Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Odd Bits - The Catching Up Edition

Since the trial started, for which I was an alternate juror (see previous 5 posts), I’ve been putting some things on hold, as to not interrupt the flow of the court posts.  Today, I get to catch up!

Family Business
As you may recall from prior posts, my nephew Sammy is fond of a certain euphemism for male anatomy.  Last week, my brother Ed sent us the following story:

“We were at Daniel’s hockey practice last night with all the Christian Athletic League parents and as Sammy was watching the goalie put on his “protective” gear, he said, ‘Those are for his NUTS, Dad!!!’  Classic 5-year old stuff.”

Classic Sammy, anyway.  I’m sure my brother was proud.  I know I was… anything to shake up the Christian Athletic League parents is all right with me.

In other family news, as I tagged on the end of one of the Trial posts, my cousin Angela gave birth to her first baby last week.  Boy was 9 lb 9 oz. and 22” long.  Now before you pass out, ladies, he was a C-Section baby.  I’m sure he’ll be perfectly normal, but whenever he leaves a house he’ll feel compelled to go out the window.
Angela, baby EJ, and the proud Grandma!

If you were with me back in 2009, you might have seen some of Angela’s work.  She’s the one that wrote the poem about Troy Polamalu, “Humble Number 43,” that I featured in this post.  She was also with us in Miami for the “Hurricane Game,” in other words, the Steelers/Dolphins game we attended in 2004, which took place the day after Hurricane Jeanne ripped through the neighborhood.  I mentioned her and her football throwing prowess in that post.

I have no doubt that Angela will be amazing at whatever she chooses.  After all, she is a bona fide “Fear Factor” winner.  Honest!  Back in 2005, her and her roommate competed as a team on the season premiere of Fear Factor. 
Angela and her friend Zack, poised to kick some butt.

The competition had them A) crawling out onto a cargo net hung from a speeding helicopter, B) crawling through an air duct filled with foul water, huge spiders, cobwebs and flame jets, and C) retrieving gold bars and coins from a armored truck that was sunk at the bottom of a pool. 

(Yes, I was very relieved that they didn’t have to eat anything gross.)

Anyway, they whipped their large, muscle-bound competition with flair, class and humility.  I was so proud I almost couldn’t see straight.  I don’t know when I was happier… watching this or the Pens win the Stanley Cup in 2009.

So congratulations to Angela and Dennis.  This is going to be quite an adventure!

Random Thought
Last week, we had temperatures in the 60s and sunshine.  I went to lunch without a coat.  Last night… snowstorm.  5” of snow fell overnight.

Excuse me, Mother Nature?  WTF??  It it’s going to be cold, be cold.  If you want to warm it up, warm it up.  But this back and forth shit messes with your head!

That is all.

As If We Didn’t Have Enough To Worry About
I saw a new medical study and unless you did too, you’ll never guess what causes cancer now: oral sex.

Now men, before you look for a bridge to jump off, it’s giving it that causes the cancer, not receiving it. 

The study says that in the US, oral cancer from HPV infection is now more common than oral cancer from tobacco use.  To further quote from the article:

“Researchers have found a 225% increase in oral cancer cases in the US from 1974 to 2007, mainly among white men, said Maura Gillison of the Ohio State University.”  (Go Buckeyes!) 

“When you compare people that have an oral infection or not… the single greatest factor is the number of partners on whom the person has performed oral sex.”

Wow.  What are you ladies keeping in there, asbestos?  I guess from now on, you’re just going to have to start without us, then signal us in from the bullpen to close.

Personally, I think it’s a plot coming from the religious conservatives.

Hit Parade
You all know I’m a freak about tracking web traffic hits.  And today I did something to reduce the number of hits I get here.  On purpose.

I know, I must be crazy, but hear me out.  It’s not YOU I’m worried about.  If you’re reading this, I love you and I want you here.  But ever since I posted that picture of the Mercedes logo in my 4th post about my jury duty, (to illustrate the 3-pronged pattern of one of the skull fractures), I’ve been getting picture search hits out the wazoo, from all over the world. 

When I searched it myself, I saw that my blog was the first listing on Google Images.

Normally, I’d be thrilled.  But this just isn’t right.  While it may be boffo for my Hits-By-Country tracker, I didn’t DO anything to earn the hits.  I just copied a picture that was already out there.

You know I obsessively track my traffic.  Maybe you do too, if you have a blog.  I know when I look at my bar graphs and they’re all high and stuff, I’m just tickled pink! 

Hits = Attention = Self Worth.

Everyone loves me!  I’m fabulous!

But now, there’s guilt involved.  I see the bar graphs bearing good news but deep down, I know I don’t deserve the hits.  They’re not coming to see me, they’re coming to grab an image… and not even one of mine, but one I grabbed elsewhere.  It fouls the data.  I can’t enjoy that…  

So, my solution was to photoshop out the ring around the 3-pronged center.  If I alter the actual logo, fewer people will want to use it because it’s not really accurate.  And if they DO still want it, at least it was something I worked on myself.  You can see the new picture here, or if you’re on the main page, just scroll down.

Am I crazy here?  Am I spending too much time fussing about a ridiculous problem?

Or did I just blow your minds?

Toons
To close, I thought I’d put my favorite editorial cartoon from the weekend, courtesy of First Door on the Left.

21 comments:

  1. Oh bluz, you always blow my mind! ;)

    As one reader on my blog said today, 'Mother Nature needs a good dick punch.' Or something to that effect. It was 50 here last week and then this week we get 17 inches of snow. I got stuck in 2 snowbanks on Monday and had to be dug out. WTF?

    'Hits = Attention = Self Worth.' Damn straight!!

    Love the cartoons!

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  2. Raven,
    I think sometimes the Good Mother needs to show everyone who's boss. When she's not knocking our socks off, like what she did in New Zealand, she's playing head games with us.

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  3. I hope a lot of people clic your pic on the right sidebar of my blog and read this post. They will know that I'm not lying.

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  4. Love the bedroom cartoon. Ain't it the truth? Man. And that stuff about oral sex is hilarious. Asbestos. Hee hee.

    Sorry I've been out of commission for a while. Job searches suck!

    I took a look at the jury entries. I feel the same way you do - I'd *love* to be a real juror. I don't get why people whine about it. It's something new to do, you're not at work, and you're helping the "greater good" - what else do you want? Geez.

    Sorry your guys didn't win the big game. I have to admit I was rooting for the Packs. Tom's fault. Yeah, blame it on the hubs. ;)

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  5. "Excuse me, Mother Nature? WTF?? It it’s going to be cold, be cold. If you want to warm it up, warm it up. But this back and forth shit messes with your head!"

    You would hate Louisiana. That's pretty much every single week for us. Well, except for June - August when it pretty much just stays between 90 and 105. But hey, it's been in the 70's for us all week!

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  6. "Wow. What are you ladies keeping in there, asbestos? I guess from now on, you’re just going to have to start without us, then signal us in from the bullpen to close."

    Side-splitting LM(size4)AO!

    And yes. You're worrying too much about those "undeserved" hits. With all that guilt you must be Catholic.

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  7. I like your values Bluz. you gotta earn what you get, except maybe oral sex.

    Like the cartoons!

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  8. How awesome is Sammy? Sammy: always on topic.

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  9. I feel like I remember that episode of "Fear Factor"! But I must be crazy, right? My all-consuming and extremely obnoxious fear of spiders really holds me back.

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  10. Sammy has switched from "Boys" to "Nuts". He gets more laughs with that. The "Naughty Man", James Harrison, who always gets in trouble is my fave.
    Angela's little EJ is probably shaving by now.
    And as for "Waste", just leave my Medicare alone.

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  11. First, congrats on the newest member to the family! Is he your cousin twice removed?? I don't know these things.

    Also, we have random weather here in Cali, too. After a super rain storm and record lows, we've got a 5 day burst of 60 degree sunshine! But this weekend there's supposedly a 50 (FIFTY!) percent chance of snow - here in the Bay Area. Silicon Valley. It snows here about once ever 12 years. I will not be at boot camp that morning.

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  12. Judie,
    OK, everyone, be sure to visit Judie’s Rogue Artists blog, so you can read her wonderful stuff, then click the pic of Baltimore on the right side so you can come right back here!

    Cristy,
    It’s so maddening that the party that wants to reduce the size of government is so determined to insert that government into the most personal aspects of its citizens’ lives.

    I do admit that I have it pretty good when it comes to serving on a jury. I still get paid by my company during the time I’m away and the $15 is gravy. A lot of people don’t have it so lucky… they have to scramble with child care and they don’t get paid because they’re individual contractors or hourly workers. Those people, I feel for. They’re sacrificing their personal stability for the greater good. But the rest? Stop whining and do your part!

    I’m over the Super Bowl letdown… I can’t really complain… given what the Steelers had to overcome this year with injuries and Ben’s suspension, it’s a wonder they even made it to the Big Dance. I’m just surprised that as Cowboys fans, you rooted for the conference rival.

    Lastly, good luck with the job search! I hope you land something that makes all your work and study worth while.

    Jessica,
    I think those summers explain the notion that Louisiana is filled with a bunch of brain-addled Cajuns. Between the heat and the swamps, it’s like you’re being slowly sautéed into full-goose bozo.

    Jayne,
    Yes, guilty as charged. Bluzdude, Recovering Catholic, at your service. As George Carlin once said, “I was a Catholic right up until I reached the age of reason.”

    Saelen,
    Geez, I thought you especially had to earn that!

    Thanks for visiting, and welcome aboard!

    Sally,
    That’s all Sammy. His brother Daniel was never so preoccupied with that kind of thing. I think it’s inherent in little brothers that they become connoisseurs of bathroom humor and dick jokes. (So sayeth an older brother.)

    Mundane,
    Not crazy at all. It was a hyped up “Season Premiere” for that year.

    I usually avoided FF for the sole reason of “Eating of Gross Stuff” events that popped up with regularity. I can’t even handle broccoli without hurling. How would I ever stomach fish eyeballs?

    Mary Ann,
    Of course. “Nuts” is less ambiguous. And he probably gets the emphatic pronunciation from his daddy… “NNNNNNNNNUTS!”

    Kernut,
    I think that make us 2nd cousins, but I’m not sure either. That stuff always confuses me.

    Snowing in Silicon Valley?? Holy crap. Yes, stay home, by all means. Y’all don’t know how to drive in that stuff. Would be a shame to smash up your car.

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  13. First off, your nephew is ADORABLE. You tell those Christians what's up. (I guess that'd be myself included...)

    Secondly, I've SO seen that episode of Fear Factor with your cousin! I remember it vividly! AWESOME!

    OMG about the whole oral sex thing. Good thing I don't have HPV. With all the thousands of guys I slept with, I guess I can count myself lucky. (Note the sarcasm. My sex count is 3. THREE. That's including my husband. THREE. I don't know if that's pathetic or smart.)

    Lastly, I don't track my stats. Well, with wordpress you really can't do it like blogger can. Honestly, I don't really care. I know that I had 350 hits the day I had Maelie and when I was depressed with the PPD, I had 400 or something like that. But other than that, I don't keep too close of an eye. Not sure why. I'm weird, I guess.

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  14. I am so making sure Mr. DG hears about the cancer study. Heartiest congrats to your cousin and the whole "Bluz" family.

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  15. If I went on Fear Factor, I would tell them that I'm afraid of fluffy bunnies, kittens and shopping.

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  16. /well, you told 'um and that's exactly what they did!!

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  17. Cassie,
    I can’t believe you remember that episode. I’ve seen a zillion stupid reality/game shows and I’d be hard pressed to remember anyone that wasn’t on for multiple shows.

    I was so proud of the way they beat the other contestants, who were much “bigger” athletes. Most were very muscular and larger. Luckily for my cousin, the tasks they had to do required more agility and speed than brute strength.

    There was one bit where one of the guys was shooting his mouth off about being “half man, half amazing.” Angela simply said, “I’m just a regular person.”

    I was so proud.

    Three? I guess that’s what you get by marrying so young. Or maybe you were just being incredibly efficient.

    DG,
    You’re notifying your husband? You do know that the study was all about men doing the performing and getting the virus, right?

    How selfless of you!

    Mrs. Bachelor Girl,
    That sounds like Fear Factor for Men – The Relationship Edition: Shopping for fluffy bunnies and kittens. Throw in women’s clothing and window treatments, and you have a full-blown male nightmare.

    Judie,
    Whoo Hoo!

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  18. I remember the pool part. I used to watch reruns of Fear Factor during Claire's naps when she was the only one around. I remember that your cousin's episode played two times in a row. The exact same one.

    It wasn't so much as marrying young, I was very VERY picky. VERY picky.

    I was dubbed a cock tease. And I'm proud of it.

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  19. Cassie,
    I admit, I watched it two times in a row, but I had a dog in the fight. And I had half my office watching. Had I known she'd WON, I'd have had everyone watching.

    But she never told anyone a word of what happened. Not even her mom... not a peep until after the show aired.

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  20. Cassie,
    You mean the part of the money she was allowed to actually have? (There's a long but confidential story there but suffice to say, the winners do not get all the money that the show advertises that they do. I can tell you about it offline if you want).

    But as far as I know, her winnings went far in knocking down her student loans. (4 years Penn State, followed by law school at U of Miami.)

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