Tuesday, May 28, 2013

How to Become a Master Baiter

I was trying to think of something to blog about tonight that might be more interesting than the tour of the places I've sat in Camden Yards.  (Yes I know; the space is wide open.)

Because next month’s trip to see my buddies out in Farmville is looming, I was hoping we might do a little pond fishing, and I recalled a story I don’t think I've told you.

A while back, the guys and I were stationed in various spots around a large pond and were having a go at fishing.  The fish were biting, but were quite adept at stealing my bait.  Before long, I ran out of worms.  Just before I dug into my buddy’s tackle box for a lure, I spotted a cottonmouth snake with a frog in his mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.  So knowing the snake couldn't bite me with a frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait can.

The dilemma was how to let go of the snake without getting bitten.  So I grabbed my hip flask of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in his mouth.  His eyes rolled over, he went limp, and I released him into the pond, without incident.  I carried on fishing, using the frog for bait.

A little while later, I felt a nudge on my foot. 

It was the same snake… and he had two more frogs.

*

I have my Dad to thank for sending me that joke last summer.  I've been saving it for just the right occasion, like when I can't think of jack-all to write about.

If you couldn't tell that was a joke, you must not know me very well.  Do you think there’s any reality in which I pick up a poisonous snake, full mouth or not?  Not without a long-ass pair of tongs and some iron gloves, I don’t.  More likely, I’m making like Usain Bolt and high-kicking it around to the other side of the pond. 

Yeah, I’m gonna pick this up… No freakin’ way.  Nothing says, “possessed,” like a snake with clouded-over eyes.  (Source)

All in all, it makes me wish I had some Jack Daniels in the house.

12 comments:

  1. I also doubt very much that you would waste good whiskey like that.

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    1. You know me well, my friend. Missing out on a shot or two of Jack would be quite alarming to me, although not as alarming as a cottonmouth bite.

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  2. "Plunk yr magik twanger, Fro-GEE!"
    Good to hear you are being kind to Mittah Nake.

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    1. Just like in the old days with “Rip,” it’s in insurance policy for when he’s on the loose.

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  3. Damn... Now I want some JD too.... Damn you!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  4. That's me.. Bluz the Enabler.

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  5. I have JD, but it's also 8 in the morning... what am I saying? It's never too early for good whiskey.

    Also, I'd like to think I'm pretty manly, but you probably won't even catch me holding a garden snake, much less a poisonous one. No thanks. At least I can own up to it.

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    1. My Grandpa would say it’s a perfect time for an “eye-opener” shot. And because we have two eyes, we’d need a second one, wouldn’t we?

      I wouldn’t argue with him… he’s 97, so the Eye Opener Theory has served him pretty well.

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  6. Whoa...That should be a commercial for JD.

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    1. That's actually a great idea. I can't believe they haven't done it yet.

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  7. I get back from vacation and see that crazy ass snake in my feed. Yikes! If you actually did that I'd personally send you a bottle of JD.

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    Replies
    1. If I actually did that, it would mean I already had too MUCH JD.

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