Sunday, November 28, 2010

Party Like It's 1979

Thus far, it’s been a grand Thanksgiving Weekend.  My parents were in town from Florida so we all had Thanksgiving dinner at my brother’s.  Big news of the week: Nephew Sammy (5) farted in Sunday School.

Bluz Mother: Tell Uncle Bluz what you did in Sunday School.

Sammy:  I busted one.

Bluz:  What did the other kids say?

Sammy:  Niiiiice.

Personally, I can’t think of a better place for a 5-year old to bust one.  Judging from his customary reactions to his own bodily emissions, he probably did a touchdown dance afterwards.  I’m sure they’ll be keeping an eye on that one for a while.

Yesterday, not only did Ohio State beat hated rival Michigan (with my brother and dad in attendance), the Penguins also won, so that sets up another perfect Monday, where the Buckeye, the Penguins and the Steelers all win, if indeed the Steelers get by Buffalo this afternoon.  More on that later.

Party Tahn
But so far, the weekend highlight was Sitcom Kelly’s party.  She moved into a new house over a year ago but this was still the first time I’d been able to get out to see the place.  You may recall that she’d scheduled some parties last February, both of which coincided with massive snowstorms, leaving her party guests limited to her and her cats.  We made this into an episode idea for our sitcom, where as she’s determined to have the party at all costs, we see her sitting in the living room surrounded by her cats, spooning ziti right out of the pan.  After that there is Wii Bowling, were she plays against Pens defenseman Kris Letang, who is still in her basement Pit.

Sitcom Kelly: It’s your turn.  I’ll bowl for you…  You got a strike.

So, with no snowstorms, hurricanes, hail, locusts or power grid blackouts on the horizon, she was finally able to throw the party she’s been planning all this time.

I was most interested to see how the Pride of Johnstown PA would be able to settle into an actual house, here in the year 2010.  I made sure I showed up early (meaning right on time) so that I’d have a chance to take some pictures without a lot of commotion.

Right off the bat, I found something photo-worthy:
One bowl away from Crazy Cat Lady status.

My first order of business was to locate the basement; Ground Zero for kidnapped Pittsburgh athletes.  To my disappointment, she doesn’t actually have The Pit dug yet.  But here’s what she does have:
She’s going to have her work cut out for her, not just moving all the junk, but getting through the concrete floor.

There was so much going on down there… There was the room-mate’s treadmill that looked like the bridge of a small yacht.  The giant exercise ball that still has the brand new sheen on it… The Crock Pot, which one of the party guests said should actually be referred to as a Slow Cooker, because only white trash has Crock Pots.  Naturally, my first impulse was to go buy a Crock Pot, just to thumb my nose at the snooty types that would make such judgments.

I actually liked the “Johnstown” print on the wall; it sort of functioned as a headline for the whole room.

Back upstairs, I noticed that she had a room divider cordoning off one corner of the dining room.  Naturally, I had to see what was behind it.  I was not disappointed.
Who else not only has a flat screen TV with DirectTV and a CD player, but also an actual record player (not pictured) and an 8-Track player?  Maybe it really IS 1979.

The next thing I had to do was verify that the “snacks” were not, in fact, cat food.
False alarm, it was just cinnamon dusted trail mix.  (It was good, too!)

Lastly, I looked forward to see the famous ziti come out of the oven.
Letang, Matt Bahr, and Sidney Crosby will be pleased with their special entrée.

So the party went along fine.  I got to meet Sitcom Mom, Sitcom Sister, and Sitcom Brother-in-Law.  All were very nice and had the added bonus of explaining a great deal about Sitcom Kelly.  Apple… Tree… Not far.

Apparently, they’ve actually read about Sitcom Kelly’s exploits as documented here, which cracks me up.  And they’ve seen the Sitcom Episode Idea document as well.  I’m sure they wonder where they’ve went wrong.

All seemed happy that I’ve recently seen fit to add “Sitcom Kelly” as blog label, although none are as happy as Sitcom Kelly herself.  I’ve been trying to get her to start her own blog for a while now, but the prospects are looking grim.  She’s much happier having me write about her unusual life instead.  It’s much less trouble for her this way, and leaves her with more time to plan the next kidnapping.

Sitcom Mom also gave me some more insight about one of the stories I’ve mentioned before.  Remember when I wrote about how a young Sitcom Kelly had a thing for Steelers kicker Matt Bahr, and even hand-made a sign for him?  Sitcom Mom told me she actually had the opportunity to wave it in front of his face, with her phone number written on it!  No word on whether it was written in glitter.

Matty, apparently, didn’t bite.  He said she should keep it, but he would sign it for her.  Little did he know how close he came to spending the rest of his life clawing at sheer dirt walls.

It wasn’t until most everyone left that Sitcom Kelly let the cats out of the bedroom.  They seemed very happy to attend and were on their best behavior.
Sammy (left) and Nigel.  These two are brothers.  I swear, the way they’re perched on those chairs like they were guests of honor, if we had party hats for them, it would have been a scene right out of the Sitcom.

This is Bo, the perpetual odd cat out.

Poor Bo has been walking with a limp lately.  I suggested that he only does that when people are around.  In fact, I likened it to the end of The Usual Suspects, where once the guy is out of sight from the police station, the limp he’s had throughout the entire movie gradually disappears and you realize he’s been the Bad Guy all along.  Naturally, I suggested that the cat’s name isn’t even Bo, it’s Keyser Pusé.

OK, I’m not sure if that’s really funny, but Sitcom Kelly and I laughed at that for 5 solid minutes last night.  But then we were both drunk.  Oh, and I apologize for ruining The Usual Suspects, if you’ve never seen it.  (Serves you right, if you haven’t.  Movie freakin’ rocked.)

The Mojo Boogie
OK, Steelers/Bills game today… Steelers are at Buffalo so they’ll be wearing white.  Last time the Steelers wore white AND I watched the game at home (against the Bengals), I wore my Troy Polamalu #43, with white Steelers sweats and a white long-sleeve tee underneath, and they won. 

I admit I’m bucking my “different thing every game” approach, but I’m right out of other white jerseys where we haven’t already lost when I was wearing them.  The Steelers are favorites over the Bills, so this is my way of engineering the mojo back into a usable pattern.  We’ll see what happens.
This is the same picture I used for the Bengals game, so Judie, you can feel comfortable that the socks in this picture are 3 wearings cleaner than what I’m actually wearing today.

To make up for working on Black Friday, I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll see you crazy kids around!


Judie said...

Bluz, you certainly know how to turn a girl's head, but so does that pan of ziti! Yum!!! I can smell the aroma from here. No, wait, that may be socks. Naaaaah! It's ziti, all right!!

bluzdude said...

The ziti was quality stuff. The guys in the Pit(s) would be lucky to have it.

Cassie said...

OMG, your nephew is my hero. It reminds me of when someone says to Claire:

Someone: Where'd you get that bruise from?

Claire: I got jacked up.

Oilfield Trash said...

Wow what a great game.

bluzdude said...

I wonder where she learned that...

Way too much tension for me. The Steelers did their best to piss that game away. Oh well, at the end of the year, it's still a "W".

sherry stanfa-stanley said...

Yeah, "busting one" when you're a five-year-old boy is probably cool stuff. When you're a 13-year-old girl, sitting at a school assembly? Not so much. When I suddenly erupted, there was this brief pause, and I thought I'd gotten away with it. Until every girl surrounding me screamed, "Oh, God, Sherry!!!" Way loud enough for every cute adolescent boy in the room to hear. I could have died. Wanted to die. Sadly, I lived long enough to endure the humiliation.

bluzdude said...

In a case like that, it's best to go on the offense and blame someone else immediately. Preferably a boy.

Facie said...

Sounds like an interesting time, if not a bit disappointing that there was no pit. The cat bowls are cute (I am assuming no food was served in those)!

The Steelers pretty much handed the game to the Bills, but the Bills just would not take it. Even with a couple of bad calls, the Steelers need to get THEIR mojo together.

bluzdude said...

The Steelers certainly won't beat the Ratbirds if they don't step up their game. Don't know what to do about how they call the penalties though... I mean, if they're going to call holding that tightly, you can't tell me that the Bills never held, given the heat of the Steelers pass rush.

Sandra said...

I couldn't help myself: I kept going back to the cat bowls and the baked this wrong?

bluzdude said...

I assure you that the cat bowls and the ziti were mutually exclusive.

Jessica R. said...

I wish my cats would sit nicely in chairs and act like people, that would save me a lot of headache.

bluzdude said...

It was amazing.

Two of them jumped up right away... we kind of had to lure the third one up but he complied. I wanted to get a picture that included all three but I was afraid that if I got up, one or more of the cats would jump down. (You know, in case I was getting out the treats.)

The Siamese we used to have would always jump up on any available chair, when we were sitting around the table. Wanted to be included with his peeps at all times.

Momma Fargo said...

LMFAO. Love it. Sounds like a great party of nostalgia! Crazy cat lady remarks almost made me pee my pants.

bluzdude said...

All she needs is one more, and she'll be the one everyone in the neighborhood talks about. And I'm talking cats, not athletes trapped in the basement.

Mrs. Bachelor Girl said...

I was so relieved to read that was trail mix. At first, I thought she tried to make you eat rocks.

The ziti, on the other hand, makes me want to lick my laptop screen.

bluzdude said...

Or kitty litter...

No, there was a ton of very good food. Personally, I ate the hell out of her sister's meatballs.

Wait... that sounds dirty. Let it be known that she actually brought meat balls, in sauce. I a Crock Pot... I mean, Slow Cooker.

Sally-Sal said...

Dude, Sammeh is awesome. I'd take him with me everywhere just to have him bust one in awkward silences.

Although, to be fair, I'd probably corrupt him. When I was younger, me and my brother used to take those plastic bubble thingies from the quarter machines and save our farts in there.

Let me just say... Those things keep.

jules said...

hee hee. These kids today! Looks like your edibles were delish!

bluzdude said...

First of all, I’m so glad to see you surface again. Welcome back to the Internet!

Regarding your childhood idea, I’m just ticked we never thought of that when WE were kids. We used to get those containers all the time, when we were spending our allowance quarters on NFL mini-helmets. I can just see my brother and me lobbing fart bombs at each other, in elaborate Gas Wars. And it wouldn’t be long before we figured out how to light them.

Suffice to say, Sammy is a chip off the old buttock. His daddy was known and feared throughout many a neighborhood for his stealthy room-clearing ability. Sam has not yet learned the “stealth” part… he favors loud cluster-bombs.

Thanks for visiting! Yes, we did have some most savory snacks.

Christy said...

My 5 year old grandson thinks the same thing. Even if it's a quiet one, he has to draw attention to it. We just laugh with him.

Anonymous said...

1) Chinese Proverb: He who fart in church sit in own pew.

2) I thought it was the Tower Heater and huge CRT screen that really tied the room together.

3) That bowl of rocks was trail mix????

bluzdude said...

Well, I call it trail mix for lack of a better term... it was nuts and raisins and some other squishy substance, dusted with cinnamon. It was really quite good... and I should know because I damn near ate a whole bowl of it.