Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Ripples of Terror

So my Steelers lost last weekend, to the wet-behind-the-ears Wonderboy Tim Tebow and his Denver Broncos.  As I stated in the last post, I was prepared for the Steelers to lose next weekend to New England, but not to the Broncos.  But I can’t complain.  Denver probably did us a favor, so we don’t have to go up to Foxboro and get our asses kicked all over the field.  But still, a period of mourning is required.

Yesterday, I went to work wearing all black… black shirt, black pants, black tee-shirt underneath and a black hat.  If I had bangs, I would have worn them over my eyes.  It’s my emo-Johnny Cash look.  Today I’m a little better, so I’m wearing dark gray slacks and a gray and black checked shirt.  Tomorrow, perhaps I’ll wear an understated blue.  Then on Thursday, I may break out the red, so that by Friday, I’ll be pooping rainbows again. 

But in trolling through the news on Monday, I could see the Bluz-depressing after-effects that the big Tebow win had produced.

Total Recall
There’s another big medicine recall… this time it’s Exedrin, Bufferin, No-Doz and worst of all, Gas-X!!

(Gas-X should not be confused with Rain-X.  I swear, they’re completely different products, even if they’re both from the “X” family.  I wonder who the inventor was, Malcolm?)

I dashed to my cabinet and was relieved to find that I last bought “store-brand” anti-gas tablets.  Phew!  I’d hate to be pent up in a cramped meeting room after a Mexican lunch, and have to worry about the sanctity of my simethicone tablets.

You know, someone should work on a pill that lets you fart, but takes the odor out.  That way you still get that gut-clearing sense of satisfaction, only without nauseating those around you.  I totally want to do the commercials.

Scene: Corporate conference room

Boss: Bluz, I just laid out our downsizing plans for the quarter; why do you look so happy?

Bluz: You don’t want to know.  But it’s a good thing there’s no smoking in here.

Family Gal
Shortly after I read about the pills, I got another punch in the gut.  Kristy McNichol, who was in a number of after-school specials, movies and TV shows, most notably the 70s drama “Family,” came out of the closet in support of bullied kids. 

As much as I support her trying to do something positive for bullied kids, it broke my heart.  Man, I used to have it bad for her back when I was 15.  It was different to like her, as opposed to, say, Charlie’s Angels, because she and I were about the same age.  She seemed attainable.  I’d see her on talk shows or celebrity competition shows and she just seemed so cool and together (and cute).
I don’t’ care how old and lesbian she gets, I still remember this little cutie.

I guess I blew it.  I know she was diagnosed as bipolar in the 80s or 90s, but I also know I could have fixed her.  I should have run away to find her when we vacationed in California back in the mid-70s.  If it didn’t work out with Kristy, I could have hooked up with Joan Jett. 

No wait…

Shit.

I sure can pick’em, can’t I?

Snap Judgments
In other news, a woman went bungee-jumping off a giant bridge in Africa and the bungee cord snapped. 

On the bright side, the girl lived!  (Video of the incident is included on the page linked above.)

I know, right?  Holy crap!  Australian Erin Langworthy, 22, bungee jumped of a 365-foot high bridge at the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe when the cord snapped, sending her plunging into the Zambezi River.  The river is also infested with crocodiles and to make matters worse, whitewater rapids, which are considered to be among the world’s most challenging.  As if the football-field length freefall alone wasn’t enough peril for an adrenaline junkie…

The plucky Ms. Langworthy managed to surface but as she shot down the rapids, the cord, which was still wrapped around her ankles, kept snagging on the rocks.  She had to dive under and free herself before she could make it to the river’s edge.  I’m not sure that even Cassie is that bad assed. 

I wonder if she Tebowed when she got out…

She is currently recovering from bruises and a broken collarbone and says she would consider a repeat performance, but not any time soon.

If that was me, I wouldn’t even use rubber bands any more.

Lastly, a Reminder
If you haven’t played the video embedded in the previous post, what are you waiting for?  It’s the most wicked piece of boogie-woogie piano playing you’ll ever see.  Do it!

21 comments:

  1. Oh come on, its just for "broken pills." I'll take my chances :P

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  2. Gia,
    While I was making fun of the whole thing, I saw on the news that they actually found pills in these batches that were completely other drugs... strong ones, too. That's what really powered the recall.

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  3. I saw that some pain killers somehow got mixed in with Excedrin... well at least they still kill the headache though you may have some weird dreams later.

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  4. Jessica,
    Yeah, that's what I was saying. They should just relabel the lot as "Excedrin Plus." Or "Ambien Cold and Flu."

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  5. I didn't even know Kristy was a lesbian. Sorry to hear about the Steelers losing. Your revenge for the loss will be that when the fans of the other teams have tailgate parties and fix chili, there will be no Gas X for them.

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    Replies
    1. Anne,
      I didn’t know either, that’s why I was so shocked. She seemed like such the All-American bi-polar girl. To think of all those years wasted, pining my 15-year old life away over someone unattainable in more ways than proximity.

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  6. I had a girl crush on Kristy McNichol when I was a kid. Maybe I sub-consciously knew. Although she was older than me. Which made her even cooler.

    It's been impossible to avoid He Who Shall Not Be Named around here. Even Dianne Sawyer had that miserable play on the ABC Evening News! And, apparently, Marquis Pouncy is an idiot. Go Pens.

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    Replies
    1. DG,
      In the course of my “research,” I found that she was born about 11 months after me (Sept. 1962). So the fact that she was essentially my age was a big deal to me. Made me feel like we were peers and should ever meet, we would get along famously.

      Funny thing is that I felt the same similar-age kinship with Nadia Comenici too, after her big Olympics. All she’d have to do is look at me with those big dark eyes, and it wouldn’t even matter that I couldn’t understand a word she said.

      Delete
    2. Love the new replying system. (it's totally a word).

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    3. DG,
      I was so psyched today when I came home and found it. I had absolutely nothing to do with it... it just showed up. About time Blogger got on the ball and added this option (that WordPress and Disqus and others have had for ages.)

      Also, I just noticed that I can edit my prior comments! Brilliant! Welcome to 2008!

      Delete
  7. And because you are such a progressive male, I'll bet Kristy wouldn't have even had to give up lesbianism to be with you. You're just that kind of guy.

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    Replies
    1. Carpetbagger,
      You’re absolutely right. If she wanted to bring, say, Nancy McKeon into the picture, who am I to crush her dreams?

      Delete
  8. I wanted to be Kristy McNichol when I was a kid - I absolutely loved her. And I wanted to marry her brother.

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    Replies
    1. Gina,
      Maybe if you could have married her brother, you might have been able to talk them out of making that lame record album they did. Nobody looks good in spangled jumpsuits.

      Delete
  9. I gotta admit I was rooting against your beloved Steelers. However this is because I am a Pats fan and I would much prefer us play the Broncos than the Steelers.

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    Replies
    1. Cestlavie,
      Welcome!

      I would never fault people for rooting to benefit their own interest. If you're a fan of those god-forsaken Patriots, so be it. That's what makes it fun to be a sports fan!

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  10. Sorry about the Steelers, senor. As a Denver native (and soon to return), I do cheer for the Donkeys when they're playing, but I've never been a die hard fan. Bryan, on the other hand, is a Broncos maniac. Either way, I'm rooting for Brady and Belichek to get some sort of miraculous bitch slap this weekend.

    And sorry to hear about your youth crush actually being a lesbian. Trust me. I've been there. You can't imagine how devastated I was when Rosie O'Donnell barreled out of the closet.

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    Replies
    1. Brandon (Beer),
      Yeah, that was brutal. It was rough on Monday, but I’m about over it. Part of me would love to see the Broncos upset the Pats, but I really have to root for the team that’s most likely to beat the Ratbirds. I promise, if the Texans beat Baltimore, on Saturday, I’ll totally root for the Broncos on Sunday.

      Man, that keeps happening to me… Kristy, Joan Jett, Melissa Etheridge (back when she was young)… all of them turned on me. Plus in the 80’s, I actually went out on a date with a girl that was a closeted lesbian. I really had to adjust my dating criteria after that…

      Delete
  11. tsk tsk... really you didn't know she was gay even in that cutie pic... I did. winks

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    Replies
    1. Well, I thought she was a little tomboyish, but that was OK to me. That just meant she'd be fun to hang out with. She was still devastatingly cute.

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