Don Me Now My Game Apparel

Fa la la, brothers and sisters.

This will be a short one.  For a full-service weekend post, please see the one immediately preceding this one.

The Mojo Boogie

Today’s Steelers game is at home, versus the Bengals.  In going through my Mojo Tracking Spreadsheet, (yes, really), I noticed that we’ve only won one game where the Steelers played at home and I watched from home.  That was the first game of the year and I was wearing lightweight stuff, including shorts. 

I will not be wearing shorts or anything lightweight today, so I have to go from scratch.

The Steelers won their last two “away” games while I wore my white Troy Polamalu jersey, so I figure I’ll break out the black Troy jersey today.  I’ll wear the same black flannel Steelers sweatpants that I wore for the Ratbirds win last week.  Under the jersey, I’ll have my white “throwback” style long sleeved tee, with a gold Steelers tee under that.

Yes, we keep it on the crisp side, here at the bluz-cave.

That’s my game-time decision and we’ll see how it goes.

Now, just to make it worth your while in stopping by, let me show you this video that my dad brought to my attention.

It really pays off to pay attention to direction, especially when you are live on TV.

Makes me want to move to San Diego immediately.

Odd Bits - The Inbox Edition

Before I get into some more goofy shit I found in my inbox this week, I have to address this little news item that surfaced this week, right here in old Charm City.  Well, technically, it surfaced at the baseball winter meetings in Florida.

Baltimore Orioles outfielder, Luke Scott shot his mouth off to Yahoo Sports, saying that he didn’t believe President Obama was born here: “He was not born here. ... That's my belief. I was born here. If someone accuses me of not being born here, I can go — within 10 minutes — to my filing cabinet and I can pick up my real birth certificate and I can go, "See? Look! Here it is. Here it is." The man has dodged everything. He dodges questions; he doesn't answer anything. And why? Because he's hiding something.”  You can find the complete spiel here.

When the inevitable shitstorm hit the fan, Scott had the following comment: “We all have the right of freedom of speech under the First Amendment.  We all don’t have to agree with on another on our opinions.  Everyone in my circle, that I run around with, we all feel the same about God, country, integrity and character.”

I just love how the response goes directly to his right to free speech, which, of course, was never in question.  What he actually said, was.  And then, there’s the smoke-screened sprint right to God, country, integrity and character.  When in doubt, play the patriotism card.  Gee, that’s a new one.  (Where’s that “sarcasm font” when you need it?)

I don’t really care if the guy is conservative, or that he disagrees with the president’s policies, or if he’s a living, breathing, hunting and fishing incarnation of Ted Nugent.  I’d still root for him.  Opinions are one thing… willfully ignoring readily available, incontrovertible facts is something else.

Luke Scott is a decent enough ball player to be voted MVP on an atrocious Orioles team.  And I like our plucky Orioles, but I don’t see how I can cheer for a guy that is incapable of a 5-minute Google search.  I think this goes right to my post from last July about the study that showed that being presented with opposing facts actually hardens one’s opinions rather than causing changes to them.  I guess it’s just easier to believe whatever Fox “News” says.

Oh wait; they don’t actually state such things as facts, do they?  They just “ask questions.”  (More sarcasm font.) 

I have a question for Luke Scott:

“Wanna get away?”

Ratbird Insurrection: Busted

Remember the post from two Fridays ago, about our workplace Steelers support group’s show of strength in the lunch room?  Remember how I mentioned that the HR boss took down the picture of the hanging (toy) raven from the bulletin board? 

Nothing came of it, immediately.  I thought she would have spoken with our resident Big Dog at the table, but as of the next day, she hadn’t.  I figured everything was cool.  Then Thursday, an email was sent out to everyone in the building.  Uh oh.  This was the gist of it:

“Recently, an inappropriate picture involving the mascot for the Baltimore Ravens football team was posted on a bulletin board near the cafeteria.  We strive to keep our work environment pleasant and you are expected to exercise good judgment to assist with this.  Part of this is ensuring that flyers, posters and other information posted anywhere on the company’s property does not have inappropriate, distasteful, or offensive content.”

So busted.  We’re sorry; we never meant any harm.  And we certainly never meant to bring up any memories of persecution, other than in the strictest football sense.

What was funny was that as soon as the email hit, my surrounding cube-mates (and several others via email) all wanted to know the same thing: “All right, Bluz, what did you do?”

I swear; I really had nothing to do with it.  I didn’t circulate the picture, nor did I tack it up.  The mere fact that I knew who did does NOT incriminate me!  Nor does the fact that I laughed at the posting.

Ultimately, I think it’s just kind of silly.  This could have been handled in a single conversation, rather than an email that draws in the whole building.  Such is life in the “home office” environment.

Favorite Email of the Week

This picture says it all:

Meat: the true meaning of Christmas!

The only down side for me is that I don’t know what that is on the bottom.  Slaw?  Hate it.  Sauerkraut?  Hate it.  I’m just going to pretend it’s shredded cheese.

My parents sent Pinky and I a case of Omaha Steaks for Christmas.  We love it!  Meat is the perfect gift:  It’s always the right color, it always fits and it’s packed with protein.

Unfortunately, Omaha Steaks does not offer the Meat Manger.  But there’s always next year.

Demotivators

I love these!  I’ve loved them ever since they first followed those smarmy “inspirational” framed pictures found in offices across the country.  My all time favorite is the one where there’s a close up shot of a sleeve of French fries.  The caption simply said, “Not everyone gets to be a astronaut.”

These are just a few of the ones from the email that cracked me right the hell up.

So that’s how Jeff Reed always knew who to seek out.

One can only imagine the circumstances involved regarding this shot.

Apparently, this cat has just seen the previous picture.

Alternate caption:  This is what happens when you cross a tampon with Mexican Jumping Beans.

My favorite of the lot, and another where it kills me that I didn't think of that first.

I’ll check in tomorrow with game day Mojo.  Have a great weekend!

From the In-Box

I love it when I get those emailed memes that go around, not because they’re necessarily deep or clever, but because I can get a cheap post out of it.  I got one this week… I’m sure you’ve seen it before; it’s been around a while.  So I thought I’d run with it and add my own observations.

Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.  I can’t believe there’s no Self-Destruct key yet.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.  Not that it’s ever happened to ME, mind you.  OK, really, the tip-off is when the subject changes.  I hate that when I’m having an argument though… when my opponent changes the subject, which basically means, “OK, I may be wrong but I’m still pissed off, so I’m going to bring up something from the past, be it yesterday or 6 months ago, and start in on that.”

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.  I now understand how naps are under-rated.  Every office building should have a hammock room, if you ask me.  You start the timer, then after an hour, it flips over and dumps you out.  Hey, I’m no barbarian… I’d put cushions underneath.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.  I heartily agree.  As if I really care…

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?  I’m glad it’s not just me that stores the bottom sheets in a ball on the shelf of the linen closet.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?  I haven’t used it since 10^th grade.  I use a kind of hybrid of printing and hieroglyphics.  In fact, I don’t think I’m even capable of writing anything in cursive any more, aside from my signature.  And even then I still print the capital letters.

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.  They need to work on a way to make it easier for you to start with “I-695 near Pikesville.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.  Sucks getting old (er).

9. Bad decisions make good stories.  Been saying that for years… good comedy comes from suffering.  Who laughs at a story were everything goes just right?

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.  And some days, it comes earlier than others.  Like, say, 10:30 AM?

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.  Probably too late for this one… here comes 3D-TV.  You have to buy a whole new TV for that one…

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit from Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.  So even though I KNOW I didn’t change a thing, I’ll still hit {Save} just to be sure.  We have become a paranoid culture.

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.  That’s valuable intel.  To me, Caller ID is the greatest invention ever.  And because of the wireless receiver that you can take with you, I don’t even have to get up to know who I’m ignoring.

14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.  Right!  Why wouldn’t we need to see in the freezer too?  I think that’s why we so often find those frozen artifacts that have been in there since 1986.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.  Or a shot of Jaegermeister or similar concoction of girly drinks masquerading as “shots.”  To be considered a shot, it has to taste like fire.  The ‘burn’ means it’s working.

16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.  Of course, then I’d never be able to get around anywhere in Baltimore.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  That’s a new habit for me… mindless munching.  I never used to do that.  Of course, I could barely afford “dinner” at the time, let alone snackables.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a damn word they said?  From me, they get twice.  Sometimes I’ll even take my earphone out.

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!  I’ve only seen that happen once around here.  In Maryland, everyone is trying to cut in at the front.

20. Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.  Amen.  I have a pants rotation in that I don’t wear any pair of pants more than once a week.  Therefore, unless there’s some kind of spill or accident, they don’t go in the laundry more than every 6 months.  OK, some black slacks get to looking dusty, so I’ll toss them in the wash a little more often.

21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  I’d like to say that was another byproduct of getting old (er) but I’ve always done that.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone  can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds,  eyes closed, first time, every time.  Sorry, on this one, I have to go another way.  I never use the snooze.  I wake up gradually to the radio because  I want to hear the news when I wake up.  Unfortunately, by the time I’m actually out of bed, I can’t remember a single story.  (See previous entry.)

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.  This should not be a surprise.  But I can tell this was written by a woman, because any guy would tell you that given a choice between a taking a puck in the melon, or one in the ‘boys’, we’ll take the head shot every time.  It has nothing to do with brains, just the avoidance of excruciating agony. 

Ratbird Stew

This will be the last football post for a while, (or at least until the weekend), but I feel obligated to wrap up The Game of the Week.  If you’re not into football, please skip ahead to the part where I talk about seeing the new Harry Potter movie.

This game was the Big One for me, because it was my boys playing the team from the town in which I live.  And the town in which I live is filled with obnoxious fans.

The Steelers won, Sunday night, in a breathtaking, hard-hitting 13-10 slugfest.  If you’re still reading, I’m sure you know all about it, so I’m not doing play by play or anything.  It was an exciting game; one that left me with my fingernails bitten down to the nubs.  (For a recap with a high quotient of laughs, check out Ginny’s post at That’s Church.  It’s the most entertaining recap in town!)

Since I took Monday off, I had plenty of time to go through the morning newspaper and bask in the reflected glory of the big win.  But I don’t know why I always think there will be some kind of rational coverage…

There were a couple of huge sub-plots to the game.  QB and resident perv Ben Roesthlisberger took a forearm to the nose from defensive tackle and stunt double for Godzilla, Haloti Ngata.  Ben suffered an obvious broken nose.  They showed him coming to the sideline with his nose decidedly off-center, like a Picasso painting.  There was no penalty called on the play, although blows to the head have been illegal for at least 25 years.  If the refs aren’t watching the QB, who the hell are they watching?

Ben played the rest of the game with the broken nose, which went along with his re-aggravated broken foot.

Later, Steelers tight end Heath Miller got drilled in the back, long after the ball had bounced away incomplete, and was whip-lashed and bent over backwards.  He stayed down for over 5-minutes.  By some miracle, he gingerly walked off the field, probably as a benefit of his having a neck that’s about as big around as my thigh. 

This was the kind of hit that usually results in being strapped to a gurney and having to have your helmet cut off.  It also usually results in a penalty, but there was none for that hit either.

Heath was out for the rest of the game and probably next week’s as well.

So what is the paper talking about the next morning?  A big “controversial” non-call… the one where Rats’ defensive end Terrell Suggs grasped at Ben’s jersey, before Ben skittered away and threw the ball out of bounds.  Some of the local morons apparently thought he should have been down by being “in the grasp.”  NBC analyst Chris Collingsworth called it the best play he’s seen all year.  In the grasp, my eye.  I’ll give them something to “grasp.”

This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis around here… complete delusion on the part of the fans and media.  There was not a single reference in the print newspaper of either the forearm shiver to the QB, or the whiplash cheap shot to the tight end, nor the flagrant non-calls. 

The officiating rep that NBC had in the production truck came on and said that the Miller shot should have been a penalty.  Today, the NFL fined Ngata $15K and the rookie linebacker that hit Miller $40K.  Too bad it was two days late.

I continue to ask where the balance is.  They can’t keep putting the Steelers defense under a microscope, while letting the Steelers offense get bludgeoned to death.  I think they should just let’em all play and drop all this feigned concern for player safety.  But if they ARE going to pussify the game, they gotta keep it fair.

Anyway, the Steelers did what good teams do… they overcame adversity and pulled it out.  Troy Polamalu was amazing again, as he swept around end, late in the game and forced a turnover from the Ratties’ QB.  Later, the Steelers drove it in with a 9-yard TD, acquired on the gigantic balls of running back Isaac Redman, who broke two tackles to plow into the end zone. 

What ensued was like a movie.  I call it: "Silence of the Fans."

“Put the ball in the end zone… Put the fuckin’ ball in the end zone!”

There was a lot of pre-game attention in the media about the team giving out purple rally towels.  What was surprising was that I didn’t see a single fan twirling one.  I’m not sure if that’s because they refused, or if they just didn’t know how.  I suspect they tried but kept wrapping them around their own heads.  It’s hard to heckle and threaten the children, women and senior citizens with a towel wrapped around one’s head, so I imagine they stopped trying.

I will give the Rattie fans credit for this though.  On my day off, I had time to cruise through the comments on Ravens blogs and even listen to some sports talk radio.  I couldn’t believe how the fans weren’t really complaining about the refs, or league bias, or their usual excuses.  They were mostly mad at their own team for a change.  Well, mostly the coaches… they don’t criticize the players very often; at least not the stars.

The reason I got to listen to local sports radio is that I had it on in the car, Monday afternoon, when I went to see the new Harry Potter movie.

(OK, this is the end of the football stuff.)

I know it’s weird, but I’m a huge Potter fan.  I saw the first several movies at my brother’s house when the nephew was watching them.  I believe I’ve seen them in the theater ever since the 4^th one.

Between last December and February, I read all 7 books.  So this was the first movie that I’ve seen where I had already read the story.

I was impressed with the movie and enjoyed it immensely.  And I sure didn’t have to strain to hear it because there were only 3 other people in the theater: 2 other middle-aged guys like me, and what looked like a female grad student.  But what do you expect on a Monday afternoon?

Anyway, the movie was very faithful to the book, which I consider to be a plus.  The action was brilliant when it came, but due to the nature of the original story, there was a good deal of ‘down time’, as the three friends were out on the run.  There were some bits cut, of course, but much had to do with the fact that those themes had been cut from the books as well.  And Harry’s romance with Ginny Weasley was completely underplayed, though I suspect it will heat up in the last installment.

Ah yes… the last installment.  Owing to the nature of cutting a story in two, the ending on this one was not exactly satisfying.  It was like the “Empire Strikes Back” of the Potter series… or the “Back to the Future 2.”  You’re just dying for it to continue, but have to cool your heels until next summer.  I expect they’ll release the DVD in the spring, to ramp up the hype for the finale.

Meanwhile, I’ll have to keep skimming up my copy of the book.  Beats watching commercials…

Odd Bits - The Ratbird Edition

Tonight’s “The Big Night” here in Baltimore; in Pittsburgh too, I expect.  The Steelers and Ravens are slated to play on Sunday Night Football, with the winner a heavy favorite to win the AFC North division.  As the Ratties are at the very top of the Unholy Trinity, much is riding on this game; not only playoff implications but more importantly (to me) bragging rights for the next week or more.  

Suffice to say that if the Steelers lose, it will be very uncomfortable for me when I go back to work.  I’ll have more on the game later, but first…

Helping the Economy, One Click at a Time

I did the bulk of my Christmas shopping on Cyber Monday, this year.  Went pretty well, too.  I did delay some purchases, so they won’t all show up on one credit card bill.

I hardly ever actually go out to stores for Christmas shopping any more.  Believe me, I got more than enough of that when I worked in the record stores; malls or otherwise.  Most years, when I was a store manager in Cleveland, I did 100% of my Christmas shopping in 2 places: my store, or the liquor store.  It’s amazing how efficient you can be when your both broke and pressed for time.

The biggest problem I have with the online shopping is leaving it at gifts for others.  This is especially true when I’m shopping for my dad, brother or brother-in-law, because I’m usually looking for NFL or NHL stuff.  I almost always spot some things that I want my own self.  And hey, sometimes you just need that one more purchase to get the free shipping.  God only knows how many times I’ve spent that extra $20.00 so I could save $7.00 on shipping.  But it’s the best way I know to be sure I get what I want for Christmas.

Tis the Season to Say NO

I am NOT looking forward to the next 2 years of political inaction.  It’s too depressing to even write about any more.  The Republicans, who are sooooo concerned about the deficit, have slammed the brakes on all legislation until their cherished 1%, ie, gazillionaires get to keep their massive tax cut. 

Of course they SAY it’s to create jobs and spur growth, which denies the painfully obvious observation that if these tax rates THAT CURRENTLY EXIST AND HAVE FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS are so great at triggering growth, why are we in such a jobless cluster-fuck right now?  (And have been since 2007)  Companies are pocketing the extra cash and sitting on it.  And paying bonuses to the execs… after all, we wouldn’t want the Lexus dealers to go under, would we?

Yeah, twits like Sarah Palin are going to lecture us about economics.  Sarah Palin thinks "fiduciary responsibility" means “using Summer’s Eve on a regular basis.”

And now the party that is supposed to be so concerned with National Security is also playing politics with the START treaty with Russia, who says that if it doesn’t get passed, they’re going to begin a massive re-stockpiling of nuclear weapons.  This is a party that’s so obsessed with reclaiming power that they are willfully putting this country in mortal danger.

And the even funnier thing is how many of those Republicans are trying to keep from repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell by claiming it hurts military readiness.  Here’s a reality check for those guys: Tiddleywink policies like DADT don’t matter a lick once the bombs are in the air.  Get over it, like most of the country has, and accept the service as offered.  We all bleed the same red.

Congratulations, America, you got what you voted for.

Picks-Burgh

I do football picks every game, through the local newspaper’s website.  You get points for each correct pick, which you can collect and spend on virtual tickets for lottery prizes.  So there is no money involved and the picks are basically just for fun.

I look at doing the picks as a lesser evil than Fantasy Football.  I think FF sets up too many contradictory impulses, especially when there are guys on your team who play for teams that you need to fail in order for your own team to succeed.

The picks have a way of doing that too, because I always try to pick with my head rather than my heart.  So many times I’ll be watching a game and rooting for a team that I picked, when its loss would benefit my Steelers.  Usually this involves teams that aren’t in the Steelers’ division. 

I think it just goes to show that we, as a people, would rather be “right” than help our own causes.

The Mojo Boogie

I was going to do a bit on some of the comments I’ve seen on the local paper’s blogs about the Steelers/Ratbirds game, but it’s really just too depressing.  I’m not talking about the sentiment as much as the complete lack of spelling, grammar, or even the presentation of a coherent thought.  If you’d like to see what I’m talking about, you can click here.  I especially like how two different Rattie fans misspell the word “inbred”, as they apply it to Pittsburghers.  And they’re still talking about a town that existed in the 60s and 70s, rather than the sparkling center of medicine, science and education that was named Most Livable City in America this year.

Yo, Butchie.  The smokestacks are gone, just like your front teeth.  If you stepped out from inside the Beltway once in a while, you just might notice that.  Meanwhile, your city leads the league in homicides per capita, STDs and poor English skills.

I had to think long and hard about tonight’s game mojo.  I consulted the Mojo Spreadsheet for data from this year and prior games against the Ratties.  There is no clear pattern.  I can tell you that for the past two Steelers “away” games, I wore my white Polamalu jersey, with white Steeler sweat pants and a white long-sleeved tee shirt.  The Steelers won both games, but both went down to the wire and one went to overtime.

So because I wore the all white, is that the reason we ultimately won?  OR, is that the reason the Steelers struggled the way they did.  Like, would they have had it in the bag and not made so many mistakes if they weren’t fighting against my dreaded Ghost Mojo?

It’s a lot to consider, for a man of science.  (snork!)

So I’m on the fence for this one.  I’m definitely going with the white #43; I just don’t know if I’ll change up the pants and sleeves.  That will have to be a game time decision.

I took tomorrow off, because I knew this would be a long, draining night.  Now I just have to think of something to do to occupy myself this afternoon, while I wait for 8:20 to roll around.

Hey, it’s not like I don’t EVER have chores to do… In fact, I have to go out and get beer for tonight.  So there!

Steelers Insurrection - Updated

Note: Late update at the end of the post.


It's been a rough week around here, as the broadcast media and Internet is filled with Ratbird ravings that are even more deluded than usual.  Much has to do with bringing pressure to bear on season ticket holders not to sell their tickets to Steeler fans.  I saw further comments this week on the local newspaper's Ravens blog advocating that fans steal the Terrible Towels from anyone that dares to twirl one in the stadium, as well as committing other typical mayhem and violence.

The funny thing is that they are planning to give out 70,000 purple towels at the stadium.  Being inexperienced towel twirlers, I'm expecting they'll spend most of their time smacking each other in the face with them.

There's also a movement being pushed by a local radio station asking the crowd to chant "No means no," when Ben goes under center.  I know of at least a couple others planning on chanting, "Where's the knife, Ray?"

Ray did time for obstructing a double homicide investigation, involving members of his posse and 2 dead guys.  Ray disappeared the knife and a bloody coat.

We had one guy that was looking for something good to put on a sign.  I suggested, "Our Stallworth went to the Hall of Fame.  Your Stallworth went to jail."  His wife put the kibosh on that, though.  Something about not wanting to bail HIM out of jail Sunday night.

So as you may remember, we have a little group of Steelers insurgents at my office building in downtown Baltimore, and we now number around 20.  We got together for lunch in the cafeteria again; all dressed in our Steelers jerseys.  We almost didn't get to do that... As of early this week, there was no Purple Jersey Day planned.  If they don't make it a Jersey Day, we don't get to wear our opposing jerseys.  So I put a bug in the ear of the people in the right department that maybe they should do a jersey day, as this is the biggest regular season game of the year.  They announced it Thursday and unknowingly cleared the way for our show of force.

It's always so much fun watching people walk by with their food, spot us, then walk away shaking their heads and muttering.

We might have got in a little trouble this time, because one of our crew put this picture of a (fake) raven bird being hung, on the cafeteria bulletin board. 

A little later, our HR chief walked by and took it down, throwing a major stink-eye at our table.  That prompted our high-ranking company officer at the table to comment, "I guess I'll be talking to HR after lunch..."  

Later, I heard the line of the day as we rode up the elevator after lunch.  One of the women that started our group, a truly sweet natured and gentle soul, said, "Geez, you hang one bird and everyone gets all bent out of shape!" 

And if we lose on Sunday, it might just be US with the ropes around our necks.

As I left for the day today, I felt my customary unease.  That always happens when I’m wearing Steelers stuff when I’m out and about.  Every time I cross the street, I feel like a huge target.  Every time I step off the curb I keep expecting to hear the sound of squealing tires.  But I managed to get home again in one piece and without hearing any taunting.  Seriously, headphones help.

I’ll have more on the game mojo this weekend, as well as a look at some of the Ratbird fan comments on the game.  I swear, it’s enough to give a 5^th grade grammar teacher a heart attack.


Update:  The last time the Steelers and Ratbirds played, I sent a similar letter, describing our pre-game office lunch, to Dan Gigler, the writer for the Steelers blog at the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, and he ran the whole thing.  This post today is a version of the letter I sent him last night and he ran it on the blog this morning.  You can find it by clicking here.  Feel free to check it out, and comment there if you see fit.  I figure, the more clicks they get on that post, the more likely they'll be to keep running my stuff.  

And if I may, let me say that the bloggers they have at the Post Gazette, namely Dan with Blog n Gold, and Seth Rohrbaugh on the Penguins blog Empty Netters, are quality guys.  Both have been accessible, helpful and ready to interact.  I got to meet Seth last year at a Pens game.  I hope one day to catch up with Dan.

Tis the Season for Yumminess

This post would have made a lot more sense two weekends ago, but sometimes blog life just doesn’t cooperate.  Other posts that just couldn’t wait wrestled their way out of my brain first.  But since the post-it note with tidbits for tonight’s intended post is still sitting on my desk at work, and my memory is like a sieve anymore, it’s time to go the well.

Our daily paper runs celebrity birthdays every day, right above the crossword puzzle, so I always see them.  I couldn’t help but notice that from 11/19 to 11/22, there was a string of birthdays belonging to a half dozen hot ladies from my age group, more or less.  It made me wonder what the hell was going on in February in the late 50s to early 60s, that’s for sure.

Here are the birthday girls:

November 19:

Jody Foster, 48

I always thought she was smokin’ hot since she was a teenager, even if I still think of her as “Clarice” half the time.

Meg Ryan, 49

Meg defined “cute” for an entire generation.

Allison Janney, 51

I know, not your typical glamour girl, but I always loved CJ Craig (her character on The West Wing).  Plus, she’s like 8 feet tall and I like that.

November 20:

Bo Derek, 54

Good God, when the movie “10” came out, it stood my buddies and I on our ears.  I hated the braids, though.

November 22:

Mariel Hemingway, 49

She was hot in every B-movie she ever did, which was all of them.

Jamie Lee Curtis, 52

I don’t care if she only surfaces in Activia commercials and in the crowd at Dancing With the Stars.  I’ve been in love with JLC since her first movie, “Halloween.”  Then between “Trading Places,” “Perfect,” “True Lies,” and every other movie she’s ever done, nothing but hotness.  Sadly, all I can do is wait for Christopher Guest to die, so I can move in.

So is it me, or is it just weird that all these hot stars had birthdays over the same weekend? 

Blog Fail

Long day today… I just got home about 9:00.  We had a work thing where I had to stay late and make some calls.  We do this twice a year but it always seems like we just did it last week.

Anyway, I wanted to do a post tonight, but I’m just not up to it.  Instead, I’m posting this video my sister sent me over the weekend.  It’s both hilarious and short; demanding only 47 seconds of your life.  It’s not safe for work or small children, unless you want either exposed to numerous variations of the F-word.

In case it's not clear, the voice-over is supposed to indicate what the cat's thinking.

I’ll be back tomorrow with something more bluz-like.  Or maybe if this kills, I'll just post cat videos from now on.

Party Like It's 1979

Thus far, it’s been a grand Thanksgiving Weekend.  My parents were in town from Florida so we all had Thanksgiving dinner at my brother’s.  Big news of the week: Nephew Sammy (5) farted in Sunday School.

Bluz Mother: Tell Uncle Bluz what you did in Sunday School.

Sammy:  I busted one.

Bluz:  What did the other kids say?

Sammy:  Niiiiice.

Personally, I can’t think of a better place for a 5-year old to bust one.  Judging from his customary reactions to his own bodily emissions, he probably did a touchdown dance afterwards.  I’m sure they’ll be keeping an eye on that one for a while.

Yesterday, not only did Ohio State beat hated rival Michigan (with my brother and dad in attendance), the Penguins also won, so that sets up another perfect Monday, where the Buckeye, the Penguins and the Steelers all win, if indeed the Steelers get by Buffalo this afternoon.  More on that later.

Party Tahn

But so far, the weekend highlight was Sitcom Kelly’s party.  She moved into a new house over a year ago but this was still the first time I’d been able to get out to see the place.  You may recall that she’d scheduled some parties last February, both of which coincided with massive snowstorms, leaving her party guests limited to her and her cats.  We made this into an episode idea for our sitcom, where as she’s determined to have the party at all costs, we see her sitting in the living room surrounded by her cats, spooning ziti right out of the pan.  After that there is Wii Bowling, were she plays against Pens defenseman Kris Letang, who is still in her basement Pit.

Sitcom Kelly: It’s your turn.  I’ll bowl for you…  You got a strike.

So, with no snowstorms, hurricanes, hail, locusts or power grid blackouts on the horizon, she was finally able to throw the party she’s been planning all this time.

I was most interested to see how the Pride of Johnstown PA would be able to settle into an actual house, here in the year 2010.  I made sure I showed up early (meaning right on time) so that I’d have a chance to take some pictures without a lot of commotion.

Right off the bat, I found something photo-worthy:

One bowl away from Crazy Cat Lady status.

My first order of business was to locate the basement; Ground Zero for kidnapped Pittsburgh athletes.  To my disappointment, she doesn’t actually have The Pit dug yet.  But here’s what she does have:

She’s going to have her work cut out for her, not just moving all the junk, but getting through the concrete floor.

There was so much going on down there… There was the room-mate’s treadmill that looked like the bridge of a small yacht.  The giant exercise ball that still has the brand new sheen on it… The Crock Pot, which one of the party guests said should actually be referred to as a Slow Cooker, because only white trash has Crock Pots.  Naturally, my first impulse was to go buy a Crock Pot, just to thumb my nose at the snooty types that would make such judgments.

I actually liked the “Johnstown” print on the wall; it sort of functioned as a headline for the whole room.

Back upstairs, I noticed that she had a room divider cordoning off one corner of the dining room.  Naturally, I had to see what was behind it.  I was not disappointed.

Who else not only has a flat screen TV with DirectTV and a CD player, but also an actual record player (not pictured) and an 8-Track player?  Maybe it really IS 1979.

The next thing I had to do was verify that the “snacks” were not, in fact, cat food.

False alarm, it was just cinnamon dusted trail mix.  (It was good, too!)

Lastly, I looked forward to see the famous ziti come out of the oven.

Letang, Matt Bahr, and Sidney Crosby will be pleased with their special entrée.

So the party went along fine.  I got to meet Sitcom Mom, Sitcom Sister, and Sitcom Brother-in-Law.  All were very nice and had the added bonus of explaining a great deal about Sitcom Kelly.  Apple… Tree… Not far.

Apparently, they’ve actually read about Sitcom Kelly’s exploits as documented here, which cracks me up.  And they’ve seen the Sitcom Episode Idea document as well.  I’m sure they wonder where they’ve went wrong.

All seemed happy that I’ve recently seen fit to add “Sitcom Kelly” as blog label, although none are as happy as Sitcom Kelly herself.  I’ve been trying to get her to start her own blog for a while now, but the prospects are looking grim.  She’s much happier having me write about her unusual life instead.  It’s much less trouble for her this way, and leaves her with more time to plan the next kidnapping.

Sitcom Mom also gave me some more insight about one of the stories I’ve mentioned before.  Remember when I wrote about how a young Sitcom Kelly had a thing for Steelers kicker Matt Bahr, and even hand-made a sign for him?  Sitcom Mom told me she actually had the opportunity to wave it in front of his face, with her phone number written on it!  No word on whether it was written in glitter.

Matty, apparently, didn’t bite.  He said she should keep it, but he would sign it for her.  Little did he know how close he came to spending the rest of his life clawing at sheer dirt walls.

It wasn’t until most everyone left that Sitcom Kelly let the cats out of the bedroom.  They seemed very happy to attend and were on their best behavior.

Sammy (left) and Nigel.  These two are brothers.  I swear, the way they’re perched on those chairs like they were guests of honor, if we had party hats for them, it would have been a scene right out of the Sitcom.

This is Bo, the perpetual odd cat out.

Poor Bo has been walking with a limp lately.  I suggested that he only does that when people are around.  In fact, I likened it to the end of The Usual Suspects, where once the guy is out of sight from the police station, the limp he’s had throughout the entire movie gradually disappears and you realize he’s been the Bad Guy all along.  Naturally, I suggested that the cat’s name isn’t even Bo, it’s Keyser Pusé.

OK, I’m not sure if that’s really funny, but Sitcom Kelly and I laughed at that for 5 solid minutes last night.  But then we were both drunk.  Oh, and I apologize for ruining The Usual Suspects, if you’ve never seen it.  (Serves you right, if you haven’t.  Movie freakin’ rocked.)

The Mojo Boogie

OK, Steelers/Bills game today… Steelers are at Buffalo so they’ll be wearing white.  Last time the Steelers wore white AND I watched the game at home (against the Bengals), I wore my Troy Polamalu #43, with white Steelers sweats and a white long-sleeve tee underneath, and they won. 

I admit I’m bucking my “different thing every game” approach, but I’m right out of other white jerseys where we haven’t already lost when I was wearing them.  The Steelers are favorites over the Bills, so this is my way of engineering the mojo back into a usable pattern.  We’ll see what happens.

This is the same picture I used for the Bengals game, so Judie, you can feel comfortable that the socks in this picture are 3 wearings cleaner than what I’m actually wearing today.

To make up for working on Black Friday, I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll see you crazy kids around!