Tuesday, March 27, 2012

An Instant Lottery Post

I was working on a post subject I’ve wanted to write about for some time, but I’m giving you this today instead.  First off, the Penguins play tonight at 7:00 so that won’t leave me enough time to do the post justice.  Secondly, I bought $5 worth of Mega Millions lottery tickets this afternoon, ahead of the $363 million dollar drawing tonight.  That means I’ll also be busy composing my resignation letter, which may or may not include a scan of my nether regions.

To do so, I’ll probably have to remove my printer/scanner from its place on my desk and set it up on the floor, because I’m not sure if the desk will hold my weight.  I can probably do this during the 1st period intermission. 

Also, what kind of cleaner is good to get butt prints off the scanner glass?

I saw an article online today about lottery strategy tips from an “expert.”  I only note it here because it just seems like so much bullshit.  I mean, you have to remember that the odds are exactly the same for any arrangement of number combinations.  (Those odds being “astronomical.”)  There is no “momentum” or odds against a repeated drawing of the same number.  It’s just hard, cold math: one in a bazillion every time. 

Be that as it may, here are the “tips” from a lottery “expert.”

1. Pick your own numbers, as opposed to using the machine to do the “quick picks.”  This is completely irrelevant.  As I stated above, the odds are the same for every combination of numbers.  The source does not matter in the least, unless there is some kind of nefarious programming plot at work, which keeps machine-picked numbers from ever coming up.

(I love the word, “nefarious.”  I feel the need to twirl my moustache every time I type it.)

2. Do your homework to see if your numbers have ever come up before.  Also bullshit.  Same odds, all the time.  If the numbers were taken out of play, it would be another story.  But they aren’t.

3. Stick with your strategy.  More bullshit.  It still doesn’t matter what strategy you use.  Same odds every time. 

4. Avoid Lottery Fever, i.e. don’t spend more than you can afford to lose.  OK, this one is bang-on.  Let’s not get crazy.  You have to acknowledge that you’re throwing your cash into a black hole.  All you’re buying is a night’s happy dreams and possibly a cheap blog post.

Now before you start crying foul about the apparent disconnect between my well-documented support for game jersey mojo and its affect on game outcomes, versus any kind of lottery mojo,  let me just say this… Mojo is about the “vibe” created by fans’ rituals and superstitions, and people… namely athletes… can be affected by a vibe.  Call it being In The Zone, or coming down with a case of The Yips; it’s the human element.  There is no human element with a lottery drawing; it’s random by nature and therefore immune to outside “forces.”

Last year, I went into considerable detail regarding what I’d do if I actually hit a huge jackpot like this.  (Exactly one year ago today, oddly enough.)  If you’re a new reader, you can check out that fascinating post by clicking here.  So now you get a full post chocked full of my customary brilliance, and I can make sure I have time to select the proper Pens jersey and then embed myself in my easy chair by the opening face-off.  Win/win.

Director’s DVD Commentary: I was going to run the old lottery post here in its entirety and just add a short intro, but then the intro grew to where it was long enough to be a short (by my standards) post that could stand on its own.  To add it all now would just seem like piling on.


Unapologetically Mundane said...

See, I always assumed that my Lottery Dance and special unwashed-for-five-years Lottery Underoos were totally creating a vibe for those number-picking machines. Way to kill a dream, Bluz!

Kam and I were JUST having an IM conversation about how we should buy a ticket tonight. I said, "They said on CNN this morning that you're 18-20 times more likely to have a flesh-eating bacteria than to win the lottery, though." He said, "Well, flesh eating bacteria are everywhere, but the jackpot is an unprecedented half a BILLION. The lump sum alone is 314 million. Which is Pi, by the way. Coincidence?"

He can recite Pi out to, like, 50 numbers or something. We're TOTALLY gonna win.

Mrs. Bachelor Girl said...

We Powells avoid gambling like, well, flesh-eating bacteria. Not because it's morally wrong, mind you (it isn't), but because we never win, and that makes us bitter.

bluzdude said...

Remember, out of that lump sum, they take out a bundle in taxes. I think you’d only be looking at about half a pi.

Without a winner yesterday, I’m down to buy another ticket. The Dream is still alive!

bluzdude said...

I’m with you, for the most part. I rarely gamble, outside of the occasional football pool or annual day at the race track. Or the random time when the lottery hits an insane level.

I’ve only ever been to three casinos… and two of the visits were just to kill time before a football game. I try to look at it like I’m paying for entertainment. If I’m entertained for a couple hours for a predetermined amount of money, I’m good. Any winnings are a bonus.

But like I said, I play these huge lotteries just for the flight of fancy. I know I’m not winning anything. But you never know… someone has to win…

Just occurred to me that all the people that are feverishly praying that they win the lottery might be really P.O.’d if a heathen like me actually won.

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