Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Questionable Meat Part 2

Remember back in February when I ordered an assortment of Omaha Steaks, and in addition to all the meaty yumminess, I got some Conversation Starter Question Cards, and I answered the questions in a post? 

The funny thing about companies like Omaha Steaks… once you order from them, they will blitz you with offers for the rest of your natural days.  So shortly after we received our steak package, I received a very attractive offer for some more goodies.  Because it doesn’t take too much arm-twisting for me to agree to obtain more red meat, I was on it like Ray Lewis on a spotlight. 

The package came last Friday, and with it came another pack of Conversation Cards.

This time I drew Set 1.  Last time it was Set 3.  Boy, it really would have sucked to get the same set.  I would have had to rerun the last post, and where’s the fun in that?  So let’s see what they want to ask me this time…

What is your favorite holiday?
Easy… Halloween.  Christmas is great and all, but there’s so much stress in the months leading up, and a buttload of money spent, not only on presents, but food, decorations, and travel.  And then, it’s all gone in a big Whooooosh! 

Plus, for me as a “Heathen,” I no longer buy into the religious aspect of the holiday.  I continue to celebrate it as a time to get together with family and friends, and enjoy each other’s company (as well as a bounty of food and drink).

Halloween is what you make of it.  You can have a good time, just by going to the drug store and buying a couple bags of candy.  If you’re the Halloween party type, the possibilities are contained only by your imagination.  I used to love dressing up in wild-ass Halloween costumes, especially ones that involved lots of fake blood.  (I blogged about my best Halloween experiences, here.)

Unfortunately, I live in a “Halloween-free” neighborhood.  I miss seeing the parade of little goblins and princesses come to my door.  Made me smile every time.

If you could live in just one season all year long, would you?
Yes.  I could easily live in Early Fall, year round.  It’s warm in the day, chilly at night, there’s my birthday, Halloween, baseball playoffs, the start of football season and hockey season.  There’s no grass to cut, snow to shovel, and the leaves are not yet ready to rake.  The only down-side would be the endless series of election commercials.

What would your dream job or career be?
One of my best ambitions from high school was to be a writer for Saturday Night Live.  (It was still good back then.)  I would love to get paid for writing comedy, or even producing it on the radio, like I wanted to do in college.

Unfortunately, I’ve always been unwilling to slum it while I tried climb the ladder, so I guess I just didn’t want it bad enough.  So I get my fix by writing for you, for free.  Your smiling faces are all the payment I need.

What is the best book you’ve never read?  (But wish you had.)
What kind of stupid question is that??  If I haven’t read it, how do I know if it’s any good?  I’ll have to answer, Keith Richards’ “Life,” and Jenny Lawson’s “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened,” because I’ve started both, have enjoyed them, and wish I had the time to finish them.

Which makes a better pet, a cat or a dog?
That’s tough because I love both, but have neither.  Both have their ups and downs, but for my situation, a cat would be better.  They kind of run on auto-pilot and generally amuse themselves.  And the good ones are every bit as devoted to you as a dog.

Believe me, I’d love to have another golden retriever, but until I have a house with a fenced in yard, (in other words, “never”), I won’t do it.  I don’t have the patience to walk the dog every single day, rain or shine, nor do I care to chisel dried dog shit up out of the grass.  (I used to use one of my dad’s golf clubs to do that, when I was a teen.  No wonder they made the tomatoes grow.)

If you could have dinner with any famous person, past or present, who would it be?
Tina Fey.  You know why.  It would be the most clever and entertaining dinner conversation ever, even without the use of Omaha Steaks Conversation Cards.  (That is if I could keep from just staring at her with googly eyes.)  And I’d hire a caterer to keep bringing out an endless array of meats and cheeses, to keep dinner going as long as possible.  That will provide more time to try to get dump her husband in favor of me!

And if that doesn’t work, I could always borrow Sitcom Kelly’s pit.  Like, “OK, TF, can I call you TF?  We can do this easy or we can do it the hard way.”

If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be?
Wow, now that is a hard one.  I bet a lot of people might want to know when they’re going to die, but I’m not one.  I can’t think of anything more horrifying than the specific knowledge of your immanent demise.  I’d ask for a 3-year range, at best.

I suppose I’d want to know about the quality of my retirement.  Will I be OK, or will I be living in a box in my buddy John’s garage?  If I’m OK, then I can assume that the general conditions of the world are OK.

Of course, if it comes back that I don’t make it to retirement; I’m torn between two options.

1) Whoo Hoo!  Spending spree!  No more need for that 401k.
2) I ought to start eating better and looking both ways before I cross the street.

If the person across from you were an animal, what would they be?
My first thought is to go, “Gee, what a dumbass question.”  But let me work through this.

My answer is an owl.  Because there is no one across from me, so I have to think of YOU, staring into your monitor, iPad or phone, going,

Or maybe…

Or this…

Sorry, I’m trying to cut down.   What about the rest of my posts?

No wait!  Don’t go…


Deb K said...

Your tags on your posts are like the little gift at the end and are quite entertaining. "The glory of meat" sums it all up. I have a feeling you had fun organizing those owl photos. And I could definitely see you as a SNL writer.

bluzdude said...

According to my label cloud on the right, this was the 30th time I've used that label. That's a lotta meat.

Sitting down with a bunch of funny people, to try to come up with comic material would be the best job ever. I don't know how you do it when you're having a bad day though. D you call in to the boss? "Sorry, I can't come in... I don't feel funny."

Reeeik said...

Sorry BOSS I hit my funny bone and didn't feel a thing ......

Anonymous said...

I love Halloween and would love to be paid to write comedy as well.

And I think they are probably looking for something like War & Peace on that one question. One of those great books that nobody I know has actually read. Or something.

Finish the Bloggess' book!! It is so good. Damn.

Anonymous said...

Guess what? I'm reading your blog in Bahrain! Oddly, I'm feeling somewhat let down here...

Anonymous said...

تم نشر التعليق. Just a sec, somebody's knocking at my door.تم نشر التعليق.

bluzdude said...

Holy crap… you actually made ME LOL. What are the odds?

bluzdude said...

Yeah, I don’t have any of those kinds of books that I care to read.

I bet if Sitcom Kelly and I ever actually sat down to write a series, it would be hilarious. And then you’d see us almost immediately on Intervention, or Inside the Music – The Sitcom Edition.

I have The Bloggess’s book on my iPad. I’m targeting it for my May vacation to Florida, sitting by my parents’ pool.

bluzdude said...

I guess I must be off the Blacklist. Perhaps the government was forced to unblock my site,by the will of the people. Arab Spring! Arab Spring!

bluzdude said...

OR, maybe they just opened up the site so that they can see who the troublemakers are... Run away! Run away!

Reeeik said...

Sorry bout that ...... NOT !!!!!! Blind squirrel finds a NUT from time to time ......

bluzdude said...

Well, if anyone knows nuts, it’s you.

Jessica R. said...

I agree with you 100% on early fall, and not just because that's my birthday too. I love the weather and the lead up to Halloween (which is also my favorite holiday). And those owl memes are great.

bluzdude said...

The owl thing was borne of spur of the moment panic, because I had no answer for the question. So once I hit on the Reader As Owl idea, I started looking for a suitable owl picture. Then the more I found, the more ideas occurred for how to use them.

Just goes to show how it's rare that I know completely where a post is going until I get there.