My post from last weekend was taken from an email about how to sing and play the Blues. That reminded me that I once wrote my own Blues song, so I thought I’d share.
The thing is, I don’t know how to write songs. I have no musical ability at all. But the thing with the Blues is, you don’t need any. For the words, well, that last post told you all you need to know. For the music? It’s completely derivative. There are only a couple of different riffs and tempos. Just write about your pain, pick a tempo and go.
So, back in 2004, I was coming back from a very filling lunch. I don’t remember where we went, but I remember feeling absolutely packed. I complained to my cubicle neighbor, “Oh, man I got the full-belly blues…”
[Ding!] Inspiration struck. About ten minutes later, I had the following song. Muddy Waters, eat your heart out! (You know, if you weren't already dead.)
The Full Belly Blues, by Jackleg Cranberry Coolidge*
Da da N da dat… (traditional slow blues riff, like the one Thorogood lifted for Bad to the Bone)
Just came back from lunch… (Da da N da dat)
It was All You Can Eat… (Da da N da dat)
And I ate it ALL… (Da da N da dat)
Now I’m stuck in my seat…
Now I got da bluuuues…
The Fully Belly Blues…
I’m stuffed to the shooooes…
Wit ‘dem Full Belly Blues.
Now I don’t wanna think… (Da da N da dat)
I don’t wanna do crap… (Da da N da dat)
I don’t wanna do nothing… (Da da N da dat)
But go take a nap…
I got me da Bluuuues…
Them big ol’ Full Belly Blues…
I’ll be payin’ my dues…
Wit ‘dose Full Belly Blues
My pants are too tight (Da da N da dat)
And my shirt, it don’t fit (Da da N da dat)
And dat ain’t gonna change, (Da da N da dat)
Till I go take a… oooooooooooooh
I just got dem Bluuuuues…
Those Full Belly Blues…
Just wanna lay down and snoooooze…
With those belly packin’… (Pow!)
Lip smackin’… (Pow!)
Over snackin’… (Pow!)
Big Mac’in’… (Pow!)
Self control lackin’… (Pow!)
Pepto Bismal Fast Act’in… (Pow!)
[urp!] somebody get me a na’kin… (Pow! Pow!)
Gotta make a fast 5 o’clock getaway so I had to back-in… (Pow! Pow! Pow!)
Full… Belly… Bloooooooooze….
(Big flourish….) Now ‘scuse me, I don’t feel so good…
* In the comments of the last post, I claimed “Jackleg Cranberry Coolidge” as my official Bluesman name. And those "Pow"s are meant to be big single-chord strikes.