t know if this is the band’s last tour or not. I would hope they hang it up before they become a joke. I know it would still draw, but I just couldn’t see them all sitting up there on stools, playing an acoustic show. It may work for the Eagles, but they’re a different kind of band.

I’ve gotten to meet a lot of different musicians, back when I was in the record store business, but I never got to meet anyone from AC/DC. I’d love to grab a minute with Angus and let him know just how important he and his band have been to my family and me. His music was the soundtrack to every Barn Party we ever threw. It’s hard to boil so much content down to a quick pleasantry, while posing for selfies, but I think I’d tell him this:

“I’ve probably gotten more pleasure from your right hand than I have from my own!”

Hell, he hung out for years with the mischievous Bon Scott, I’m sure he’d take it in the spirit with which it was offered.

This is the set list from Minneapolis, which exactly matched the Pittsburgh set.

 

The Hacky Habits of News Aggregators and I Can’t Even

I’ve used Yahoo News pages as my home screen and main news site since I got my first computer in 1999. It’s not so much loyalty as it is inertia, because I haven’t made much of an effort to find a better one.

But some of the things I see there get right on my last nerve, so I thought I’d complain about them a bit and see if you agree.

The I’s Have It

One of the things that drives me the buggiest is the use of “I,” “me,” and “my” in the headlines, thus putting the author in the middle of the story. Like two of these here:

Plus another:

Listen, I don’t care how a story affects some rando content provider. Who are you, and why are you in the story? This happens a lot with Buzzfeed stories, but it’s common elsewhere. While scrolling through today’s news items, I saw this construction more than a half-dozen times. It’s a lazy way to make your article seem relevant to the reader. And to add insult to injury, the article is never as jaw-gaping as they make it seem.

It’s even worse when they use the “and I’m Here for it” trope. Like, “So and So Wore a Nice Dress and I’m Here for it.” Look, no one cares where you are or for what purpose. Leave yourself out of the narrative and just cover the red carpet, OK?

It’s Drafty in Here

Another article I skip 100% of the time is anything about an NFL “Mock Draft.” (An example is in between the I-stories in the first graphic.) The headlines always make it look like big news, a scoop of epic proportions. Now, I’m as interested in the draft as any chronic football fan but I also know that these mock drafts are just the opinion of a couple of sportswriters, sitting in an office somewhere, with varying degrees of expertise. And the chances that they actually know what the draft participants (GMs and owners) are thinking are nil. Team decision-makers keep that shit close to the vest until it’s time to announce their picks. These self-important draft prognosticators don’t know any more than a reasonably informed fan who has a good idea of what his favorite team might need that year, which is to say, he doesn’t know jack-shit. It’s a guess, marketed as inside information. I pass, every time.

Picture This

They do this a lot, too… adding a celebrity headshot to a story that has nothing to do with the pictured celeb. It doesn’t even have to be a celebrity pictured; often, it’s just some attractive model type who is unrelated to the content. More clickbait and switch.

Taylor-Made Stories

In this day and age, anything Taylor Swift does becomes news just because it’s her. And now, with her taking a break from the public eye, now that her record-breaking tour is over, they’re desperate for Taylor content. Hence the above story, which, for all the sizzle, comes down to, “Sports reporter’s husband says thanks to Taylor for hooking them up with VIP tent access to one of her shows.” That’s the story. There’s absolutely nothing of substance there. It’s like any time someone says anything about Ms. Swift, it becomes an article. Hypothetical example:

Headline: Taylor Swift in Health Crisis?

Substance: Taylor told a friend that she had a headache.

Film at eleven.

Here’s another similar one:

The gist of this story: “Taylor has a famous friend and they’re keeping in contact via text.”

Really? Tell me more! Are there emojis involved? What kind of font are they using?

This article demonstrates another device I hate. This is prevalent whenever the subject is a musician, but especially with Taylor Swift. They always use this construction: “The 'Bad Blood' singer says…” They did this three different times in this one article. By including mentions of specific songs, they hope to draw internet search hits (for the song mentioned), thus boosting the article’s profile. And the rub is that anyone landing on this article due to a song search will be disappointed because there is nothing in the article that has to do with their topic of interest. So, essentially, they use cheap tricks to game the system rather than produce quality content that gets circulated organically.

No News is Good News

Then we have the stories that are completely un-newsworthy, like this:

Translation: Somebody somewhere said something stupid. It’s not news, it’s something that happens thousands of times per day. Professor X says something radical. Local shop owner prefers cats to people. Local blogger hates broccoli. This is completely news-free filler that only becomes news because someone wants to use it to make a point. For example, right-leaning news sources will always jump on any story that makes students or educators look bad, to bolster their ongoing opposition to an educated population.

In the story above, the content creator is trying to wealth-shame some woman who obviously has it too good. It’s another attempt at creating clicks out of those seeking the comeuppance of others who are more well off than they are. And it’s not really news.

Clickbait Headline Constructions

I despise the use of the phrase, “Breaks his silence…” Joe Blow Breaks His Silence on Hot Topic. Was there really a “silence” before, or had they just not addressed an issue yet? I mean, there are millions of topics on which I can “break my silence,” because I didn’t care about them, or maybe no one ever asked. It’s not something I’ve been hiding; it just hasn’t come up yet.  It’s a device to make something look like a bigger deal than it is, so you’ll click the link and inevitably become disappointed that you’ve been served another nothing-burger.

It’s the same thing with “Reveals…” “New Orleans Native Joe Bleaux Reveals His Favorite Gumbo Spot.” Is it really a revelation, or did he just mention something? To me, nothing should be “revealed,” unless the subject is quoted as saying, “Tadaaa!”

They also like to use this for random female body parts. Like, “Shake it Off Singer Taylor Swift Reveals her Right Knee.” And you read the story and it’s like, “As she crossed her legs, Ms Swift’s dress shifted a skosh and her knee slipped into view.” It’s just one more way to make something seem more important than it really is.

Unless they can get an exclusive interview with the other knee, to see how it feels about being covered up.

Headline: Taylor Swift’s Knee Involved in Cover-Up and I’m in Shock!

And Finally

RIP to the late Pope Francis, who I will always consider the Least Destructive Pope of my lifetime. The man fought to bring a little empathy and scientific awareness to the Church and was fought every step of the way by the Vatican bureaucracy.