Odd Bits - Sick and Tired Edition

That’s me today, sick and tired. 

I started getting sore throat yesterday afternoon and I got very little sleep last night because the congestion kept closing my throat up when I’d nod off.  I spent most of the night trying to sleep upright in my chair.  So excuse me if I’m a little unfocused and disjointed while I sit here, whacked on store-brand NyQuil, with my throat feeling like it’s full of ground glass, trying to peck out a little something for your entertainment.

It worked out well the last time I got sick… I taught myself how to make a primitive Internet video.  I wouldn’t count on such magic again this time.

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We’re getting a piece of that Big Killer Death Storm that’s been icing it’s way across the country.  I just looked out my window and saw a lady walking in the snow with an umbrella.

Is that a thing elsewhere in the country?  I swear, I’ve never in my life seen someone with an umbrella in the snow, before I moved to Baltimore.  Is that just part of the local Baltimore snow-hysteria, or do other people do it too and I just never noticed?

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It was only for a fund-raiser, I swear!  I know that carmel corn and summer sausage aren’t the best things for me, but it’s for The Children! 

My good buddy’s daughter was circulating a website where we, her benefactors, can make purchases that go to her school choir.  So that’s how I came to be in possession of these particular treats. 

And that also explains how I came to tell Pinky last night, “Leave me alone to check my email or I’ll have to beat you with my beef stick,” and it actually made sense.

Boy, I wish we had fund raising websites when I was a kid.  We used to have to haul our little asses up and down the street, knocking on doors and trying to sell candy, leaf bags, flower seeds… God, I hated that.

I figure it was all a plot for my parents to get me kidnapped.  One less mouth to feed and all.

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You know it’s cold outside when you come in the house and go sit on the toilet the seat is actually feels warm on your ass.

I also think the only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one and not knowing who just warmed it up.

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You know what else I wonder?  Is arm hair genetically programmed to grow only that long?  Or does it just fall out before it can grow long like head hair?

OK, that was probably the NyQuil talking.

I’ve always hated my hair.  All I ever wanted was to have nice, smooth, perfect bangs and hair that lay down just so.  Preferably blonde. 

No luck though…  I had hair that just would not obey.  One side would always flip in, the other side would flip outward.  As a teenager, I would blow-dry my hair straight down and then put on a ski cap… winter, summer, whatever… all in an attempt to bring some kind of order to my hair.

It worked like a charm though, right up until the time I’d take off the ski cap to go to school and the first molecule of air would blow by my skull and BANG… hair going every which way.

It wasn’t until I got to college that I finally came to an understanding with my hair.  I was visiting one of my buddies in Georgia on vacation and was just sick and tired of messing with the mop on my head.  So I dove in the pool, got out, shook off my head and said, “Whatever it does, that’s what it will be.  I give up.”

Turns out, I had curly hair.  Even more so after I took my buddy’s mom’s advice and got a perm.  Made me look like the drummer from the band, Boston.  But once that passed I had a brief spell when everything looked OK.

I say “brief” spell because just as soon as I accepted the hair with which I was graced, it all fell out… I was cueballed by 25.

Sometimes life is grossly unfair.

But I make up for it now in time saved by getting haircuts that take all of 7 minutes.  Add that to my sock-sorting time saved and I get a nice cache nest of free time.

Now I just have to figure out a way to cash it in, preferably right after my alarm goes off on cold winter mornings.

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Now before I go and try to nap, let me leave you with this… 

This video just cracks me right the hell up every time I see it.  It’s a Bud Lite ad that may have run during a previous Super Bowl, but I’m not sure.  I would love to see something like this in my office… 

Poop!