Deja Blue

To the surprise of exactly no one, it happened again. Just like it always does. Lather, rinse, repeat. Police kill a guy, people get inflamed and call for change, and it happens again. It’s happened enough over the last decade or so that I’ve written about it 43 times before, according to the “Police Stories” label on my Label Cloud on the right. This is the 44^th time. What does one even say anymore?

So, five cops from a special “Scorpion” squad chased a guy down on a traffic stop for reckless operation, and just beat the guy to death. Five guys punched, kicked, and tased an unarmed man until he lay there unconscious and eventually died. According to the police chief, they’re not even sure there WAS any reckless op. Why five cops from a specialized unit were pursuing some rando in the first place is another question. I mean, don’t these “elite” teams have a higher list of priorities to pursue besides traffic violations?

I’m suspect of all of these “elite” teams that are separated from the rest of the rank and file. (The brilliant Lawyers Guns and Money blog is on the same wavelength.) I think it’s human nature for those placed in small groups with increased power to let it go to their heads. Hell, just look at HOAs. I guarantee there are people in your HOA who would just LOVE to curb stomp anyone who lets their grass grow too high or has non-standard pavers making up their walkway. But they don’t have the cover of law enforcement protecting their actions.

Baltimore is famous for its “Gun Trace Task Force,” which created the need for a Consent Decree and spawned the HBO mini-series/docu-drama “We Own This City.” This was a unit assembled to get guns off the streets but quickly devolved into a renegade band who robbed drug dealers (and anyone else they found with more than pocket change), kept the money, planted evidence and guns at crime scenes, and arrested anyone who had the nerve to complain. And all the while, they were padding their paychecks with unworked overtime to an obscene degree.

The Memphis police chief disbanded this Scorpion unit over the weekend and we’re already watching how these five officers are being singled out for 100% of the blame. The problem is that this “civilians as blood enemies” culture doesn’t grow out of thin air; that’s why these incidents keep happening. The recruitment, training, and supervision of the nation’s police units need a top to bottom overhaul. I guarantee it never happens, for the same reason that every other systematic injustice remains: because the people with money want it the way it is. Hardcore policing keeps the riffraff at bay. It’s not their problem if they get the crap kicked out of them. It’s their own fault for not being born into wealth.

Of course, Fox “News” is leading the way with headlines like this:

“Lowered standards,” right beside pictures of the five Black cops. Tell us what you really think the problem is, Fox! Maybe their point is that White cops would have known to turn their body cameras off before beating someone to death. Silly savages.

The racists love Black-on-Black violence because then they get to sit back and cluck over it all, knowing that whichever party is in the wrong, a Black person gets the blame.

RIP

It is with a lead-heavy heart that I read of the passing of Annie Wersching, who I adored. She played many notable roles but came to my attention when she co-starred in two seasons of “24,” as Special Agent Renee Walker, FBI badass, and eventual love interest of Jack Bauer. And here I thought it was bad when her character was killed off. She died of cancer at 45. Forty-freakin-FIVE!

This is what I wrote in this very blog, back in 2010, when her character was whacked:

“Sometimes it really sucks following shows like 24 and last night was one of those times.  Just when you think things are going well… Jack finally gets a moment’s peace and gets to do some belly rubbin’ with yummy FBI Agent Renee Walker.

“All looks good, but deep down, you know that there are still six more episodes to come, so something else has to happen.  Then… BAM.  Sniper fire.  Agent “Freckles” is down, wearing nothing but a bed sheet.

“You would think having sex with Jack Bauer would make a girl bulletproof.

“So I’m bummed.  No more looking into the haunted eyes of our Agent Walker. She’s been my favorite part of the last 2 seasons.  I know it’s stupid to get upset about a freakin’ TV show.  I know that right afterward, someone yells, “Cut!” and everyone gets up and grabs some coffee and a donut.  But why let reality encroach on the story?  You can’t help but get drawn in when you follow a story over time.  While the show is rolling, you start to see these characters as real people.  What’s the point of watching a drama if you don’t suspend disbelief?

“The skeptic can come out after the credits roll.”

So there’s no real-life buffer with this loss. This one hurts.

On the flip side, I can offer a happy “RIP” to the Cincinnati Bengals Super Bowl hopes, after their loss yesterday to the Chiefs. Once again, they lost in part because they couldn’t keep themselves from committing stupid personal fouls. They’ve handed the Steelers at least two such wins in past years. Now they’re spreading the love.

And thank you to the Chiefs! Your win keeps me from having to root for a Philadelphia team, and that’s always a winner in my book.

Homeless Thoughts - The Spy vs Spy Edition

 I don’t have a lot to say on any one topic today so we’re going to bounce around a bit.

As a follow-up to last week’s post about the COVID Anti-Vaxxers, I wanted to discuss another meme I saw over the weekend, that’s as dishonest as it is dangerous.

There’s basically nothing true in this text. Again, we have idiots bending statistics to suit their nefarious needs. What they’re doing is twisting percentages… you know, like if one thing happens out of a sample of 100 and there were zero the last time, you can claim a 100% increase. The Washington Post explains it better:

“The more vaccinated a population, the more we’ll hear of the vaccinated getting infected. For example, say there’s a community that’s 100% vaccinated. If there’s transmission, we know breakthrough cases will happen. So, by definition, 100% of outbreak cases will be among the vaccinated. It will just be 100% out of a smaller number.

Cue Israel. They are one of the global leaders in vaccinations; 85% of Israeli adults are vaccinated. So, say we have the following scenario:

With an infection rate among the vaccinated of 2% and infection rate of 13% among the unvaccinated, this would give us an efficacy rate of 85%.”

No matter which way the Anti-Vax people try to twist it, 99.5% of COVID deaths in the US are among unvaccinated people. Their claim of 40% new infections among the vaccinated is pure fiction. I wish the danger they’re causing was as well, but alas, that’s all too real.

Here’s another alarmist meme from the weekend:

Of course Socialism won't be attractive because it's completely and willfully misrepresented here.

I can see a couple of ways to go at this. First off, how the hell do they get taking 70% of a salary to give to others? That’s total BS. Any money that’s taken from us to disperse to other programs (Federal taxes) is 25-35% on the average taxpayer. Even if you add state taxes, you still don’t hit 70%. So the example falls apart right there.

Or, one can compare it to our current system, where (to stick with the example) you get $10 from cleaning the bathroom, then have to spend $6 on housing, $3 to $7 (or much more) on medical expenses, $2 on transportation to and from the bathroom (call it a Hallway Tax), and you still haven’t paid for dinner yet. So now you have to clean another room just to eat, keep the lights on and the cable/internet/phones working.

Conservatives would rather endure a system like that than cope with the idea that someone of whom they do not approve might get help that they, themselves, do not.

One might argue that cleaning the bathroom might be worth $15, but conservatives wouldn’t like that either because military members have to clean bathrooms for less.

Again, I posit that the very rich sponsor memes like this to ensure that nothing ever interferes with their place at the top of the economic heap. If The People ever demanded a fair shake, it would be very costly for the 1%, so they ensure we spend our time fighting with each other rather than turning our attention to them.

***

I’m glad Nancy Pelosi told Kevin McCarthy to shove two of his nominees for the House Insurrection Investigation. There’s no question that the nominations of Gym Jordan and Jim Banks were meant to disrupt the examination of evidence and turn the panel into a sideshow. We’ve seen Jordan’s act before, basically acting like a zoo monkey, making a lot of noise and flinging poo around the room.

If the Republicans wanted an actual bipartisan investigation, they could have had one months ago when a full Congressional Investigation was proposed. But now, they shot that down in near-unanimous fashion. (Six GOP votes for it.)

So, you can’t play nice? Screw it, we’ll do it ourselves. And I like that she’s still nominating a couple Republicans to sit on the panel. It must be hard to find one who’s actually looking for the truth about how it happened and who was behind it. And for which Congress members gave guided tours of the Capitol Building to the future insurrectionists. I know there are some Representatives with their sphincters in a knot over wondering how THAT is going to play out.

***

I love the Olympics. Sure, they probably should have postponed these games some more but as long as they’re on, I’m gonna watch.

I started watching the Olympics in 1972 and have enjoyed them ever since. In fact, I’ve written about them a few times before, with my Top Olympic Moments, and general thoughts on the 2018 Winter Games, where I noted that bobsledding looks like a lot of fun, but only if you’re the driver. For everyone else in the sled, it’s like being smuggled into a drive-in movie in the trunk of a car.

There’s also one on the 2014 USA/Russia hockey game, with a nod to its famous predecessor in 1980, and one on how there’s so much more whining about the results than there used to be.

I started watching over the weekend and it was like being a kid again and watching the ABC Wide World of Sports, only it went all day. It’s still too early in the games for much of an analysis tonight, but is it me or is NBC going commercial-happy with their prime-time coverage. I swear they go to commercial every 5 goddamn minutes. I know they paid a lot for broadcast rights but for the love of all that’s holy, how about actually showing the action? It’s not like there's not something going on at all times!

I had one suggestion though, for the opening ceremonies. I know they always do something in keeping with the cultural traditions of the host country. How cool would it have been for them to have Godzilla light the torch with his fire breath? That would have been epic. Maybe they could have had Blue Oyster Cult play and bring their stage monster, if it still works. Just retrofit it with a flamethrower. Easy-peasy.

***

Last week I got to do something I’d only seen alluded to in movies and on TV and I’m quite proud of myself.

See, my cell phone has service from Sprint, which recently merged with T-Mobile. Ever since spring, T-Mobile has been bombing me with messages imploring me to upgrade my phone to take advantage of their new 5G service. But the thing is, I like my phone and I don’t want to change it.

I’m not one of those “phone freaks” who has to have the latest and greatest at all times. I’m still on my second smartphone since 2015, the iPhone 8. It works perfectly well for my needs and I like the thumbprint ID. I don’t want a newer one that has face recognition, that’s I’ll have to pick up and raise when I want to turn it on.

About two weeks ago, they called me to try to get me to upgrade and for once, I actually picked up. After his spiel, I asked, “When you do go 5G, will my phone still work at all?”

“Yes. But only on LG” (Whatever that is.)

“Then that’s fine, I don’t need an upgrade. When my phone stops working, I’ll let you know.”

End of conversation.

Then last week a small package showed up, from T-Mobile. It was a new SIM card, to install in my phone so I can get their 5G service.

Oh, so NOW they admit they can adapt my phone rather than force me into an upgrade. HA! If I hadn’t been an obstinate prick, they would have soaked me for hundreds of dollars for a phone I didn’t want.

So now, the cool part… I had to change a SIM card.

That’s one of those things you always see in spy movies and stuff, when someone doesn’t want to be tracked on their phone, they change the SIM card.

Not having looked at my phone in years without the case, I had no idea where the damned thing went. Luckily there were some simple instructions. As I got down to it, I felt like the Mission Impossible theme song was playing in the background. Or maybe Jack Bauer was out there waiting for my signal to reappear.

“Dammit! We’re running out of time!”

Once I wrestled it out of the case, I saw a very small covered slot on the side. I needed to take the poker they supplied, (it looked like a paperclip with one pointy end), and poke it into the tiny hole in the slot cover, to pop out the drawer. Once done, I just had to swap the SIM cards, which are a little smaller than the chip on your credit card. I noticed that one corner was cut, so there was only one way to put it in. Of course, in the process of doing that, I dropped the chip right beside the one I just took out, which gave me a moment of panic. What if I mixed them up? Luckily, I found a small T-Mobile logo on one of them, so… crisis averted.  

So, I managed to get the chip back in the phone, reboot it, and voila. I have a phone again, albeit now with “T-Mobile” in the top corner rather than “Sprint.” I'm ready to save the world.

Now watch me crack the screen next week.

What's the Gift for THIS Anniversary?

Reading the local news last week reminded me of one of my favorite philosophical notions, “When you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one, least of all, yourself.”

A couple weekends ago there were some disturbances in the downtown-adjacent area to Baltimore known as Fells Point.

It’s a party place, kind of touristy, with shops and boutiques, lots of bars and restaurants, many of which have live entertainment. You can join “ghost tours,” which entail visiting the places that are reportedly haunted. It’s right on the Harbor and used to be a working cargo dock and haven for pirates.

Anyway, the good times have been recently interrupted by a bunch of drunken street fights, brawls, and shootings. Definitely not good for business. People are coming out of COVID hibernation and have forgotten how to act around other people.

So the local businesses reached out to City Hall, asking for help. That help arrived in the form of increased police presence, frequent ID checks, parking areas cordoned off, checkpoints coming to and from the area, etc.

Now the Fells Point businesses are pissed about that because they feel they’re keeping their customers away.

For the life of me, I don’t know what the hell they expected the cops to do. How are you going to keep street fights from breaking out if you’re not on-site? Magic incantations? Thoughts and prayers? Barry Manilow music?

And on the other hand, we have other communities charging favoritism, that the police are sent right to the “showplace,” while their neighborhoods (where no one wants to go near without a Kevlar jacket and helmet,) are ignored.

And I guarantee that if a similar police setup happened there, they’d complain about that too. Maybe they’re upset because the police were doing a lot of summons-issuing and just being a general presence. There was a conspicuous lack of surrounding and beating the shit out of people in cuffs. I don’t know if that was due to an overabundance of attention, cameras, or white people.

***

Are conservatives really this dim, or are they just counting on their audience not knowing any better? I saw this on Facebook recently.

There are a couple of things I’d call out here. First is the stereotype of the teenage burger-flipper. That’s what they always call minimum wage workers. But many child care and elder care workers also work for minimum wage, as do the “essential” grocery store clerks, hairstylists, and many others, including agricultural workers who often work off the books and get far less. Millions of grownups work for minimum wage, not just teenagers looking for beer money.

The other point is that minimum wage and social security have totally different targets and purposes, so it’s disingenuous to compare them head to head.

Social security comes from a dedicated fund, paid into by you and your employers. Some people WILL be getting $2400 per month because they’ve worked long and hard to build up that fund over their entire working life. The object is to provide a safety net so that people who have worked all their lives can retire without having to live in a box under a bridge. The money comes out of a finite fund that workers pay into. That’s the kind of “self-reliance” Republicans are always going on about.

Are Republicans really calling for people who barely work to earn this $2400 per month minimum? Of course not. Their only goal here is to justify keeping the minimum wage low. This argument doesn’t accomplish that.

Minimum wage is another story. The source of the money is as varied as the number of employers in the country. Employers can pay whatever they wish and they wish to pay as little as possible. Many employers have forgotten that people work to provide a living for themselves, not for the joy of performing manual labor for the entitled class. Prices have skyrocketed over the last several decades and the minimum wage has not. If the Republicans in Congress had approved incremental increases over the years, there would be no need for such drastic action. But they didn’t, because they were afraid it would be bad for the bottom line, so now a correction is desperately needed. And they’re still fighting it. Some things never change, and Republican fealty to the next quarterly report is one of them.

***

I have to wonder about who makes this shit up. Look at this meme:

This one is aimed straight at those who get their information solely from Fox “News” and other propaganda outlets. If they would ever actually listen to the president, they’d be shocked to find a fellow who speaks clearly, directly, and often makes good sense. The way conservative media tells it, the guy is a week away from rolling around in a puddle of his own making.

Considering the nonsense that came from the former guy, they have zero room to poke fun. Even though he’s sometimes informal, President Biden uses a grownup’s vocabulary, as opposed to the 4^th-grade, sing-song Dick and Jane bullshit for which the other guy was known.

You think Biden is incoherent? Show me, and it better be good because I can find miles of tape of the former guy talking in circles, making nonsensical and often contradictory points. If I was a Republican, I wouldn’t come anywhere near this line of criticism. But then that’s what they’re known for isn’t it? Calling out others for things they’re doing themselves.

***

I saw this headline this morning on my Yahoo news feed:

Is it bad that my first thought was to think, “Well, that’s redundant." “Arm up” and “get guns” mean exactly the same thing. She’s already padding her list. I say if you’re going to issue a dime-store call to arms on the southern border and advocate summary executions, at least be clear about it. After all, when you eventually go on trial, get convicted, and die in prison, it will probably be your epitaph.

***

I got a text message today from my brother-in-law, who reminded me about an important anniversary.

Way back when, while traveling down I-75 to see my sister and aforementioned BIL, we passed by the Solid Rock Church and beheld the sight of their 62-foot statue of Jesus, emerging from a pond. You could only see Him from the chest up, so technically, it was a stature of half-Jesus. Full Jesus would have been about 124 feet, I suppose. I wonder if they had the bottom half underwater.

We now consider statues of Confederate generals are offensive! I wish we had that kind of sensibility back then. Maybe someone would have lashed that thing to some speed boats and tore it down “Porky’s” style.

Anyway, I thought it to be such a garish and unnecessary waste of foam and fiberglass and so it induced me to write a post about this scam mega-church. (The proprietors of this “church” were as crooked as their statue was ugly.)

Not more than a week later, the stats on that post blew up to such an extent I had to investigate why. I then learned that the statue had been hit by a bolt of lightning and burned to the freakin’ ground! Throughout the day, nine different friends sent me the story.

Such great symbolism with this happening! I had to bang out another post just to deal with the glee. Comments were a riot, and that was where we coined the epithet, “Great flaming Jesus!” As in “Great flaming Jesus, that burned up real good!”

And that, my friend, was 11 years ago, today.

Good times!

Thoughts on the SBXLVIII Viewing Experience

Yes, I know there are a million sites where you can read an analysis of Super Sunday, so now there are a million and one.  Nothing is ever overdone until I’ve weighed in on it.

Not that I’m going to go into any armchair quarterback-type depth here, but since most of us either watched or were marginally aware of the Super Bowl last Sunday, I thought I’d throw in my armchair observations on the broadcast.

The game wasn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it was going to be.  I thought Manning would at least make it close, but the Seahawks defense proved to be too much for the Broncos.  Right from the opening snap, which sailed over Manning’s head, it looked like a bunch of orange-clad boys playing against men in ugly Nike uniforms.

My biggest takeaway was that the game got real interesting for the people who drew the traditionally dogshit numbers in their office pool.  Suddenly, 8’s, 5,s and 2’s were in play, and those holding 7’s, 4’s and 0’s were wondering what kind of Bizarro World they woke up in that morning.

I was live-tweeting the game, so I’ll use a couple of those to remember what I thought at the time.  Like when Kurt Russell gave the “inspirational” introduction to both teams. I think you lose credibility when you do that.

I wanted to see Kurt Russell's head jump off and skitter away on crab legs. #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 2, 2014

And like when a Seattle linebacker picked off a tipped pass and ran all too easily into the endzone for a “pick-six.”

James Harrison remains unimpressed. #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

Early on, I saw a parallel between Seattle’s performance in this Super Bowl, and their last one.

Seattle incompletion to a tight end... Seen this one before... #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 2, 2014

I really didn’t get too much more interested until halftime.  I’ve said it before, but I don’t think the Super Bowl halftime show is the venue for fluffy pop music.  During the biggest football game of the year, I want to hear howling guitars and thunderous drums.  I have no use for a gnome-like dude in a sparkly coat and immense pompadour, pretending to be James Brown.  I mean, Prince has already done a halftime show.

Yes, Bruno Mars is talented... At making music that shouldn't be caught w/in 200 yds of a football stadium. How bout some AC/DC?
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

 

Anthony Keidis has track marks older that Bruno Mars. #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

This one I just had to retweet...

This halftime show looks like Menudo and the Jackson Five merged into one unholy alliance.
— Jim Lokay (@lokay) February 3, 2014

Because the game was such a dog, I probably tweeted more about the commercials than the action on the field.

After the Muppets/Toyota commercial…

Ok, new favorite commercial... Toyota #Muppets #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

I’m a Muppets fan from way back.  In fact, I used to have a T-shirt with Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem on it.  The only thing that could have improved this commercial would be having the Swedish Chef in it.  OK, or a Battle of the Bands against AC/DC.

I also loved the Radio Shack commercial, with all the 80s icons in it.  That’s one of those spots where you have to watch it a couple times just to catch everything.  And for those who didn’t (like me), I found a character by character breakdown.

My favorite ad of the night was the Audi “Doberhuahua” spot, which made me laugh out loud in several places.  So goofy, and so well done.

For sheer LOLs, Audi wins. #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

There was another ad I liked, I forget who it was for… probably a web registry company, but it showed these live representations of the on-line come-ons and spam that we all endure during our web crawling.  The girls with giant red lips, making the duck-faces cracked me up.  Welcome to Facebook…

But to me, the biggest moment of the night, (game or non-game) was the promo for the new mini-season of “24.” 

You might remember how much I love the show“24.”  (So much, I once created a 24 Drinking Game.)  Just seeing Jack Bauer in action again gave me goosebumps.  And Chloe’s a Goth Girl now!  (And hot too… Yowza!)  Apparently it’s a 12-episode season, and they will have to abandon their “real time” motif and skip some time here and there.  At last, we can safely assume that Jack is able to use the bathroom once in a while.

Since this season is set in England, I wonder if Jack will be more polite…

Jack: I say, old chap, but if it’s not too much trouble, might you please TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS??

Can’t wait for the debut on 5/5/14. 

Eventually it became clear that there wasn’t going to be any big comebacks or thrilling finishes to the game.

How bad must it suck for Bronco fans to pay all that $ to buy tix & get to NY, just to see their guys get their asses handed to them? #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

Come on, Seahawks...start kneeling down at the 3:40 mark. What are they going to do, score a "touchdown?"
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

Another championship, another generic gray hat... #SB48
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

I hope Chris Christie shows up, grabs the microphone, and says "I just lost four grand because of you assholes. Good luck getting home."
— Stephen Harkleroad (@americancrank) February 3, 2014

So, that was the game, which was pretty much of a dud.  There were some good commercials, but not nearly as many good ones as in past years.

This year, it's like these advertisers think just by being on during #SB48 makes it a memorable (or interesting) commercial.
— bluzdude (@DarwinfishBluz) February 3, 2014

So here’s to next season… And in the meantime, Let’s Go Pens!

Odd Bits - The Asshat Edition

In descending order of importance, today…

SOTUS to Votus on the POTUS nom for SCOTUS

Here comes the next big DC kerfuffle; the nomination of and subsequent Senate approval of the next Supreme Court Justice.

I could probably just coast on everything I wrote about the Sotomayor hearing last July.  Other than the Latina angle, it’s the same conflict coming down the pike.  One liberal is going out and should be replaced with a fresh liberal coming in.  Why do the Republicans think we voted this guy in, if not to change or at least maintain the balance on the Court?

Laws, budget priorities, executive directives and other gimmicks come and go, but the Supreme Court goes on and on. 

But it won’t matter who is nominated; he or she will be painted as an activist judge that’s out of touch with the American People and is bent on rewriting Socialism into the Constitution. 

I propose this: the Democrats should give the Republicans just as much influence as they got with Alito and Roberts.  Remember how the Democrats asked for a centrist that everyone could agree on?  What did they get for their troubles?  A couple of corporate shills that have gone on to vote for the powerful over the regular schmo every single fucking time.

I say, put up someone that will ensure reproductive rights all the time, and at least once in a while, find in favor of the middle class over the interests of big business.  And by “middle class”, I mean actual citizens, not companies like Exxon or Pfizer, who have been given the same free speech rights by the activist judges currently residing on the Court.

Oh wait, they’re only “activist judges” when their “activities” benefit regular people.

Obama should fix’em good and present the following nomination for the Supreme Court:

Now that’s a hearing I’d tune in for.  And then after she’d scared the living shit out of everyone, the President could nominate who he really wants, who would look like William F. Buckley in comparison.

Passing the Asshat

Remember in Eddie Murphy’s first concert movie, “Delerious”, when he talks about how his father, Vernon, would get drunk at a cookout, claim the house and tell everyone that he could do whatever he wanted in his house?

“It’s my house, god dammit!”

I think the Rooney’s had their “Vernon Moment” this weekend, when they sent Santonio “The Asshat” Holmes packing to the Jets in exchange for a 5^th round draft choice.  (That’s the trade-equivalent of a bag of footballs.)  

As much as I hate to see a talent like his leave the team, I don’t have a problem with this action.  Holmes is a repeat offender that seems more concerned with maintaining a punk-ass gansta image than a prolonged NFL career.  Have you seen the guy’s illiterate Tweets?  These things are totally cringe-worthy, even by Twitter standards.  Even (notorious 1980’s gansta poon-hound from “2 Live Crew”) Luther Campbell must be thinking, “Maybe you should back it down a little, ‘Tone.” 

As an Ohio State fan, I’m embarrassed that the guy was a Buckeye.  His stuff was so bad, Ginny at That’s Church is using his tweets as the basis for beat poetry.  (click link above.)

Anyone that had life by the balls like he did has to be a complete moron not to realize that that shit doesn’t fly.  The NFL giveth and the NFL can taketh away.  If he’s not careful, the only “waking and baking” he’s going to be doing is getting up early to work at Dunkin’ Donuts.

As for Big Ben, it looks like he’s off the hook with the law, but not so much with his chosen profession.  The way it looks now, if the league doesn’t suspend him for a couple games, the Steelers will.  Again, the Rooneys have had enough.  How many times will the team and the city have to pay for his inclination to think with his dick?

I’m sure there is a scenario where he was perfectly blameless in this Georgia escapade, but frankly, I doubt it… not after hearing some of the details from the DA down there.

Roethlisberger ought to thank his lucky stars that there was no proof of wrongdoing and if he has any sense left in that thick, reconstructed skull, he’ll take this as a real come-to-Jesus moment and straighten up.

He should get in shape, reintegrate into the team, take extra practices and work with the receivers and the other QBs.  If he goes out at all, he should be humble and pleasant to fans that dare approach him.  He should stop with that “I’m entitled” attitude that is the root of so much of this trouble.  Is it really so hard not to act like an asshole in public?

I know The Unwashed Masses can be a big pain in the ass and infringe on a star’s enjoyment, but you know, that’s why you have that big mansion with the gates.  If you can’t handle the attention, stay the fuck home.

Funny how you never hear about hockey players out there big-timing it like that.

Previously on “24” 

(Beware, spoilers follow, if you haven’t seen yet.)

Sometimes it really sucks following those like 24 and last night was one of those times.  Just when you think things are going well… Chloe gets promoted… Jack finally gets a moment’s peace and gets to do some belly rubbin’ with yummy FBI Agent Renee Walker.

All looks good, but deep down, you know that there are still like 6 more episodes to come, so something else has to happen.  Then… BAM.  Sniper fire.  Agent Freckles is down, wearing nothing but a bed sheet.

You would think having sex with Jack Bauer would make a girl bulletproof.

So I’m bummed.  No more looking into the haunted eyes of our Agent Walker. 

She’s been my favorite part about the last 2 seasons.  I know it’s stupid to get upset about a freakin’ TV show.  I know that right afterwards, someone goes, “Cut!” and everyone gets up and grabs some coffee and a donut.  But why let reality encroach on the story?  When you follow a story over time, you can’t help but get drawn in.  While the show is rolling, you start to see these characters as real people.  What’s the point of watching a drama if you don’t suspend disbelief? 

The skeptic can come out after the credits roll.  So back to the story.

Poor Jack just does not have any luck with the ladies.  First wife?  Killed.  Next girlfriend, Audrey Raines, daughter of the Secretary of Defense?  First she leaves him because he dared to save the day.  Then she’s back, then she’s left as a vegetable and Daddy sends him away.  Now on the verge of retirement, Jack had finally found that skeletal female that’s just as hardcore as he is and “bang.”  Gone. 

Sigh.

Jack’s probably thinking that Shakespeare’s “Romeo” got off easy.  It’s not too big a prediction to say that someone is going to pay dearly for this transgression.  I mean what would you do if you had this taken away from you?

I know what I’d do…

Networking

It’s so sad that it’s gotten to the point that when I get up in the morning, I judge how good my day is going to be by what’s on TV that night.  So I take the network scheduling very seriously.

Last week there was a blurb in the paper running down the expectations for the next season.  I was going to post on it then, but got sidetracked by all the prank stories. 

For each network, the blurb spelled out the forecast for each network’s shows.

ABC

Renewed: Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Middle

Likely to Live: The Bachelor, Brothers & Sisters, Castle, Dancing With The Stars, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice

On the Bubble: Better Off Ted, The Deep End, Flash Forward, The Forgotten, Scrubs, V

Canceled: Ugly Betty

Bluz’ Views:  Modern Family and Cougar Town are 2 of the funniest shows on right now.  I usually get 2 or 3 belly laughs out of each.  The writing is especially crisp on Modern Family.  I’m surprised Cougar Town caught on… it’s pretty quirky.  Of course it does have the lovely Courteney Cox Arquette.

I don’t watch any of the Likely to Live shows, although I’ve watched Dancing With the Stars before this season.  I think it’s always on opposite something else I watch, but I’m generally in favor of lots of hot dancer chicks in tight, revealing outfits.

The Bubble shows hurt… I love Flash Forward and V, the former because it’s a fascinating idea to examine what would happen if everyone suddenly became aware of some of what awaits them in the future.  The latter, I enjoy because there are sneaky alien monsters playing opposite Elizabeth Mitchell, formerly “Juliet” on Lost, who is just yummy. 

I was devastated when her character died in last season’s finale of Lost, but it’s not like you couldn’t see it coming.  Characters named “Juliet” do not get to live happily ever after.  

I just read today that V and Flash Forward were both sinking in the ratings; so unfortunately I think this bubble has burst.  Networks don’t keep expensive hour-long dramas on the schedule if they aren’t earning.

CBS

Renewed: How I Met Your Mother, The Good Wife, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Undercover Boss, The Amazing Race, Survivor.

Likely to Live: Criminal Minds, CSI, The Mentalist.

On the Bubble: Accidentally On Purpose, Cold Case, Ghost Whisperer, Medium, Old Christine, Numb3rs.

Cancelled: Three Rivers

Bluz’ Views: Amazing Race and Survivor are shoe-ins and I’m glad.  I rarely miss either.  And Survivor looks amazing in Hi Def.  I’m also glad The Good Wife is renewed.  Julianna Margulies is also yummy and the show is engaging.

I’ve liked her ever since she was on ER.

Two and a Half Men may be on, or may not, depending on Charlie Sheen’s contract negotiations.  Personally, I think his current 800K per show ought to be enough to keep him in hookers and blow, but who am I to say enough is enough?  Love the show though, juvenile as it is, but I usually watch it in syndication, so I don’t give a rip if it’s picked up again.

Of the Likely to Live shows, I watch The Mentalist.  I like the lead character for the same reasons I like Hannibal Lechter… he just seems so much more observant and intuitive than everyone else.  And the Mentalist only chews scenery, not livers with fava beans.

On the Bubble shows… I sincerely hope Ghost Whisperer comes back but the network may not have enough room to accommodate Jennifer Love Hewitt AND her enormous batwing eyelashes.

On the bright side, if the show is cancelled, David Conrad may be home in Pittsburgh more often, so he can bum rides off of Ginny Montanez, nee PittGirl.

I always mean to watch Cold Case, because the star, Kathryn Morris, is also devastatingly yummy.  But it’s on after football on Sunday nights and gets bounced around a lot, so I’m usually watching something else.  I hope she lands in another show.

I only saw Three Rivers once… The show was OK, but considering it was about a hospital set in Pittsburgh, I was dismayed that not a single person had a yinzer* accent.  What’s up with that?  You set a show in Boston, people sound like the Kennedys.  Set a show in New York, they all sound like DeNiro.  But set a show (or a movie… I’m looking at YOU, “Striking Distance” and “Sudden Death”) in Pittsburgh there’s nary a gumband** in sight.  So good riddance to the pretend Pittsburgh show.

NBC

Renewed: Parks and Recreation, Friday Night Lights, Law & Order, 30 Rock, Community, The Office.

Likely to Live: Biggest Loser, Law & Order SVU.

On the Bubble: Celebrity Apprentice, Chuck, Heroes, Trauma.

Bluz’ Views: Thank God 30 Rock is coming back.  It’s been the smartest, snappiest, hippest sitcom on TV for the last 3 years.  And Tina Fey, whose writing and creativity I so much admire, is also yummy.

It’s also a good thing that at least one Law & Order is coming back, or my dad won’t know what to do with himself during evenings when there are no sports on.

The Bubble items are killing me.  OK, I can live without The Donald and his dimwit celebrity apprentices.  But the others… say it ain’t so. 

Chuck?  Love it.  Funny, good action, hot chicks and endearing characters.

Heroes?  It’s fading but still engaging.

Trauma?  It was the heir to ER’s action, but with more helicopters and a much nicer looking backdrop.  (San Francisco, which looks great behind all the aerial helicopter shots.)

Mercy?  I love this show, the heir to ER’s emotional wallop.  Plus it features an actress named Taylor Schilling:

I’m starting to wonder if one can O.D. on yumminess. 

Fox

Renewed: Glee, Fringe, Bones, American Dad, The Cleveland Show, (no, Dad, it’s not about the Browns), Family Guy, The Simpsons.

Likely to Live: American Idol, House

On the Bubble: Brothers, Human Target, Lie to Me, Til Death

Canceled: Dollhouse, Past Life, and 24.  Wait, what??  24????

Bluz' Views: Sure, just take away my reason for getting out of bed on Monday mornings.  At least they’re going to make a 24 movie, tentatively titled “2 and a Half,” I believe.  OK, maybe not, but what else are the going to call it?  Something lame like “24-The Movie”?

I also wish Dollhouse could have stuck around, but that cancellation came months ago. 

It’s funny how most of the shows renewed on Fox feature cartoon characters.  Much like their “news” department.  Whooooo!

But who are they kidding about American Idol not being safe?  Like they’re going to get rid of that cash cow…  Unless Simon stabs the other judges in the head and napalms the set, it’ll be fine. 

Not that I care… If I want to listen to bad singing, I’ll turn down the stereo in my car.

Lingo Notes for non-Pittsburghers:

* Yinzer is another term for Pittsburger, because they use the word “yinz” or “yunz” (technically “you’uns”) the same way southerners use the word, “y’all.”

** “Gumband” is Pittsburghese for “rubber band”.  Really.  Yinz can look it up…

24 - Still Drinking!

Last September, I had just finished watching Season 3 of “24” on DVD and decided to dip my toe into the lucrative Drinking Game market.  In about 20 minutes, I scratched out this post for my 24 Drinking Game. 

I didn’t get many eyeballs on this post, per usual, but I did notice that it would turn up regularly in Google searches… at least a couple per week since then.

But this year, it’s suddenly gone off the scale (by my humble standards).  Since 1/6, I’ve had 50 hits from Google on this post, obviously due to the run-up to yesterday’s premiere of “24”-Season 8.  The vast majority of them were from the last 5 days.  At least a third of them were from England and another third from other places in Europe.  Either they really enjoy Jack Bauer in the Olde Country, or they’re just looking for a new way to get drunk. 

But not one of them has commented.  Humph!

Last night I figured I’d have a look at the how the Game stacks up in Season 8.  Normally the series doesn’t really get cooking until at least a couple episodes in, so I wasn’t expecting a lot of hits.  I was actually pleasantly surprised.

Dammit! = 3

Chloe has awkward conversation = 1

Chloe scowls = 3

We have no choice = 1

So in the 2-hour premiere there were 8 drinking points by my count.  Some of them are judgment calls, especially when it comes to Chloe.  Everything she says is “awkward” and a scowl is her default expression.  I was awarding a drink for anything beyond the normal awkward scowl.

I was pleasantly surprised by the “Dammit” count and the early appearance of “We don’t have a choice”.  Fast out of the gate, this season…

We’ll see how tonight’s 2-hour follow-up stacks up.

Please feel free to add any new prospective drinking points, in comments.

Or I’ll send Jack Bauer to hunt you down and beat it out of you.

The "24" Drinking Game

I’ve written before about my guilt-ridden love for the super-action show “24”. This week I just finished up watching the DVDs for Season 3, after which I now propose the following “24” Drinking Game.
The Rules: Take a drink whenever you hear someone say…

· “Dammit!” The all-purpose epithet, along with the occasional “son-of-a-bitch”. You know whenever Jack Bauer screams, “Dammit”, it’s just a stand in for “Fuck ME!”

· “What?” You’d think everyone on the show is hard of hearing, because no one ever seems to hear anything important the first time. I realize that it’s just a exposition device to elicit more details, but still, it makes everyone sound dim.

“Assad Falafel is dead.”
“What?”

“The bomb just went off; everyone in Fubar City is dead.”
“What?”

“We don’t have The Package. I repeat; we don’t have The Package. I say again, we don’t have The Package. The Package is gone.”
“What?”

Actually, I shouldn’t joke… with all the gunfire, bombs and people screaming “Dammit”, all the regulars probably are hard of hearing.

· “We don’t have a choice!” Also, “we don’t have any other choice”, “there are no more options”, etc. Anything that indicates that there is only one course of action and it’s going to be pretty distasteful. Anyone engaging in a plan in which “they don’t have any other choice” usually ends up bleeding somewhere.

· “We’re running out of time!” Also, “there’s no more time”, “we’re out of time”, etc. Count anything that indicates that the deep shit is imminent. For all the rushing around everyone does, no one ever seems to have enough time.

If you hear the following, chug whatever is left:

“Dammit, we don’t have a choice… We’re running out of time!”
“What?”
Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep


I kept score of these markers during my viewing of Season 3 and found the following totals:
Dammit = 12
What = 14
No Choice = 15
Running out of time = 18

That averages out to about 2.5 drinking opportunities per episode, although if you factor out the first 3 or so episodes while they’re just getting warmed up, you can up the totals. If these figures don’t provide enough opportunities for drinking, consider these additional signals for extra credit:
· If Chloe scowls, drink.
· If Chloe converses with someone awkwardly, drink.
· If Tony Almeida glances furtively, drink.
· If Jack’s daughter gets herself into trouble, drink.And if a major character gets killed, resulting in the “silent” 24-clock, chug.

Goodbye Old Friend

I had to banish an old friend today… A friend that had been there for me through thick and thin, to whose bosom I rushed whenever I had to forget my daily troubles. Sadly, my friend had worn out his usefulness and I had him taken away.
No, it wasn’t just Darth. It was my old reliable 32” Toshiba. The times had just passed him by and a younger, sleeker model caught my eye.

Hello, new friend!

This is my new friend, the Samsung 46” LCD. I think I’ll call him Samson. (It would have been just “Sammy”, but I already have one of those.)

Oh how I love your smooth lines. So much more picture to love and a remote as long as my arm. I’ve already seen one hockey game with you and it was life changing. We are going to party, my friend.
No wussy chick flicks on you, Samson. It’s going to be nothing but sports and action flicks. I’ll have Independence Day running on a 24-hour loop, with Rambo in the Picture in Picture. Maybe once in a while, I’ll switch to a cooking show, while they celebrate Bacon Week. Yeah, life with Samson will be great.

Still, Toshiba and I have been through a lot together. We met back in 1993 or ’94, back when I lived in Albany NY and was married. (Cold chill runs down back.)

Man, we’ve seen a lot of history. We’ve seen three Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl runs, one of which still gives me nightmares but is more than made up for by the other two. We’ve seen countless Steelers Monday Nighters and playoff games. We’ve seen hundreds of Penguins hockey games, most of which came in the last three years when I’ve had the NHL Center Ice package. We’ve seen the Orioles suck for 11 straight years. Haven’t seen many Pirates games, but that’s probably a blessing.

We’ve seen 4 sets of Olympic games. So many sights there… Kerri Strug sticking a vault on one leg, Brandy Chastain nailing down a soccer gold and becoming the poster-girl for buff women, Michael Phelps winning every medal in sight, even with a little help from his friends. There was Tonya and Nancy going head to head or knee to knee for skating gold, as well as countless other twisting and spinning ballerinas with blades on their feet.

We’ve seen the entire run of ER and Friends and all of 24 and Lost so far. We’ve seen series finales of NYPD Blue, Seinfeld and countless other quality shows that came and went; torpedoed by the lowest common denominator demands of the American public.

And there’s been history!

We’ve seen four Presidential elections: half thrilling, half nauseating. We choked back tears watching Diana’s funeral. We wept openly the afternoon of 9/11. We’ve seen Jon Stewart make mincemeat of the powerful and pretentious, making us laugh till we cry the good kind of tears.

So it wasn’t at all an easy decision to upgrade. Toshiba probably would have lasted many more years. But progress is inevitable and 3-years free financing is a powerful argument. I woke up on Saturday knowing I would be greeting my new and promising friend Samson and any apprehensions I may have had flew right out the window when the Best Buy guys brought that giant box in the door. They set him up, hoisted the remote into my hand and wished me well.

Into the manual I flew, wanting to know everything I could about my new friend. After some stops and starts, I got the DVD, the Wii and the surround sound into working order.

Now, let’s see what she’s got!

OK, not so fast. Sadly, I failed to realize that regardless of Samson’s broadcasting prowess, it was still a Saturday afternoon, meaning there wasn’t shit on TV (unless you count golf, which isn’t as much TV as it is the best cure for insomnia, right next to NASCAR).

Sigh.

OK, let’s check out the “E” channel and their special on “The Best and Worst Beach Bodies.” We’ll start working on making new history later.