Tuesday, June 28, 2011

That Year of Journalism Classes Did Not Go To Waste

As you've probably been able to tell, I don’t let anything amusing that I write elsewhere go to waste and usually run it here.  Today is no exception.

I was emailing with Sitcom Kelly.  (And how many of my posts start out like that?)  In my last post, I wrote a compare and contrast piece between Pittsburgh’s PNC Park and Baltimore’s Camden Yards.  Sitcom Kelly was at a game with me last weekend and we had discussed some of the items during the game.

Director’s DVD Commentary: If you haven’t been reading me long, Sitcom Kelly is a friend of mine whose goal it is to dig a Silence of the Lambs pit in her basement, with the intent to capture and keep Pittsburgh Penguins defenseman Kris Letang.  It has also been established that her next target would be her girlhood crush, former Steelers kicker Matt Bahr.  Lastly, she plans to construct a 6’ tall glass case for the purpose of displaying Penguins forward Sidney Crosby in her living room.  (Although some of her other ‘guests’ may rotate through turns in the case.)  She plans on maintaining her guests’ good will by plying them with really good ziti until they fall in love with her.

We've been working on a document to collect jokes and ideas for the sitcom we plan to produce about her life, hence, the name Sitcom Kelly.

After I wrote the piece, I solicited a comment from the Carpetbagger, knowing that he sees a mess of Pirates games and I wanted his opinion on the matter.  The old Carpetbagger came through for me, so when the notification email popped up, I forwarded it to Sitcom Kelly to have a look.  One of the Bagger’s points was about how they always play the same music.

SK: I wonder if they still play “We Are Family,” by the Pointer Sisters, at PNC Park?

(This was the theme song of the 1979 World Series Champion Pittsburgh Pirates, although it was done by Sister Sledge, not the Pointer Sisters.  I kept the latter point to myself.  But during the playoffs, the players wives could be seen dancing on the dugout roofs when the song played.)

Bluz: They should play it after the game, like the Yankees do with New York  New York… but only after a win.

SK: If I go to the game in August, I’m going to request it.

Bluz: Headline: 1979 Returns
Pittsburgh (AP)
A Johnstown woman was arrested at PNC Park, this afternoon, for dancing on the Pirates’ dugout.

Multiple witnesses say that “Sitcom” Kelly charged her way onto the top of the Pirates’ dugout roof and began demanding that they play the disco song “We Are Family.”  When the song was not played as requested, she began singing loudly and performing what some observers might consider a “dance.”  When the inning change was over and the game was to restart, she refused to return to her seat.  After numerous complaints of indecency and aural assault from those in the front rows, PNC Park Security forcibly removed her.

As she was tased and dragged away, she was heard asking Pirates’ outfielder Garrett Jones for his address and phone number.  She also reportedly made references to a ‘pit’ of some kind, which are not fit for a family newspaper.  Authorities were summoned to investigate.

SK: The possibilities are endless.

Bluz: (continuing…)
When they investigated Ms. Kelly’s house, authorities found numerous relics of the seventies (8-Track tapes, picture slides, Pet Rocks, etc.), a dozen cats, assorted empty bottles of wine; but while there was one doorway that was nailed shut, there was no evidence of a ‘pit.’  They did, however, find a 6’ glass display case but were unable to determine its purpose.  Detectives say there were a number of finger prints inside the case, as well as a message smeared on the glass that read, “More ziti, please!”  The investigation is ongoing.

SK: I’m thinking a Sitcom Kelly movie!

Bluz: Why not?  What’s one more manuscript we’ll never do anything with?

At least this way, I’ll get to tell people I’m working on a movie, not just a TV show.  OK, public-access cable show.  OK, webisode…  Eh, never mind.

Oh, look at the shiny thing…

12 comments:

  1. Great post. I loved this.

    And on a side note I used to live in Johnstown.

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  2. You can take the boy out of Johnstown...

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  3. Mrs. Bachelor Girl,
    You would? Sitcom Kelly’s family would watch too, so that’s another handful. I guess I’d better get the film crew back on the phone.

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  4. You guys are so silly. I love it!

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  5. This brought back painful memories. I'm originally from Baltimore, and 1979 was a brutal year. I can no longer listen to "We are Family" without images of yellow and black coming back to haunt, like that damn bee that stung me yesterday.

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  6. Webisodes are the new Thing! Get on that. I'm tired of the young whippersnappers getting all the on-line cred.

    I want to meet Sitcom Kelly. She cracks me up.

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  7. Guy,
    1979 was huge for me… I graduated high school the same year the Pirates won the World Series and the Steelers won their 3rd Super Bowl. We lived in NW Ohio and suffice to say, we were pretty insufferable to be around.

    I never had a feeling like that again until 2009, when the Steelers won their 6th Super Bowl and the Penguins won their 3rd Stanley Cup. And by that time, I could be insufferable to people reading my blog…

    Red Pen Mama,
    She cracks me up too… that’s why I keep trying to get her to start a blog. I told her I could give her a let-up with gaining readers. But she’s afraid that if she does, she’ll be underwhelming, given all the build-up I’ve provided her. Plus, it would take time away from drinking wine on the couch, with her cats. I think she’d rather that I write about her life (real or imagined) for her.

    We had this great idea a couple months ago…she was talking about posting a series of messages as if they were coming from her pit-dwelling ‘guests.’

    I was like, “Tweets from The Pit!” It would be perfect for Twitter.

    But she’s never been on Twitter and doesn’t want to start. I should just have her write them and send them to me. I could set up a separate Twitter account and post under that.

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  8. @PitTweets! OMG it would rock.

    It's so funny, because I'm totally dependent on (addicted to, whatever) social media, and when people are like, no I don't have a blog; no I don't tweet, I'm like HOW DO YOU EXIST??

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  9. Red Pen Mama,
    I can’t imagine it either… in the last couple years, this blog has been my life, and Twitter has just added to it… To me, they’re just all bound together in to one on-line interaction system.

    Tweets from the Pit, or @PitTweets would fit right in with all the “fake” celebrity and sports tweets, and I LOVE playing around with the medium, be it TV, newspapers, movies or what-not.

    I don’t think Sitcom Kelly has even seen Twitter… If she ever stuck her toe in, she’d be all over it. I should hype it to her as a way to stalk people without even leaving home.

    Another thing that just occurred to me is that we have to remember that you and I are different. We’re writers. It’s just something we have to do. For the first time in my adult life, I have someplace to put the ideas that occur to me, and people actually read them and respond. You don’t get that from a journal. The only thing that kept me from starting a blog earlier is that I didn’t know how to do it, or even where to start. Nor did I have any idea of how to get people to find it. So many unknowns…

    But I learned as I went. I wrote this blog for 7 months before someone I didn’t know actually read it without being solicited. It’s been Peaches and Cream ever since!

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  10. The last line of your post speaks volumes!

    Your Hot Arizona Auntie (and I do mean HOT!!!)

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