Thursday, March 7, 2013

A Good Swift Kick

I don’t usually follow news about the lives of pop stars very closely (or at all), but this new dustup with America’s Sweetheart, Taylor Swift, got my attention when my not-so-secret crush Tina Fey got caught up in it.

I’ve never had a strong opinion about Taylor Swift, beyond her having good hair and the most chewable lower lip in show business.  I wouldn’t give ten cents for her songs though… not because they’re necessarily bad; they’re just not my style.

I saw a bit about her on 60 Minutes a while back, and thought she seemed pretty grounded, considering her having such a high profile at such a young age.

An upcoming feature on her in Vanity Fair quotes her as being upset at Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for dissing her during their Golden Globes hosting gig.  She’s quoted as saying: “You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.’”

As a refresher, the joke that offended was Tina Fey’s quip from the podium that Swift should “Stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son,” and that she could “use some ‘me’ time to learn about herself.”

Not exactly Ricky Gervais material, I know.

So the story started getting interesting when Amy Poehler was quoted as replying, “Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff.”

Between that and her Best Buy commercial, I really ought to start watching “Parks and Recreation.”

The exquisite Ms. Fey weighted in shortly after: “If anyone was going to get mad at us, I thought it would be James Cameron. I did not see that one coming. It was a joke. It was a lighthearted joke.”  She went on to compare the quip to a couple of old aunties teasing her over Thanksgiving dinner.
These two can come over for stuffing any time.

I’m sure it must be tough to be so young and have all of the world’s attention on your dating habits.  But you know what?  When you air your dirty laundry in public (like she does through her songs about all her famous ex-boyfriends), you’re going to have to expect a little blow-back.  The comment she’s fussing about was pretty innocuous.  She’d have been much better off to have laughed it off, or even better, come back with something better.

Wait, what am I saying?  No, you never get into a war of words with a couple of premier improvisational comedians.  Maybe she should have just said, “Tina Fey ought to be thankful she didn’t have any sons herself, because I’d be waiting for them.”

That would have defused the situation and let people know she was in on the joke, and the “story” would have disappeared.  Perhaps she should watch a celebrity roast or two, and thank her lucky stars that she never got that kind of treatment.

I do wonder about her though.  On the surface, she seems like a total dude magnet.  If I was 22, I’d probably be camped outside her house.  So it makes me wonder why she has such rotten luck with guys.  Could she really have gone out with 5 or 6 shit-heels in a row?  What are the odds?

See, I have to look for the common denominator… which is her.  It makes me wonder what goes on outside of the spotlight.  Does she act like a spoiled princess?  Does she demand constant attention?  Does she smell like old cheese or squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube?

OR, maybe it’s not her as much as it is her dating criteria.  You know, if you date a bunch of young actors, pop singers and trust fund babies, who are used to sticking their noses out their front doors in the morning and watching a buffet of the night’s poon fall out of the trees, you might be asking for trouble in the relationship department.

How about dating a “nobody?”  Does her record producer have a son?  How about her sound engineer, or tour bus driver, or t-shirt vendor?  Throw a bone to the quiet “nobody,” Taylor, and he’ll be yours forever.

Chelsea Handler weighed in on the whole controversy today.  She said, “My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, ‘I'm not gonna do it.’ And they're like, ‘Oh, well, forget it. Then I don't want to date you.' Every guy thinks they're going to devirginize her and they're not.”

She added, “She's never going to get devirginized, ever, ever, ever, ever.”

If Handler is right, that’s another reason for her to date a “nobody.”  Her old “boyfriends” are probably used to doing things with girls that you wouldn’t do to a farm animal.  They’re not going to wait around on the hot monkey lovin; they’ve got wild oats to sow.  They’ve probably left more DNA in hotel rooms than 10 seasons of CSI.

But a “nobody” will wait forever for a shot at hitting that.  Or worst case scenario, she never gives him any?  He’s already raised his profile in the dating world, and can move up a couple levels of dating hotness.

There’s your answer, Ms. Swift.  Find a nice guy that’s not famous.  Treat him right and he’ll be yours forever.  Of course that means you won’t get to write any more “He Done Me Wrong” songs, so sales might suffer.  But that’s OK, right?

Oh, right.

Director’s DVD Commentary: It’s distinctly possible that I’m full of shit here, about whether a “nobody” would hang around longer.  I base my opinion solely on the fact that in 1988, I would have quit my job and followed Joan Jett around the country, if she asked, just for the chance to wipe the sweat off her guitar.  Just sayin…


Valerie said...

I saw a meme the other day that said "I wish Taylor swift would write a song called 'maybe its me'". I laughed my ass off.... God she's such a hoe. :0)



bluzdude said...

Exactly! A little introspection may be in order here.

Facie said...

I always thought something was wrong with her too. I mean after the third or fourth or 23rd guy, c'mon. But I also heard that she would not give out the goods. I am too cynical to believe that, though. I still remember Britney Spears bragging about saving herself only for it to come out and that she and Justin were doing the deed. Perhaps a nobody would be okay with following her around like a puppy dog and getting nothing, but...

I think the vast majority of people in Hollywood (singers, actors, etc.) are too selfish and narcissistic to be able to stay with someone for too long. There will always be someone else to replace the one they get tired of/who does not sufficiently do as they wish.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if Taylor Swift is getting defensive because she feels 'bullied' or if she's just got no sense of humor at all, but for someone who makes a fortune by airing dirty laundry you'd think she could take a punch. And that wasn't even a punch, it was a poke. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are terrific at what they do, and they own it. Taylor Swift needs to own up to what she's doing (serial dating? mining for song material?waving her red V-flag like a bullfighter?) and learn to handle a little constructive criticism. Yes they're comedians and she's a singer but it's all showbiz. Grow up, kid.

It's a shame that she's become such a punch line, but she's doing it to herself. i used to like her not too long ago because she does(did?) have this all-American wholesomeness to her. But at this point she's damaging her reputation every time she opens her mouth. I've said the same thing about Lakers center Dwight Howard--it's getting really hard to like you when you keep saying stupid shit. Stop. Talking. Nao.

Oh, and speaking of overrated athletes (and rebounds?), you know who would I'd like to see as Taylor's next boyfriend? Tim Tebow. Yes the whole waifish blonde/buff QB match is cliche, but if he's half the virgin he claims to be she might be able to keep him around for a while.

bluzdude said...

I don’t think we’ll ever know that status of her sex life, (nor should we), because like with Britney, she has a financial interest in keeping a reputation suitable for maintaining a teen and tween girl fanbase.

Hey, I’ve followed “regular” girls around for long enough, without getting anything… I can see how just being in the inner circle of someone famous might hold a guy for a while.

Judging from the endless parade of Hollywood relationship casualties, you definitely have to wonder about how difficult it is for famous people to behave like an average Joe (or Joanne). I suppose one eventually gets used to getting whatever one wants, and then just expects it. On one hand, it can be easier to be with someone else that’s famous, because they know the drill. But on the other hand, the other person brings the same problems, plus being a famous duo adds to the scrutiny and press attention.

bluzdude said...

It’s funny, I had no idea she was still holding on to the old maraschino until Val’s comment yesterday. (Like I said, I don’t pay much attention to pop stars.) With all the young stud-muffins she was running through, I thought it was the opposite, like she had the Golden Cootchie or something. Either way, taking herself that deadly seriously will end up being the kiss of death. She’ll become the butt of even more jokes, which won’t be as soft-hearted as those from Tina and Amy.

I think you hit on the solution… Tebow would be the perfect solution… assuming he’s not completely full of shit about his own “purity.” Of course in this age of social media, you’d think someone would have blabbed by now, if she was banging the Boy Wonder.

Same with Swift too… I wonder how come none of the guys are talking? Maybe she threatened to call her next song “Small Willy.”

Oh, and hey… welcome to the blog under your non-pseudonym!

Cassie said...

I mean, good for her if she's really still a virgin. If I were famous, I'd never have sex because lord only knows how long it'd take for a video of me would be to get out. So no thanks. I like my ass staying private.

That said, she's a wanker, and needs to relax. If anything, Tina Fey is probably the most endearing person in show biz. shouldn't bite the hand, you know?

bluzdude said...

Everyone that works with her loves Tina Fey. I saw some farewell interviews after 30 Rock closed... both Tracy Morgan and Jane Krakowski had tears in their eyes, talking about her.

And she was the original person to go after the Mean Girls... you know, in that movie "Mean Girls," that she wrote and co-starred in.

Deb K said...

Tina Fey's and Amy Poehler's reactions were precious. You MUST watch Parks and Recreation! It's hilarious! It has a great ensemble cast. It would be well worth your time to waste away a weekend of watching prior seasons on Nexflix.

bluzdude said...

They are so good together, too. My biggest complaint about the Golden Globes was that once their monologue was over, they hardly had anything else to do.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's pretty hard for a public figure to lie about anything in today's world. Even something that very few people would brag about.

Thanks for the welcome, and for sticking with me during my hiatus. I figured most people who visit my blog either know my real name or use theirs so why not? Nothing wrong with pseudonyms though!

bluzdude said...

The guy who blogs under "bluzdude" concurs.

Judie said...

I am such a horrible friend! I know I have been absent, but I do think about you, and still adore your funny self. I'll be back!

bluzdude said...

And I'll keep a light on for you... I miss my YEEHGA

Jessica R. said...

I agree with you, don't make every single song about your bad relationships if you don't want people to joke about it. Her publicist should have sat her down, explained how much people love Amy and Tina and told her to have fun with it. Then everyone would love her like they do Jennifer Lawrence instead of thinking she's a whiny little girl.

bluzdude said...

Better to be in on the joke than to be the joke. But I guess we have to remember... She's still a kid. I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground when I was 22. Or 32. And she's running her business empire. But you'd think she'd have some kind of friend or advisor, telling her to unclench for a minute.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, she pretty much just comes off like a cry baby. Oh boo hoo, those mean ladies said hurtful things about me. Boo hoo. She's putting it out there (well, mabye not PUTTING OUT), so she has to expect someone to say something. Or maybe she just has no self awareness (or more accurately, nobody in her life is brave enough to tell her the public's actual perception of her?), and doesn't know that she is the butt of that particular joke. It just seems whiny to me.

And that Chelsea, she's pretty good. I agree, that's probably it. I just love her.

bluzdude said...

I agree… I have to wonder where her “people” were, to stop her from sniping about it. Maybe they weren’t in the room when she did the interview.

Funny, I also saw a thing today that someone found a whole box of unopened fan mail to her, complete with hearts and glitter, in a dumpster in Nashville. Her PR rep explained it was a mixup from the mailroom, and someone thought it was supposed to go into the recycling. Or something. I know it sounds like a stretch, but I believe them. Because otherwise, it sounds like she’s a complete monster, and I don’t think that’s true. But it sounds like something TMZ and the rest of the Entertainment TV jackals will go wild on.

Chelsea rocks! I just wish her show was on a channel I ever remembered to watch. I think it’s too high up the dial that I never see it.

Gina said...

I actually like Taylor Swift. The simple fact that she plays and writes her own music is a plus in my book. As the mother of a young girl (especially one who wants to sing as a career), I'd far prefer Taylor Swift as role model, than most of the jacked up crazy teens out there today. As for the constant jokes about her writing songs about her exes - so what? You writ (whether it's music, poetry, prose, etc) what you feel, and she is still young enough that love & relationships are the biggest things she feels. Again - at least she is writing them herself.

I wasn't bothered by the Fey/Poehler jokes, but I imagine the kid is feeling a little dumped on these days, so I'll give her a pass about the Katie Couric comment. Also - you SHOULD watch Parks & Rec - it's awesome.

bluzdude said...

I agree that the girl has talent. And it IS refreshing that she writes her own songs and plays her own instrument, without being propped up by a lot of electronics, like so many of these other auto-tuned pinheads.

She just needs a little bit more life experience, I think, so she can better determine when to make a fuss and when to pipe down and go with it. And maybe be a little more careful in screening potential boyfriends…