Saturday, December 11, 2010

Odd Bits - The Inbox Edition

Before I get into some more goofy shit I found in my inbox this week, I have to address this little news item that surfaced this week, right here in old Charm City.  Well, technically, it surfaced at the baseball winter meetings in Florida.

Baltimore Orioles outfielder, Luke Scott shot his mouth off to Yahoo Sports, saying that he didn’t believe President Obama was born here: “He was not born here. ... That's my belief. I was born here. If someone accuses me of not being born here, I can go — within 10 minutes — to my filing cabinet and I can pick up my real birth certificate and I can go, "See? Look! Here it is. Here it is." The man has dodged everything. He dodges questions; he doesn't answer anything. And why? Because he's hiding something.”  You can find the complete spiel here.

When the inevitable shitstorm hit the fan, Scott had the following comment: “We all have the right of freedom of speech under the First Amendment.  We all don’t have to agree with on another on our opinions.  Everyone in my circle, that I run around with, we all feel the same about God, country, integrity and character.”

I just love how the response goes directly to his right to free speech, which, of course, was never in question.  What he actually said, was.  And then, there’s the smoke-screened sprint right to God, country, integrity and character.  When in doubt, play the patriotism card.  Gee, that’s a new one.  (Where’s that “sarcasm font” when you need it?)

I don’t really care if the guy is conservative, or that he disagrees with the president’s policies, or if he’s a living, breathing, hunting and fishing incarnation of Ted Nugent.  I’d still root for him.  Opinions are one thing… willfully ignoring readily available, incontrovertible facts is something else.

Luke Scott is a decent enough ball player to be voted MVP on an atrocious Orioles team.  And I like our plucky Orioles, but I don’t see how I can cheer for a guy that is incapable of a 5-minute Google search.  I think this goes right to my post from last July about the study that showed that being presented with opposing facts actually hardens one’s opinions rather than causing changes to them.  I guess it’s just easier to believe whatever Fox “News” says.

Oh wait; they don’t actually state such things as facts, do they?  They just “ask questions.”  (More sarcasm font.) 

I have a question for Luke Scott:
“Wanna get away?”

Ratbird Insurrection: Busted
Remember the post from two Fridays ago, about our workplace Steelers support group’s show of strength in the lunch room?  Remember how I mentioned that the HR boss took down the picture of the hanging (toy) raven from the bulletin board? 

Nothing came of it, immediately.  I thought she would have spoken with our resident Big Dog at the table, but as of the next day, she hadn’t.  I figured everything was cool.  Then Thursday, an email was sent out to everyone in the building.  Uh oh.  This was the gist of it:

Recently, an inappropriate picture involving the mascot for the Baltimore Ravens football team was posted on a bulletin board near the cafeteria.  We strive to keep our work environment pleasant and you are expected to exercise good judgment to assist with this.  Part of this is ensuring that flyers, posters and other information posted anywhere on the company’s property does not have inappropriate, distasteful, or offensive content.”

So busted.  We’re sorry; we never meant any harm.  And we certainly never meant to bring up any memories of persecution, other than in the strictest football sense.

What was funny was that as soon as the email hit, my surrounding cube-mates (and several others via email) all wanted to know the same thing: “All right, Bluz, what did you do?

I swear; I really had nothing to do with it.  I didn’t circulate the picture, nor did I tack it up.  The mere fact that I knew who did does NOT incriminate me!  Nor does the fact that I laughed at the posting.

Ultimately, I think it’s just kind of silly.  This could have been handled in a single conversation, rather than an email that draws in the whole building.  Such is life in the “home office” environment.

Favorite Email of the Week
This picture says it all:
Meat: the true meaning of Christmas!

The only down side for me is that I don’t know what that is on the bottom.  Slaw?  Hate it.  Sauerkraut?  Hate it.  I’m just going to pretend it’s shredded cheese.

My parents sent Pinky and I a case of Omaha Steaks for Christmas.  We love it!  Meat is the perfect gift:  It’s always the right color, it always fits and it’s packed with protein.

Unfortunately, Omaha Steaks does not offer the Meat Manger.  But there’s always next year.

Demotivators
I love these!  I’ve loved them ever since they first followed those smarmy “inspirational” framed pictures found in offices across the country.  My all time favorite is the one where there’s a close up shot of a sleeve of French fries.  The caption simply said, “Not everyone gets to be a astronaut.”

These are just a few of the ones from the email that cracked me right the hell up.

So that’s how Jeff Reed always knew who to seek out.

One can only imagine the circumstances involved regarding this shot.

Apparently, this cat has just seen the previous picture.

Alternate caption:  This is what happens when you cross a tampon with Mexican Jumping Beans.

My favorite of the lot, and another where it kills me that I didn't think of that first.

I’ll check in tomorrow with game day Mojo.  Have a great weekend!

33 comments:

  1. NOW for a revision of an olde Christmas favorite:
    'A-waaay in a Manger/no place for a bun/our little Peroogy was eating his thumb./The cattle were lowing in soft little moos/in hopes the meat eaters some sheep would soon choose.'
    Pace, Martin Luther.

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  2. Mary Ann,
    Oh that's hilarious. Had me LOLing right there...

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  3. Tears are rolling down my cheeks right now and it's not just cuz of the uber hot Jamaican wings either. Love the meat manger, and the bit about the bodybuilder/uterus!! Thanks once again for the laugh!

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  4. There's more...
    'The cattle are mooing/the Baby awakes/bawls out to his Mama, Go get me a steak./Make it pink in the middle and black on the side. Hurry up with those vittles./My mouth's open wide.'

    from The Carnivore Christmas Carols.

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  5. Raven,
    Glad you enjoyed.

    Mary Ann,
    And I thought I was the demented one... Suddenly my mom thinks she's Tom Lehrer.

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  6. Ha! Love this post! And I think I'm in love with Luke Scott and his comments. Just saying. LOL

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  7. Gee, and all this time I thought you were an ace detective! ;o)

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  8. Those men spend every minute of every day trying to look more masculine. Then they end up looking like a woman's sex organ. This makes me feel sad inside.

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  9. OMG!I am laughing so hard! And you know what that means, Bluz! The manger scene reminds me of the turtle meat burgers of a few months ago!I'm off to change my clothes and go to bed, still laughing!!

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  10. Jennie,
    Thanks for visiting! Yeah, I wonder what goes through people's heads that makes them want to look like that. It's not exactly normal, is it?

    Judie,
    Well then, I wish you sweet (and dry) dreams.

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  11. Dementia is, of course, hereditary.

    'I love you, dear Meatball/Stay here by my side/When Mom comes to get you, in my cheek you shall hide.'

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  12. Whom do you think created Tom Leher, hmmmm...?!!

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  13. Ah ha! I knew you were (indirectly) incriminated in the great bulletin board caper.

    I bow to your ability to rile up the entire buildling for the LULZ. You are my hero.

    Nevermind the plans I have for my boss's cube Tuesday after the Eagles Cowcraps game tonight.

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  14. Now Bea, I am no more complicit than anyone else who was in the cafeteria, and had eyes.

    Without getting into anything I've actually done in the past, I had nothing to do with this alleged incident. Besides laughing, anyway...

    Perhaps he should have went with the picture of the roadkilled raven...

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  15. Mary Ann's take on the manger scene is a hoot!!

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  16. That last dude was hot. Reminds me of Luca's placenta.

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  17. You know, baseball players are not exactly considered the sharpest knives in the drawer. Most of them barely got thru high school.

    One of my favorites was Carl Everett, the dinosaur denier: "God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex."

    Ironically, much like the T-Rex, Everett's baseball career is also extinct.

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  18. There can be little doubt that the Meat Manger belongs on Etsy.

    Or Regretsy, as it were.

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  19. Bagger,
    I think Carl must have been chewing on some lead-painted banisters when he was a kid.

    I’m sure he thinks the millions of fossilized remains found all over the world, in rock dated to be millions of years old, are really just an elaborate practical joke on us played by paleontologists everywhere. (Those kidders…)

    Mrs. Bachelor Girl,
    No Regretsy’s whatsoever. I totally want one.

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  20. OMG! Those pics are both disturbing and hilarious! Love the meat manger!!

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  21. Kernut
    “For the carnivore that has everything…”

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  22. I saw the manger scene on a website I visit, and it was accompanied by this caption:

    The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes,
    The little lord Jesus tastes great with pancakes

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  23. Sally,
    Oh, that's brilliant! Blasphemous, but brilliant. Luckily, I'm amused by that kind of thing.

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  24. I'm glad, bluz :) I like to think Jesus and co. have a sense of humor.

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  25. Sally,
    This is lightweight stuff. If we were going to be damned for such things, we’d already be in dutch for that posting I did last February, based on our emails about the Bobsledding Baby Jesus and Wine Snoballs.
    Click here to relive the glory!

    If there is a God, I have to believe He has a sense of humor; He would have created humor, no? Then it took religious people to take all the fun out of it.

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  26. Bluz, I had to relive the glory. Hard. And if it wasn't for Mrs. Pinky, we'd be in love after that link. Truth.

    I know God has a sense of humor, because he created not only Sally, but Bluz. And I'm sure the LOLz in Heaven are epic, sometimes at our expense, sometimes not, but most of the time at our expense. Because Jesus is an awesome guy, so awesome that everytime we have sexy times we have to give him a shout out.

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  27. Sally,
    I thought you might have forgotten about that post/email thread. You were a tremendous playmate that day. I must be blessed that I have so many people in my sphere that can totally bat an email back and forth with me. I love those posts; they literally write themselves.

    And Jesus must be very persuasive, because when ever you hear someone calling His name during those sexy times, they always seem to be "agreeing" with him, often quite loudly.

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  28. I went to a party a few months ago, and there was a guy who looked exactly like Jesus. Modern Jesus, though, with converse and jeans.

    He was gorgeous. We ended up making out for hours, but I couldn't do the deed. I mean, this isn't some one night stand, it's Jesus (or a guy who looks surprisingly similar).

    Before the night ended, I made sure he was covered in a sleeping bag, we kissed a little more, and I might've touched the goods. For, um, scientific purposes.

    Let's just say...he was blessed.

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  29. Wow. Jesus as pickup artist.

    Re: the touched goods... maybe that's where he keeps the "loaves" for when some emergency catering is needed.

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  30. Yeah. I had to be careful, because I heard that Jesus can impregnate you with his hands.

    So, if your theory of the loaves is correct, then that whole 'loaves and fishes' story could be bible code for an orgy.

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  31. That could well be where all that Biblical "begatting" came from...

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