Cocaine Bluz

My first thought when the story broke about the bag of cocaine found at the White House, was that it was probably a plant. But then the more I thought about it, and the more information that rolled in, the more sure I’ve become. It just doesn’t make sense any other way.

·         The obvious and immediate reaction is “Who the hell would be so daring as to bring their coke to the White House, but then leave it in some storage cubby?”  Do they have drug-sniffing dogs at the White House, because I know the metal detectors won’t pick it up? Why wouldn’t you keep it with you? It’s not like anyone will randomly ask you to turn out your pockets. It doesn’t make sense.

·         Isn’t cocaine still really expensive? I mean, maybe it’s a bargain now, I don’t know, but last I heard, the cost was nothing to sneeze at. What user would buy a supply and then walk off without it? It doesn’t make sense.

·         There were no fingerprints on the baggie. So we’re to believe that some coke fiend who’s brazen enough to smuggle drugs into the White House, who intends to come back and retrieve his stash, is going to wipe the prints from the bag? Or wear gloves in July? This doesn’t make sense either.

·         No one was identified on camera as leaving it there? Sounds like someone knew where the cameras were, maybe an insider or past regular visitor.

These points only make sense if the intention was to leave the blow there all along. Republicans are trying desperately to smear President Biden with something…anything! But nothing is sticking. Hunter’s laptop… nothing meaningful. Influence, payoffs, bribery, inside lobbying… they got nothing but accusations from people trying to save their own asses. Zero proof, zero evidence, zero impact.

So what do you do when your party’s entire focus is scandal-mongering? You create one yourself. They send a lackey into the White House with instructions on where to leave the coke. I’m pretty sure they knew where they could get their hand on some.

“Did someone say, ‘Let’s blow this place?’”

They’re in and out without issue, then it’s just a matter of waiting until the stash is found and revving up the Right-wing outrage machine. Finally, there’s “proof” of something, because there is now a tangible piece of evidence that can be pointed to.

They ignore the fact that Hunter Biden, as well as all of the Bidens, were out of the office at Camp David during the entire period in question. That’s just more of the cover-up. Basically, any exculpatory evidence is considered part of the cover-up. That’s how everything plays with the Republican Conspiracy Theorists. Discard anything that doesn’t fit their narrative. Heads, I win, tails, you lose.

Best of all, it plays right into the pre-arranged talking point of Hunter Biden (and by extension, his whole family,) being coked-up maniacs, hell-bent on running this good country into the ground. (How, I don’t know. By making the average person’s life better? Turning the economy around? Pushing for student loan relief? Bringing down the price of insulin? Republicans seem to have a problem with all of that, but can’t really tell you why.)

But that’s the problem. The Biden Administration has quite a few wins under their belt, so Republicans have to find a way to distract the public and throw some stink on the Administration. And then suddenly, they find coke in the White House.

Notice how many times the media phrases it as cocaine “near the Oval Office,” or “in the West Wing,” rather than "In a cubby area where visitors store their things." They’re playing right into the GOP’s hands. Granted, a juicy scandal is good for ratings, so you’d expect even the straight media to cover it. But they’ve bought into the Republican slant.

I think there’s also the possibility of this coke being unintentionally left by a visitor, but the odds against so many coincidences are vast. I believe that coincidences can happen, but when you start stacking them up and they all break just the right way? I don’t buy it. Nothing is THAT coincidental in the modern, zero-sum, ratfucking world of Washington.

Maybe in twenty years, another White House insider book will come out and someone will cop to the scheme. But until then, I don’t think we’ll ever know for sure unless the FBI has been less than forthright in their characterization of the case. I don’t believe there’s any action to cover for the Biden family or other Administration personnel… there are too many FBI agents that would love to break a big high-profile case like this. Regardless of political motivation, people usually seek promotions, notoriety, and pay raises, so I don’t see a cover-up lasting very long. But without hard evidence, it’s just another DC mud-sling-athon.

Sex Ed Hysteria

A couple of weeks ago, I received a troll comment containing a screed about what’s supposedly going on with sex education. The reason I consider it a “troll” comment is that it was completely off-topic from the post, mentioned backup graphics that weren’t in evidence, and had that breathless quality that says “I’ve been passing this around for months!”

I didn’t publish it, as I said, it had nothing to do with the post, but I still wanted to take a look under the hood and give it a thorough examination.

Here’s the comment in its full raging glory (name edited, although it was surely an alias):

Read in full here or see below to go bit by bit.

“When the Sex Education in Public Schools Debates started, the normal people stated this would be a slippery slope… the Left said they were being silly…”

Ah, the Slippery Slope argument, one of the weakest of all rhetorical devices. They usually call for a series of highly unlikely actions to get to where they want us to fear going. Normal people don’t rely on Slippery Slope arguments, people with weak arguments do.

“We just want to teach biology to the kids to help prevent unwanted pregnancy…”

100% True

"Well, They Were Lying…of Course.”

Of course? Not hardly. There are no liberal committees devoted to turning the nation’s children into raging sex addicts, regardless of what the sex-averse and incel Right allege. And if there are, I’m pretty pissed about missing the meetings. Someone should have called me on the Blue Leftie Bat Phone we all have.

“The basic Sex Education curriculum is no longer “Basic”… it is now about Every Weird Sexual Fetish that those Leftist Lunatics can come up with…”

Oh really? That’s an awfully broad brush. I mean, there’s a huge difference between sex/health studies from, say, first grade vs. middle school, vs high school. Different levels should get a different level of detail. I wonder what they consider a “Weird Sexual Fetish? Probably just being gay. While they’re painting recognition of same-sex relationships as “grooming,” they might as well add some sizzle.

“Doubt me?”

 Every word.

“The following is graphic………but it is part of the curriculum the left wants to teach your children….. you need to know what they are doing….”

And here’s where we get to the missing graphic, which is no doubt as salacious as it is fake and misleading.

“Just take a look at what was given by a Planned Parenthood Sex Educator–Planned Parenthood is one of the providers that commonly helps schools teach sex ed in schools, and it provides a lot of curricular material that is used by “educators”–to 9th graders at a school in Saskatchewan. It is an ABC book to teach Sexual terms.”

I would love to have a look at it, and I’d also like to know the audience for whom it was actually created. Look how the writer mealy-mouths the allegations… Here’s their gist:

·         It was created by Planned Parenthood,

·         Planned Parenthood  also helps guide school curriculums, (news to me, I doubt it, but OK for argument’s sake)

·         Therefore that makes this graphic an actual schooling tool.

The author claims, without evidence or proof, that this was used with a 9th-grade class in Saskatchewan. Is she sure it wasn’t Timbuktu? WTF? But even if true, any teacher in any area is capable of doing something unusual at any time. But that doesn’t make it a national or universal truth.

And what the bloody hell is wrong with learning terminology? Ninth graders should be literate on biological and sexual terms. Like it or not, they’re capable of fucking, so they might as well learn the lingo.

“The left does not rest, they do not stop....they do not forgive, they do not forget.....there is no compassion or Mercy in them.”

You heard it… The Left is the Terminator! “Come vit me if you want to fuck!”

“The Left will teach your children anything they wish about sex, and you are powerless to stop them.”

And there it is, with Sex Ed as it is with any “ed.” The right wants people ignorant. If only we could somehow explain, in simple words, that knowledge of an action does not imply intent to engage in it. And with sex, ignorance kills. Study after study has shown that depriving kids of sex ed and information on contraception does not keep them from having sex, it just makes it more likely for them to get pregnant when doing so.

“Then if your child wants to become the other sex or want an abortion, the state will hide these facts from you and take over parental rights to your child to "take care of it".

I ask, when does a person have the right to self-determination? Not all parents are Ozzie and Harriet. Some are quite awful, ignorant, bigoted, violent, and controlling. Sometimes the State needs to assert control, when the parents are lacking in parenting fundamentals. Sometimes “hiding these facts” will save a child’s life. While I think that last snippet is overwrought hysteria, every situation is unique. Sometimes outside influence is necessary, and sometimes it’s not. There’s a lot of wiggle room and nothing is served well when surrounded in such hyperbole.

“Again, you are legally powerless to stop them, not by the Constitution, but by the post-Constitutional government in place today.”

One hundred percent bullshit. There is no “post-Constitutional government” in place today, just one that is opposed by a bunch of sore losers and reality deniers.

***

I feel the only answer is age-appropriate and comprehensive Sex Ed classes in school.  Parents can feel free to supplement the classes with their own moral bent, but depriving information is never the way to go.  Because with a lack of hard-core, factual information, kids will get the dirt elsewhere: from TV, movies, their idiot friends, and Internet porn.  That information is guaranteed to be rife with rumors, innuendo, and misinformation that can potentially be fatal.  Is that really a good alternative?

I remember when I was in 6th grade and we were all gathered together for assembly with the boys in one session and the girls in another. Our principal, a tall, lean, dour, bi-spectacled man, led us through the biology of fertilization, culminating in the mysterious statement that “the man’s sperm then goes from the penis into the woman’s vagina.” Then he asked if we had any questions.

By this time, my little head was swimming. We were supposed to do that? With girls?? I was WAAAY too shy to even consider doing something like that, no matter how far into the future that would be.  And all of our parents, grandparents, neighbors and such did THAT? Gross! But still, one thing puzzled me even more, so I put up my hand. The principal called on me.

I stood up and asked my question: “How does the man know when the sperms are going to come out?”

The principal coughed a few times, looked around furtively, and said, “Um, you’ll know.”

Well, that was no help! I didn’t know. I looked around and none of my friends knew. Hmm. I’d have to watch that.  I could be running around on the playground one day and bang! Stuff would be coming out and I’d have to hurry up and find a vagina to put it into.

See, there was so little context regarding the entire situation, our big Sex Ed Speech made everything an even greater mystery. 

(I bet my principal told that story for years. He ought to owe me a royalty.)

As it turned out, we 6^th graders got most of our practical information from another classroom source: The Encyclopedia. Seriously. After lunch, before the teacher would get back to the classroom, one of the kids would do a “reading from the Good Book,” meaning the encyclopedia entry for “Sex” or Reproduction.”

I was still pretty sure the encyclopedia had it wrong. There was no way that was how babies were made. It was just too icky.

I’m sure kids today are far hipper to such things, but still, they’re kids. Without proper context, it’s no wonder young people have so many misconceptions about sex. If we’re going to do something about curtailing abortions in this country, we can’t just preach “no sex” and then put the screws to young adults or troubled couples when something goes horribly wrong. And no matter what grade level, we can’t have schools pretending that gay people don’t exist. Imagine the damage being done to the kids of gay parents in Florida right now. Kids are liable to bring up any topic in the classroom. Teachers need to be able to deal with it with sensitivity and acceptance, without fearing for their jobs.

The world is just not the same as it was when today’s parents were kids themselves. Standards change, details change, and cultural moods change. We owe it to The Children to teach them openly and honestly about all facets of sex. 

How To Destroy Democracy in 6 Easy Steps

The 2023 SCOTUS term sure went out with a bang, huh? Geez, it was like a Federalist Society wish list, foisted upon the country by the Six Justices of the Apocalypse…

These are major hits on women, gays, and education, Republican Enemies 1, 2, and 3. To all the Democrats and Independents who didn’t vote for Hillary, this is what you’ve wrought, a wholly predictable assault on civil rights, human rights, and the right not to be taken to the cleaners by the banking industry.

Democrats need to come out on fire, this election season and hit these decisions hard. These were Republican priorities that almost exclusively benefitted themselves and their benefactors, at the expense of the average citizen. This is what happens when the Right is in power; they rig the system evermore so in their favor.

It’s especially galling that in the Web Designer sued for the right not to have to set up a web page for a same-sex wedding, it turned out that the plaintiff never actually fielded such an inquiry. She just wanted to discriminate on spec. Or her backers did… this had test case written all over it.

While in theory, it sounds bad to force someone to do something against their will, I think societal rules for business should supersede an individual’s cherry-picked mythological notions. If you open a business in America, you should serve anyone who walks through the metaphorical door. If your religion prevents that, then try another profession. It’s really no different than a vegan cashier refusing to ring up a customer’s steak.

And to make clear how egregiously discriminatory this is, just replace “gay” with “Black.” There is zero difference. Both are innate characteristics. If you can’t refuse service to a Black person, you shouldn’t be able to do the same to someone gay. Although I should pipe down about that… Banning service to Blacks is probably the next item on the Racist Right’s agenda.

Anyway, it’s not like Republicans are against forcing people into doing things they don’t want to do, like having a baby. They just prefer to be the ones doing the forcing. As I always say, Republicans don’t really do “principles,” they do “wanna’s.” They will espouse any principle they’ve decried in the past if it supports something they wanna do now.

The pursuit of education really took it on the chin as well. It’s old news that Justice Junket Thomas campaigned to get rid of Affirmative Action, after having used it himself, but it still makes my brain explode. “Benefits for me, but none for thee.” That’s the conservative motto, right there. Or in other words, “I got mine, now go eff yourselves.”

It’s revolting how Republicans frame this as eliminating discrimination. Yes, the poor downtrodden white kids. Such hardships you would never know. Because now, “Victim of Discrimination” = “White kid who didn’t get into his first college of choice.”

And then those who mortgaged the farm to get a college loan at an insane interest rate guaranteeing that it will never be paid off will continue to pour money into the open gullet of the banking industry rather than into the economy at large, where various vendors and employees can feel the benefit. That’s what Republicans are pushing for.

The more young people have to carry debt, the more dough rolls into the banks, and the more people have to accept crappy jobs for crappy pay because they have to keep servicing that debt monkey, the better it is for the top 1%.

That should be the next GOP Slogan: 

"Judge Smales in 2024: The world needs ditch diggers too!”

It’s no accident that tuition has spiked over the last 30 years at the same time college loans became prohibitively expensive. The upper crust doesn’t want educated people, they want pliant workers who will take orders without question, and believe anything they’re told on Fox “News.”

And if it’s anyone who’s going to get those degrees, it’s gonna be nice, White, suburban kids, and legacy students. People who will take their MBAs with a shot of whiskey and replace their dads in the boardrooms one day.

Now, the only question is, will anyone remember this next November?

Happy 4^th of July. Not.

The Timeline

Just for grins and giggles, I want to tell you about a project I spent some time on last year. Like most of my endeavors, it was pointless but fun.

I will help you to know, I am a record keeper and collector of things, from LPs, CDs, and DVDs to ticket stubs, photographs, cards and letters, whatever.

Last year, I finally acted on an idea I’d been kicking around for a long while, about creating a “Timeline” of my life. To be specific, an Excel spreadsheet featuring stuff that’s gone on, from the day I was born, to yesterday.

I figured I was uniquely qualified to create such a thing because of my collector’s nature, meaning I have a ton of sources to go to, to match dates with events.

I started with a list of places to which my family and I had relocated, then added every 10^th birthday. Then it was time for the spreadsheets.

I have full spreadsheets that include every concert (108) or sporting event (325) I’ve attended, and medical issues I’ve experienced. (Yes, really.) I created those soon after I got my first computer in 1999. I just started with every concert I knew I’d seen, cross referenced them with the ticket stubs I still had, and pictures I’d taken. The sports events were almost all based on ticket stubs, along with some occasional date-estimated remembrances from my youth. It really wasn’t too hard to do. Once you have all your old history added, you just take a minute or two to add the rest as you go. And the internet was a big help in coming up with final scores and attendance at long-ago games. (Yes, I tracked a lot of data, right down to the game jersey I wore, so I could keep track of the mojo effect.)

I created the medical thing after I had my first atrial fibrillation diagnosis and treatment, because I figured I’d better keep track of that stuff, since there’s no way I was going to remember all those names, dates, drugs, and procedures. And you know that’s always the first thing new doctors ask for.

So with that as a framework, I then dove into my journals. I’ve kept journals of sorts throughout vast swathes of my life, starting in 8^th grade. I have a book that covers 10^th and 11^th grades, and then appointment books from my sophomore though senior years of college. I ran my life with those appointment books, in which I not only recorded classes and assignments, but parties, nights out with friends, and romantic entanglements. It was a wealth of information from my young life.

Once I was out of school, I journaled again from 1985 in my first solo apartment in Toledo through 1988 in Cleveland, in 1990-92 in Albany, with another appointment book from 1995. I had one journal just for describing my softball and rec-league hockey games. I tended to journal the most when I was alone, especially when living in another new town.

To fill in some more holes, I have a year by year school book with old teacher documents and report cards, photo albums with records of family trips and riotous Barn Parties, digital picture files from the non-film camera age, old Far Side calendars I’d kept from the 80s, and info from Facebook and other social media outlets.

With all this information in hand, I sat down and went through it all, page by page, looking for anything that might be vaguely interesting. The whole thing probably took me about a month to do. As of today, there are 1019 entries.

This is a snippet of the Timeline. I started using my collage appointment book at the beginning of 1981, so you can see the increased detail afterward. Note: CC = our college Commuter Center, Renee's was the local dance club.

Yes, there was much I didn’t put in the Timeline. Maybe one day I’ll go thought and make a “Director’s Cut,” with all the scenes that didn’t pass the initial editing. That’ll draw a hard R rating though.

So, why did I do all that work? Just for the hell of it, I suppose. I thought it would be a fun experience. And I did learn a lot. In fact there were several scenarios that I realize I’d mis-remembered regarding the order of events that may have happened in a relationship. But there was no arguing with the dates recorded in the appointment book or journal. Data trumps my faulty memory every time, (especially data I created myself).

And now that I have a searchable database of my life’s events, why not inflict it on my Facebook friends and family? So every day, I do a search on that day’s date and see what turns up. If it’s something I think might be interesting to a cross-section of Facebook connections, I write up a paragraph or two, especially if I can come up with an applicable picture to go with it. And yes, there’s a LOT that I skip, usually stuff that would only be interesting to me.

So now, should I accidentally become famous (or infamous) for doing something monumentally great or stupid, my biographers will have a wealth of information left behind to reconstruct my life story of being either an inspiring example or cautionary tale.

Comic Sans Respect

I may be getting extra crabby as my age advances toward geezenhood, but I saw an editorial cartoon in our local Baltimore Sun this weekend, that just pissed me off.

It was ostensibly about bosses wanting their employees to return back to work, and the workers not wanting to, which would have been fine. The struggle is real and so it’s fair game. What pissed me off were the inferences about stay-at-home workers, because as someone who has been 100% working from home since March 2020, I have some skin in the game. Here’s the cartoon:

You have to remember, everything you see here was put there for a reason. Nothing is accidental. Here’s what I see:

Lady sprawled on the couch with a laptop, surrounded by pets. So they think we lay around like slobs all day? Not so. I have a small office room I go to every day to work remotely on a desktop unit at 8 and emerge at noon for lunch and then go back until 5 when the day is over. There is no laying about.

Lady is holding a full glass of wine, with a bottle in the crook of her arm. So we’re drunk? If my manager can’t tell from the work I’m doing whether I’m drunk or not, SHE should be fired.

Bag of “Lardo” chips and a soda can wedged between her and the couch back. So people who work from home are fat slobs? Believe me, there are enough fat slobs in the office environment. There’s no need to cast aspersions here.

Empty laundry basket on the floor, overturned cup and bottle on the floor. Again with the slobbiness.

Hair in a messy updo. Well, there is no longer any “up” in my “do,” and hasn’t been since I was in my 20s, however, I always shower and put on clean clothes before I start the day. Granted, I’m wearing comfy clothes, but why not? Literally, no one can see me. (I may join conference calls but I don’t even have nor do I want a PC camera. I have no intention of having to feign interest while someone drones on about business metrics during a video call.)

If you put all these visual slurs together, you come to the traditional businessman’s conclusion that if we elves are not under Santa’s close personal supervision, the toys will not get made on time. They think that people only want to work from home so they can slack off. It’s a fallacy, but it’s what many of them think. Bosses want to be able to look out upon their domain and see all the worker bees toiling away at their workstations. It’s visually satisfying, but that’s not a valid reason to force employees back into a mind-numbing, time-sucking, money-losing, daily commute.

I have never in my life been happier at my job than in the last three years of remote work. I get two and a half more hours of my life back every day because I can set my alarm an hour later and then avoid a 90-minute round-trip commute. I don’t have to pay for lunch in a cafeteria or restaurant, nor bring in uninspiring bag lunches. I either have leftovers or make something simple and much cheaper than what I’d get at the office. We don’t have to have a pet sitter come and let our dog out when he needs it. I get to avoid tedious small talk and chit-chat, which I loathe. And best of all, I no longer have to suffer the open floor plan the company inflicted on us 8 years ago. I’d never been in such an uncomfortable office situation in my life.

So yes, I plan to hang onto working remotely as long as I continue to work. The last thing I want to see is the daily rag casting monkey poo on my integrity, giving the Powers That Be more backing to start recalling people to the office, like it or not.

Now, I don’t think that’s going to happen with my company, which has been very generous and forward-thinking when it comes to work/life flexibility. They look at my work… if it’s done, I’m good. If it’s not, I’ll get called up for it. And that’s as it should be. They allowed me to apply to work 100% remote and then granted my request. If they were to go back on that agreement, well, that’s when I would retire, on the spot. My boss knows this too… I’ve tossed that out before just in general conversation. And because I’m really the only person that does what I do, they’d better think long and hard about whether this is the mountain they want to die on.

I just resent that there’s a faction of the American corporate power structure that thinks you’re not doing your job unless you’re suffering for it. This cartoon feeds into it by denigrating those for whom life in the office is not optimal.

I wonder where this cartoonist works. Do you think he comes into the newsroom every day to crank out panels amidst a sea of desks? I strongly doubt it. I’m sure he has a nice at-home studio with an easel and an array of pencils (or whatever they use). In which case I say, “You want people back in the office? You first.”

In Other “News”

Is this not the most “No Shit” headline you’ve ever seen?

To be fair, MT Greene was talking about being educated on a specific topic, not the general principle of being uneducated. (Although it still fits.)

She was trying to run some shit by the CDC Director, who told her that if she’d like, she could come and educate her staff on how to read and interpret the data in recent CDC reports. But the noble Rep. Greene would never let things like facts, data, or being educated interfere with her preferred talking points. She was trying to claim that the CDC was covering up what she asserted were vast numbers of deaths caused by COVID vaccines, by citing a report from the CDC themselves. The only problem was that this report was tallying deaths by various causes, post-vaccination, including getting hit by a truck.

But why let facts get in the way of a good rant, right MT?

I am getting so tired of these shit-kickers…

True Crime and Punishment

At last, we’ve learned of the Great Orange Tyrant’s comeuppance in the form of 37 indictments over his disregard of document security protocols. Not sexy, but it has teeth. All the names you’ve heard of people convicted of playing fast and loose national security secrets went to jail.

I still don’t think TFG will ever see a day behind bars; I’m positive that if convicted, there will be some kind of sweetheart deal worked out, like home confinement. He only ever wants to stay in his own properties anyway, so I don’t see that as much of a punishment.

I’d like to see the justice system come up with some kind of creative approach so that the punishment for these convictions at least stings a little bit.

For example, maybe they can ban him from using a golf cart, or only allow him a one-iron and a wedge in his golf bags. And he has to hit from the “lady’s tee.”

They could replace all his gold fixtures with aluminum or tin.

Or they can remove all the ketchup from his house detention and only serve chuck steak, cooked rare.

They can put every TV channel on MSNBC and take away his cell phone.

Or even better, tune the channel to some network that will never mention him, like BBC or something. Maybe Al Jazeera.

OR, eliminate all the news stations and limit his viewing BET.

If they actually want him to grow and learn while away, they could limit his TV watching to Sesame Street, in hopes he might pick up a more grown-up vocabulary.

They should eliminate all newspapers and magazines, but fill every room with books. Big ones, with no pictures.

Or if they really want to screw with him, they can take the last 15 minutes of the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice was pre-empted for Obama’s announcement that we killed Bin Laden, and run it on a loop.

No spray tanning, makeup, or hair products.

They can limit his visitors to Don Jr. only.

They can make him stay on his property in Scotland… Not only will the time zone put him out of kilter with the US, but he’ll also be surrounded by pissed-off Scotsmen, which is no place to be. Although I’m sure he’d learn a whole new assortment of slurs and obscene terminology. (And I mean that with the utmost respect and admiration for the Scots. They can string together the most profane stream of filth and vulgarity imaginable and make it sound roguish and charming.)

What I’m saying is that, if for the first time in history, they’re going to convict the first former president, it needs to at least hurt a little. There absolutely must be a deterrent to obtaining the highest office in the land and then prostituting it out for one’s own financial reward, or else that will become the new normal. We’ll be electing people based on how hard we think they’re going to grift. There has to be a better way forward and it starts with some meaningful convictions for the most noxious white-collar criminal ever to hold office.

I am concerned about Judge Cannon presiding over the procedures. She's already shown that she's willing to ignore the law and put her thumb on the scale to obtain a free pass for TFG. And I don't think she'll recuse herself of anything... This is the reason she was put there. They may remove her, or neuter her rulings, (if we're lucky) but she won't step down.

Having a Stroke

I almost wish I was a golfer, just so I could quit out of outrage over the Saudis' hostile takeover of the professional game.

From today’s Baltimore Sun

I can swear up and down that I’ll never watch golf again but it would only be the hollowest of gestures. I haven’t watched a minute of golf since Tiger was a rookie and I wanted to see him shake up Augusta.

I consider golf one of those things that’s fun to do sometimes, like bowling or darts, but painfully dull to watch others do on TV. And as George Carlin used to say, it takes up entirely too much room in our country; land which could be put to better use to house the homeless. It’s expensive, it’s a huge time waste, and it takes a lot of time and money to become any good at it.

I have a set of clubs my (ex) wife got me back in the early 90s… I used to golf with her dad. It would be funny to watch us stride up to the tee box… Me, a tall, athletic-looking 30-something and a stooped-over, silver-haired 70-something. Then he’d whack the ball 170 yards down the middle of the fairway and I’d smash a worm-burner into the left-side trees. I used to say my “golf game” was more like “gardening” for all the soil I’d displace.

Anyway, I can’t even sell my old clubs because the state of the art has surpassed them. Everyone now has a driver with a head the size of a softball, made out of metal that sounds like it was stolen from a nuclear reactor core. Geezanium or something…

I read today that the Senate is going to investigate the takeover and look into revoking the PGA’s tax-free status.

I’m not sure that’s going to be as painful as it sounds. I’m no expert on the golfing administration and hierarchy, but I’m not sure they have any earnings or holdings to tax.

It reminds me of when Congress was talking about revoking the NFL’s tax-free status, back when kneeling down was a big controversy, but they overlooked the fact that the NFL had no monetary worth of note, to begin with. The money was with the 32 individual teams, not an overall entity. But let’em check it out. Anything that upsets this apple cart is fine with me.

But it’s a testament to the concept that Money Talks, to see that this bloody regime can just throw their blood-soaked oil money in the right direction and walk away with an entire international sport.

Maybe they just needed a sure-fire market for sand.

Debt Ceiling, Coffee Wars, and Goodbye to a Queen

I had mixed feelings about the Debt Ceiling agreement that passed last week. I mean, there was a big part of me that wanted President Biden to keep giving the Republicans the finger and refusing to negotiate. Every time they’ve tried to hold the economy hostage over the debt ceiling, they ended up caving because they were unable to convincingly lay off the blame on the Democrats. So I wanted to see them get humbled, I really did.

But then, it’s easy for me to say because I’m not reliant on the major government services that were at risk of being shut down. I don’t take Social Security, nor do I have Medicare/Medicaid. I don’t get SNAP or Welfare. I haven’t been to a National Park in ages. (And I know there’s other stuff as well.) So I could just keep my head down and do my work-from-home job and wait for it to resolve without taking any hits to my comfort. But a lot of other people would get screwed, wouldn’t they? A lot of people would be SOL.

That’s why I’m glad we had the steady hand of Grandpa Joe at the wheel, who acted like the adult in the room and walked away with a deal that Democrats can live with. In fact, I don’t think he gave up much at all, considering Republicans came in wanting to (among other things) shit-can the infrastructure bill on which he’s staking his Presidency. As if that was ever going to happen. (It’s just like when Republicans wanted to hold the ACA hostage during the Obama years. Like he was EVER going to sign on to having that repealed.) The Republicans just needed enough movement that they could distort into an alternate reality where they fleeced a senile Commander in Chief.

I also agree with my friend the Green Eagle when he notes that the wealthy Donors That Be probably put a bug in the Speaker’s ear telling him to can all this nonsense so they don’t derail their gravy train. They no doubt notified the ignorant rabble-rousers in the House as well, to try to maintain the status quo. I mean, what’s the use in buying a Speaker of the House if he gets replaced within the year? They can’t have the inmates running the asylum, who think that printing more money is the solution to economic woes. Someone must ensure the money trough is still filling so it can be siphoned upward.

So, like always, the can was kicked down the road so it can blow up on another cast of characters and the charade can continue. If there’s a Republican in charge, they’ll raise the debt ceiling like it was a Congressional pay raise package. If it’s still the Democrats, be prepared for the next hostage drama.

This Is Not Your Father’s Folgers

I was in the grocery store over the weekend and came upon this rather disturbing display of a coffee brand I’d never seen before. Take a look at this stuff:

It looks to me like this “Black Rifle Coffee Company” is marketing directly to MAGAs and military wannabees, who are so insecure about their manhood that they need morning psych-ops with their cuppa Joe.

How do you even know what this shit tastes like? There’s nothing showing that tells you how one flavor compares to another. Or maybe it’s all the same shit only with different collectible bags, like Wheaties.

I have some theories about who these various versions are trying to reach:

Five Alarm: Fireman wannabees.

Freedom Fuel: Oil workers, drillers, and fossil fuel/monster truck fans. Those who fear E-cars and sustainable fuel production.

Just Black: All Lives Matters people. Slogan: “Black coffee matters!”

Gunship: Small dick fear.

Spirit of ’76: This should actually be tea.

Loyalty Roast: Trump fanatics. Probably shouldn’t picture a dog though. Just put the famously petless former guy’s picture on the box.

Tactisquatch: I don’t know… yetis?

I can see their new tagline now… “The Jews will not percolate us.”

Are You Ready for Tina?

It was with great sadness I heard the news of the passing of the great Tina Turner. That Friday, Sweetpea came home and asked me to put on some music before dinner. I said I had just the thing:

We had our weekly slow dance to “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”

My first memory of her was from when I was a little boy and Ike and Tina Turner were performing on some variety show. Tina was wearing one of those diamond-shaped dresses that was cut up to her hip bones, with the bottom point of the dress down between her knees, making it look like her legs were 8 feet long. I recall my Dad commenting, “Now THAT’s a woman.”

Like anyone with a soul, I became a huge fan and had mad respect for her after seeing her life-story movie where she was played by Angela Bassett. (I later read her book that it was based on, “I Tina.”) I cheered out loud when she finally left her bastard of a husband.

I ended up seeing Tina perform solo on four occasions. The first was in August of 1985, in Toledo, with Glenn Frey opening. I got a pair of tickets and took my mom. We were having a very nice pre-show dinner, because we had all the time in the world to get to the show… right up until I realized I left the tickets back at my apartment. But after some Fast and Furious driving maneuvers, we managed to get to the show on time. As always, it opened with a dark stage, with Tina’s sultry voice asking us, “Are you ready for Tina?”

I saw her twice within a month, in the summer of 1987, once in Baltimore with my parents and sister, and again two weeks later in Cleveland, both at outdoor pavilions with Wang Chung opening. The last time was at another outdoor pavilion in Saratoga Springs NY, in 1993 with my then-wife. Chris Isaac opened

Every time, she put on an unreal show, with her powerful singing and dancing her ass off with her backup dancers. In later years, I saw recorded concerts where she was still putting on the show well into the 2000s. The last one I saw, she was in her 70s. I was thinking, “Man, she’s really slowing down,” because, for about half the show, she sang from a stool. But I immediately had to qualify my thinking… “Yeah, slowing down for Tina Turner.” For any other 70+-year-old woman, she was a freak of nature, an Energizer Bunny with “legs long enough to wrap around the world.” *

*Quote from Bluz Mother.

I’m happy that she lived long enough to reap the world’s love and respect and retire in comfort. One of her songs from Private Dancer was called, “I Might Have Been Queen…”

As far as I’m concerned, there was no doubt about it. She was definitely queen.

Cookie Monster

I was as happy as anyone when recreational marijuana legalization passed in a referendum last November. Not that I’ve really been a user, I just think it’s best for it not to be criminalized any longer. Too many people have suffered too much over such a minor matter.

In my own history, I can count on my fingers the number of times I ever puffed on a joint, and still have a few digits left over. And almost all of those times, I’d already been so drunk, so I never noticed much of an effect. (Almost all of these times were in my teens and 20s.)

It’s not that I ever had anything against it, it’s just that I hate smoking… anything. Never having been a cigarette smoker, any recreational benefit I might have gotten from a toke was immediately surpassed by 15 minutes of coughing my lungs out. Plus, there’s the morning-after feeling in your mouth like it just hosted a poker party for Snoop Dogg, Bob Marley, Cheech, and Chong. It just didn’t seem like a good trade-off for me.

Now I just tell people, if you want me to get high with you, toss me an “edible.” That’s something I’ve been wanting to try ever since the referendum passed. (We still have until July until it goes into effect.) That way I would get the nice, buzzy “benefit” without hacking my face off.

So, cut to Saturday night. We’re pet-sitting Sweetpea’s out-of-town friend’s dog (who is “girlfriend” to our own dog), while the friend goes out to eat with family. After the event, she was staying the night with us.

Sweetpea was already in bed when the friend came home. I was staying up watching the new Sarah Silverman HBO special. As the friend came to sit for a while on the couch, she said, “I’d offer you a cookie but it’s got marijuana in it.” (She has a prescription.)

I said, “And?”

She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you liked it,” or something, and then gave me a baggie with two cookies in it. I was so excited to try my first edible so I snarfed one down quickly. It was like a peanut butter cookie with chocolate bits in it. Wasn’t bad, it just had a kind of metallic aftertaste.

Now, I didn’t have much in the way of expectations. I’ve tried that CBD/THC oil before and was kind of underwhelmed. And my brief attempts at hitting a joint left me unimpressed. So with this cookie, I was on high alert, looking for changes in my headspace. What I found was a brief feeling like I had just had another vodka tonic, just kind of lightly buzzy.

Sarah wrapped up her show and I went to bed around 11:30. No harm, no foul.

Then about 12:30 AM, I briefly roused and tried to roll over.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! How come nothing on me works?

Suddenly the Cookie Monster was kicking my ass.

First of all, I noticed strange things going on behind my eyelids. All I wanted to do was sleep, but there was this paisley pattern going on in front of my (closed) eyes like you see in those videos currently going around Facebook showing people knocking over playing cards they set up like dominoes. All these brilliant, colorful patterns were exploding in my face, to the point of my not being able to tell if I was awake or still sleeping.

I wanted to roll over but it was like I had forgotten how and I was afraid I couldn’t do it without falling out of bed. So I tried to stay still and just ride it out, maybe go back to sleep. But my brain was telling me my shoulder hurt, the one I was lying on. It was telling me this by showing me a “heat map” effect where rings were radiating out from my shoulder. I tried to “wake up” and evaluate, but when I did, my shoulder felt fine. So I lay there trying to reconcile my conflicting shoulder evaluations.

The next thing I knew, it was 1:30 or so and I had briefly fallen asleep. And now, I was even more desperate to roll over, so I rolled onto my back. Whenever I moved my head, I’d get really dizzy, and my hands and limbs were shaking.

Then the dizziness started making me nauseous like I was going to hurl. I tried to breathe it back like I used to do when I drank too much as a younger man. But no, it was coming.

In desperation, I rolled to sit up on the edge of the bed, and I felt like a newborn foal taking his first steps. I was shaking so hard it would have been visible from across the room. I quickly determined that there was no way I trusted myself to make it out of our room and into the bathroom next door, so I grabbed the trash can beside the bed and tried to let it all out.

I’m sure Sweetpea was quite alarmed by this point, although she still didn’t know why I was in such a state.

After a great deal of loud (mostly dry) heaves, I realized I needed a tissue or something. But the box was on the shelf behind the bed, about three feet from my outstretched hand. I just sat there straining for it, because I didn’t dare leave my spot. I’d forgotten how to move around, I was sure. But then as if by magic, Sweetpea pressed a tissue into my hand, saying, “Is this what you want?”

When I could finally lie down again, she asked what was wrong. I said, “Your friend gave me a cookie.”

She was like, “What?  Ohhhhh.”

All I could add was that I was “Trippin’ balls.” It’s the technical term.

I got maybe another hour’s sleep before the whole thing repeated. I tried to move again, got dizzy, sat up, and hurled into the trash basket.

I do not throw up often. Hardly ever. The last time was when I had kidney stones for the first time. That was bad. But this was scaring the hell out of me because I was afraid I was going to choke. I may love Bon Scott but I have no plans to die like he did.

I desperately wanted a drink of water and I had a glass right by my bed. But I couldn’t quite work out how to skooch my butt down and get into position to grab it. And my hands were shaking so badly, I looked like I was making a martini on Bar Rescue. I was sure I was just going to dump it all over myself. But I eventually eased close enough to get two hands on it and pour a little bit into my mouth, which felt like we added Seth Rogen to Snoop’s poker party being held there.

Somehow, I managed to get back in bed and get some sort of sleep. Throughout the night, I’d wake up and cough, but not be able to stop. It felt like I really WAS smoking it up, for all the coughing.

I felt Sweetpea get out of bed around 7:00. She checked back in with me about 9:00, to see if I wanted breakfast. I said yes, I thought it would make me feel better.

But then again, when I sat up and pulled my legs around, the dizziness came back and when I looked forward, everything was flipping up and up, like an old TV with a “vertical hold” problem. I’m sure my fellow “old people” remember that reference.

So I decided to lay back down again and try to clear my head. When Sweetpea stuck her head in again, I told her to cancel breakfast for me.

When I finally surfaced around noon, my vertical hold problem was fixed, but I was still getting dizzy when I moved my head. But I had to get up sometime, so I ambled into the kitchen and began my daily crossword puzzles from the newspaper. I ate the bacon she had already made, and a stray blueberry Pop Tart, which settled my stomach a bit.

The rest of Sunday was just vegging out. I went back to bed for a nap around 3:00 and got up again near 5:00, by which time dinner was on. Gradually the headache and dizziness faded as I couch potatoed for the rest of the night. According to my Fitbit for the day, I took only 392 steps and slept for 15 hours, 37 minutes.

Today, I’m more or less back to normal. Oh, and we gave the second cookie back. I don’t know how her friend can stand a dose like that. She must have a much higher tolerance because just that one cookie put me on my ass for an entire day.

So believe me, when the legalized marijuana edibles start circulating in earnest here in Maryland, I’m not saying I’ll never have any again, but I WILL be looking at the dosage and starting with small amounts. I’m sure there’s a happy medium in there, somewhere between Judge Judy-like sobriety and trippin’ balls.

Putting the "Rat" in Authoritarianism*

*if you read it backward.

It seems the Republicans’ new hobby is threatening impeachment of anyone they don’t like. Most recently, Rep. Adam Schiff has drawn their fire, for his role in presenting such compelling evidence in TFG’s impeachment hearings. My friends at Crooks and Liars have a story about Florida Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna having filed a resolution of impeachment against him, accusing him of sedition.

She said that Schiff lied to the American people and weaponized the FBI against Trump.

One US Representative can weaponize the FBI? Really? If that were true, Rep MT Greene would have the FBI at Biden’s house right now, looking for black market youth elixir. And since when is it “weaponizing” to have a law enforcement body go out to find evidence of wrongdoing and present it? Isn’t that their exact job? The fact that the vapid, empty vessel she idolizes was proven to have done wrong, doesn’t prove or even suggest that his accusers have committed any crime, let alone sedition.

Also, “Lying to the American people?”

Rep. George Santos telling the “truth.”

When Republicans have dealt with their own resident liars, then they can worry about others. Until then, STFU and STFD, Rep. Loona. Case dismissed.

I know Republicans are itching for “revenge” for the Democrats daring to prove TFG was a crook, but do they really want to open the door for ousting Congresspeople for specious personal reasons? Because it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility that the Democrats take back the House, and then what do you think can happen? With this new precedent, say goodbye to Reps. Greene, Jordan, Boebert, Santos, and add McCarthy, just for being a spineless weasel.

I don’t think this Congressional impeachment movement is really going anywhere, other than being a tool for self-promotion among little-known Congresspeople. There are cooler heads that will prevail, not including Speaker McCarthy. If he had any real power, he’d have already squashed this nonsense before it went public. The last thing he needs is a rock fight in his own greenhouse.

***

In yet another pointless bid for relevance, faded rocker Ted Nugent joined the chorus of conservatives lauding the ex-marine who choked out a homeless guy on an NYC subway car.

Again, that’s what it’s come to… applause for some guy to decide to be judge, jury, and executioner for some poor brain-addled guy, just because he was annoying.

Whatever the guy had done in his past is irrelevant, because the killer had no idea who he was. So when Nugent calls the victim a “monster,” it’s just a racist cover. All he was in that moment was a guy being loud and creepy in public. Maybe you put him in detox for the night, or have the cops take him to Central Booking. Execution seems a little harsh. That’s what they do in Iran. (After a little torture first, of course.)

I don’t, for a second, believe this was a life-threatening situation, other than that of the homeless guy. I’m no stranger to subway “performance art.” I’ve ridden the Baltimore Metro (subway) every day for 23 years and seen my share of ranters, ravers, panhandlers, and hustlers, making a scene on the subway when all you want to do is get home in peace. Yes, it’s bothersome. No, it does not warrant a fucking death sentence, handed out by some bored ex-military who craves an adrenaline rush.

If this guy gets off, where does it end? Are we now allowed to shoot, stab, or choke out anyone who alarms us? Am I allowed to snap the neck of anyone who walks up beside someone else on an escalator and then stops, so no one else can get by? How about the next time I see someone taking up two seats on a crowded car, I just set him on fire? Why not? It’s a public safety thing. The fewer people standing in a moving subway car, the safer we all are. Or if someone is singing loud with headphones on, can I put a pistol under his chin and fire?

“I’m sorry officer, but he was off-key and a little pitchy. This was a public service.”

We need to be very careful about what kind of public behavior is being encouraged, or no one is going to feel safe going anywhere. As long as we accept and reward self-appointed arbiters of who gets to live, we are all at risk.

 

"Someone Get Me Strom Thurmond on the Phone!"

Well, the good news is that Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has finally made it back to Washington, to resume her role in the Senate. The bad news is that she probably ought to be in an assisted living facility. I know the Senate has its share of senior citizens, but from the reports coming out of her camp, she’s going to need more help than the Congressional Page Service can provide.

Senator Feinstein. (Source)

A Rolling Stone story has that she cannot be left alone in the Senate building, so unbeknownst to her, they have a system to ensure she always has an escort. The story also describes how she has trouble retaining information, often asking the same questions in a meeting that she’d asked earlier.

This is a worrying matter because Senators hold a great deal of power, for which they are vetted by the public and voted into office. From the sound of it, California is being represented by an unelected staff, with no more than token input from the elected.

Granted, over a 30-year Senatorial career, her positions should be well-defined. If her staff were to “go rogue,” it would be known immediately.

And we’re not talking about what Republicans say about President Biden. Yes, he’s old too, but you don’t hear any stories coming from the White House about how he’s losing touch with reality. And you can watch him speak and see that there are still plenty of marbles rolling around under that silver hair.

It’s different with Senator Feinstein, for whom it’s clear that she has some cognitive mental issues, like the early onset of Alzheimer’s or dementia, and she needs to step down. But working out how to do that opens up a real bag of chaos.

Usually with dementia patients, their long-term memories remain intact but they can’t remember what happened just minutes earlier. They know who they are but don’t know what they had for breakfast.

So for Senator Feinstein to come to the decision to step down, she’s going to have to understand why, accept it, and remember it!

It’s not hard to conceive of her waking up every day, following such a retirement, and expecting to go into the Capitol building and go to work. Every day, someone may have to remind her that she’s not a Senator anymore. It’s a tough proposition.

With the presidency, you have the 25^th Amendment, which lays out how to remove a president for medical reasons or their judgment is compromised. There’s no such thing with Congress so you have to be careful when wresting political titles away from people. (Sure, their party may be able to force them out, but that’s an awfully big gamble that can have “Backfire” written all over it.)

After all, the people of California knew she was old when they reelected her to her most recent term. I don’t live in California, but I expect she must have done some kind of campaigning. Maybe a resident can let me know. Was she out on the campaign trail, or did they just run a lot of commercials with gauzy photographs of the Senator, with a voice-over about her past service?

Regardless, she WAS elected. But geez, it looks like her time has come and gone, and we need to get a more active and effective Senator in there, whose head is in the political game and not wondering why the darn clicker won’t work. The country needs its full allotment of Senators available for voting on the issues of the day. If someone can’t meet that criteria, they need to step aside for someone who can.

***

Don’t Fall For It!

Presidential candidate Nikki Haley is trying to tamp down expectations that a new Republican president will be able to impose a national abortion ban. She mentions that it’s not something that can be done via executive order, so it would need a law passed. To do so would require a large Republican majority in the House and 60 seats in the Senate, to overcome the inevitable filibuster. And she is exactly right.

Here’s why it doesn’t make me feel any better. What I think she’s trying to do is play to Independents, centrist Democrats, and Republicans concerned with reproductive freedom. It’s an attempt to neuter the Democrat's biggest, fattest, juiciest campaign issue. She wants to make these groups less wary of a Republican-run government, especially one not run by an orange nutbag.

But the thing is, none of those facts mean the Republicans won’t still try to pull off a national abortion ban. They may not be able to do it in one grand gesture, but then can still do like they’ve been doing the last 50 years and nibble around the edges until they’ve succeeded in making the procedure so difficult to obtain, it’s just as effective as a total ban.

Also, don’t forget that with Mitch McConnell back in control of the Senate, they could decide to eliminate the filibuster once and for all, to pass an abortion ban. But I don’t think that’s as likely. McConnell isn’t as tied to the religious dogmatists as he is to the fossil fuel industry. He’s a business guy. If Koch Industries blesses it, he’ll do it. And I think he also realizes that they can’t gerrymander the Senate, so the Democrats can easily return to power and then use the lack of filibuster for their own ends, like maybe putting some teeth into carbon reduction. And that’s something that gives the Koch Brother nightmares.

But the point is, Republicans are tied to the Anti-Choice people, because there just aren’t enough filthy rich bastards to win elections, and they need something on which to campaign to the rest of us, where the implementation won’t cost their donors any money. So no matter what Nikki Haley says, you can’t trust Republicans not to restrict reproductive health care. With the Dodd decision, they are the proverbial dog that finally caught the car… they just don’t know what to do with it once they have it and aren’t looking forward to dealing with the firestorm they created.