Tuesday, November 5, 2013

How Did We Get Here From There? Part 2

A couple years back, I received an email containing all these old-time advertisements… you probably saw the same email.  These were print ads from what looked to be the 40s or 50s, and were remarkable for being so scientifically and socially out of touch with today’s world, and shockingly misogynistic.  I featured them in a post and added my two cents.

Sitcom Kelly recently sent me a similar email.  (Man, I get a LOT of blog content ideas from her.  Every blogger should have a Sitcom Kelly at his disposal.)  This one had a number of the same ads, but also had a bunch I hadn't seen before.  Ever the sucker for an easy blog post, I thought I’d share some comments on a few of the more interesting ones. 

Looking at these collectively, I can see why conservatives yearn to return to the days of yesteryear.  Well-to-do white men had it pretty good.

“We Hate Women-Part 1.”  So this is why Cassie looks so good… I can’t imagine her cleaning the house in heels, knee-length dress, lacy apron and full makeup though.  (I actually used this one in my first post… but this is a different take.  So sue me.)

We Hate Women-Part 2.”   I can’t, for the life of me, figure out the connection between killing a woman and a postage meter.  Any help?  I think she ought to jam the guy’s tie into the slot and start cranking.

We now take time out from killing women, to kill some children.  Actually, this could be an NRA ad, right now.  The “Iver Johnson Arms and Cycle Works?”  Do those products really go together?  It sounds like “Bluzdude Socks and Sheet Metal Works.”

“Killing Some Kids Part 2.”  Baby: “Yeah, Mom, please chill out and have a smoke, before smoking my bottom for smearing my diaper all over the wall.”  Random thought: If a baby is nursing while the mother is smoking, the baby should be able to blow smoke rings.

I bet those Chesterfield boxes, autographed by The Gipper, are worth something now.  At least I hope so, just to make up for the emphysema.

This is amazing.  “A case of Blatz in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits.”  So we’re getting the babies drunk, are we?  I’m picturing the baby taking a long pull off of Mommy, leaning back and going, “BRAAAAAAAAAP!”

“We Hate Women-Part 3.”  This one has the exact same theme as modern face cream ads; it just spells it all out verbally.  “Don’t be homely; use our stuff and be dazzling.”

“We Hate Women-Part 4.”  Subaru has made quite the turnaround in ad philosophy, didn't they?  They went from crushing women’s spirits to the car of choice for lesbians.

At least this one is better than the Thorazine “Eye Surgery/Torture” ad from the last post.  I actually like this one.  I’m sending a case of Thorazine to my parents, immediately.  You know, just in case Walgreen’s is all out.  I’m sure the guy in the picture is agitated because even with arthritis, they still made him tie his own tie.

“We Hate Women-Part 5.”  Is it wrong that the first thing that hit me was “Why is that dude wearing a shirt and tie to bed?”  Can’t be a “50 Shades of Grey” thing...  I’m sure the lady is only on her knees out of gratitude for being let out of the basement pit for a couple hours.

“We Hate Women-Part 6.”  This one is partially true.  Men may not be the number one reason for women taking Midol, but I bet they’re a close 2nd.

I’m sure the gays would provide much better entertainment on a cruise, than THAT.  The dude with the puppets doesn't say “gay,” he says “child molester.”  The people circled around him have obviously never made it past Romper Room.  Next time, book the cruise that Lenny Bruce is playing.

If Santa gives you a gun, you can skip the background check.  After all, he’s the top authority on if you’re naughty or nice.

“We Hate Women-Part 7.”  If the carpet is that dirty, why is she laying on it?  Maybe they could do an Endust tie-in, spray her down, and make her roll around.  Also, if I ever gave my wife a Hoover vacuum cleaner for Christmas, she’d never be able to use it.  It would be hard for the vacuum bag to expand, after she stuffed it up my ass.

Hey look!  They had Fox News on TV way back in the 50s!

15 comments:

  1. NO COMMENT No words for this shit.
    Where is Donna a Reed with her pearls and Harriet Nelson in her apron?

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  2. Apparently, they're drinking beer and worshipping the vacuum cleaner.

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  3. The Van Heusen one is weird on so many levels. Like you said, the tie in bed, and I really don't get why she's kneeling. Is it so she can get a better look at the tie?

    These make me want to punch someone in the face.

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    Replies
    1. I don’t know how that generation of women made it through all that crap without going postal.

      Delete
  4. Awe. Yes. I do work my ass off, just so I can have a nice ass. However, you are correct, Matt's lucky to see me in heels even once a year.

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    Replies
    1. Poor Matt… What’s the point of having a nice ass if you never show it off?

      But then when you’re not in heels, he gets to be taller. In heels, you become Giant Viking Woman!

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    2. He didn't even let me wear heels at our wedding! Shame.

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    3. He’s lucky you didn’t go full Viking and wear your battle horns.

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  5. The thorozine man is my next tattoo!! Lol!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He looks like the guy from the old Six Flags commercials...

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  6. OMFG. Yep. This the era they're aching for -- minus Eisenhower's 90% tax bracket, of course. Holy shit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. Every era can be The Greatest Era if you cherry-pick the good parts.

      Delete
  7. Some of us read Lone Ranger books, refused to wear lipstick, pantyhose, pearls or ties and learned to meditate.
    When the sixties arrived, a few had survived.

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    Replies
    1. So basically, the 60s were just revenge for the 50s…

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  8. ABSOLUTELY! If any one remembers.

    ReplyDelete

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