Thursday, June 17, 2010

Great Flaming Jesus Afterglow

Now tell me that wouldn’t make a good band name…

Disclaimer:  If you found this post after searching on “Lawrence Bishop Drugs”, please be advised that you probably want the post immediately preceding this one.  Not that I wrote anything about drugs there either, but you will find my post on the Great Flaming Jesus Incident.

Holy crap, it’s been one interesting week.  Tuesday’s post about the 62-foot statue of Jesus getting hit by lightning and burning down drew the most hits I’ve ever gotten since I began this blog.  I have The Google to thank for that, because by sheer dumb-ass luck, I seemed to have figured out how to draw Google hits by doing something I’m sure everyone else that’s been blogging for more than 15 minutes already knows.

You know in the last post how I mentioned about a half-dozen Google searches I got hits from?  The mere fact that I listed them in the post brought a ton more hits from the same search. 

(brick drops on head…)  So if you use a phrase that Google suggests via drop-down menu when you search for something, it will bring your link under many, many noses and you will get many, many hits.  I’m sure it also helps that Blogspot is a Google-sponsored platform so they have an interest in promoting their affiliated sites.

I got 106 hits on the phrase “Lawrence Bishop Drugs” since Tuesday.  Yet I never wrote a single thing about the church pastor and drugs, other than quoting a blog hit I got from that particular search.  OMG, now I just did another one!  I better put a disclaimer up top.

You know, I think I read something about that in a “How to Blog” post, but it just struck me as artificial, so I never did it.  I couldn’t see myself stringing together a bunch of buzzwords and trying to build a post out of it.

However, I did like what this little quirk did for my weekly stats:
Welcome to “Spike City”.

I also got 33 hits via Facebook, but I have no idea how.  I never posted a link there.  I even tried to search it out myself and couldn’t find it, so I don’t know how anyone else did.

You all know I’m a stat-monster, so I’ve been just flipping over the hit tally.  (Hits = Popularity = Someone Loves Me.)  Now I get to go around for a week saying, “Hey, I just doubled my average hits per day this week, I’m pretty hot shit!  Where’s my pipe and smoking jacket?  Everyone in the hot tub!”

Yes, I know, with the low stats I usually have, how hard can it be to double traffic?  I know I’m still pretty low-rent, but it’s an improvement for me, and I’ll take it. 

What would really be cool is if some of the rent-a-hits would actually come back.  I’m not holding my breath though.  Only three that visited via searches left comments.  All were favorable, which surprised me.  I’m sure there must have been some Solid Rock Church supporters that found the post and went, “Glory be, am I ever in the wrong place…  This boy’s going straight to H-E-Double Hockeysticks, so I better click my ass out of here before I’m guilty by association.”

At first I thought the whole thing was going to be like that time Red Pen Mama wrote about the Health Care Reform debate and it got picked up by the Wordpress home page.  Then she got hundreds of hits and comments, many of which were hostile. 

Anyway, now we’ll have to see what becomes of Great Metal Jesus Skeleton.  I have a couple ideas for its use.

First, they could add some pistons and stuff and make it into a Terminator T-100 knockoff: “The Saviornator.”

Or on the other hand, they can weld some more shit onto it and make it like that big “Transformer Goalie” they have back in Pittsburgh, along the river.

Either option has got to be better than building another abomination like the one that just burned up.

In a very late and semi-related note, further evidence of the existence of a benevolent God came to pass last week, besides the smiting of the Touchdown Jesus:
(Image lifted from ThePensBlog a couple years ago.)

Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks for preventing the Stanley Cup from being defiled by that unwashed horde from Philadelphia.  Game Seven Cup-winning goal in overtime…  That’s divine intervention.

And for the Flyers fans, never let it be said that I am without compassion:

29 comments:

  1. Saviornator! I'm SO excited for that!!!

    However, I'd hate for there to be any form of blasphemy on Pittsburgh soil. As you know, we are perfect and Democrats. Perfectly democratic.

    Lukey!

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  2. Lest there be any confusion, my intention is not to criticize or make fun of any deity... just the stupid shit that people do in the name of their God.

    All I know about Pittsburgh politics is what I read on That's Church. And it makes me afraid.

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  3. I gave up organized religion before you were born. If I die and go to hell, I frankly don't give a rusty fuck.

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  4. Saviornator!!! I'll bet some kids had nightmares about that statue. Frankly, I always feel that the Gods are big boys and girls, including Jesus in all his permutations, and can stand a bit of humor just like most of us can. It's some of Jesus' followers that have no sense of humor, not him.

    You know I was happy to see the Flyers lose! I'd have been sick if they got their nasty mitts on the Cup. As it was, I had to deal with my favorite Red Wings fan getting upset because the Blackhawks won it. She can deal with the Pens because of Malkin (and Gonchar, if he stays), but not them. Love the tissue box!

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  5. Judie,
    Wow, what were you, 10?

    I gave it up ages ago too, as I've chronicled here before. (http://darwinfish2.blogspot.com/2010/02/holy-shit.html) I don't see the point of having a "middle-man". Organized religion is a self-serving entity that comes up with rules to bolster its own position in society.

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  6. Lilo,
    You know, I meant to do something on the Hawks winning the Cup, but circumstance kept getting in the way... namely that Defeated pic was on my PC at work and I kept forgetting to send it home.

    Hope your honey gets over it... Or the Hawks sign some Russians right quick...

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  7. There is no shame in being excited about doubling your numbers.. I'm all throwing a party because my followers are in the DOUBLE digits!!

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  8. My goal now is to complete the Followers square. Baby steps, right?

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  9. Congrats on all the hits!! Very sweet!

    I was glad the Blackhawks won. Good for them. They deserved it after so many years. And I'm not a big Philly fan.

    Of course I absolutely loathe the Lakers, but that's life. I'm in a foul mood today that's for sure.

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  10. Saviornator--when Schwarzenegger goes the Charlton Heston route.

    If that doesn't make sense outside my head, I'm sorry. I could explain my extreme stupidity. But I won't.

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  11. If it's any consolation, I started reading your blog about a week ago when I saw you in the comments of all the blogs I read, namely BachelorGirl, Cassie and Unapologetically Mundane. I'm BG's web mistress. Guess it's about time made myself known. :)

    And I have to admit that when I saw your post I ran to my husband and said, "Oh My God! Big Butter Jesus burned down!"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq01UYiMyHg

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  12. I NEVER REALIZED THE TRANSFORMER LOOKS LIKE A GOALIE.

    ::headdesk::

    I'm always so caught up in the zillion tiny bridges, I never noticed the big picture. OYE!

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  13. Saviornator: YES. YES TO THIS.

    (You forgot the crown of thorns, though. Just FYI.)

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  14. YES! There iS a God and She hates schlock.

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  15. Thanks Guy.

    I haven’t really been a basketball fan since the days of Dr. J, Bird, or Jordan. The 4th quarter of last night’s game was the first basketball I’ve seen all season. But I’ve always hated the Lakers. Rooting for them is like rooting for the Yankees.

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  16. Vange,
    Makes sense to me… I get you. (two fingers pointing from my eyes to your eyes…)

    “Come vit me if you vant eternal salvation.”

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  17. Jessica,
    I’m so glad you unveiled! It’s such a small blogging world, isn’t it? I mean, just those you mention… we’re all over the place… Baltimore, Shreveport, Pittsburgh, & NYC.

    It’s funny… with all the reading up I did on that thing, I never heard it referred to as Big Butter Jesus until it burned down. Or did it just melt? Maybe they should have thrown some lobsters into the water and had a feast!

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  18. Bachelor Girl,
    I would have done a lot more, had only my photoshopping skills matched my imagination.

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  19. Burgh Baby,

    I first saw that last year, walking from a distant parking lot to the Hilton on The Point where we were staying for a Steelers game, and I walked right by it. I thought it was one of the coolest things I’d ever seen in Pittsburgh. But I knew it was a goalie right off… maybe it was just Penguins-mania that had taken over. But the detail is amazing… all those bridges… Kudos to whoever thought all that up!

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  20. You're a dork!

    You know what freaked me the FUCK OUT???

    I got on my Google analytics deal and one of my Google searches was:

    One Crazy Brunette- Ashley Dawn

    Uuuuuuum, how the fuck would they know my middle name????

    Talk about creepy as fuck!

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  21. CB,
    The Google knows all and sees all.

    Be very afraid!



    And I am NOT!

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  22. Ten? Yeah, that sounds about right! Interesting that you should hit on that age. I was writing about it just today.

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  23. Just imagining the math, Judie...

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  24. My dog is older than both of us--she's 91 in dog years.

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  25. How lucky to have such a long-lived dog. I hope it is enjoying its extended run!

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  26. You make me LOL hard. I love that you understood my thought when I wasn't even sure I understood it. xoxoxox

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  27. Yeah, well if we all lived the privileged life she has lived, we would live long and prosper too! She doesn't believe in organized religion, either. She does believe in her God-given right to sleep between us every night, and snore softly in my ear.

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  28. Vange, that is my highest calling. If I can make someone LOL, or snort a little something out of their nose, my day is made. Or else I'll just settle for causing lots of trouble.

    As to your 2nd point, The Dude understands everything.

    (I was going to say , "The Dude abides", but you shouldn't be allowed to quote The Big Lebowski until you've actually seen the movie.)

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  29. Judie,
    I hope for your sake, you have a small dog.

    I'm used to cats that do the same thing, and they can be inconvenient enough...

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