I'm not feeling well enough today to come up with any original thoughts, so how about looking at some old ones with a few updates? This post is based on an email that showed a bunch of old print ads from way back when, and they really showed how far we've come, in addition to providing a clear look at the era to which the current Republicans want us to return. Warning: Rampant Misogyny Alert!
(Note: you can click any of these images to see a larger version.)
Wow, right out of the gate... woman as "doormat." Or is it "conquest?" I can't even tell what this is an ad for... (Checking small print...) Leggs? How does this sell pantyhose?
Jon Benet Ramsey - The Prequel. Coming to a molester near you. Looks like Epstein was grooming earlier than we realized.
"When Dr. Emphysema tells you to 'turn your head and cough', he beats you to it." Personally, I wouldn't trust anyone who looks like Spiro Agnew.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! And you're supposed to BUY something that has this picture in the ad??? Someone's going to have to rock me to sleep tonight. This ad was all I could think about before I had cataract surgery, and they didn't even give me Thorazine.
"Yes, I can squeeze a bowling ball out from my lady-parts, but I can't open this lil' old ketchup bottle! Please help me, Del Monte!"
Hooking them young! But I bet there's some Seagram's in there, too.
Whoa! Over-reaction alert! Quoting the ad: "...if he discovers you're still taking chances on getting flat, stale coffee... woe be unto you!" Woe be unto you??? Who's running that ad agency, Leviticus? Did they really spank over coffee back in the day? I never saw that on Ozzie and Harriet. Although I suspect Ricky might have turned Lucy over his knee a time or two.
I can’t imagine anyone cleaning the house in heels, a knee-length dress, a lacy apron, and full makeup. The need for "pep pills" to get all dolled up is self-explanatory, though.
This one really isn't that bad of an idea. It's just very sneaky. Women can get even for all that doormat stuff by running psy ops on their husbands.
I'm only including this one because I used to collect beer cans, back before I was old enough to empty them myself. And the flat-top can was always a big find. Now admit it... did you really know that you used to have to use a can opener (called a "churchkey") to open a beer? I don't know why it was called a churchkey... maybe because it led you to the holy water.
I wish you could see the type on this one, but it's an ad for... get this... Lysol-Brand Douche! Ahhhh-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa. I can just see it: "Oh my, I don't feel so fresh... ~pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht~ Yay! I feel so much better now! I can tear down these giant cobwebs my husband somehow spun. Now, where's my apron? Where are my heels?"
Oh yeah, she'll follow your heinous smoke-breath anywhere. Like to a dentist's office to clean those yellow teeth, you smelly cretin.
I can’t, for the life of me, figure out the connection between killing a woman and a postage meter. Any help? I think she ought to jam the guy’s tie into the slot and start cranking.
We now take time out from killing women to kill some children. Actually, this could be an NRA ad, right now.
Baby: “Yeah, Mom, please chill out and have a smoke, before smoking my bottom for smearing my diaper all over the wall.” Random thought: If a baby is nursing while the mother is smoking, should the baby be able to blow smoke rings?
I bet those Chesterfield boxes, autographed by The Gipper, are worth something now. At least I hope so, just to make up for the emphysema.
This is amazing. “A case of Blatz in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits.” So we’re getting the babies drunk, are we? I’m picturing the baby taking a long pull off of Mommy, leaning back and going, “BRAAAAAAAAAP!”
Subaru has made quite the turnaround in ad philosophy, didn't they? They went from crushing women’s spirits to being the car of choice for lesbians. Quite the U-Turn.
At least this one is better than the Thorazine “Eye Surgery/Torture” ad from above. I actually like this one. I’m sending a case of Thorazine to my parents immediately. You know, just in case Walgreens is all out. I’m sure the guy in the picture is agitated because even with arthritis, they still made him tie his own tie.
Is it wrong that the first thing that hit me was “Why is that dude wearing a shirt and tie to bed?” Can’t be a “50 Shades of Grey” thing... I’m sure the lady is only on her knees out of gratitude for being let out of the basement pit long enough to make breakfast. I expect this to be an early version of a JD Vance campaign poster.
This one is partially true. Men may not be the number one reason for women taking Midol, but I bet they’re a close 2nd.
I’m sure the gays would provide much better entertainment on a cruise than THAT. The dude with the puppets doesn't say “gay,” he says “child molester.” The people circled around him have obviously never made it past Romper Room. Next time, book the cruise that Lenny Bruce is playing.
If Santa gives you a gun, you can skip the background check. After all, he’s the top authority on whether you’re naughty or nice.
If I ever gave my wife a Hoover vacuum cleaner for Christmas, she’d never be able to use it. It would be too hard for the vacuum bag to expand after she stuffed it up my ass.
Hey look! They had Fox News on TV way back in the 50s!
