Saturday, June 6, 2009

Bill Killed

The recent stories about the death of David Carradine (Kung Fu TV series, Kill Bill 1 & 2, etc.) have gone from upsetting, to puzzling, to the inevitable disgust. Doesn’t look so much like a suicide anymore… Can you say Michael Hutchence? Evidence points to the conclusion that David Carradine died the same way as the former INXS lead singer did back in 1997… of “auto-erotic asphyxiation”. Carradine’s family is asking for FBI investigation, saying that he must have been set up.

But regardless, what an embarrassing way to go; hanging buck naked in a Bangkok hotel from a curtain cord that’s also tied to your junk. At least they can name the room after you: The Carradine Swinger’s Suite.

Nice legacy there, Grasshopper! Now see if you can snatch some dignity from the hand of… um… never mind. I guess your hands were already occupied.

Because I’m, well… me, this story made me wonder about a couple things:

1.) Can someone sue the hotel for having a dangerous curtain cord there? I’m sure someone will try that, although in Bangkok, you’re probably more likely to be screwed directly, rather that through the courts, like here.

I don’t know what else they’d use to hold back their curtains… maybe twisty ties? And if they have to get rid of curtain cords, what’s next? Maybe they confiscate your belt when you check in. Maybe provide only battery-powered irons so you can’t misuse the cord. And what next, do they remove the sheets too? Maybe they can substitute those foil NASA blankets that reflect body heat or something.

2.) Wouldn’t this make a great Very Special Episode of
Ghost Whisperer?

I could just see Melinda being visited by a ghost that says, “Say, I have a bit of an emergency here… I’m hanging in a closet over at the Marriott with no clothes on and a used Kleenex at my feet? Could you get down there and cover my ass up before housecleaning gets there? That is, if there’s room enough in the closet for my rigor mortised boner and your enormous eyelashes.

3.) And wouldn’t this be a great place for one of those celebrity Public Service Announcements?

“Hi, I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt. If you’re considering alternate forms of self-gratification, please keep your feet on the ground. Only a dope… uses the rope. Thank you.

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