I saw this story last week, which made me want to call “Shananigans!”
They also say that remote workers rank highest in “job
engagement,” but they’d rather focus the headline to align with the corporate
desire for butts in seats.
I think this poll was constructed to reach this conclusion. The people I know who work from home, like me, can’t be happier about it.
In fact, I just had a conversation with my boss about it
last week. Our company is moving from our current office building into
another one, after our lease expires in January. She said they’re looking for a
full Return to Work for those assigned to the building. I responded that it’s
good that I’m not assigned to the building, because I’d fight that with every
fiber of my being.
She seemed surprised, not only that I don’t want to
return, but that I’m not assigned to the building. She hasn’t been my boss for
a year yet, so there are some things she doesn’t know. For example, in 2020,
when COVID flipped the world upside down, my company rolled out a plan to let
people work 100% from home if they met certain guidelines, which I did. So I
jumped on that with both feet and was granted permanent WFH status. I said I’ve
been happier here than during any other part of my professional career. That
was only a slight exaggeration. There was a short time, back in the early
2000s, that I was part of a nice, young, fun crowd who would do things
together off hours, all the time. But those days, as well as almost all of
those people, are long gone.
She wondered if I’d gotten the email about the new
building, which apparently went out last week. I said I hadn’t, probably because of what I had said earlier, that I’m not tied to the building. I told her I didn’t
even get an invite to the last two Christmas parties we had there.
“So what don’t you
like about the office?” she asked.
I gave her the full, unfiltered rundown: I am home alone
all day long. That means no conversations or phone calls are going on around me, so I can concentrate much more easily. There are practically
zero interruptions. I don’t have to get lunch out of a machine (which is our
main choice at the office, if you don’t want to pay $25 for lunch at a nearby
restaurant). I don’t have to maintain an office wardrobe. I don’t have a 90-minute
round-trip commute, so once I log off, I’m at home with my wife, talking about
our days. And with our “open-office” design since 2015, I’ve never
been so uncomfortable at work throughout my entire office-dwelling career.
And before she could bring up missing out on the “collaboration”
that management loves to promote, I said, since I’m the only one who does what I
do, there is no need for me to collaborate with anyone. I have more than enough opportunities to talk with her
about anything I may need during our scheduled calls. I ended by saying that
the last five years have been a wildly successful proof of concept test because my
areas of responsibility have never been in better shape.
So, will that get me out of moving back to the office
next year? Maybe. Or maybe they’ll use that as a way to can my ass, to get out
of paying me unemployment or a severance package. Because if they try to
force me to go in, I’ll have to seriously consider immediate retirement. And do
you remember how I’m the only one who does what I do? That would come back to
take an expensive bite out of their corporate asses if I were to disappear.
The only thing that keeps me from making my
retirement an absolute guarantee is the insurance aspect. I’d either have
to pay through the nose for COBRA coverage or join my wife’s medical plan and
lose all my doctors.
Sure, they can put the screws to me, but I can screw them
right back. I’m hopeful that we can back away from the abyss and they can just let
me do my job. In another year or two, I’ll be happy to train my replacement and
skip on down the road to begin my Golden Years. (Assuming we critics of the
current Administration haven’t been rounded up to a detention camp, of course.)
And to that end, I noticed this story in the local Baltimore (Sinclair) Sun:
Of course, the new Administration is removing any trace of Affirmative Action from military forces. The last thing they’re going to want is when they unleash the army on an urban location where US Citizens are protesting, having soldiers think twice about rounding up or mowing down people who look like them. They’re whitening the military for more reasons than just to provide more jobs for fair-to-middling crackers.
I also have to point out the further deterioration of our local rag. It’s bad enough they’re taking news copy from local Fox News broadcasts, now they’re adopting clickbait tactics. Behold this headline:
“Citations issued
for 1 offense are skyrocketing.” Oh boy, what can it be? [click] Expired tags. Ho hum.
Before we know it, they’ll be running headlines promoting
“that one weird trick…” that fixes
overbites, bad posture, and night blindness.
The shittification of print media continues…
4 comments:
Good job giving her the unfiltered truth. It's mind-boggling that bosses don't understand why everybody prefers working from home. Being with all your own stuff, less noise, less distraction, and above all no commute -- it's no wonder dragging people back to offices always provokes resentment. And of course the best people are most likely to quit, since they're the ones most confident of being able to find another job.
Companies should accept the inevitable and use it as an opportunity to unload a lot of expensive office space.
I think that either people aren't being honest with them about their preferences, or they believe their own bullshit.
When we started in our current office building, we occupied 4 floors (in a glitzy all-glass, waterfront location). We're down to one now, from a combination of COVID residue and corporate downsizing. I hope, for their sakes, they didn't overreach for space.
And that ever-sought-after concept of "balance" - it's actually attainable, somewhat, with work-from-home options.
I think they much prefer it when the balance is tilted their way.
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