Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Bahrain Cramps

This weekend I got a couple of Facebook messages from an old high school friend who is overseas, and they proved to be rather alarming.  It seems my site is banned in Bahrain.
If you’re not up on your geography, Bahrain is a small island just to the east of Saudi Arabia and north of Qatar (home of the hit Arab video game, Qatar Hero).

I had no idea.  I wonder if there was some sort of decree involved, or maybe a Fatwah.

According to my country counter, I have had one hit from Bahrain before.  Maybe that was all it took.  Now it’s like a Movie of the Week… “Bacon in the Sand: Banned in Bahrain.”

I’d love to know how this came to be.  I know my site is banned by my company, but that’s just because they think it’s porn.  And to a financial company, my liberal views ARE practically porn.  But what’s the objection from a Muslim country? 

While I may blaspheme broadly, I don’t hold Islam in any lower regard than I do any other organized religion.  It’s all the same, from my point of view.  So what’s left?  My glorification of bacon?  They don’t like game jersey mojo?  Oh wow… maybe they’re all Ravens fans!  I don’t know if I could stand their version of Purple Bahrain.”

(Obviously, I spent all day Sunday coming up with plays on their name.  What can I say… I just Blame it on Bahrain.”  After all, my game was called on account of Bahrain.)

Regardless, I wear my banishment as a badge of honor.  But do you think it has ever happened before?  “I wanna know, Have you Ever Seen Bahrain, comin’ down on a funny page?”  Someone should do something about this.  “But I wonder, yes I wonder, Who’ll Stop Bahrain?”  Without D-fish2, there will be no more “Laughter in Bahrain.”

Maybe they don’t like my support of same sex marriage.  Apparently they’ve never heard, It’s Bahraining Men… hallelujiah.”

I’m sure you’re hoping that I don’t go on too long on this theme, but the next thing you know, Here Comes Bahrain Again…”

Good thing this didn’t happen over Thanksgiving; otherwise I’d out standing in “that cold November Bahrain.”

Lastly, I heard that Bahrain was supposed to play a soccer match in Barcelona, but were so upset at the scantily clad senoritas, then never left their jet.  Which means, Bahrain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane.

Sorry, you can call that a Bahrain fart.  Or a Bahrain seizure, which inevitably leads to Bahrain damage. 

So, I’m sorry, Bahrainiacs.  If you ban me, I ban you. 

Bahrain, Bahrain, go away,” come again when you can unclench those robes. 


Mary Ann said...

"Sing'in in Bahrain/jus sing'in in Barain/Whatta wonderful feeling... ."
This post makes me wanna sing!

bluzdude said...

This is yet another example of the apple not falling far from the parental tree.

Judie said...

You have totally and completely outdone yourself with this post. My favorite part is about the soccer match. That is just wicked funny, Bluz. I know your sainted mother, Mary Ann, is so proud of you that it makes her want to burst into song! By God, she did!!!! Brava, Mary Ann!!!

Mary Ann said...

"And what have they done to Bahrain...". Now that the BluzDude has been banned in Bahrain, there's no stopping him! Soon it will be "Bahraining violets"!!!
Yes, thank you, Judie, Mother is so proud, "Bahrain drops keep falling on my head."

dad said...

Bluz, this is great, but not Bahrain Surgery. Dad

bluzdude said...

This post reminds me of a quote… “The pun is the lowest form of humor… unless you thought of it yourself.” ~Doug Larson~

I’m just wired for wordplay. It’s one of my favorite things.

bluzdude said...

I’m hopeful that in short order, I can be banned in Iran, Oman, Quatar and all the other repressive but funny-sounding countries.

bluzdude said...

Gah! I missed that one. And you’re right. You just have to be right-Bahrained.

Mary Ann said...

Please STOP us before we hurt ourselves.

Anonymous said...

It's weird what ends up getting blocked. My work blocks the Flying Chalupa as porn. Seriously? It's a Mommy Blog.

bluzdude said...

Someone there probably thinks the “Flying Chalupa” is a sex position or something. (And if it isn’t, it probably should be.)

BOWMAN said...

Punning on this level is a brutal, sadistic act. You should work at Guantanamo. Hang your head in shame.

bluzdude said...

Brutal and sadistic are the best kinds! (of puns)