Thursday, December 19, 2013

Mr Bluz, Please Come to HR Immediately

I work with a great group of people.  I’m one of only two guys in the department, but somehow I fit in.  I sit in a corner cube, and the next three cubes down are all women who are older than me, two of whom are African-American.  These are the people with whom I meet in the mornings to talk about what shows we all watched the night before.

This is so much fun, I watched that series “Mistresses,” (a B-list version of “Desperate Housewives), just because the others were watching and I didn’t want to miss out on a lively conversation.  So you can say we’re pretty comfortable with each other.

But still, I have to be careful, because once I’m comfortable with people, I loosen my filter a little bit, and sometimes I forget I’m actually at work.  Here’s what happened today.

Another woman from my department, also African-American and older than me, was checking with everyone to see if we were going to be in tomorrow.  When she got to me, I said I’d be in, but she wouldn’t see me again until after New Years, except when I come in for our gift exchange on 12/30.  (It was supposed to be this week, but we had too many people out sick.  I agreed to come in for the event, even though I’m still on vacation.)

Bluz: Maybe I’ll go get all liquored up at “O’Shea’s before I come in, and really get loose.

My cube mate:  Yeah, Bluz’ll be pullin’ a shorty out his pants, goin’ “Who wants some?

Before I could stop myself…

Bluz: Excuse me, but no guy will ever refer to something he pulls out of his pants as a “shorty.”

[Big laughs from the row of cubes]

Bluz: A “long-neck,” maybe.

[Huge howls of laughter]

Bluz: No “shorty,” but maybe a “forty.”  

[More laughter, Bluz drops metaphorical mic] 

I may have gone one too far on that one.  I’m hopeful I don’t get any calls from HR tomorrow.  You know how this would look in the newspapers, stripped of context...

OFFICE WORKER COMPARES HIS JUNK TO THE A QUART-SIZED BOTTLE

I mean, come on… I wasn’t even talking about ME… just every guy I know.  I have to remember to save the dick jokes for the blog.  You won’t tell HR, will you?

Director's DVD Commentary: When my cube-mate referred to a "shorty," she meant a small bottle of liquor... Just in case you were about to reference Urban Dictionary.

11 comments:

  1. Cool Cube Mates, at last. Fun at work is a gi-ii-ft.

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    1. I'm lucky to have a real down to earth crew, who 'get me.' And they're hilarious in their own right.

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  2. So nice that your work pals get you out of your comfort zone. I was still mulling over you watching "Mistresses" when I read the rest of the banter, which was amusing but of course.

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    1. I fully acknowledge that Mistresses is complete trash TV, but it's fun to come in and pick apart the next day. Of course it features 4 hot women and their kinky escapades, so at least there's SOMETHING for a dude to see...

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  3. Glad you are not watching and discussing "Duck Dynasty", four scruffy guys and their stinky stupidities.

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    1. LOL… sorry, that’s exactly what I have in store next this weekend. (The writing about, not the watching. I do have SOME standards.)

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  4. GOODY! Consider Phil's shooting a hog for Christmas dinner in the last episode. Unaware his bible forbids such activity. Remind him of LEVITICUS!

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  5. And the cherry-picking of the Bible by conservatives continues...

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  6. Not being a conservative, I pick the whole orchard.

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  7. I can relate to sharing too much. I am sort of thinking I should not have shared with a handful of coworkers on the way to a bar Friday at lunch that that was the third day in a row I was there and thank goodness there was a different bartender each day. I don't want people to think I am a lush! But at least I was not the one who told another coworker who shares an office with the boss that we were headed to the bar because we are all alcoholics.

    Enjoy the 40, and I hope others do too. ;-)

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    1. Likewise, I probably shouldn't tell people at work how I'll be spending about seven and a half hours at the sports bar tomorrow, for the Steelers game. (I have to show up early to get my preferred seat.). But they'd only get the right idea.

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