Wade Garrett Would Roll Over in His Grave

Last week we laid waste to a bunch of factually challenged anti-vax memes that I’d gleaned over the prior weeks. But there were others as well that covered some other well-worn misconstrued subjects. Might as well air those out too.

You mean eighty million three hundred and sixty, don’t you? Or aren’t you keeping up with the headlines? Every time the Republicans try to make a case for fraud, they either get laughed out of court or add to Biden’s vote count. So why on earth Biden’s vote tally so hard to believe?

I mean, other than because you don’t want to?

I think a more accurate meme would read, “People don’t believe I’m real, but they believe the Former Guy got cheated out of the presidency.” Seriously, there is zero proof of intentional fraud in any significant number. People who are just dying to uncover election tampering schemes have rolled snake-eyes at every turn. If the Democrats are as incompetent as Republicans say they are, proof should have been as easy to find as unvaccinated COVID patients in Florida. But no one’s found jack shit.

And if the Democrats somehow WERE clever enough to shift the election without leaving a shred of proof, maybe someone can explain why they let those half-dozen Senate races and a fistful of House races they expected to win go the other way. I’d love to hear that. Yes, tell me all about how the Dems falsely put Biden in the presidency but failed to give him a Congress to work with on passing his agenda. I’ll wait.

It’s truly a tragedy when harm comes to our military personnel. I agree. But things happen to invading armies during wartime. But I’m sure these heroes knew the risks when they enlisted in the Marines, while a war or two was going on. If it was just a matter of signing up and playing video games, everyone would join the Marines.

So the question is, are the lost lives of 13 servicemen and women on par with the deliberate killing of a handcuffed Black man suspected of a minor crime, at the hands of a policeman who is sworn to serve and protect? What is the public cost of the police becoming self-appointed judges, juries, and public executioners? And this is the how many hundredth time something like this has happened in the last couple decades?

Yeah, it’s a pretty big deal because it directly affects the lives of 38 million Black people in our country. The attention isn’t cast on George Floyd as much as on the law enforcement culture that doesn’t think twice about using lethal force on our minority population. Pressure is being brought to bear in efforts to change the way law enforcement acts. And when the next unarmed, handcuffed, Black man is killed in police custody, you can expect even more publicity and outrage.

Tell me, are the Marines being called upon to change their practices or culture because they lost these 13 soldiers? Hell no. It’s a tragedy, but they move on to the next engagement. Always have and always will. It will reverberate among those who knew the victims but you won’t see any calls for institutional change.

The Floyd murder is different because it ripples across every police force in the country. Each one is being watched more closely because of what happened to George Floyd.

I’m not sure why these kinds of issues have to be “ranked” at all, but it’s not surprising that the military fetishist segment would see a “problem” if these deaths aren’t given top billing over most anything else, especially the deaths of some Black “criminals.” And that’s a problem right there.

Your Honor, we have facts assumed that are not in evidence. No one has ever said that a government needs a disarmed populace before it can govern. The US Government can and does carry on its duties regardless. It is a strawman argument and it insults the great Sam Elliot.

The issue is eliminating the senseless mass killings that are only possible because so many people have military-grade semi-automatic rifles and high-capacity clips.

The original statement about hunting is true, no respectable hunter goes hunting with this kind of firepower. Nor is this kind of weaponry needed for standard home defense, self-defense, or anything else. So the question stands, why are these armaments necessary in American society?

And I’ll answer that for you, your Honor. They’re not. They are penile stand-ins for scared white men who fear their impending reduction in power and influence. The People ask you to dismiss this meme as misleading and inaccurate. The prosecution rests.

Tales of my Father

I’m often accused of being a wise-ass and it comes to me naturally. I learned how to screw with people from the best, my father. Dad was a master. I originally posted this story in 2011. Dad always liked when I wrote about him. He felt like the star of the show. This is one of my favorite stories and one I think about every time I’m at a ballgame.

Back in the 70s, when Dad was traveling a lot, he was out in New Jersey on business.  His friend Lou worked in the plant he was visiting so while he was there, they decided to catch a Phillies baseball game at Veterans’ Stadium in Philadelphia.  (Wherever possible, Dad always went to games when he was traveling; baseball, football, hockey... whatever was in season.)

At one point during the later innings, Dad wrote a number down in his program: 45,173.*

Louie saw that and asked, “What’s that for?”

Dad said, “That’s what I think the attendance is.”

Lou said, “How the hell do you know that?”

Dad said, “Well, I’ve been looking up and down the sections and doing a little math in my head and this is what I came up with.”

Lou let it drop and the game went on.

Then shortly afterward, between innings, the scoreboard lit up with a “Guess the Attendance” game and put up four answers from which to choose.

Lou said, “Hey, there’s your number up on the board!”

Some other people around overheard and wondered what was going on. Louie explained to everyone how Dad had made some calculations and came up with one of those exact numbers.

On the scoreboard, they slowly eliminated one figure and then another, until there was nothing left but two numbers: my dad’s and another one. Then the other one disappeared.  Dad totally nailed the attendance figure, right down to the last person.

Everyone around him made a big fuss about it and gave Dad high fives and congratulations.

What no one there noticed was that a guy behind Dad was listening to the game on a transistor radio.  Earlier, Dad had overheard the announcer give the attendance figure and he jotted it down. When Lou asked about it, he just pulled that calculations story out of his ass. He didn’t know it was going to end up being a big scoreboard thing, but when it did, he just went with it. Like I said, something in nature must love a good joke.

I don’t think he ever told Louie where he really got the number; he just let everyone think he was a mathematical genius.

Naturally, that was the wisest course of action.  Remember, they were in Philly. The fans there are not usually known for their consideration or understanding.

Thanks, Dad, for showing your impressionable sons how much fun it is to screw with people. Life lessons don’t come any better than that.

*Director’s DVD Commentary: I have no idea what the actual attendance figure was; in the scheme of the story, it doesn't really matter. I used this particular number because it matched the one in the picture.