Thursday, May 24, 2012

Bluz on Newz

Once again, it’s time for, “Hey bluz, what do you think about…”

…the news that the US hacked Al Qaida websites and replaced ads that touted the killing of Americans with messages describing the millions of Muslims killed by Al Qaida?  U-S-A! U-S-A!  We still lead the world in the production of cyber-geeks!  The only way this gets better is if they also found a way to spam-bomb them with porno penis pill ads.

…the new season of So You Think You Can Dance?  I’ve read reports that they are now going to have both male and female winners, but hang all that.  Tonight, I get to gaze for two hours at the stunning British lovliness that is host Cat Deely.  Also, I hear there’s some dancing.  The only down side is that they eliminated the second “results” show, so that’s one less hour a week of gazing at Cat.  But I’ll take what I can get.

…this season’s American Idol winner?  I totally don’t give a shit.  Gee, another clean-cut white guy with a guitar wins?  I’m shocked.  That’s what, six in a row?  The Idol voting public is nothing if not predictable.

…Van Halen postponing the back half of their summer tour, including Baltimore?  Shit!  Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!  Fuck!  And tits.

I was taking my 13-year old nephew to his first rock concert and had tickets in hand.  I’m not sure which of us was more excited.  Now, who knows when (or if) it will be rescheduled.  Last week, an “inside source” said the postponements were because the band wasn’t getting along and they hated each other.  Earlier this week, David Lee Roth said they were just exhausted from biting off more than they could chew on this tour.

I imagine that somewhere in between, lies the truth.  All I know is that they’re messing up a primo Uncle/Nephew event and I’m not at all happy about it.  It may take some real doing to get the boy out to the show on a school night. 

If this is about not getting their brown M&Ms picked out of the bowl, (as a long-ago tour contract rider once famously demanded), I’m going to have to go Running With the Devil upside down someone’s head.

Search for Reality
Since this doesn’t seem to be a great news day, (and I’m ignoring all political “news” right now), lets check out some recent Google searches that have brought people here.

“Hot Pittsburgh Moms” – Pittsburgh PA.  You may recall in the last post I did on searches, there were a number of them looking for “asses.”  There was “big ass woman,” “hot mom’s ass,” “smoking hot ass,” “Hermione’s ass”…   So now it’s “hot Pittsburgh moms?”  Seems the Google thinks this is some kind of Pittsburgh MILF dating site.  Best I can guess is that they got a look at the pictures from the first two Darwinfish Fry blogger meet-ups.  You only have yourselves to blame.

“Bananas go off” – Sydney Australia.  I didn’t even know they could explode.  But it does remind me of a song I used to know, “My Wife Left Town With a Banana (My baby’s slippin’ away…)”

“Asshole bullshit” – Honolulu HI.  I don’t know what one could be looking for, using a search that’s so broad.  But if anyone knows asshole bullshit, it’s this site right here.

“What is a tampon?” – Silver Lake KS.  Again with the tampon searches.  If someone doesn’t know what a tampon is, they are not going to get much help here.  (Nor even if they DO.)  What the hell is up with Kansas?  Maybe they better cut out all the Intelligent Design classes and restart basic Health and Hygiene. 

“Hello Kitty birthday tampon” – Kansas City, MO.  Again with Kansas (City).  The Hello Kitty part is disturbing enough but “birthday tampon?”  WTF?  Are you supposed to light the end on fire?  And who’s going to blow it out?  This is one way to put a bounce in one’s step.

“Grade 9 sluts” – Calgary, AB.  I wonder if they’re searching for a ranking system for sluts, or loose freshmen.  Either way, sheesh

“Diaper dominant mistress wants me a boy, to be a diaper baby” – Lakeland FL.  O. M. G.  (To Searcher): Dude, whoever you are… forget you ever saw my site.  In fact, I want you to go in and erase it from your browser history.  I’m skeeved out just knowing you were here.  And that’s just because of the incoherent sentence structure…

“Pinky XXX ass” – Tasmania Australia.  This guy’s banned.  Sorry, Taz, no one gets to go all XXX on Pinky’s ass but me. 


Facie said...

I was amused when I discovered that someone stumbled upon my blog via a search for "allegheny county assessment bullshit." Yeah, that is about right.

And speaking of Idol, I had to laugh when I read today's Yahoo headline of "Singer wins American Idol." Admittedly I don't watch AI, but I always thought singers were who made up the competition.


bluzdude said...

I think the longer you keep a blog, the more search hits you get in general and the more weird hits, in particular.

I don't watch Idol either, but Pinky put on the last half hour, after we finished watching Modern Family. Headline: People Watch TV.

I bemoan the state of copy-writing these days. I blame texting.

Anonymous said...

Oooh, I LOVE Cat Deely!! I think she is a totally underappreciated reality show host. While Seacrest and Probst get all the glory, she just quietly goes along, being all professional and caring and witty and . . . yes, bluz . . . stunning to look at. I just love her so much! And I love when I find another SYTYCDer. There are not many of us out there. I didn't hear about the changes they made, either. So, are they going to kick people off at the beginning of the next week's show? They seem to keep trying to change and perfect it every year. They are going to perfect themselves right off the air if they don't stop.

Jessica R. said...

Watched SYTYCD last night. I love Cat's reaction to the guy slamming the show.

Also, I watched Idol this season and knew what was going to happen all along too. Maybe it's time to just stop watching.

p.s. Hate that about your concert. Something similar has happened to me when an artist decided to cancel all their shows they sold tickets for and write a new album. If that's not a way to piss off your fan base, I don't know what is.

Cassie said...

Sorry to hear about your concert! You sounded so excited when you told me!!

Hot Mom's Pittsburgh? What? Sadly Pittsburgh isn't known for that.

bluzdude said...

Not only is Cat gorgeous, she’s compassionate, professional and so quick-witted. (Oh wait a minute… that’s exactly what you said. So there, I agree.) And I could listen to her talk to me all day. I love how protective she is, of her dancers. You can see that she really bonds with them.

Yes, SYTYCD is my preferred dance show. I love the variety of the dancers, some of whom have such unbelievable skills. Sometimes I just have to sit in awe at the things they can do. I especially like when a dancer has to go far out of his or her element, and nails it.

Pinky and I went to see the SYTYCD Tour down at First Mariner Arena two years ago and it was awesome.

As for the new structure, I believe they’re going to announce the vote-offs at the end of the episode, based on the previous week’s voting. If I heard right, it will be weird that people who are already known (by the producers) to be going home, will still be dancing. What if they give an unbelievable performance that day? Can they be saved?

We’ll see.

bluzdude said...

Oh yeah, she really shut the guy down, right? Who comes in and starts telling the judges how messed up things are, before even performing? What a douche.

I’m bugged by how unprofessional VH is being. I mean, come on, act like freakin’ grownups. Get your asses out there and play your songs for your adoring fans, who have shelled out big bucks to see you. You can rest while you’re waiting in line at the bank to deposit that huge check you’re making.

Sounds like Eddie Vee is teaching his kid how to be a prima donna.

bluzdude said...

You could have fooled me… You mean they’re not all spin-classing, marathoning, iron-butted bad-asses?

Anonymous said...

Cat Deely might--might --be enough of a reason for me to watch a dancing show. But to be honest I never watched one minute of DWTS--and they've had Stacy Keibler, Julianne Hough, and Brooke Burke just to name a few. I'm not a fan of those 'contest' shows at all--except maybe The Voice. My wife's really into that. Adam and Cee Lo are too cool. Christina Aguilera is a skanky hobag bitch though. I'd like the show a lot more if they canned her and brought in someone who doesn't hold grudges against fellow Mousketeers. WTF was that Tony Lucca BS? Give the guy a break already!

Anyway, sorry to hear about VH postponing. Always a tricky thing with the older rock bands I s'pose. Especially them and their history with Roth. Oy. Hopefully you'll have that uncle-nephew moment soon.

bluzdude said...

DWTS is good for babe-spotting, and the costumes are often smokin' hot. But it's still all ballroom dancing. I prefer the more contemporary styles of SYTYCD. The hip-hop and street dancers are unbelievable; I can't believe some of the things they can do. It defies the laws of gravity... AND anatomy... (and note, this is coming from a 50-yr old white dude.)

Yeah, I should have seen the postponement coming. I was foolish to think these clowns could keep their shit together over an entire tour, after all these years. But seeing VH was a bucket list item for me. After all my years in the record biz, that's one group I never got to see. But I'll have to wait, probably until next year. DLR said something about stretching this tour out over the next 2 years. (Gah! I just hope I don't lose the tickets.)

Judie said...

Sorry, but I just don't get the fascination with DWTS, or American Idol. My golfing buddies are forever talking about these shows, leaving me the odd gal out. Is it a secret dream of stardom that makes these shows so popular?

Your Hot Arizona Auntie (now THAT was a great search!!)

bluzdude said...

I think there's no question that everyone wants to be a star. That's why these "talent" show auditions are packed, regardless if the packers actually have any talent or not.

And the networks are only too happy to keep churning out one reality show after another, because they're so cheap to produce. No actors to pay, no screenwriters to pay... the participants get a small stipend, if anything at all... And they we all watch!

The thing that bothers me so much is the number of unqualified people that try out for these things. If they've ever watched "Idol" or SYTYCD, ever... then they should see the kind of talent it takes to win (or even compete.) That some of these talentless clowns thing they're even in the same league is laughable. My only conclusion has to be that they know they suck, they just want to be on TV, and will risk looking stupid to do it.

Judie said...

I am way too empathetic to watch some of these silly shows. I start to panic when some naive person who has no talent, or the sense to realize it, makes such a fool of her/him self. I can't even watch re-runs of I Love Lucy because I start to panic when she gets in trouble. I don't find it funny at all.

I thought that the people on those jungle reality shows actually DID make good money. The producers couldn't pay me ANY amount of money to do those useless shows.

bluzdude said...

Survivor (the "jungle" one) pays a million dollars so that's the most lucrative of the reality shows, but it's also really hard to win. I wouldn't even dream of going on Survivor. Now, if I were in my 20s, I would try to get on Big Brother. That one, I'd have a shot, I think. But now? It's a hardship to me if I have to sleep on a hard mattress.

red pen mama said...

Pittsburgh moms are the hottest bloggers. You know it.

I don't watch any reality/competition television. I watched The Apprentice one season, and Last Comic Standing. I liked that one. Jon Hefron (sic) was hilarious. I think I actually voted for him. That's a lot of commitment from me for a tv show.

bluzdude said...

I know it, and I know you know I know it. Pittsburgh is a haven for hot blogging mamas.

The original Apprentice used to be somewhat relevant. The Celebrity Apprentice is pretty much of a joke, with B-list celebrities competing to see who can kiss the most ass, just to be sent home via a completely arbitrary decision.

I have GOT to stop watching it…

Last Comic Standing was great while it lasted. But I thought it was unfair that they had professional comedians on the show, competing with people that hadn’t done anything but open mic nights.