Tuesday, August 21, 2012

All My Ignorant Friends are Coming Over Tonight

I had one item I was going to write about today, but it’s been a really weird week for the Republicans, so I’m going to have to widen my scope.  It’s all part of being a full-service blog for you.  You’re welcome.

Last week, Dave Mustaine, lead guitarist for the metal group Megadeth, shot his mouth off during a concert in Singapore, saying that President Obama was responsible for staging the theater shooting in Colorado and Sikh temple shooting in Wisconsin.  He said that it was part of a ploy to mobilize public sentiment so that he could ban guns.  Yes, really.

I had no intention of writing about it, because that assertion is so preposterous, I wrote off the comment as being the result of 25 years of headbanging and substance abuse.  But yesterday I read that country doofus Hank Williams Jr. also contributed some stellar political insight during his show at the Iowa State Fair.

Hank was quoted as saying, “We’ve got a Muslim president who hates farming, hates the military, hates the US and we hate him!”  I’m sure there was a “Yee-haw!” in there somewhere too.  The comment was reportedly met with loud and enthusiastic cheers.  I’m meeting it by taking this opportunity to clean out my MP3 player a bit.
Hank, you are now free to join Ted Nugent in the Recycle Bin.

Apparently, “A Country Boy Can Survive” getting canned from a high-profile ESPN job for comparing the president to Hitler, but all he has left are gigs like the Iowa State Fair.  I wonder if they pay him in corn… 

So let’s break down all the standard conservative fallacies about our president that are in play here.

“We’ve got a Muslim president…”  Yes, despite growing up Christian, describing himself as a Christian, going to Christian services as president and being condemned by conservatives for attending the Christian services presided over by an out-of-favor minister, he is secretly a Muslim.  [sarcasm font]

Apparently this is because he has a funny sounding name, once lived in a country with a lot of Muslims, and has been falsely accused of being born in Kenya.  (Next thing you know, they’ll be talking about why he’s never released his split times in the 10,000 meters.)  Nope, there is no measurable evidence of Obama being Muslim. 

Even if he was a Muslim, he’d be a pretty bad one.  After all, not only does he skip getting down on his knees and praying toward Mecca five times a day, he escalated American military operations in Afghanistan, had scores of Muslims (al Qaeda) killed via CIA drones, including the Big Hummus Pita himself, Osama bin Laden.  Does that sound like the work of a secret Muslim?

Not to anyone other than Fox “News” and the rest of the Right who so desperately want to believe it.

“…who hates farming…”  He hates farming?  Seriously?  How can anyone hate farming?  Isn't his wife growing vegetables in the back yard?  Sounds like farming to me. 

Perhaps Bocephus is talking about Obama calling for cuts to farm subsidies, which has nothing to do with “the family farm,” and everything to do with needlessly propping up the giant Agri-businesses.  Republicans talk a lot (now) about debt reduction; they just don’t want it to come from the bulging coffers of big business.  Much better to cut food stamps, after-school, and women’s health programs.  I guess allowing the free market to prevail includes maintaining the flood of taxpayer money to giant farming conglomerations.  [More sarcasm font]  Poor Hank must be confused.

“…hates the military…”  Why would that be?  He’s been using the military quite effectively, and has been trying to do something to help all the returning vets.  Perhaps Hank has this idea because Obama never served. 

Of course Romney never served in the military either, nor did any of his silver-spooned offspring.  Does he hate the military too?  Oh, that’s right… the Republicans love the military by default.  It’s the Democrats that are the long-hair hippie lovers.  Just ask Max Cleland.  (Cleland is the former senator from Georgia that had both legs and an arm blown off in the war, then lost his seat to Saxby Chambliss in 2009, who publicly questioned his patriotism during the campaign.)

“…hates the US…”  Of course!  Anyone that hates his country will turn his life upside down to run for president, become a target of vitriol all over the media, get blamed for things that happened before he was president, have credit removed for the good things that came afterwards, all while endeavoring to make things better for every-day lunch bucket Americans.  Come to think of it, maybe he should hate the US, or at least the fucking hypocrites that damn him if he does and damn him if he doesn’t.  He should hate the people obstruct every action he tries to take, while complaining that he isn’t getting anything done.  But he’s a better American than I.

“…and we hate him!”  Of that, I have no doubt.  Yee-haw.  It’s much easier to hate than to take responsibility for ones own lot in life.
  
I was going to end things there, but today’s news was chocked full of more Republican shenanigans.

** As if to prove that they are incapable of moving the nation forward, the national Republican party platform shot down acceptance of gay civil unions.  This isn’t marriage, this is civil union, which would guarantee hospital visitation, survivor’s rights, insurance coverage and the like.  This stance isn’t just a religious objective, it’s the denial that gays are even people.  One day, history is going to look back on these clowns and it will resemble how we look back at Alabama in 1964. 

** Then there’s also Rep. Akin, (R-MO) the boob that brought “legitimate rape” into our national lexicon.  He’s backtracking now on the language he used, but that’s irrelevant.  It’s the thought process behind the language that’s so insidious.  Once again, some middle-aged white Republican man claims to know what’s best for a woman’s body, while butchering all known science on the subject.  (What does he think they have in there, teeth?  Quicksand?  A mousetrap?)

The Republicans are upset now because he just brought more attention to the matter.  The fact is that they are once again including a plank in their platform that calls for bans on abortion with no exceptions, even for incest or rape (“legitimate” or otherwise.)  Their callous indifference to the lives and health of women should shock and appall the entire country.  No matter what one thinks about the matter, it’s a stunning conceit that someone else’s morals and judgment should replace that of those involved.

** As the presidential campaign heats up, I’ve actually been laughing about this. Have you heard the Romney and the Republicans complaining about theDemocratic ads?  I’m laughing my ass off.  The Democrats finally sac up and use the same tactics the Republicans have been using for years, and now they want to cry about it.  Romney’s own primary campaign left a trail of scorched earth behind him, such were the ruthless smears against his opponents.  It’s fun to watch a bully get hit in the mouth by his former prey.

All I can say is that he must have something really toxic in his tax returns, and the Democrats know it.  If he’d prefer to take the heat he’s under now rather than release his returns, how bad would it be if he did? 

I’m just glad that the Democrats have at long last, taken the gloves off and went after these guys.  They’ve finally learned that a high-minded, principled campaign gets you 2nd place and a buttload of campaign debt.  Candidates that go big and go negative win, and once you’re in office, everyone forgets how you got there.  (Unless, of course, you rig the system, stack the election boards with your people and get the Supreme Court to hand you the job.)

** Lastly, I saw a blurb about how the Parents Television Council is complaining now about “implied nudity” on TV.  They’re complaining about people appearing naked, but with their naughty bits obscured by props, sheets, or pixilation.

So now they’re upset at the idea of people being nude?  Here’s some news for the Parents’ Television Council: everyone on TV is nude right now, just under their clothing.  Let’s start writing those letters to the FCC right now. 

These clowns would write in to protest nude panty hose.  Repression, thy name is the Parents Television Council.

18 comments:

  1. Wait, Bluz. You didn't know? My vagina has teeth, but since my body knows that Matt is good to me, they don't come out.

    Get with the times, old man.

    Also - did you read The Onion's take on what that douche bag was saying? It's a nice literal translation.

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    1. So that's why you hot chicks wear thongs... You're flossing.

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  2. The stupidity level is so high right now, that I am beginning to think that the Mayans really are right about 2012. This shit has to stop.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. That's right. If the world ends in December of this year, why does the election even matter? The politicians can say whatever batshit craziness they want and it doesn't matter.
      Can I convert to Mayanism?

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  3. Great issue Bluz, maybe as a post-script, you might include more of the Nudity theme; in particular the Kansas Freshmen (R) congressman who felt it necessary to skinny-dip in the Sea of Galilea in Isreal. Also the Tampa police are rounding up prostitutes in the area; lead us not into temptation. Oh deliver me.

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    1. Yes, the Congressman got in trouble with Republican leadership for not being sufficiently afraid of nudity. He obviously didn’t get the memo that a body is meant to be covered up and a source of shame.

      That cracks me up about the Tampa police rounding up all the hookers, because if all the Family Values Republicans were really all about Family Values, Tampa could be wall-to-wall hookers and it shouldn’t matter. The only things getting spread open would be Bibles. The only things getting hummed would be psalms. The only things getting tapped would be shoulders, as one ballroom dancer cuts in for another.

      What Tampa really ought to be worrying about is Hurricane Isaac crashing the party. It’s also funny that if a hurricane was bearing down on the Democratic convention, the wingnuts would be out claiming that it’s a sign from God. Not that the Democrats would notice; they’d be too busy out looking for hookers.

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  4. You deftly describe the pornography of politics from Hank Williams Jr. to Todd Akin, offensive to community standards and without redeeming social importance. They aren't even funny since comedy requires intelligence.
    Mayanism may be the thoughtful option. Gimme that old tyme religion: Human sacrifice and Cocaine enemas.

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    1. It certainly seems like the Mayan services would be entertaining…

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  5. Ugh...I hate this time of year because of the comments people (like Megadeth and Hank Williams) make.

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  6. There’s nothing like fighting over the direction of the country to bring out the worst in people. While everyone has the right to free speech, some people really need to exercise it a little less, lest they dumb down everyone on whom their speech gets exercised.

    It’s unfortunate that our whole existence has to come down to two polar-opposite sides, regarding social issues. The Left wants people to be left alone to follow their own path, whatever it may be. The Right wants everyone on The Right’s path.

    While I usually try to find value in an opposing viewpoint, I can’t in this case. The Left is right and the Right is wrong, period. I can’t fathom the obnoxiousness and self-importance to suggest that one narrow faction’s values need to be forced on everyone else. That’s the antithesis of what this country stands for.

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  7. Yes. The Mayans invented "Smoke and Mirrors". Definitely entertaining, like present politics. And they are now extinct.

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  8. Some of these clowns need to be thrown into a volcano.

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  9. Did you hear about the GOP Senate Candidate from Washington State who was upset about a truthful article that pointed out the similarity of his opposition to abortion in cases of incest/rape to Todd Akin's (minus the ridiculousness about rape related pregnancies). The candidate told the reporter in an email to "go f*ck yourself." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/22/michael-baumgartner-

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    1. I hadn’t heard, but it doesn’t surprise me. Akin’s name is toxic to Republicans right now, even though he believes the same things that they do. But he spoke up in public, in indelicate terms, and woke up the Left and Independents to what the Right is up to. So now they all have to pretend to be reasonable, instead of the un-empathetic, misogynistic twits that they are.

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  10. The Borowitz Report says that because God it directing a hurricane at the Republican Convention, they are going to move it.... to the 17th century.

    Also, Obama brews his own beer in the White House. Reason #1,786 why he is the world's worst secret Muslim.

    Also, Joe Biden's son served in Iraq. This is the first GOP ticket ever without a protestant and without any military service.

    Hank Williams Jr. is only famous because of his alcoholic daddy. Otherwise, he'd be living in a trailer off of welfare and food stamps. He can bite me.

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    1. * They should be right at home in the 17th century… perhaps they can help with the witch burnings.

      * Also, that’s reason #1786 that I like the guy. Too bad he couldn’t have broken out some home brew for the “Beer Summit,” a few years back.

      * The GOP is famous for throwing stones when their own behavior is mirrored by someone else.

      * Amen.

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  11. Not Dave Mustaine! I already had to give up Chick-fil-A, I already had to give up Papa John's, and now I can't even listen to my best friend's favourite metal band from junior high? Come on.

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    1. And I didn’t even list the half of it… when asked to explain later, Mustaine doubled down, saying something about how Obama “came from nowhere before doing that thing in Illinois…”

      Yeah. Out of nowhere. I guess that wasn’t him that was the president of the Harvard Law Review, or winning an Illinois state Senate seat, or a US Senate seat… He must have come from somewhere, because there are enough biographies out there about him, plus and autobiography or two.

      Perhaps Mustaine should check out a library next time, before running his yapper. I think all that speed-metal run through Marshall stacks must have vaporized his brain.

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