I work with a great group of people. I’m one of only two guys in the department, but somehow I fit in. I sit in a corner cube, and the next three cubes down are all women who are older than me, two of whom are African-American. These are the people with whom I meet in the mornings to talk about what shows we all watched the night before.
This is so much fun, I watched that series “Mistresses,” (a B-list version of “Desperate Housewives), just because the others were watching and I didn’t want to miss out on a lively conversation. So you can say we’re pretty comfortable with each other.
But still, I have to be careful, because once I’m comfortable with people, I loosen my filter a little bit, and sometimes I forget I’m actually at work. Here’s what happened today.
Another woman from my department, also African-American and older than me, was checking with everyone to see if we were going to be in tomorrow. When she got to me, I said I’d be in, but she wouldn’t see me again until after New Years, except when I come in for our gift exchange on 12/30. (It was supposed to be this week, but we had too many people out sick. I agreed to come in for the event, even though I’m still on vacation.)
Bluz: Maybe I’ll go get all liquored up at “O’Shea’s before I come in, and really get loose.
My cube mate: Yeah, Bluz’ll be pullin’ a shorty out his pants, goin’ “Who wants some?”
Before I could stop myself…
Bluz: Excuse me, but no guy will ever refer to something he pulls out of his pants as a “shorty.”
[Big laughs from the row of cubes]
Bluz: A “long-neck,” maybe.
[Huge howls of laughter]
Bluz: No “shorty,” but maybe a “forty.”
[More laughter, Bluz drops metaphorical mic]
I may have gone one too far on that one. I’m hopeful I don’t get any calls from HR tomorrow. You know how this would look in the newspapers, stripped of context...
OFFICE WORKER COMPARES HIS JUNK TO THE A QUART-SIZED BOTTLE
I mean, come on… I wasn’t even talking about ME… just every guy I know. I have to remember to save the dick jokes for the blog. You won’t tell HR, will you?
Director's DVD Commentary: When my cube-mate referred to a "shorty," she meant a small bottle of liquor... Just in case you were about to reference Urban Dictionary.