Monday, September 6, 2021

A Death Wish

This post is not going to be pretty, or fun, or at all light-hearted.

Tonight, my father is dying, alone in a hospital room in Florida. My mom may be able to get to him but we’re not sure. No, wasn’t COVID, it was a stroke. He had to stay in the ER because the hospital is so full of COVID patients, there are no more rooms available.

When I called my folks on Sunday, Dad didn’t feel well enough to talk. He’s been feeling excessively tired, and intermittently cold.

Then he took a fall Monday morning and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. They said he had a brain bleed, but were unsure if it was from the fall or he had it long before that.

Yesterday they learned he had a “venous angioma,” a tangle of malformed veins, which might have been there from birth. The doctors said the blood thinners he was on might have caused a leak. With treatment, they thought he might be able to leave the next day. He talked to my brother on the phone, who said he sounded confused and wasn’t making a lot of sense.

Then overnight, he had a stroke. The subsequent MRI showed there were at least five places in the brain that were affected, including the brain stem, which affects breathing. His condition is grave. The neurologist said she’d never seen a post-stroke MRI that was this bad.

As you know, Florida is ground zero for COVIDiocy and the epicenter of vax and mask rejection. The state-wide vax rate is over 61% with at least one shot. But that’s propped up by Miami. In my parents’ county, on the end of the panhandle, it’s 34-43%. Hence the full hospitals. Hence my dad spending his last hours far away from all who love him.

I am beyond enraged that the head-in-the-sand bullshit of the Florida COVID enablers forced my father to spend his last conscious hours in a nightmare, all because their “tribe” decided this was the best way to “own the libs.” So this is what I have to say to these redneck fucktards:


I don’t care about your anti-vax bullshit. You’re wrong and science is right.

I don’t care about your anti-mask bullshit either. Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass, your mask would fit better. There is no clever semantics that makes wearing a mask a detriment to health or an assault on your liberty. People are dying alone because you don’t want to be inconvenienced.

I don’t care about your “freedom” bullshit. What good is freedom if society perishes in a cloud of ventilator exhaust? Your freedom stops at the point of infecting other people. If you don’t like it, tough shit.

I don’t care about your “research.” Quoting other idiots who don’t know a viral load from their own commode doesn’t make your “research” valid. You know who’s putting a lot of anti-mask, anti-vax material out there? Russian troll farms. This is even more effective at creating societal unrest than their election trolling and people are literally dying because they believe this bullshit.

I don’t care about the inconvenience of mask mandates indoors. Closed rooms are where airborne particles circulate most efficiently, especially the new variant. Why are you so invested in spreading a deadly virus? Because your overlords at Fox “News” told you to? Do you not realize that their only goal is to prop up rich people and the businesses they run? They don’t care how many die as long as Wall St. has a good third quarter. Your ignorance, as ensured by Fox “News” and the like, knows no bounds.

I don’t care about how strong you think your immune system is. Immune systems are only as strong as they’re trained to be, by limited exposure to pathogens, via vaccine or life experience. The ‘Rona is novel; it’s never been here before and your immune system is completely unprepared for it. Believing otherwise is a death wish; either yours or someone you infect.

Look, at this point, I don’t care if you live or die anymore, I just worry about all the people you take with you and the people who can’t get proper help because the hospitals are filled up with self-destructive morons. You disregard the nearly 665,000 American deaths from COVID but I bet you can’t wait to roll around in all that 9/11 anniversary grief next week and gin up your outrage over the deaths of a mere 3000. Maybe it’s different when you have foreigners to blame.

My father spent his last days alone, weak and scared. I hope you do too. Is that's too un-Christian for you? So is leaving people to die this way.

And if you’re one of the people who also deny the efficacy of vaccinations and masks, but live somewhere other than Florida? Screw you too. How many parents and other family members died the same way in some other hospital because you were too wrapped up in ignorance and meritless bullshit to ensure the safety of those around you? The blood of lost loved ones is on your hands too. Maybe the survivors of the souls you robbed of a dignified death will forgive you. But I won’t. Ever.


Director’s DVD Commentary: I wrote this last Wednesday, 9/1/2021, the day my father had the stroke. Since then he was moved to the ICU, then his own room, where my mother and brother could visit, and tomorrow to hospice care. He has remained unresponsive and there is zero chance of recovery. We’re just trying to keep him comfortable and waiting for the end. But that doesn’t change the nightmare that was his last conscious days, a nightmare that was completely preventable.

No, nothing would have prevented the medical outcome, but his last days could have been spent with his wife holding his hand rather than being surrounded by teams of unfamiliar doctors and nurses in hazmat suits.

I’ll have more to say about my father in future posts. He was an amazing man who taught his kids how to be responsible, caring adults. He only had three offspring, but he’s got dozens of kids around the country who look at him as another dad. His loss will reverberate among the hundreds who knew him.

This is the last pic I took of my dad: wearing the uniform of his favorite job.

Post update: My father passed this morning, Tuesday 9/7. His ordeal is over, while we begin ours. 


Mary said...

I am so very sorry. I live in Florida (Central,Fla) and I know what lunacy lives here. It’s a sick mixture of trump cultists, religious fanaticism and just plain stupidity. I’ve never seen anything like it. And the Panhandle…no words.
I’m glad at least your Dad has been moved to hospice where your family can be. Hopefully he may be more aware than you realize.
My parents are both gone and I’m almost glad they never had to witness a world gone mad.

bluzdude said...

Thanks, Mary. My folks live in Gulf Breeze, near Pensacola. They've been fighting this foolishness ever since they moved there in the mid 2000s.

I prefer to believe that my dad didn't want to live in a world without Charlie Watts in it.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Ah, the panhandle..nuff said.
I am so sorry this has happened to your father and his family. I wish you all some peace. I can't wait to hear the stories of this wonderful man who made you!

Unknown said...

Hi! My name is Traci and I am friends with your sister in Cincinnati. I had the honor of speaking with your dad and messaging a few times but never the privilege to meet him. I pray your dad finds comfort and peace in his last hours of his earth life. I am so sorry for your mom and the family.

bluzdude said...

Thanks, Traci, that's sweet of you to say.

RO said...

I know you're not religious, and I'm offering apologies in advance if I've offended you, but as a sometimes Catholic Christian, I have to believe that God led me over here specifically today to see this. I've read stories that you've told us of your dad, and you already know that I absolutely adored his sense of humor, and this shirt brings on even more smiles. I can see where your witty sense of humor comes from. I hate to think that he suffered any type of pain, and it had to be hard to not have family around when this initially happened, and for that I'm so, so sorry. I'm glad family is with him now, but I know that this is so hard for everyone. I know you don't want to talk about right now, but I hope one day soon that you share some of the stories of your dad here on your blog. We want to hear more about this wonderful man who helped to shape the man that you are today. Of course you know that I'm sending lots and lots of virtual hugs to you and Sweet Pea and the rest of your family. We're all here for you. Sincerely, RO

bluzdude said...

Thanks, RO, that's very kind of you. We're still holding on and waiting for resolution. Hugs back.

S M McBean said...

I'm so sorry. Tragic and painful. Your anger is real and appropriate. Let's hope someone reads this and wakes up, or helps wake others up. We all know people who aren't taking this seriously enough. Sincere condolences.

bluzdude said...

Thank you, SM.

I realize that there are very few among those who regularly read this blog, to whom this post would apply. But maybe they'll know someone who could be influenced by reading it.

Meanwhile, I needed a handy receptacle for the rage and this was it.

bluzdude said...

Thanks Peggy. You two would have gotten along splendily.

Bohemian said...

I am so sorry for your incredible loss and the way in which your Family had to Deal with it via a virtually collapsing Medical System overrun by Covidiots. I do Hope your Post can influence someone in a positive way. I keep trying to convince and influence some, but like you, have given up on many who will never be part of the solution and continue to be part of the problem. Losing Loved Ones is never easy, there are no words I can really offer to be comforting enough. Your Dad sounded like one helluva Guy and I'm sure he is. Virtual Hug.

Infidel753 said...

Very sorry to hear that this is happening. Your anger at the situation is fully justified. The covidiots with their selfishness and determined ignorance are creating pointless suffering for everyone else.

At least with the explosion of infection in red states, vaccinations are going up. So some of them are getting it, belatedly. For others, maybe the best we can hope for is that someday they're forced to confront and admit the reality of what they did.

bluzdude said...

Thanks for the kind words.

I don't think they'll ever confront their culpability in this mess. You know the Republican mantra... Never admit fault, never retreat, always double-down, find a way to blame the Democrats. Just like the only Congressional Republicans who ever crossed TFG were the ones who were retiring, the only COVID converts are coming from the ICUs or their deathbeds.

bluzdude said...

Thanks, Bo.

I am totally the combination of my mom and dad, with characteristics easily traceable to one or the other. Or both. From Mom I got an activist's spirit and a gift for words and language, and an absurdist's sense of humor. From Dad, a healthy skepticism, a need for things to make sense, pragmatism, and a knack for screwing with people.

In the earlier days of this blog, I wrote a lot about my parents and told a bunch of family stories. I'll have to dig some up and repost (probably as off-schedule posts.)

W. Hackwhacker said...

I'm late seeing this, but I'm so sorry this has happened to your father and your family. I hope he's not suffering and that there'll be peace for everyone soon.

bluzdude said...

Thanks Hack.
He passed yesterday so his suffering is over. Now it's up to us to pick up the pieces.

Bohemian said...

I'd look forward to those reposts of your Family Story since I'm a relatively new Follower of your Blog.

Cousin Angela said...

Tony, I am deeply sorry.
Of course your Dad was Uncle Jim to me. But I consider myself one of those other kids who also looked at him as another Dad. And I consider myself so lucky to be able to say that.
Please know I am with you, and love you very much.
Thank you for your powerful writing.

bluzdude said...

Thanks Angela.
Love you.

RO said...

Just coming over to check in and see how you are doing. Still sending plenty of hugs. RO

bluzdude said...

Thanks, RO.
I'm down in FL now, about to "tag in" from my brother. We're holding up well, given the circumstances. It's all about taking care of Mom now.

Lady M said...

I am so sorry for your loss and well said. We all need to point out that this anti vax BS is damaging our whole healthcare system. Enough already.