If the Olympics are teaching me anything, it’s that no one ever loses at a competition. If a person or team come up short, everyone has to claim conspiracy. It’s crazy! Sometimes it’s the fans, other times, it’s the participants.
Have our collective egos been so padded for so long, we can no longer comprehend losing? I thought that was an American thing, but we’ve apparently exported it all over the world. I mean, look at the headlines from this week’s Olympic competitions…
Russians are protesting over the disallowed goal in the US/Russia hockey game. Students are rallying outside a Moscow university, with a sign that says, “Turn the referee to soap.” This is a common chant at sporting events, implying the ref is fit only to have his bones and body fat boiled down for soap. Flyers fans should take note. That one stings a little more than “Crosby sucks.”
Canadian fans are charging that there was a judging conspiracy that favored the US ice dancing team, who won the gold medal last night over the Canadian pair. And even the Canadian skaters charged that their coach (who coaches both pairs) favors the Americans.
As a quick aside, I can’t help but stare at the female half of the US ice dancing pair, Meryl Davis. She’s totally adorable, but is it me, or are her eyes really far apart? I mean, it seems like she can stand behind a tree and still look right around it. Today Entertainment Weekly made this comparison:
If you ask me, Neytiri is totally hot too. But with her, when you try to get a piece of tail, you really get a piece of tail.
Now getting back to my main point, that no one takes the blame for losing any more…
The US speed skating team completely psyched themselves out over their new Under Armor skating suits, which they wore for the first time during these Olympics. (We can debate the wisdom of that move, later.) They got clobbered in their opening rounds, so they decided it was the suits’ fault. So they went back to the suits they wore when they dominated in their previous meet, and got clobbered again. This time, heavily favored skater Shani Davis said, “I feel like the damage of the suit was already done.”
Are you freaking kidding me? If only we’d known these guys were such fragile flowers, maybe Under Armor could have popped for a team of psychologists, rather than ultra-modern skating suits.
Norway says there’s a ski wax conspiracy, after their poor showing in cross country skiing. What I want to do is send Cassie up there to have a talk with her countrymen. I think they’ve forgotten their Viking heritage. If their prime ski wax supplier was holding out on them, then go plunder their warehouse and loot the office. Maybe they’ll screw the Swedes next time.
Even the sled sports are catching onto the blame game. The Canadian luge coach is charging that the Russians are changing the temperature on the track, to ensure the Russians medal the other teams get slowed down.
I don’t know when all this bullshit started, but it’s been going on far too long. I used to think it was mostly a Baltimore thing, after watching the Ratbird fans claim conspiracy over penalty calls, scheduling inconvenience, and even the power outage at last year’s Super Bowl… a game that their team freakin’ WON! They were lining up their excuses in advance!
So now we see that the Not Our Fault tactic has busted out worldwide. Every loss has to be pinned on some kind of nefarious outside force, because no matter how far-fetched, it’s easier than accepting that you (or your heroes) lost. People don’t want to accept that they can work hard and train hard and want it really, really badly, but still lose.
Why can’t people embrace that sometimes, the other team was better? They train hard too. It happens.
People, I know Mommy always said you were Number One. But didn’t she also ever tell you there would be days like this?
The whole thing makes me want to go Number Two.