Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How to Get Kicked Out of a Meeting

You know how sometimes I have these posts that don’t make any sense whatsoever?  You’ve seen these before when I’m emailing with someone and we start to string funny sounding words and phrases together, just for the sheer fun of it?  Yeah, this will be another one of those; only this time I was the only player.

I was in a staff meeting today with my boss and her other direct reports, and someone mentioned a guy that works for the company who has the last name of Darrybarry.

And I thought I had an unfortunate name, growing up.  (You try growing up with the last name of “Dude.”)

Now, I have no idea who this guy is… he works in another state, but the name just had so many possibilities.  My head started spinning with ideas right there in the meeting and a couple of times, I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from busting out laughing, as I scribbled some notes on my note pad.

It all started with the thought, “What if his parents had named him “Barry.”  He would be Barry Darrybarry.  It would have been even better if they owned a farm in Northwest Indiana.  It could be named Barry Darrybarry Dairy of Gary.

I could see him having a daughter, maybe even named Mary...  Mary Darrybarry.  Of course, coming from wholesome midwestern stock, it’s likely that she remained a happy virgin, resulting in being referred to as Gary’s Merry Mary Cherry Darrybarry.

How cool would it be if she agreed to wed her oh so patient sweetheart, Harry?  It’s possible that she might especially love his long flowing locks and refer to him as Hairy Harry.  Their wedding could take place on an offshore island in Lake Michigan, just off the shore from Gary.  So on their wedding day, all of Gary would take the ferry to see Hairy Harry marry Merry Mary Cherry Darrybarry and become heirs to the Barry Darrybarry Dairy of Gary.

Of course they would have to watch out for Perry, the legendary evil Fairy of Gary, who is said to haunt a small inlet off the lake and be quite fierce with a sword.  So the wedding guests must parry Perry the Scary Tributary Gary Fairy before taking the Gary Ferry to see Hairy Harry marry Merry Mary Cherry Darrybarry and become heirs to the Barry Darrybarry Dairy of Gary.

One of the guests, Larry, is known to proceed carefully at all times and is ready for anything, even when he has his baby daughter, Carrie, strapped to his back.  So all they let Cautionary Wary Larry carry Carrie and parry Perry the Legendary Scary Tributary Gary Fairy before taking the Gary Ferry to see Hairy Harry marry Merry Mary Cherry Darrybarry and become heirs to the Barry Darrybarry Dairy of Gary.

It was right about here when I got kicked out of the meeting.  I couldn’t escape the thought of the late Madeline Khan playing the Teutonic Titwillow herself, Lili Von Shtupp, reading the previous paragraph.  Take it, Lili…

“They all let Cautionawy Wawy Wawwy cawwy Cawwie and pawwy Pewwy the Legendawy Scawy Twibutawy Gawy Faiwy befoah taking the Gawy Fewwy to see Haiwy Hawwy mawwy Mewwy Mawy Chewwy Dewwybewwy and become heiws to the Bawwy Dewwybewwy Daiwy of Gawy.

“A wed wose.  How owdinawy.”

DVD Directory’s Commentary: If you don’t get that last bit, go put Blazing Saddles in your Netflix queue immediately.  You can thank me later.

I would have set the whole wedding scene in January, but the lake would have been frozen over, thus immobilizing the Gary Ferry.  The only other unused names I had in reserve were Jerry, Teri and former Pittsburgh linebacker Sal Sunseri.  I couldn’t think of anything clever enough to do with them, without just piling them on.

I didn’t really get kicked out of the meeting, but my boss did give me a couple “WTF” looks.

I was totally going to blog about something else today, before all this happened.  And you’re probably thinking, “How lame was THAT idea, if THIS is what you wrote about instead?

It’s very likely that I need treatment.

If you do not like this kind of post, you will certainly not like this one either.

16 comments:

  1. When I was a kid there was a guy on the local school board named Thomas Thomas. Not funny like Darrybarry (not even in the same vein), but I thought of that once you started surmising first names. :-)

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    1. Good old Tommy Thomas. Tom Tom... he should have been a drummer.

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  2. The title is still good with this story. I kept hearing it all in my head. I got here from Anne's blog, and I'm going to check the other post out as well. Yes, I like this kind of tomfoolery, I really do.

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    1. Well, in that case, Shock, I'm glad you came. Silliness is very welcome here.

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  3. And THIS is why you're Our Official Mirror Spirit! Or, "Miwwuhw Spiwit," I should say!

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    1. Miwwuhw Spiwit… “bwavado… a touch of dewing do!”

      Come to think of it, I could have had Lili von Shtupp and Michael Palin’s Pilate from “Life of Brian” trading lines.

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    2. Don't forget the Priest from Princess Bride! "Mawwwage... is what bwings us.... togevvvah... todaay."

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  4. There's a guy on "American Idol" this season named Phillip Phillips. I really wish it was Philip Phillips or Phillip Philips just to piss people off.

    I'll have to e-mail you privately about the other awesome name I know in case the poor guy would ever Google himself.

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    1. Things like this happen when people really don’t want to be parents, so they punish their kids. Either that, or the kids were really difficult, so they got even.

      Oh, and by the way, I made a minor written change to the name I used, for the same self-Googling reason. But it didn’t change the way the name is said.

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  5. You are such a nerd. I can't tell you how much this made me laugh.

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    1. Oh, I’m the nerd? You laughed too!

      Stuff like this just tickles me… it’s probably genetic. I was born to love word-play. Every time I’d add a new word and read a line through, I’d just giggle my ass off. I think the “marry Merry Mary Cherry Derryberry” bit killed me the most, especially reading it aloud.

      I should make this into a children’s book… only maybe kill the “cherry” reference. Maybe “Cheery?” You know, I could really turn this into a challenge if I started using variations…

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  6. I just found you via Hoody's blog. Great stuff!
    I know a guy with the last name Turnipseed.
    First and middle name are Rudy Bega.

    Nah. I made up that last part, but if there was a God, it would have been true.

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    1. Welcome aboard. I’m glad I had something goofy up, to take advantage of Hoody’s kind words.

      I would imagine that having a name like Turnipseed would endow prospective parents with a sobering sense of responsibility. Good lord, if they decide to pick out baby names when stoned, who knows what might be wrought upon the world.

      Can you imagine the thought of marrying into that name?

      “Sorry honey, I think I’ll keep my maiden name.”

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  7. LMAO! I love the Blazing Saddles reference!

    Man, I don't miss corporate meetings at all. In the event you need something to do at the next one, feel free to use the actual names of two folks I used to work with at GE: Lisa Gunn and Kelley Green.

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    1. I'm fortunate that in my current job, I don't have to endure very many meetings... just our weekly staff meeting. In my previous position, my day was loaded with them... they just sucked the freakin' life out of me. Good riddance!

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