Last weekend, one of my regular blog reads, Bachelor Girl, did a post on why being a Bachelor Girl rules. I thought it would be a grand idea to do a similar post from the male point of view. Obviously, I have to do it from memory of the years before Pinky…
So here they are, in no particular order:
- No Food Network, Oprah or Lifetime Channel. I can watch sports and action movies 24/7 if I want. Samson will not have to be defiled by playing chick flicks.
- Also, volume of the TV is no issue. I don’t have to hear “turn it down… turn it down… turn it down…” whenever something good is on. (like sports or action movies) Why do you think I have the home theater speakers set up? Also, loud rock and roll at 10:00 on a Saturday morning is back in play.
- Seat up… seat down. Makes no difference whatsoever.
- Whatever I make for dinner is a serving for one. And I always get the last pork chop.
- I can keep chocolate in the house for extended periods of time.
- I get the whole bed. Snoring is never an issue, either doing it or hearing it.
- Temperature control, so that I don’t have to pay a small fortune in gas and electric. Nor do I have to live in a sweatbox. A “Man-Cave” should never be more than 65 degrees.
- I can read and write in peace and quiet. It’s nice to be able to construct a complex thought and have the time to get it all down. OK, “complex thoughts” may be a reach, but still…
- I can fart with impunity. The same goes for burping, scratching and all other off-putting yet satisfying manly pursuits.
- No frou-frou decorations. The 6’ tall Batman and Darth Vader cardboard standees, the autographed albums and Pittsburgh Steeler photographs proudly proclaim that a man lives here.
- Cleaning is only necessary when I think it’s dirty. Men and women have vastly differing ideas of what constitutes filth. Like Dave Barry once said, “women see the actual dirt molecules.”
- I can drink right from the bottle in the fridge and bite right off the block of cheese.
- I can buy all my favorite product brands. (Which if I think about it, are really whatever brands my mother used to buy.)
- I can see the sink-tops in the bathroom because they are not covered with creams, ointments, lotions, loofahs, cotton balls and cleansers. In fact, there are no “sanitary” products of any kind in the house
- Complete flexibility with regard to comings and goings. No need to “negotiate” for happy hour attendance, even on a Friday night.
Sometimes I wonder how men and women manage to live together at all.