Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Mismatch.com

This week, a friend asked me if I was going to get back into online dating, once the Summer of Bluz was history.  (I considered engaging in the Fall of Bluz too, but it makes me sound like the Roman Empire.) 

While I don’t rule out online dating, I said I didn’t plan to jump in again.  It’s not that I have anything against it.  On the contrary, I think it’s a good way to increase the number of contacts one makes, especially for someone who doesn’t get out much, aside from the daily routine.

There was a time where I thought online dating was a godsend.  Although I worked in a large office building that housed anywhere from 900 to 1200 employees, very few in my age group were single, let alone compatible and interesting.  Going on Match.com got me out of the house once in a while, at minimum with someone who was available, interested in dating, and somewhat compatible (on paper).

Yes, there was a time, and that time was from 2003 to 2006.  I am no longer the person I was then.

It’s true that experience changes you; sometimes for the good, sometimes for the not so good.  For example, I used to think that I was a nice guy; selfless to a fault. 

I no longer dwell under that illusion.

I find that I now have very little interest in doing things I don’t want to do.  Maybe that would change, given the right motivation, but I doubt it.  I know what I like to do, and what I don’t.  Self-awareness is good.

Unfortunately it doesn’t leave me with a lot of material for a prospective dating profile.  Where once I sold my being a nice, decent, caring guy, who would go overboard with attention and affection, I now feel more like, “Mehit depends on what’s on TV.”

On the bright side, I would no longer reek of desperation.

So what would a more accurate profile look like?  Let’s see…

Godless heathen, set in his ways, seeks female for occasional company. 

50-something, goofy-looking bald guy, sports fan and couch potato, seeks 50-something childless* female to hang out, watch action and monster movies, dine out, snuggle occasionally and go to ballgames.  If you are a sports fan; I probably like your team’s biggest rival.

*Grown, out-of-the-house children are OK.  In another city is better.

Will hold hands if it’s not so hot out, it makes our hands sweaty.  Will not be told what to do.  Will engage in witty repartee, if not annoyed by something that happened earlier in the day.  Willing to travel to distant locations.**   

** Pittsburgh, parents’ house in Florida.

Can’t work in the yard or on the car; prone to back spasms and hives.  Heart problem is probably cured.  Don’t move my glass or my pen.  You can have the red freeze-pops if I can have the blue; we can negotiate the rest.  No garlic, multi-syllabic vegetables or cream sauces.

If interested, send me an email.  I hate talking on the phone.

What a prize.  I’d have to question the judgment of anyone who would answer.

7 comments:

  1. OK, now THIS might have caught my interest in my futile match.com experiment! We are a perfect match, except for the fact that you live a few states away. And except for that garlic disclaimer--what kind of Italian boy are you? And lord knows you already question my judgment.

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    1. Oh yeah, I should have added: "Must live within a 10-block radius, because driving bugs me."

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  2. You should just write your profile like you are Chuck Norris.

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  3. Well . . . you would get points for honesty, I guess. But you probably wouldn't be getting much else, if ya know what I mean. *wink wink, nod nod*

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  4. In college I thought I was a catch. I eventually realized I was a pain in the ass. But I am pretty much never bitchy, I love most sports, and I hate to be smothered/too much attention. Maybe I am a catch! :-)

    You should totally do this! And then of course post about it.

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    Replies
    1. Of course you're a catch.

      Man, I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to date, with a blog. How can I not tell a date about my blog, which is such a huge part of my life? And then if I tell them, I can't write honestly about the date.

      Delete
  5. Sounds brutally accurate,except you really are a good guy even if you aren't selflessness...most Guys aren't.

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