Odd Bits - The Earth Shaking Edition

As it turned out, getting the Concorde registered was a breeze.  It took me longer to get there (about an hour) than it took me to walk in and out (45 minutes).  Funny thing was, I almost smashed my car on the way.

I was cruising around the Baltimore Beltway and wondering where all the rush hour traffic was.  It was smooth sailing for the first 5 minutes, then as I began to round one of the bends I saw this car kind of dawdling along.  I though, “what the hell is up with this moron?  I better swing around his ass.”

Then right as I came out of the bend I could see a wall of unmoving cars.  Gaaaaaahhh!

As I stood on the brake and checked my mirror to see if it was clear to swerve, I realize I must have looked like a panic-stricken cartoon.

The car has pretty good brakes and I was able to stop in time.  But that didn’t mean my heart didn’t jump to about 100 mph… 

The Maryland MVA is a huge complex and I never know where to go.  There are numerous stations and God forbid you camp out in front of the wrong one.  But they have an information desk that you visit first and get a number.  There, a helpful senior citizen checked my paperwork, told me what to fill out and where to sign, gave me a number and pointed my toward the correct wall of stations.  There, I could follow what numbers were being served and calculate how long it would take me. 

Once I got called up, it took about 5 minutes before I was duly registered and had new plates in hand.

This afternoon, I went to sell the Neon at CarMax.  You could have knocked me over with a feather when they offered me $1000 more than I was expecting (and $800 over Kelly Blue Book trade-in value).  I couldn’t spit out the words “I’ll take it” fast enough.  They were giving me about 75% of what I spent on the Concorde.  Good thing I didn’t smash it up going to the MVA.

Goodbye, dear Neon.  You served me well.  Here’s to hoping your big sister (on the right) can give me another 8 years.

Earth Shaking Revelations

Out here in the mid-Atlantic region, we had an earthquake at 5:05 AM Friday morning, that was about 3.5 on the Richter Scale.  That was the strongest one ever recorded in these parts.

I never noticed it.  The funny thing was that I woke up just before that.  I popped an eye open and saw that it was 5:01, leapt for joy inside and immediately went back to sleep.  I never knew about the quake until the news came on with my alarm at 6:00.

One time before I felt the effects of a quake and that was back in Ohio in the early 80’s.  It was a just a little rumbler like this one was.

I was sitting on the living room floor, playing records on the family stereo before I had to leave for class.  I used to love playing records when no one was home because that was the only time I could really turn it up.  So I was sitting there and I looked over at the glass fireplace cover and saw it was shaking.  Then I looked back over my shoulder and saw my mom’s easy chair rocking a little bit, as if someone had just gotten up from it.

I thought to myself, “I guess it’s a little loud in here,” and turned the stereo down.

I never knew it was an earthquake until I got to school later that day.  Until then, I was giving our speakers way too much credit.

The Mojo Boogie – Prehistoric Edition

This is a great reason to start looking for dinosaur bones; if you find something new, you get to name it.  But unfortunately for me, the coolest name ever has just been taken.  Introducing: The Mojoceratops!

Now that’s some Mojo Risin’.

The Mojoceratops is a relative of the better-known Triceratops, but predates it by about 10 million years. 

"It was just a joke, but then everyone stopped and looked at each other and said, 'Wait — that actually sounds cool,' " says Nicholas Longrich, the Yale University post-doctoral researcher that found the bones and other evidence of the unidentified species among museum collections. "I tried to come up with serious names after that, but Mojoceratops just sort of stuck."

So with that name taken, should I stumble over any unidentified dino-bones, I now have to use my second choice, “Bluzsaurus Wrecks.”

“I’m on a mission from Gaahd.”

Send in the Clowns

In other news, if I were this guy, I’d do the exact same thing.  Dude thought clowns were attacking his mother’s house so he shot the place up, inside and out.

I say, “Here here!  Cut those sneaky sons of bitches down!”

The cops say the guy was under the influence of hallucinatory drugs, but I believe him.  That’s how clowns operate… they show up on bunches and scare the shit out of unsuspecting citizens. The whole thing reeks of a cover-up.  I bet the cops found a whole array of red noses and poofy buttons laying all over the lawn when they rolled in, but deep-sixed the evidence.  They probably have clowns on the payroll as rats. 

Pennywise was unavailable for comment.

Department of Redundancy Department

For the last month I’ve been bombarded with radio commercials from a local school, the inexplicably named, University of Maryland University College.

What the FUCK is a "University College"?  Does no one know how to edit over there at the University of Maryland University College?

Why don’t they just go all in and call themselves “University of Maryland University College School Institute of Teaching and Learning”

Me?  I find value in brevity:

Not that you would know that by the length of my posts…