Saturday, May 8, 2010

If Not Medium, Then Extra Large

As you’ve probably noticed, if you’ve been reading me long, or have ever noticed the name of this blog, I’m mainly reliant on science and measurable data to guide my views on life.

But that’s not totally the case.  I’ve had some pretty weird shit happen to me that keeps the door open a crack, to all kinds of mystical hoo-ha.  Let me just tell you the story…

You’ve had “dream flashes”, right?  Maybe you call it déjà vu, but I know them as dream flashes.  They are those little snippets of life that hit you all of a sudden and you know you’ve dreamed them before.

I get them maybe 2-3 times a year and they’re usually when I’m doing something completely inconsequential, like sitting on the couch watching a game and eating a ham sandwich. 

Then, POW!  For a second or two, up to maybe five, I know I’ve seen this view before.     For a few seconds, everything is exactly as I’ve seen it; from where I’m sitting, to where I’m looking, to the taste of the sandwich, to the announcer’s call on TV and even what I’m thinking.  I always try to go with it and see how far I can stretch it.  Then real life takes over quickly and on I go as usual.

As super-powers go, it’s not exactly awe-inspiring.  I’ve had zero luck in predicting which things I’ve dreamed about will come to be.  And believe me, there are a couple in particular that would make me very happy to see come to pass… But so far, Sandra Bullock still won’t return my calls.

Déjà Bluz
OK, so it was the spring of 1976 and I was in 9th grade.  We were living in Columbus and had just learned that we would be moving upstate to Toledo at the end of the school year.  Again, I would be leaving my friends and starting all over again in a new school.  (See previous post.)

One night, that spring, I had a dream that I was at my new school.  I was in some weird class that started with “P” and everyone was sitting at these black tables.  There were none of the usual school desks, to which I was accustomed.  And there was a girl passing out M&Ms.

I woke up thinking, “WTF?

When I went downstairs to breakfast, I told my mom about the dream.  Neither of us knew what to make of it, and that was that.  I never gave it another thought.

Half a year later, while firmly entrenched in my new school and new life, I was sitting there in Physiology class.  Mary, another student, was having a birthday and for the occasion, she brought in a bag of M&Ms that she began to pass out to the class.

Next thing you know, POW!  Full-barrel dream flash.  Everything was exactly how it was in my dream.  From my perspective in the room, to the black lab tables, to the exact same girl with the M&Ms, it was just like I’d seen it.  The scene played out for maybe 5 seconds while I sat there with my mouth hanging open.

I realized at the time that this was all quite impossible.  When I’d had the dream, I’d never been to Toledo, let alone to that school.  I’d never heard of Physiology.  I’d never seen black lab tables like that.  OK, I’d seen M&Ms before, but that was it.  There was no way I could have been able to “see” everything I’d just seen.

Except that I did.

After class I staggered up to tell the teacher what had just happened.  I don’t really remember her reaction other than maybe a slight bemusement.  She probably just marked down in her little class-book that she should keep an eye on this one, who was obviously a troublemaker and not much of a scientist.

I showed her, though, by acing her class without even having a lab partner.  (I started with one but he moved, early into the school year.)

Through the next few years, I did a little research on the phenomenon but was never able to find anything that adequately explained how these dream flashes happen. 

What I took out of the whole thing is that one can never say what is or isn’t possible.  If I can take a peek into the future, who’s to say if someone else can see spirits, or predict the what’s going to happen next?  That doesn’t mean I buy into every crackpot that says they have powers… there are too many con men running around trying to separate people from their cash in exchange for mystical services rendered.  A healthy skepticism is necessary to get along these days.

But right before I dismiss some whack-a-loon that claims to be able to “see”, I’m forced to think, “what if?” 

Sometimes, “seeing” is believing.  And I saw for myself that there are things in this world that cannot be explained.

Breaking News
In a completely unrelated subject, I saw in this morning’s news that the oil rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico is now said to have been triggered by a methane gas bubble.  While this would seem to put a lid on Fox “News” spew about eco-terrorists causing the explosion, they’ve never let actual facts get in the way of selling a story to their sea of angry white ditto-heads. 

Regardless, the crack research staff here at Darwinfish has uncovered the actual cause of this particular turn of events:
Gary Larson, we still miss you!


  1. I'll have to give you the inside scoop about the oil rig cause thing. Mr Glasses has been testing the oil to determine the cause.

    Also, this deja vu thing... it happens to me more than I would like. Sometimes it's cool, sometimes not. I will have to write the story about yoga boy soon. Science isn't all there is... There's something else "out there" ;)

  2. Woman,
    Oh boy, Scoop! I love scoop.

    Sigh... now I want ice cream. Darned scoops..

  3. haha, well it's been a few days since I talked to mr glasses. He said bp was breathing down his neck for answers from his lab. I'll let ya know when I know.

  4. Always while eating a ham sandwich, eh? Don't be like Mama Cass and choke!

    (Side note: I apologize about my rude comment about the knitting lady. Really. I mean it. I blame it on PMSing.)

    I have that Dejavu sensation often. It's almost scary, is it not?

  5. Oh, and LOVE Gary Larson. Wasn't he the Far Side?

  6. Cassie,
    "Ham sandwich" is just a perfect innocuous phrase. Plus, I love them with mustard and Swiss.

    I'm always unsettled by the dream flashes, but luckily, none have been from nightmares.

    Regarding the Knitting Lady, of course you're forgiven. It's a perfectly logical assumption to make. I'm just surprised you didn't see the bit on her on That's Church.

  7. D'oh! I posted before I was done... Premature epostulation...

    Yes, Gary Larson drew the Far Side cartoons, which were always my favorites, along with Calving and Hobbes, and Opus.

    I was looking through an old box of stuff from the office and I found a bunch of Far Sides from a Far Side calendar, that I had tacked up. I scanned a bunch of them for future use, and lo & behold, here comes a story about a giant methane bubble.

  8. why if you were a superhero....we'd have to call you...."knowing what you'll be doing some day in the future for five seconds.....MAN"

  9. Fan,
    Or in other words, "Superfluous Man."

    Your name would never fit on the leotard.

  10. For some inexplicable reason, it makes perfect sense to me that you, of all people, might be able to see the future. Again, I have no idea why.

    On a loosely-related note, I want DESPERATELY to believe in ghosts, and I sort of do, I guess, but I've never had any supernatural or paranormal experiences of the ghostly variety, and that disappoints me greatly.

  11. I TOTALLY know what you mean fucker!!!

    I hate that shit, it freaks me the fuck out. Keep researching and give me a scientific explanation for these occurrences!

  12. I've "seen" good, bad, significant, and insignifcant things happen in dreams before they happened in real life, since I was five. So I believe, though I tend to be a bit embarrassed to explain it to people who don't. I try not to sound like a fantasy novel or something. You didn't, which is terrific.

    Sandra Bullock should return your call! You'd have to be better for her than Jesse James! (Pinky might have a problem, though.)

    That cartoon was the first time I laughed at anything related to the oil spill. My grandfather used to tell us that some things are too serious *not* to joke about, but it was real hard to find the humor there. So, thanks.

  13. That is pretty amazing! It's too bad you can't tap into that, especially when it comes to Ms. Bullock.

    Gotta love Fox News. NOT!!!

  14. I gave my step dad a Far Side calendar every year. So funny! He wouldn't open them just kept as collectibles.
    My favorite view on faith - which makes the super Christians really mad, but whatever - is the movie Signs. The part where the priest explains believing chance or something else being out there and miracles. I definitely believe in miracles.
    Also, I believe there is an energy people put off and some are more sensitive to reading it than others. Aka seeing ghosts (left energy) or the future (projected energy) or maybe just a keen sense (reading energy). It's interesting, that's for sure. So weird about your five second flash forward!

  15. I've had those dream flashes/deja vu things too. They seem to have happened more when I was younger. Probably because every day with children is unpredictable. Though I recently had one, and I remember thinking, "huh, this hasn't happened in awhile." Don't ask me what it was about, because I couldn't tell you today. too tired.

  16. Nothing is too serious to joke about. The wider the span of your sense of humor, the longer, happier, the span of life.

    Whale farts are as good (and plausable) of an explanation as I need for why that oil rig exploded anyway. Since the "powers that be" will never divulge the truth to us anyway, we might as well make the explanation as entertaining as possible.

    Know what you mean on the dreams. I once had one where this football player said to me, "Hey Dog, let's go in the ladies room and see if we can get some head in the head." So I did. But when there came a knock at the door saying "Police!" I jumped out the window and the football player was questioned by the cops. I think he played in the Super Bowl later that year. We'll see about that one. They don't all come true. I still can't fly, but in some of my dreams I can. Ain't mushrooms grand?

  17. Deja Bluz! Well, I always knew you were special. Great story and it was probably a bit unsettling for you. You wouldn't happen to have any lottery picks, would you?

    BTW, I love that you called FOX out and gave us the real stink on this oil spill. :)

  18. Ah! I get these all. the. time. I would say once a week. I don't know what they are either. Maybe we're special.

  19. Bachelor Girl,
    I do too! (want to believe in ghosts) I think it would be a cool state in which to exist. It’s comforting to know I might be able to keep an eye on things, as well as screw with people occasionally.

    But I’ve never had any experience with that kind of thing either, outside of one very odd Ouija Board experience. It didn’t really say anything, but I was working it with an 8-year old cousin (I was in my 20’s). I could tell that HE wasn’t moving it and I know I wasn’t moving it. It was kind of “WTF?”

  20. CB,
    What, so now you’re handing out assignments? Why didn’t you just ask me to research the Meaning of fucking Life?

    OK, here’s the scientific explanation: No one knows.

    But I do wonder what’s been written lately on the subject, if anything. I haven’t looked into it since PCs have been invented. And in doing a brief Google search... No one knows.

    Looks like one of the problems with doing this kind of research is that the dreams don't come up "on demand."

  21. Lilo,
    Was I the only guy in America applauding the dissolution of Sandra’s marriage, because that meant I had a shot now? Probably not, but she’s been at the top of my “Laminated List” for years. (You remember the Friends episode where they were talking about a list of 5 famous people you would be allowed to sleep with, free of repercussions, should the opportunity arise? Ross laminated his list…) Anyway, one day we were discussing that at the lunch table, so I went home and put together my list. Of course I made it a Top 10, and also included a lengthy list of those under consideration. I’m going to have to do a post on that sometime, but first I’ll have to give it an overhaul. Much has changed since 2002. The former top 5 was this:

    Sandra Bullock
    Jamie Lee Curtis
    Sheryl Crow
    Heather Locklear
    Geena Davis

    If I redid the List, I think only Sandra and Sheryl would remain. I’d probably add Taylor Schilling (from Mercy), Elizabeth Mitchell (Lost, V) and Katherine Morris (Cold Case).

    Regarding the oil spill, sometimes you have to laugh, just to avoid crying, and this monumental CF certainly qualifies.

  22. Guy,
    Yes, I would, in fact, like to tap into Ms. Bullock. No, wait… what was the question again?

    Next on Fox “News”… Eco-terrorists put the ice crystals in the Oil Dome, because they hate America. And freedom.

    Personally, I don’t know where they got this “dome” idea, but I swear I saw “Acme” emblazoned on the outside of it.

  23. Angelia,
    It really IS interesting… There is so much that happens that can’t be explained. Hell, besides me, look at how many other people have commented right here that similar things have happened to them.

    I would SO love to know how it’s possible… I wonder if there have ever been studies…

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  25. Dog,
    I’m just glad the one where I’m trying to run away from a tornado but somehow can’t so I have to gallop on all fours like dog, has NOT come true.

    Mushrooms… now I’m all hung up on pizza.

  26. RPM,
    That’s the funny thing… that it’s almost always about something inconsequential. If this is some new sort of evolutionary design improvement, it still needs some work. Maybe in another few hundred years it will yield something useful.

  27. Cher,
    I’m not THAT special… look how many others have had the same thing happen! (But I like that you think that.)

    I’ll keep calling out Fox “News” just as long as they keep up the charade that they’re an impartial news service (as opposed to the unpaid mouthpiece of the Republican Party.)

  28. Trixie,
    Wow… once a week?

    If that was happening to me that often, I’d be writing down my dreams every morning before I getting out of bed. I’d be trying to predict something…

    Do you ever get anything useful, or are they as mundane as mine?

  29. That is awesome! I've had those moments, too, though I don't ever remember having one proven so clearly like that.

    When I was a kid (maybe 7 or 8?), I saw demons... like real demons with horns and tails. They were small and were always hanging around in corners. When I told my mom, she said for me to say "In Jesus Christ's name, go away!" so I did, and it worked... sometimes.

  30. Cristy,
    Wow… remind me to stay out of West Virginia! But if I see one around here, I’ll take your mom’s advice and just say, “Jesus Christ! Go away!”

    The thing about my “moment” was that I told my mom about the dream when it happened, thus making it “verifiable.” At least, that’s what the books on dream phenomena said.


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