The Fix Is In

I’m seeing more things fall into place that tells me that this Administration plans on hanging around a lot longer, without taking any chances on losing power on such a flimsy premise as “The Will of the People.”

TFG signed another executive order to further complicate the voting process, with a key point being that they won’t count any ballot that is not in hand by Election Day, no matter when it was postmarked.

You see the play there, right? With control of the post office operations (whether by presidential appointment or being privatized into the hands of another corporate toadie), they can open or close the stream of mailed ballots depending on whether TFG or his party is ahead or behind. I would also bet that batches of mailed ballots from known Blue strongholds will somehow become “misplaced,” “destroyed,” or taken out into the Potomac and sunk like a mob rat.

Another point is an added requirement to provide proof of citizenship at registration. “But wait, I’m already registered!” you may wonder. Have you seen the Red State efforts to “rid the voter rolls of ineligible or non-voters?” They take as much care in researching that as the DOGE teen squad does when “carefully ridding the government of waste,” which is to say they hack and burn anyone and anything that looks like a Democrat. So then, when someone who’s been registered all their lives suddenly gets bounced and has to reregister, they better hope they have a copy of their birth certificate or social security card. Doubly so for a woman who changed her name when she got married.

This is now, as “voter ID requirements” have always been, a method of removing low-income, young, or immigrant voters to better put a thumb on the scale for Republicans. The more barriers to voting, the better for Republicans.

The Baltimore Sun finally got one of their headlines right:

Unfortunately, I don’t think they meant it the way I see it.

If there’s an election at all, it’ll be rigged so tight we’ll have to be lubed up just to get in the door of the polling place. TFG already thanked his benefactor, Elon, for winning him the last election, and I doubt that was just about money. Money is readily available from the existing Republican donor class; Elon’s wasn’t anything special. But his people’s hacking skills were.

Why am I still calling this out? It’s because I think we need to make a fuss about it and bring it up at every turn, to get the idea out there and degrade it before it’s put into the hands of the judiciary. And buy that, I mean the Supreme Court, aka the only court Republicans currently recognize, because it’s the one stacked in their favor. The new Mainstream Media isn’t going to do it anymore… they’ve been bought and threatened into compliance already, just like the rest of the business world. No one wants to do anything to upset the Orange King, lest they incur his wrath.

And that’s the real key to the whole Executive Order thing. A president has no power over elections; the states do. So, in theory, his EO is meaningless. Of course, SCOTUS may invent a reason why it isn’t. But the real hammer is the threat of withholding funds to states that refuse to comply.

What with FEMA on the way out the door, he won’t have that angle to use, but there are still government funds for numerous other services, like highway funds, research grants, development and construction money, etc. Blue states on a budget might think twice before defying the EO on voting, lest they upend their books even worse than they already are.

The only real power left is that of individuals acting in unison, a true grassroots movement. The longer we wait, the worse it’s going to be. Immigrants are already being “disappeared” out in broad daylight; it’s only a short matter of time before they start coming for native citizens they don’t like.

With modern surveillance techniques, we’re bound to see a time when they pick up what we’re writing before we can even press publish. Hey, who’s that at the door? Who are you? I’m calling 9-1 mmmph!

 

 ***

In other news, happy 70^th birthday to one of my long-time idols, AC/DC guitarist Angus Young, one of the greatest to ever strap on a Gibson SG. Back in The Day, AC/DC was the soundtrack to every party I ever threw. We always saved them for the peak of the night, when everyone was rolling.

I’ve got tickets to see them in Pittsburgh this May, and I can’t wait. I’ve seen them five times, from 1985 to 1996, so wow, it’s been 29 years. (Attending that last show cost me the opportunity to film a home porno movie. True story.)

Angus, the eternal schoolboy, certainly isn’t as young as he once was.

Angus Young

Angus Old

He doesn’t have the kind of energy he used to, but Jesus, who does? That he’s still out there at all, at 70, is a miracle. And it’s not like he’s just standing there. You’ve seen him play. He hops around like a rooster on speed for two hours a night. Forever the Energizer Bunny.

So, happy birthday, A-Bomb. If this is your last tour, you’ve certainly earned some rest. You’ll always be remembered as one of the best.

The Greatest Grift Yet

This Administration may have finally figured out how to accomplish something that generations of their Republican brethren have been trying to do: get rid of Social Security as we know it.

Two weeks ago, an internal memo proposed changes to the claims process that would “debilitate the agency, cause significant processing delays, and prevent many Americans from applying for or receiving benefits.”

The plan is to kill the use of the phone to handle claims and direct everything to the internet. The only alternative for millions of seniors who are not internet savvy will be to make their claims in person at Social Security offices. They estimate this would create 75,000 to 85,000 more visits per week, which would represent a 14% increase over what they have now.

To drop the other shoe, they also plan on terminating 7000 workers and closing dozens of offices, thus creating a demand that will vastly overpower the apparatus available to handle it, sending the whole process into chaos.

They know all this right now and are still moving forward with the plan. Ostensibly, they say they’re trying to reduce fraudulent claims. But it’s a solution in search of a problem. The amount of Social Security fraud is less than 1% of total expenditures, with numerous processes in place that verify identities and claims. The goal here is not fraud prevention but to sabotage the Social Security system, effectively denying Americans their well-earned benefits.

Then what?

Once the system is in complete shambles, Republicans will emerge with a new plan to replace the mess they created, one which relieves the government of responsibility and privatizes the whole operation. That way, Wall Street bankers, traders, and hedge fund bros can sit on the money, invest it in any shady operation they can dream up, like the ones that tanked the economy in 2008, and then charge us fees to receive the payments of our own money. That’s the whole reason Republicans don’t like Social Security as it is… they can’t skim the take. They can’t stomach that there’s a huge pile of money of which they receive no part.

And once it’s privatized, you watch how the amount that employers contribute falls off the table or disappears completely. That’s the other fat cat dream… stop diluting profits by paying into Social Security. It’ll end up like so many pensions in the early 2000s… converted into 401ks where the business doesn’t contribute nearly what they did to the pension funds.

The haste Republicans are making to break the government structure shows that they’re looking to cause chaos sooner rather than later, which will be all the better to declare martial law or some other ruse to use to postpone or eliminate the midterm elections. If they thought they were going to face an enraged electorate in 2026 and risk losing the House, they wouldn’t be acting so recklessly right now.

They’ve even got the military under their thumb, with Trumpie toadies taking over the high command, who will be loyal to him rather than the Constitution. That means they’ll have no qualms about turning military weapons on protesting American citizens. It’s all set up for them now, thanks to the 2025 Project.

They’re packing the lifeboats and jumping in, leaving the rest of us to go down with the ship.

I used to think that this whole notion I’m touting was far-fetched. I never thought it would get this bad. But everything I see going on leads to this conclusion. The Republicans and 1%ers are setting themselves up to rule indefinitely and leaving us to forage about for ourselves. We’re not their concern, we’re just an asset to manage.

We need to make our assets heard, pronto, or American life as we know it is over.

Update: TFG wants Social Security cuts expedited. (Thanks for the link, C&L.)

When Bias Escapes the OpEd Page

Please consider this article from last week in the Baltimore Sun. On the surface, it looks like bad news for Maryland’s Democratic governor. But when you read the story, you can see it’s not necessarily so.

Note that last year, the Sun was purchased by the owner/operator of Sinclair Broadcasting, a nationwide network of conservatively-slanted TV stations, including Fox-affiliated outlets. The change in editorial slant was more like a U-turn, but unlike before, the “slant” now occupies the news sections.

To summarize the first few paragraphs, a Maryland poll shows lousy ratings for TFG, his pet Elon, (or is it the other way around?), and a majority approval for the Governor. Governor Moore’s approval rating was 55%, versus 36% and 30% for the other two. But the Governor’s numbers fell by five points so that’s what makes the headline. Don’t underestimate the importance of headlines; for many readers, that’s all they ever see of a story, so it makes an impact. Multiply this effect by every relevant story the paper runs and you can see the desired effect take root.

So this article could just as easily have said, Poll shows “Governor’s approval almost twice that of Trump and Musk.” But they want to leave a negative imprint on the reader instead.

They could also have highlighted that “Among Democrats, 83% of the respondents approve of the job Moore is doing.” That’s a big chunk of the base. Only 17% or less opposed? Sounds like he’s doing what he was elected to do.

The poll goes on to inquire about how economic conditions are being felt by residents. They lead with “only 42% say economic conditions for them and their families fall in the “excellent” or “pretty good” range.” To me that sounds pretty good. To think 42% of the state thinks they have it good? Compare that to Arkansas or Mississippi. They also lump the 58% who think they’re doing “only fair” and “poor” together. If “fair” is even half of that subtotal, that means 71% of the state thinks they’re doing “excellent,” “pretty good,” and “fair.” Those are stats I’d campaign on, but the Sun has reported them like a dirty secret scandalously revealed. Again, compare those stats to those of the red “parasite” states.

There’s also a paragraph on the question of whether the state is “moving in the right/wrong direction.” I’m always troubled by this question because there are any number of reasons someone might say an entity is moving in the wrong direction, even when they support the person in charge. Personally, I think that this state and every state is moving in the wrong direction because of what’s happening in DC. And if I responded as such to the poll, you can see how they'd use that stat as an attack on the governor, which was clearly not my intent. You should always disregard this question when it comes to polls.

Performance Art

It looks like the Republicans were campaigning for Oscars of their own lately, given all the performances they put on for the people.

In February, TFG signed a useless executive order outlawing something already outlawed.

Naturally, Fox “News” promoted it because they’ll promote anything that stokes grievances about brown immigrants. Obviously, illegal immigrants are already ineligible for federal benefits of any kind. They can’t get unemployment, Social Security, WIC, or anything else. This bill signing wasn’t anything more than the usual “tough-guy” posturing TFG enjoys so much. And I guarantee he’ll be reciting this later as “proof” of the effectiveness of his Administration, while his lapdogs lap it up.

In another issue that is as hilarious as it is sad, the Unqualified Stand-In for the Secretary of Defense, in his sweeping efforts to pretend there are no gay people in the armed services, authorized the removal of a photograph of the legendary aircraft, the Enola Gay. (Not because of the “Enola” part.)

I feel that one might be quietly walked back just because the idea is so preposterous. Hegseth was so determined to play the role of Military Macho Man, he let his minions, who don’t know history from hysterectomy, trash a famous image of a national treasure just because it has the word “gay” in it.

Just to be sure the “banned” subject matter isn’t forgotten, let me display for you, from deep in the Bluz Archives, this shot of my Great Uncle Ants (giant guy on the right) with the Enola Gay, from when he served with the SeaBees in the South Pacific.

Uncle Ants was the star of this old story I once told, about how he came in from a night out at the bars, stumbled over what he thought was his even more drunk brother, wrestled him up the stairs to bed, scolding him the whole time, only to find out he’d lugged a rolled up carpet up to the second floor.

It was also while Uncle Ants was in the South Pacific that my grandfather figured out a way to get some booze to him and his bunkmates while they were in a dry war zone.

I think Sec. Hegseth should have to go through some of the people that were on the ground in WWII, before screwing around with their history and artifacts.

There was another grand performance at the State of the Union address last week, and I’m not referring to that ranty, rambley, run-on ridiculata spewing from TGF, nor the cane-raising protest from Rep. Al Green. I mean the burly security guards hustling a lone, elderly US Representative off the floor and out the door. I bet their Moms were proud of them. I know the MAGAs were, because there’s nothing better to them than a Black guy getting kicked out of a venue.

The next week, Rep. Green was actually censured by the House. It’s funny how talking back to a president has never been something for which anyone has ever been removed or censured before. I wonder what the difference is now…

Not pictured: The other dipshit who called President Obama a liar during his SOTU address.

Yep, that’s right. Everything’s OK if a Republican does it. (And that’s just taking the polite angle and blaming politics. There’s a good chance the real reason involves something… darker.)

Last Friday, I saw that the Baltimore Catholic Archdiocese has decided to start offering the rite of Confirmation to 9-year-olds.

Seriously.

Like any 9-year-old is savvy enough to make a decision about his spiritual well-being. Hell, I don’t think 14-year-olds (like me at my own confirmation) are qualified either, but that’s still better than this! The kids are only doing whatever their parents have told them to do. But sure, let the Church put on a big song and dance about how these kids have “chosen” to entertain Catholic beliefs. They can pretend all they want.

Luckily, it’s not like these Confirmations are binding. The kids can still come to their senses a little further down the road, like I did. As George Carlin said, “I was a Catholic right up until I reached the age of reason.” Eventually, many will open their eyes and ears, take a good hard listen to what they’re being fed, see that much of it is fantasyland, and the rest is nonsense, with few of the positive platitudes actually playing out in real life. Feeding the poor, healing the sick, welcoming the strangers? That’s just for church. In real life, the people wrapped the tightest in their religion are the first ones to disregard all that pansy empathy stuff, stick out their hand and ask, “Where’s mine?”

Granted, this push may be more because they can count the confirmed as individuals in their congregations. In other words, it’s stat padding.

When people eventually fade away from the Church, they don’t usually go through any kind of notification process wherein they formally tell the Church that they are leaving. They just stop showing up, which allows the Church to keep the person on the books.

It would be nice to think that if there really was a “crisis of confidence” and the Church wanted to make an honest effort to gain and retain followers, they would adjust their policies, procedures, and messaging to connect with more people. But apparently, that’s too hard, so they’re cooking the books instead.

Amen.

Hitting Home

Sorry for the late post this week, I was crammed yesterday. Onward…

Last week, in Nan’s Notebook, she asked a good question about how the current Administration’s actions directly affect us. Not big-picture stuff like the end of the Nation as we know it, but tangible effects felt by real citizens. I was going to answer, but once I thought about it for a second, I realized there was enough for a full post. So, not wishing to carry on so long in someone else’s Comment section, I decided to bring it here.

Yes, there are several important ways TFG is screwing me, right now, aside from his failed (and never actually intended) promise to lower grocery costs.

·      The threat of losing Social Security and Medicare colors everything right now. Republicans have the opportunity to accomplish that for rich benefactors have been yearning for decades, which is killing or curtailing our social safety net. Without these things, personal savings vehicles become paramount.

·      To that end, the new economic uncertainty we see around us cost my 401k over $10,000 in just the last week and a half. I just finished moving the rest of my 401k investments around into safer but lower-yielding options. (And I had them in fairly conservative entities to start.) I had considered such moves before the 2008 Big Bank collapse but never pulled the trigger. Consequently I got my ass handed to me, financially. It took me years to recover from those losses.

·       Tariffs on steel and other construction goods will increase the cost of new cars. My job involves managing a fleet of cars for my company. Driving up the price of a new car will affect the efficiency of the operation. If the cost gets too high, the Powers That Be may end this particular program and fold up the fleet for good, rendering me unemployed.

So, to summarize, I could easily lose my job, Social Security, personal retirement savings, and affordable insurance. How’s that for tangible effects? I used to have a solid retirement plan that would be executed in the next couple of years, but now that plan is on hold—all because the richest men in America want more.

Other more speculative issues include:

·      The end of our democracy, leaving me and everyone else disenfranchised. I think we’ve seen our last clean presidential election, and I’m not even sure about the midterms. I believe that the reason all this chaos has been unleashed, including touching Social Security, the famed “Third Rail of Politics, is because they don’t plan on allowing the rest of us to weigh in again with our measly “voting rights” again. They paid a lot of money to get things the way they’re going now and they won’t let “the people” anywhere near the levers of power again. GOP Congressmen are condemning their own angry supporters at town halls as paid actors or just running away. They don’t seem to have any fear of reprisals. They’d rather rely on their faith that the newly rigged system will keep their place at the trough so that they don’t have to justify their behavior to the unwashed masses out of the need to con them into giving him their votes again.

·       This international belligerence may prod some wingnut, foreign or domestic, to set off a nuke in Washington DC. Living nearby in Baltimore, I’m in the danger zone, depending on the device involved.

·       I have to worry about wearing my new Ohio State/College Football Championship hat because it’s red and might get mistaken for a MAGA hat. That could get me shot while I’m sitting in the car at a red light.

And there’s more, there’s always more because we don’t know what atrocities this asshole is going to unleash next. It certainly won’t be anything that can quantifiably make our lives better. And we don’t even have to wait for the next shoe to drop; he’s got a big speech on TV tonight where I’m sure the next outrage will be revealed.

It’s not like I’ll be tuning in, though. I’d rather watch a monkey pleasure himself than listen to that guy give a speech, despite the conceptual similarities between the two. I’ll get the gist of it in tomorrow’s news and blogs.

DOGE Dividend? Don't Hold Your Breath

Talk about an idea that will never go anywhere…

Last week there was an article in the paper exploring the proposition that the big dividend that the DOGE cuts are supposed to provide be refunded to the taxpayers.

As soon as I saw the headline, I knew this was a non-starter. Republicans are not taking a buzzsaw to government agencies so that they can give the savings back to us…

Aside from eliminating federal regulations that might cost their companies money, they want these cuts to provide a bigger pile of money the one-percenters can divide among themselves. I’m sure they’ll figure out just how high of an increase to the deficit that they can stomach and still siphon the “found money” back to themselves by way of sweetheart contracts, shady deals, and tax cuts. There is a zero percent chance that the average citizen is going to see a dime of this largesse. Those were my thoughts before I even read the article.

Then, I found the “but” right near the end. They quoted a guy from the Heritage Foundation as saying, “I love what DOGE is doing, but this is a bad idea. There’s no need to send dividend checks. The dividend we get from slashing spending is that it brings inflation into check.”

In other words, “Don’t worry your pretty heads about it. I’ll tell you what you need, let’s not get into such unpleasant topics like “money. Just forget about it and we’ll tell you when everything is better.”

So, the original thrust of this article is that fElon was going to check with TFG. A couple days later, I saw this article:

So, fElon said he’d check with the boss and the boss OK’d it. So when are we getting our checks? Not so fast. For the prevailing conservative opinion, Sinclair National Desk (read: in bed with the GOP) quotes Blake “Brick Suit” Marnell, a MAGAt who attends rallies dressed up like the prospective Southern Wall, as saying: “Personally, I’m not in favor of this unless the yearly budget is balanced.” Use all the DOGE-generated savings to lower the yearly budget deficit first. Once the deficit is eliminated, we can talk about dividends.”

In other words: “No screen time until you finish your chores. Also, you will never finish your chores because I’ll keep adding more.” They are never going to “balance the budget.” Republicans will fight to eliminate “waste,” as defined by “services that help the average citizen,” but fight just as hard to avoid the tax hikes it would realistically take to balance the books. Not to mention giving up the tax cuts that will push the deficit higher.

No, this is a smoke-and-mirrors issue that will never come to fruition. They want the notion out there to make low-information voters think they’ll be getting some free dough. And when they don’t, they’ll find a way to blame the Democrats. Business as usual.

In other news, TFG remains busy trying to euthanize all the watchdogs.

Is should go without saying that if you seek control over independent investigators, they cease to be independent. That’s exactly what he wants. Any office that can throw a wrench into his government-destroying plans, he’s neutering by installing his own toadies who will be loyal to him, rather than the country or Constitution.

He’s also firing military Inspectors General (or JAGs), the armed service attorneys who would likely take legal action to prevent the president from unconstitutionally using the military. With them gone, and a new legion of loyalist paper Generals, he can use the Army against American citizens on American soil.

No one removes legal checks on power if they don’t have plans that require such checks.

Watch this going forward. He is not doing this just for shits and giggles.

It’s the same with the post office. He plans to abolish its independence and assume control. I’m sure there are reasons for that, too. The first one I came up with is that he bans them from delivering mailed ballots. Or, even more sinister, he keeps the status quo but covertly dumps mailed ballots from Democratic districts.

There is not a single thing this guy, nor the rest of the Republicans are doing that helps a single citizen (making less than $500k). The sad thing is that they’re not even hiding it anymore and their supporters couldn’t care less.

Remember how they called Obama “The Imperial President,” for all the executive orders he issued? (Less than Bush II, but who’s counting?) Funny how you don’t hear a peep out of them while their guy is destroying the government, our standard of living, and our safety net, one executive order at a time.

 (All articles are from my home delivery of the Baltimore Sun.)

For the Rich, By the Rich

As the disassembly of the American government continues, we must keep in mind why it’s happening.

The disassemblers want you to think that it’s solely about lowering spending and the deficit. That’s partially correct… that’s one facet. But it sounds good so that’s the part they trumpet to their MAGA followers.

It’s been a Republican principle ever since I can remember to limit government. Remember good old Grover Norquist, the guy who personally demanded pledges from GOP politicians that they will never raise a tax of any kind? He would finance a primary challenge to anyone who didn’t make the pledge.

His most salient quote is “I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.”

Republican leadership wants there to be no government because in such a case, those with the most money will rule. That’s them.

So now they’ve conned lower and middle-class people into voting for them and actually cheering as DOGE eliminates one government agency after another, including those that service the basic needs of all Americans. And I expect the cheers to continue right up until the next disaster hits and there’s no one left that knows how to deal with it. No FEMA, no NOAA forecasting, medical research to be done, no regulations that require banks to give you back your money, and so on.

What they are doing is criminal and I mean that literally. There is no support in the law for an appointed figure to make unilateral cuts to government personnel and agencies. And it’s especially galling once you realize that the person managing all this destruction is reaping the direct benefit because the businesses that he owns are being investigated or have business before all the agencies he’s dismantling.

This is just one.

No one on the news or in the local papers (at least MY local paper) is talking about the after-effects of all these cuts. Thousands of workers are being laid off by people who have no idea what they actually do. In some cases, like with those who oversee our nuclear capabilities, they have had to be immediately recalled, because even the rich assholes know enough not to mess around with nuclear science.

Here are some of the biggest targets so far:

·         The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, whose job it is to keep you from getting screwed by banks. Ask yourself, why would a legitimate politician want that removed? The only answer is so you can be screwed over by banks again.

·         OSHA, which is responsible for workplace safety. Without them, there is no one to ensure that machinery is properly guarded, workers aren’t engaging in dangerous activity, they are not getting poisoned by the atmosphere in the plant, and so forth. This department was created because business practices were so dangerous, with fatalities merely being considered “the cost of doing business.” If a business can cut a safety corner that saves them money and there is no disincentive, do you really think they’ll refrain? History tells us otherwise.

·         NOAA, which provides detailed weather forecasting free of charge to the public. They are being taken down for two reasons. One is that they are a leader in climate change research and that’s exactly what Republicans don’t want to hear about. They are still owned by the fossil fuel industry, to whom there is no such thing as climate change. The other reason is that, like with most other services, they’d rather privatize than provide, so that their people can make money from it. We’re spoiled with free hurricane reporting now. What happens when it becomes a pay service? This isn’t Only Fans, this is public safety. Not everyone can afford to drop $9.99 a month for storm warnings. But even if it doesn’t go that far, it’s still a barrier to necessary information.

·         USDA and the people who inspect our food to ensure it’s safe. Tell me why an honest politician would want to tamper with food safety? There are no legitimate reasons, only to lower standards to reduce the cost of production, without opposition. Who cares, then, when people get sick? How are they going to prove it? And prove it to whom, without a governing agency?

·         The VA. Look at how many Democratic programs get slammed because “We shouldn’t spend money on “this” while we still have homeless veterans.” These guys are cutting services to all veterans, not just the homeless ones, and there’s not a peep from all these MAGA “patriots.”

There are dozens more but it all comes down to the same thing… and this is the main reason for these actions. Small government and lower expenditures make possible the fat tax cuts they want to renew. These are tax cuts for the rich that we will barely even notice in our paychecks. And this time, they’re not even bothering to continue the lie that it will spur the economy so that the rest of us feel the difference. We know, from when these tax cuts were rolled out, that they won’t do anything for anyone other than line the pocket of the rich.

It’s not like they’re averse to spending money though, as long as it’s on themselves. TFG’s golf trips and Mar-a-Lago trips cost the taxpayers millions. But they don’t even pretend to care about these optics. After all, they see it as their right as the Ruling Class.

This is what we’re up against for the next 4 years. And I hope people remember what government service used to be like. It wasn’t always the most efficient, but at least it was there. If there’s ever another election we’re going to need everyone onboard to reset the clock. (And women, be sure you have your docs in order, Republicans have proposed a bill that will likely end the right to vote for married women who have taken their husband’s name unless they obtain a whole new set of documents.) They may fix that loophole in Committee, but they haven’t yet, and that’s telling.

We’re only about a month in. It’s going to be an ugly road ahead.

The SBLIX Viewing Experience

I haven’t written a Super Bowl post since 2023, which coincidentally was also the Chiefs vs. Eagles game. I’ve been a football fan since I was ten or eleven, and that’s not changing, despite the plethora of changes to the game and broadcast. Yes, with all the serious worldly events going on, I still look forward to some mental diversion. The problems will still be there on Monday, right?

I had a hard time finding a rooting interest this year. As a Steelers fan, I don’t have a dog in the fight. I do like the Chiefs and they’re entertaining to watch, but I’d rather they didn’t three-peat. As for Philly, I don’t really have anything against the team, but their fans are obnoxious. They’re the only fan base that required a judge and jail within the stadium and seem proud of it. But I eventually decided to root for the Eagles anyway. After all, without Philly joining with Pittsburgh to vote blue, Pennsylvania wouldn’t be a purple state, they’d be Alabama.

As for picks to win, I went with the Chiefs because regardless of the situation, they somehow find a way to win.

Earlier during the weekend, I posited that since TFG would be in attendance, he probably contacted the network to make sure he was shown on air more than Taylor Swift. And because the game was on Fox, I was betting they would acquiesce. I decided I’d keep track to test my theory. My initial thought was that I’d count instances during the game, (mostly because I didn’t watch much of the pregame show. They showed him, though, right before the game, I think during the National Anthem (of course Fox would merge the two.) They showed Taylor near the end of the first half. And then neither one showed up again. So it was a tie, by my rules.

But then I learned this morning that he was also shown earlier in the pregame show, so he probably considers it a win. (I consider it a win any time I don’t have to see his lumpy orange visage.)

I think Fox made a conscious effort NOT to show Taylor Swift because there were plenty of opportunities with Travis Kelce either catching or dropping passes. In the past, most of those would cue a cutaway to Taylor reacting in the stands. Not so this time, thus disappointing legions of tween girls watching the broadcast with their dads.

I understand that they did show TS in the stands on the scoreboard during the game, and she drew more boos than cheers. I can't understand why that was shocking. The place was filled with Eagles fans and she's the Chiefs' most prominent cheerleader. Of course she was going to get booed. There may be more young female NFL fans because of her, but they wouldn't be attending the Super Bowl. This was 100% predictable.

So, let’s bullet point the next several hours… The Super Bowl… Go!

·         I commend the organizers for trying to give the show a little NOLA flavor. I mean, the Southern University Marching Band can really get down… But where’s the Cajun/Zydeco influence? That shit is made for the party! I used to love going to Cajun festivals back when I lived in Albany NY. It was always a great time.

·         Ad: Martha Stewart doing the CGI Boogie for glide-step Skechers. Loved it. Hilarious. I hope they continue to use that one so it’s not just one-and-done.

·         Ad: I know the Dunkin Donuts commercial was trying really hard but there was so much jammed in, I’m going to have to see it again to make sense of it. I lost focus right after they showed Jay and Silent Bob, then spent the rest of the time waiting for them to come back (which they never did).

·         The first so-called “Controversial Call.” I saw a guy put his hands in the other guy's facemask twice, while the ball was in the air. That’s pass interference against the Eagles. Cue the harrumphing about the Chiefs getting all the calls… right up until the Eagles benefitted from a similar call on the next series.

·         Let me take this opportunity to rant about how much I hate all the “Chiefs Get All the Calls” bullshit. The fact is the same thing gets said about every team that dominates. I used to hear it about the Steelers all the time, and certainly about the Tom Brady-led Patriots. I agree with the detailed explanations regarding just how complicated it would be for there to be an actual league plot to prop up one team. It could never happen. One corrupt official? Sure, but there are just too many involved with a year’s worth of league games.  Yes, some calls get blown, as they have across time and space. All this bitching about a conspiracy is just sour grapes from fans whose teams aren’t good enough. /rant

·         Ad: The Eugene Levy/Flying Eyebrows spot for Little Caesars was hilarious, although kind of pointless.

·         I can’t believe Tom freakin’ Brady is complaining about those first two penalties. Nobody cried harder for flags after getting hit than Brady. STFU about penalties, Tom. You bitched anytime a defensive lineman breathed on you.

·         I have to add that despite deciding to root for the Eagles, I keep finding myself cheering when something good happens to KC and bummed when the Eagles make a play. I guess deep down, I’m rooting for the Chiefs regardless of what my brain says.

·         Ad: Celebrity Pickleball. I must be missing something. Who is that playing with Willem Dafoe? Chris Evert with raccoon eyeliner? It seems it should either be two athletes or two former tennis pros. It doesn’t make sense to have an aging actor in there.

·         After the first quarter, they showed several celebs in the stands, but no Taylor. Telling.

·         Ad: Seal the seal for Mountain Dew. This was the first one to make me laugh out loud. I don’t really get it, but it was so well done. The moment I realized what they were doing, I just busted.

·         Ad: I also loved the Senior Citizen ladies for Weather Tech floor mats. I LOLed when the old lady flashed the judge. I hope they keep using this one too.

·         After the Eagles Pick-6, the Chiefs better get their offense in gear or they’re gonna be too far behind to just “find a way” this time.

·         Ad: I never want to see that Coffee Mate “tongue” commercial again, as long as I live. Ick. Pass the eye bleach.

·         Ad: Pringles flying moustaches that totally rip off Eugene Levy’s flying eyebrows. Someone should be suing someone here…

·         The first Taylor sighting, right before the half, which I now know will be the only one.

·         Halftime: The last rock band to play the SB halftime was The Who in 2010. Before them, it was Springsteen, Tom Petty, Prince, and the Stones. And ever since it’s been nothing but pop, rap, and R&B. I guess I’m no longer in the target demographic. I usually enjoy the stage show and the dancers, but after a few moments, I’m on my phone scrolling Bluesky, waiting for the show to end. Apparently, Kendrick Lamar called out Drake as a pedophile but it went right over my head.

·         Back to the game, the Eagles don’t even need to blitz, they just rush their front four who are getting tremendous pressure on Mahomes. It’s like the Eagles are playing against a high school team, not the 2-time defending champs.

·         I found less and less on which to comment in the second half… the Eagles ran away with the game and all the good commercials seem to have come early. The Chiefs got two TDs in garbage time but lost 40-22, with the Eagles’ scrubs in the game. And I give credit to Philly for that, letting everybody get a chance to play in the big game.

·         So as it turns out, the team my brain wanted to win did win. I always enjoy watching the post-game celebration and seeing everyone so happy. But there was no Three-peat and a chunk was taken out of KC’s armor. Now I hope to see some new blood in the arena next year.

Don't Blame the White Guy

I heard about the DC plane/helicopter crash on the radio when I woke up the next morning. While in the shower, I thought, “How long is it going to take before someone tries to blame the Democrats for this?”

I didn’t have to wait much longer. By midday, TFG declared the crash the fault of Dem-induced DEI at the FAA. Then as if by magic, all his minions appeared across the internet to parrot their Fuhrer’s line of bullshit.

And they stuck to their script, even after it came out that there were no “DEI beneficiaries” in the tower at that time. In case you’re keeping score, that means when white guys screw up, it’s because somewhere in their organization, Black, brown, or female people have jobs.

It’s funny how DEI is the problem now rather than at any time during the last four years of such hiring practices. If what they’re claiming is true, there should have been multiple plane crashes on our soil. Instead, there were none.

So, maybe shutting down FAA oversight committees, and directors, and tendering resignation requests among the staff might have had a leeeetle to do with it, but surely not as much as knowing a minority works there somewhere.

This is what we’re reduced to today. It’s a clown show held in a house of mirrors. Bizarro World government.

The day after a crash, nobody should be politicizing it, from either side, for the simple reason that no one knows jack shit yet. And no one will know anything definite until they review and release the data from the helicopter’s black box.

You’ve probably seen the film. You can plainly see the helicopter fly straight into the side of the oncoming airplane. Maybe there’s a case to be made that the helicopter should have been routed elsewhere. But it’s an uncontestable fact that the copter should have seen the plane coming in, all lit up in front of it. Helicopters have a complete range of visual access from far left to far right; with 180 degrees of visual range. All it had to do was move up, down, or left in the five to ten seconds before impact to avoid it.

Given that, I want to hear what was happening in the helicopter that was compelling enough to draw the pilots’ attention away from the jet airliner smack dab in front of them. Was there an injury, a heart attack, or a seizure? Did the steering system break down?

None of us know any of that and I hope we do soon. The faster we have the facts, the faster we’ll learn that DEI had nothing to do with any of this.

But then, who am I kidding? The Right never admits they’re wrong. If the pilot was having a heart attack, they’ll claim a DEI Army doctor missed the signs. If it was a mechanical problem, it would have been a DEI Army mechanic who didn’t see a damaged stick (or whatever.) You can’t win when one side will adapt any situation to match their core beliefs, facts, evidence, and common sense be damned.

Republicans have decided DEI is the cause of everything that ails the country and will stretch the truth to asinine proportions to make their point. I mean, look at this knob:

Aircraft terminology is the culprit that's making planes smash into each other or fall out of the sky? I can’t believe these shmucks can put that out there with a straight face. No shame whatsoever. They will look us right in the face and tell the most mind-bending lie they can and their disciples will believe it without question because they want it to be true.

On Facebook, I saw the father of an old childhood friend and faithful MAGA fall in line with this completely, claiming that because he flies a small aircraft, he can attest that DEI is dangerous because each “DEI hire” robs who he assumes to be a more qualified white man of his rightful job.

It’s funny that some of us thought that after Obama was elected, we’d reached a “Post-racial” environment. Au contraire. What it did was shock the racists so hard that they vowed that they would never let such a thing happen again. And the result of this mental reset is the MAGA we know today.

Lucky us.

Director's DVD Commentary: I just joined BlueSky last week, with the handle bluzdude.bsky.social. Follow me and I'll follow you back!

That BK Ad

Rarely has a newspaper cartoon captured my exact thoughts as perfectly as this one did last week:

Thank you “Pearls Before Swine” for being a beacon of clarity.

This series of Burger King commercials, (you know the ones, unless you’ve been watching nothing but Netflix lately) has been driving me buggy since their onset a few years ago.

I’m going to dip into the long-neglected training from my Radio/TV/Film major college days and discuss this commercial in detail, from what they’re trying to do to why it irritates me and so many others.

One of the main things I learned was that every single thing you see in a commercial is put there to serve a purpose. Nothing is there by accident, especially in big national spots like these.

Every actor, setting, prop, costume, and graphic is there for a reason, usually as an unspoken message or reinforcement aimed at the demographic they’re trying to reach.

(Stupid local ads for car dealerships, lawyers, home improvement, and the like are a category unto themselves, where often the ad creators are just doing what the egocentric business owner tells them to. "Seriously, my customers love it when I yell car prices at them!")

If you ARE a Netflix devotee and have been fortunate enough to miss them, there’s a series of BK commercials wherein they do “updates” of their old 70s jingle, using someone who can’t sing.

If you’re anywhere close to my age, you remember the original jingle:

“Hold the pickle hold the lettuce,

Special orders don’t upset us.

All we ask is that you let us

Serve it your way.

Have it YOUR way,

Have it your Way, at Burger KING.”

At first, I was happy about the new ad series because it meant the end of their creepy “King-face mask” character that looks like a picture of Charlemagne from an old history textbook.

But now, their more recent ads are a travesty to anyone who takes Weird Al’s work seriously. There’s an art to creating an effective parody, or in this case, jingle refurbishment. You have to make it as close to the original as possible, optimally, using the same rhyming sounds and number of syllables per line as found in the original.

The new jingles sound like they are written by AI. They’re basically reciting menu items with descriptions from internal marketing memos, forced into the rhythm of the original jingle. The rhymes are elementary and they frequently jam far too many syllables into a line not designed to handle them. Or not enough.

One of them that’s running now is for the BK Melt. They stretch the word “melt” over five different notes, where five different words should be if you’re doing it right.

Instead of “Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce…” the lyric is “BK me-eh-eh-eh-elt…”

Deadpool would call it “lazy writing” and I agree. Maybe Mariah Carey can pull that off but not this guy. Which brings me to the next point.

For the voice, they use that of a non-threatening Black guy. Think “Jake from State Farm,” who’s basically Ned Flanders without the verbal flourishes. “Jake” started as a schlubby white guy before State Farm decided to make him a central character and they needed him to look cool bouncing around with Patrick Mahomes.

I presume they’re aiming for a lower to middle-class audience, with the identifiably Black voice, but not so Black as to scare off the white folks… looking for a sort of “everyman.” I mean, BK isn't going after Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse patrons, are they? And whoever this guy is, he can’t carry a tune. He kind of talk-sings like young children often do when they think they’re singing but really aren’t. Most of us can’t sing, so maybe they’re trying to seem relatable.

The original jingle used correct pronunciation. This one always elides the “your way” into “have it yer way.” This is another “everyman” touch, reaching out to people who don’t have time for fancy cooking or diction, and just want to be face-deep in a Whopper before they even pull out of the drive-thru.

And the last of the verbal tricks is that final “YOU RULE,” when the jingle is done, which is nothing but a transparent attempt to flatter the audience. “Yes, I rule. I am the King of the Value Menu! Bow before your Liege!”

The music tries to update the original tune with more electronica, but mostly drums. The drum sounds bounce around all over the place, making 30 seconds worth of impotent racket, like a drum fill that lasts for the entire jingle. And I say “impotent” because the drums sound like someone playing on shoe boxes, or just tapping an open mic. “Bup bup bup bup bup… mic check…” Maybe it’s a generational thing but to me, drums are supposed to thunder, not sound like Morse Code.

They also add some common tricks you’ll find elsewhere like stretching out the BEE sound in BK. It’s the “cheese” effect of picture-taking. When someone is holding a long E sound, it subconsciously evokes a smile. Applebee’s does this in their ads too.

And the same goes for extending the “ssssss” on the line where they rhyme "Shroom and Swiss" with “hunger blisssss.” The extended S also evokes a smile, like the long E. They must really want us to think their place is one happy kingdom.

If they’re that tired of coming up with new lyrics and rhymes, maybe they should just put this one to bed and try something else, maybe something original. Sure, they already owned the rights to the “Hold the Pickle" melody, so it was the cheap option. Maybe they can sponsor a nationwide search for a new jingle. They can make it for amateurs only so then when they find a good one, it’ll be that much easier to screw the artist on the copyright revenue.

“You want your jingle on national TV? Sign the papers.”

Then they can go back to milking that “everyman” vibe for all it’s worth. And maybe we can watch BK ads again without wanting to jam pencils into our ears.