Thursday, April 21, 2011

BLUZFAIL

I've never really had one of those “Email Moments” you see on TV, where someone sends a horribly inappropriate an email by mistake and then goes into a blind panic trying to fix it.  Worst thing I ever do is send things out without the intended attachments and then have to resend it.  I’ve had a pretty good run, I must say… right up until Tuesday night, when I did something so awkward and inappropriate that was worthy of The Office’s Michael Scott.

As you may have seen, I’ve been reposting some goofy stuff from the website Failblog.org.  There, they post pictures, videos and other clips of bungled signage, clunky translations, inadvertent porn, YouTube face-plants… any and all ways that one can “Fail.”

The other day, I found 3 items that I thought were keepers.  The first was featured in my last post… an unfortunate vanity license plate that read JZZLUVR.  The assumption, for those with pure and innocent minds, is that the owner was thinking of JaZZLUVR.  The rest of us pervs naturally saw it as JiZZLUVR, which is a completely different thing.  But it got me thinking of the idea of vanity plates in general and I decided to base a post around it.

But I also found a couple of other interesting things, so I saved them to an email so I could file them away later.  One of the items was this picture:

When I saw this, I knew I had to send it to my Blog Sister Cassie.  When we all first met at the Darwinfish Fry last August, the restaurant we were at had a women’s room with 2 toilets sitting side by side, with no divider between them.  Cassie and her sister Carly found that to be hilarious and snapped a picture, which they later put up on their site.  So when I saw this variation… a toilet with seats for an audience, I knew I had to send it on.

There was one other keeper, but I’ll get to that later.

So Tuesday night, before beginning to weave the comedic magic makes up one of my posts, I opened up all three pictures and saved them to their appropriate places in the vaunted Darwinfish Archives.  There was a bit of a hiccup with one, where I wasn’t sure how I got to this other folder, but I carried on.  Then, real quick, I sent the Bathroom Audience picture over to Cassie.  Then I turned my attention to whipping up my Vanity Plate post, with the hilarity sure to ensue.

While I was working on that, Cassie emailed me back.

Cassie: You’re so thoughtful, Bluz.  So thoughtful.  :) That’s AWESOME.

I was pleased that she saw the humor.  I like Cassie.  She gets me.

So I responded.

Bluz: It’s kind of like Restroom Musical Chairs.

I thought that would be the end of it.  But as I continued to work on my post, Cassie emailed again.

Cassie: Wait.  I’m confused.  What I’m seeing is a California license plate that says JZZLUVR.  Is that what you meant to send?

Uh oh.  That was NOT the picture I meant to send.  I wondered if I mislabeled the pictures, so as I was replying to her, I went back and checked.

Yup.  That little hiccup I had earlier?  For some reason, when I thought I was saving the Bathroom Audience picture, I was actually re-saving JZZLUVR and changing the title.  When I attached it to the email, it was from a folder where I only see the file names and not the thumbnails.

Slowly I realized what I had just done.  And you know, it wouldn’t have been so bad, except for what I’d originally put in the subject line.  Oh my God.

Now picture this: before she opened up this email, and saw the picture of JZZLUVR, she saw this subject line:

Subject: Saw this and thought of you…

Sitting all alone in my apartment, I clasped my hands over my face in horror.  Holy shit!  What have I done?  It was The Fail to End All Fails.  What must she have thought of me, some out-of-state guy nearly twice her age, whom she’s only met once?

Naturally, I fell all over myself trying to explain.  I mean; you can see the file name in the email attachment says “Bathroom Audience,” and that backs up my story.  But you know how when you try to explain something like that, the more you explain, the more it looks like you’re just making excuses? 

If I were to follow through on getting my own vanity plate now, I’d have no choice but to see if this one is available:

The other funny thing?  How cool was Cassie’s response, before she knew my intentions?  She totally went with it, figuring that I didn’t mean any harm.  As if people try to forge links between her and JZZ all the time…

For the record, I have no idea where Cassie stands regarding JZZ.  I don’t know if she LUVs it, or merely TOLR8s it.  I mean, she does have three kids, so she must be a JZZ aficionado to some degree and knows good JZZ when she sees it.

Meanwhile, she totally got a post of her own out of it, completely at my expense.  You can see her version of this story by clicking here.  She’s got screen captures of all the emails.  She has the whole exchange.

And the comments are even better.  That’s where I learned that they were other interpretations to be made regarding the plate.  Mrs. Bachelor Girl and commenter “Emily” thought that JZZLUVR was meant to be JESUSLUVR.  And when I first showed the plate to Pinky, she thought it meant JEWSLUVR.  Thank goodness Red Pen Mama knows JZZ when she sees it.  Shows I’m not the only one with a mind in the gutter.

If there’s any good news to be had, it’s that I didn’t send Cassie the other Failblog picture I had in mind to forward.  Cassie’s from Minnesota, so when I saw this one, I knew she’d get a kick out of it.  So imagine that with the subject line of “Saw this and thought of you…” plus the JZZLUVR plate, I had also included this shot:

I’d say there would likely have been a cancellation for next month’s Darwinfish Fry.

26 comments:

  1. Oh my dear Bluz. It could have been way worse. Just be glad I was raised right and totally get your humor, intended or otherwise.

    For the record, I'm not so much a JZZ lover. But so goes the life of a heterosexual woman. With three kids. All under the age of four.

    I guess I toler8 JZZ.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay, um, "as if people try to forge links between her and JZZ all the time…" made me legitimately LOL. Sorry, Cassie.

    But seriously, TWO people thinking that was supposed to be Jesuslover blows my mind. WHY AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON?

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  3. Cassie,
    One could argue that if you were raised "right" you would have never gotten the joke. This way was so much more fun.

    Mundane,
    I KNOW, right? I never would have seen JESUSLUVR in there in a million years. In fact, it took me a couple of moments to realize they meant JAZZ, when I first saw the pic. I initially thought, 'My, that's a pretty bold statement... freakin' California..."

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  4. I mean, to avoid the whole jizz issue, this person from California (who's clearly had his/her brain bleached from the sun) should have made it say JAZZLVR. C'mon, coz.

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  5. Failblog does have a lot of great content.

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  6. Cassie,
    Maybe that was taken already. But still... Someone should have taken the person aside and went, "Um, no."

    Trash,
    Absolutely... Tons of it! They must post over a dozen Fails a day. There must be an unreal amount of Fail taking place all over the world at any given time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my god, that is so funny. Beer through the nose. When I saw the audience chairs I automatically thought of the his N hers toilets, but at least one can sit one's inappropriately large bag on a chair.

    Makes me even more sad to miss next month's BBQ.

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  8. DG,
    Those chairs also look like a judge's panel. We assign scores to everything else, nowadays...

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  9. First: Maybe the person *is* a JIZZ lover, and isn't afraid to advertise the fact. My own perspective on the stuff is pretty clear; after all, I too, am the mother of many (i.e. more than two).

    Second: JESUS lover never, ever crossed my mind, and let's face it Bluz, I am probably the most Catholic person you know...who comments on this site, anyway. So, uh, Catholic fail? And it wasn't until reading yesterday's post that I realized the intended message, probably, was JAZZ lover. Lawdy, I'm either obtuse or dirty-minded.

    I, personally, liked PSYMD, and it took me awhile to realize how it could mean gynecologist. I offer that in my defense. My husband, a psychologist, would LOVE that as a license plate.

    Lastly: I don't believe that could be a real name, and even if it is, you don't think someone at that station saw it, read it, and thought, "Oh no"?

    Thanks for the laughs!

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  10. Red Pen Mama
    You and Mrs. Bachelor Girl are my go-to Catholic sources. But apparently you have a little more catechism to do… lol…

    To add a second layer of BLUZFAIL, I had no idea how to link PSYMD to a gyno. I finally emailed Cassie to explain. And believe me, once she did, I could not BELIEVE I missed it. I was totally over-thinking it.

    That last picture is definitely a joke name, sent in to mess with the TV station. I’ve known of that name for many years… It’s right up there with Mike Hunt. I just can’t believe that no one at the station noticed. I think they’re far too trusting up there in Minnesota. Yoo Betcha.

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  11. I must admit, the whole JZZ thing went over my head in the original post. I just thought you weren't a big David Sanborn fan. I will need to get my head firmly planted in the gutter when I come back here.

    And I just assumed the two chairs were there so you could, you know, put your feet up and get comfortable. No?

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  12. Bagger,
    I would never admit to JZZ going over my head. At least it was a near miss.

    I think one would have to be careful to only put the feet up AFTER the business at hand has been taken care of. Otherwise, you could lose containment.

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  13. "As if people try to forge links between her and JZZ all the time…"

    Oh my gosh this made me laugh. I am so impressed that she handled it with such grace! Ha ha.

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  14. Jessica,
    She really did... she has the grace that usually comes with many more years.

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  15. LM(size4)AO. Snorting and wetting my pants at the same time. I wonder if there's a vanity plate to express that.

    JZZUZ, URAFNEDUD.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I once meant to forward a quite funny--but fairly inappropriate--video to a few targeted friends from my work email address. Somehow, I inadvertently copied a group email address from the University's Outlook directory. And I sent it to every member of our board of trustees.

    Luckily, I still have my job.

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  17. Jayne,
    Funny dud?

    Hope you've gotten your little Size 4 all cleaned up.

    Sherry,
    I can see how that would happen, with Outlook's "auto-complete" function. That just happened to me this week, but it was just a humdrum business email that went to the wrong person.

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  18. I feel like I'm still 12 and asking my best friend what "whore" means b/c some boy called me that - obviously I wasn't or I'd know, right?

    I read that first part five times and finally had to call Tom in here to explain it. I have never, ever in my life heard of that term. Never. But, as Tom pointed out, he was surprised when I knew what "milf" meant when we saw the term on tv once and so I guess I don't have to turn in my gutter citizenship pin quite yet. ;)

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  19. Cristy,
    Don't feel bad... MILF has wormed its way into our culture and even network TV. I first heard it in the movie American Pie. I think it spread from there, and now includes all kinds of variations... GILF (Grandma), TILF (Teacher), BILF (Boss), etc.

    The other one is more of a locker room and porno term, so you get a pass for not knowing.

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  20. I wonder if anyone has the license plate LMAO. Or,WMP-WIL, when happens to me frequently when I read your posts.

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  21. I meant to say "which" happens to me. I got my eyes dilated today and I can't see the keys.

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  22. Judie,
    "Darwinfish2: Wetting pants in Arizona since 2010."

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dude,

    I have so much JZZ on my iPod.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Too funny! I also have a 2-toilet photo from our local bowling alley. I have no idea what they were thinking when they did that.

    ReplyDelete
  25. The Guy,
    Dude! It’s The Guy! Mrs. Bachelor Girl’s “The Guy!” Welcome aboard, my friend, and thanks for busting the Comment barrier.

    While I have a great deal of JZZ on my CD rack, I put very little on my MP3 player. Just a difference in usage… when I’m out and about, I want more upbeat, lively stuff. (Translation: AC/DC.) I like jazz for quiet evenings, dinner music, cuddling music, and well, you see where I’m going with that.

    One day I’m going to have to do a post about discovering jazz… Or in other words discovering that I liked music I never knew I liked. All I had to do was hear some. (Thank you, Grover Washington.)

    Gina,
    Management obviously over-rates the communal bathroom-going experience. If I was the designer, I’d have a series of completely independent little rooms; one for each user. Oh, and a giant exhaust fan over each one, which has the added benefit of being so loud it kills any ambient, uh, noises.

    ReplyDelete

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