Friday, September 25, 2009

Errand Boy

This is going to be one of those Seinfeld-type entries about pretty much nothing.

I was off today, with some errands to do. I still have a bit of a cold hanging on so the day off was timely. First stop was ye olde Hair Cuttery.

If being an old middle-aged bald guy has any advantages, it’s that getting a haircut takes about 10 minutes. I’ve waited longer for my order at Burger King. A young black girl cut my hair and as she was ringing my up at the counter, I noticed she had an unusual tattoo on her wrist:
Yeah… a blow dryer.

I’m wondering if this was some kind of beauty school bonding exercise. And if so, do other industries have similar rites? Do CPAs get together after passing their exam and get tattoos of a pile of beans? Do lawyers get reptile tattoos? What about doctors? Man, that’s another reason not to be a proctologist.

So, haircut accomplished, I set out for the main event of the day… Getting my driver’s license renewed at the Maryland MVA. I hate going through things like this; you just anticipate something going wrong or encountering some kind of runaround.

In actuality, it wasn’t that bad. I brought my Friday crossword puzzle and had it knocked out in about 20 minutes, just in time for them to call my number, B118. I suppressed the urge to holler BINGO. I imagine they’ve heard that before so many times that when someone does it now, they are struck down by a death-ray stare from one of the helpful clerks.

I was processed in about 5-6 minutes… honestly. They really have the drill down; I’ll give them kudos for that. So I walked out triumphantly, sparkling new hologrammy license in hand. The sun shone down brightly upon me as I exited the MVA lair and I realized I hadn’t eaten all day and as luck would have it, there was a Five Guys burger place in the plaza.

For those that are uninitiated, Five Guys is a primo burger joint that features giant 2-patty burgers, unlimited free toppings, boardwalk fries and free peanuts while you wait. If you saw the first time President Obama was on NBC (I think it was Dateline), when he got in the car with the Brian Williams and went to burger place to get lunch for himself and staff back at the White House, it was a Five Guys in DC.

Man, what a feast… hands down, the best fast-food burger going. It was so tall I could barely get my mouth around it. Sometimes I wish we were built with a snakelike, hinged jaw that folds all the way back, for just this kind of situation.

I say this was the best “fast-food” burger because I’ve had one better at a sit-down place in Pensacola Florida, called McGuires. This is their burger:

Hence the slogan on the side of the building: “Feasting, Imbibery, & Debauchery”, which happen to be three of my favorite things. Like I’ve said before, very few problems cannot be solved by eating a bacon cheeseburger the size of your head.

I don’t have a natural ending for this, so let me leave you with something I was wondering. Who named the anti-smoking drug “Chantix”? Chantix sounds like something the Gregorians sell for their concerts.

Badump bump. I’m here all weekend; try the cheeseburger.

5 comments:

  1. Stop with the burgers; you're making me hungry! You know, Obama really is a trend-setter. I did see the piece with Brian Williams and Barack Obama at this place. It looked good then too.

    And in Pittsburgh, President and Mrs. Obama love Pamela's Pancakes. I would love to buy stock in that since the G-20.

    I had to laugh about your Chantix remark. We were watching the news (again) and a commercial came on for this product. It had so many warnings we looked at each other and wondered why anyone would feel safe using it?

    You don't have a light, do you?

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  2. That's funny... I was watching the news, probably the same broadcast and saw the Chantix commercial too. Can those warnings POSSIBLY be any longer? It's a wonder anyone ever tries any of these drugs. "CAUTION: Use of product may cause the growth of additional heads."

    But I'm just glad someone got the joke. I can to a little too escoteric sometimes. Thank you for validating my faith in the web reading (and writing) public.

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  3. Chantix will kill you quicker than cigs with not as much fun. So will McGuire's burgers on a daily basis but you can laugh it off watching the boys and girls go into the wrong restrooms. McGuire's signature entertainment feature.
    But I digress from important matters like controlling PLAQUE! Yesiree. Just a few hours ago, I saw a spanky new drug advertised. Move over, Plavix. Now we can head off PLAQUE at the pass! Or pass the PLAQUE...I forget. O well. Better living through Pharmacy!

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  4. We're still laughing about your comment,
    "I've waited longer for my order at Burger King."

    Enjoyed your post!

    Five GUYS burgers? Sounds strangely familiar..

    THE GUYS

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  5. Thanks "Guys", I appreciate your stopping by.

    Attention everyone: you can find the highly amusing The Guy's Perspective blog on the blogroll to the right.

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