Errand Boy

This is going to be one of those Seinfeld-type entries about pretty much nothing.

I was off today, with some errands to do. I still have a bit of a cold hanging on so the day off was timely. First stop was ye olde Hair Cuttery.

If being an old middle-aged bald guy has any advantages, it’s that getting a haircut takes about 10 minutes. I’ve waited longer for my order at Burger King. A young black girl cut my hair and as she was ringing my up at the counter, I noticed she had an unusual tattoo on her wrist:
Yeah… a blow dryer.

I’m wondering if this was some kind of beauty school bonding exercise. And if so, do other industries have similar rites? Do CPAs get together after passing their exam and get tattoos of a pile of beans? Do lawyers get reptile tattoos? What about doctors? Man, that’s another reason not to be a proctologist.

So, haircut accomplished, I set out for the main event of the day… Getting my driver’s license renewed at the Maryland MVA. I hate going through things like this; you just anticipate something going wrong or encountering some kind of runaround.

In actuality, it wasn’t that bad. I brought my Friday crossword puzzle and had it knocked out in about 20 minutes, just in time for them to call my number, B118. I suppressed the urge to holler BINGO. I imagine they’ve heard that before so many times that when someone does it now, they are struck down by a death-ray stare from one of the helpful clerks.

I was processed in about 5-6 minutes… honestly. They really have the drill down; I’ll give them kudos for that. So I walked out triumphantly, sparkling new hologrammy license in hand. The sun shone down brightly upon me as I exited the MVA lair and I realized I hadn’t eaten all day and as luck would have it, there was a Five Guys burger place in the plaza.

For those that are uninitiated, Five Guys is a primo burger joint that features giant 2-patty burgers, unlimited free toppings, boardwalk fries and free peanuts while you wait. If you saw the first time President Obama was on NBC (I think it was Dateline), when he got in the car with the Brian Williams and went to burger place to get lunch for himself and staff back at the White House, it was a Five Guys in DC.

Man, what a feast… hands down, the best fast-food burger going. It was so tall I could barely get my mouth around it. Sometimes I wish we were built with a snakelike, hinged jaw that folds all the way back, for just this kind of situation.

I say this was the best “fast-food” burger because I’ve had one better at a sit-down place in Pensacola Florida, called McGuires. This is their burger:

Hence the slogan on the side of the building: “Feasting, Imbibery, & Debauchery”, which happen to be three of my favorite things. Like I’ve said before, very few problems cannot be solved by eating a bacon cheeseburger the size of your head.

I don’t have a natural ending for this, so let me leave you with something I was wondering. Who named the anti-smoking drug “Chantix”? Chantix sounds like something the Gregorians sell for their concerts.

Badump bump. I’m here all weekend; try the cheeseburger.