Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Odd Bits - Brother Kanye Spare a Dime Edition

Flushing Meadows
I saw an article on MSN yesterday about restroom etiquette for the office. I went to link to it but it has since disappeared, so I’m linking to this
similar post. As a 10-year office denizen, this is a subject near and dear to my heart.

I have several major peeves with what I see in our company’s restrooms. First and foremost, please, if you don’t mind and you have time, would you PLEASE FLUSH THE GODDAMNED TOILET? That includes the urinal too. Like I really want to see and smell someone else’s “bouquet” after they’re done.

And I hate it when guys pee straight down into the thimble’s worth of water, with as much force as they can muster without having a simultaneous accident. This maneuver makes 3” of foam. By the time I stroll up, it takes me 3 flushes to clear it and in the process, kills my desire for beer that day.

Lastly on the subject of flushing, if you do flush in a stall, hang around for a second to make sure there are no “remnants” left. Stall leftovers make the aforementioned urinal latte look like nectar of the gods. One flush doesn’t always do it, people, especially on Burrito Day in the cafeteria.

What’s up with people talking on cell phones when they’re on the hopper? Are they that important that they have to multi-task during what could be the only moment of solitude they get all day? Or are we just a nation of people that go zero-to-bored in 15 seconds? When I hear someone yakking on the phone, I always make sure I give the urinal a couple of quick flushes as I go. Lets the guy on the other end of the phone know where he stands.

Thou Shalt Not… Anything!
Speaking of pieces of shit, I just heard about the Republican candidate for governor of Virginia. Seems he wrote a thesis when he was in his 30’s attending CBN University (founded by Pat Robertson), which included, per the
Washington Post, “a full-throated attack on liberals, modernity, the Great Society and inheritance taxes, among other supposed ills, which he linked to and blamed for homosexuality, declining morality and the degradation of the traditional family, along with the proliferation of pornography, out-of-wedlock sex, day care, birth control, pregnant teenagers, divorce, single mothers, working women and feminists.” He has opposed birth control even for married couples. He has also written, “homosexuality and abortion are both cause and effect of family breakdown."

I always thought the cause of family breakdown was the sanctimonious prigs that feel the need to dictate the terms of other people's personal lives. What exactly was the cause of the family breakdown in South Carolina's First Family, the Sanfords; was he actually gay and his Argentine rendezvous was just a cover? And the Ensigns out in Nevada? Maybe that staffer he was banging had to use the hush money he paid her husband to have an abortion, so I could be wrong.

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." ~Blaise Pascal~

This guy is such a tool; I just sent his opponent, Creigh Deeds, $25.00. Thank you, NARAL, for the tip-off.

A Swift Kick in the Pants
News media today was all abuzz over Kanye West’s mic-swipe from Taylor Swift. (or should that be ass-wipe?) Then later today, President Obama apparently called West a “jackass” while he was “off the record” and a flack from
ABC news twittered it, which begat another round of political hand-wringing and brouhaha.

I say “Amen!”

What Kanye did on the MTV Video Music Awards was obnoxious and self-indulgent, and as Katy Perry tweeted, doing that to cute little Taylor Swift was “like stepping on a kitten”. The President was calling it like he and the rest of America was seeing it.
Now, how long will it be before Republicans or Fox News claim West was just expressing his right to dissent and that Obama is trying to socialize rap music?

Silence of the Pens
Last week, the Pittsburgh Penguins again demonstrated why they are a class organization. As they have done the past 2 years, they’ve sent out their players and coaches to deliver season ticket packages to select buyers.

I said this when they first did it… what a great PR move. For practically no overhead, they reap the benefits of getting their young, personable players out face to face with their adoring public, which then gets videotaped and posted all over the web. The video below is a mash-up of various players making their deliveries.

I love looking at some of the Penguins Rooms these people have set up. I especially love one shot where coach Dan Bylsma is looking at a
Pensblog.com photoshop of him leading his players across the Delaware, patterned after the famous drawing of George Washington.
Around playoff time, I saw a picture that showed the Pens training room that had a whole collage of such photoshops. I love that. It really cements the bond between players and fans, even more so than wearing a particular game-day outfit.

But speaking of the ticket deliveries, I saw a lot of basements, but I didn’t see anything like my friend wants to do. She wants to get season tickets for the sole purpose of luring Kris Letang into the Silence of the Lambs pit she wants to dig.

She’s got it all worked out…

“Want to see my basement?”

“Sure. Hey what’s that pit for?”


“It puts the skates upon it’s feet, or else it doesn’t get a treat.”

Later, you’ll see her up in her room with Letang’s jersey on, gazing at herself in the mirror and making skating motions.
Maybe it’s a good thing there’s a waiting list for Pens season tickets.

"Put the puck in the basket. Put the f'n puck in the basket!"


Anonymous said...

The guy in the stall on the cell phone, a good response would be, in the best Deniro voice;"Are you talking to me? Hey, you talking to me??

Mary Ann said...

Poop-la Hoop-la aside, or wherever's appropriate, uncouthness reigns throughout our land along with meanness, mendacity and mediocrity. It's all one...
WITH THE EXCEPTION of that Great Little Team from PGH. If those ticket deliveries don't inspire courtesy,cameraderie and compassion among plain folks, nothing will. "You've got STUFF" indeed.
And I almost forgot to look at my picture of Kris Latang today. Thank you for reminding me.
Goodness prevails.

Cassie said...

Matt said he felt like such a schmuck. He was waiting for the elevator on his way to his office and failed to get into the elevator carrying Fleurry and PensTV. I told him he was a nut job for not squeezing his tiny butt in there!!!

BTW, this:

Now, how long will it be before Republicans or Fox News claim West was just expressing his right to dissent and that Obama is trying to socialize rap music?


bluzdude said...

Way back in the day, my younger brother used to use that strategy to get autographs. We'd be staying at the same hotel the Steelers were staying and someone like Jack Ham or Lynn Swann would get on the elevator, and he'd jump on at the last minute. Next time the door opened, off he'd come with an autograph on his Steelers Digest.

Matt was probably trying to not look like a fanboy, like goalies were always riding around on his elevator...

Tiffany said...

LMAO... I really appreciated your comical insight into what goes on in the mens rooms.... I never knew that kinda stuff goes on.

My family owns a business.. I'd worked there in my early 20's, and for extra money.. I doubled as the office cleaning lady on the side.

The mens room wasn't bad, I guess my family is respectable in that area.... but, what I didn't understand was that when I cleaned, I had to throw a circle thing in the urinals.... Like a cleaning tablet of some sort...

Since you brought it up.... I've always wondered, what are those all about?

Do guys piss on them? Do they discinigrate?

Give a gal a clue.... ha ha ha

bluzdude said...

Ah yes... the subject of the oft-seen bathroom graffiti: "Please don't eat the giant mint!"

As far as I know, that's a deodorizer that erodes away over time. Not sure if it has any magical cleaning powers but it maintains the illusion of bathroom freshness by masking the traditional foul odors with lemon or pine.

Y'know, they really ought to just grow a pine tree in there and call it a day.