Sunday, May 4, 2014

The Baltimore Day-Drinking Team

It’s been a pretty draining week, especially this weekend, so let me tell you all about it.  But first, let me answer the question I know is on your mind.  Yes, my buddy John and I did get my special “Watching TV from the Bathroom” mirror set up.

My new view from the can.

The mirror by the bathroom on the left, and the TV is on the right, in the foreground.

That’s American ingenuity, right there.  Multi-tasking is in our blood.

But speaking of ingenuity, perhaps one of you can help a brother out.  I took the flannel sheets off my bed yesterday and put new ones on.  Is there anyone who knows how to fold the bottom sheet, and not have it come out looking like a hot mess?

Top sheet and pillow cases?  No problem.  Bottom sheet? Giant lump of flannel.

The Orioles/Pirates Series
As I mentioned in the last post, I had tickets to see the Pirates come to town and play the Orioles, on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.  Both games were rained out, so they played a double-header on Thursday.

They made it a single-ticket double-header, so I only needed to use one of my four tickets.  I’ll get to exchange the other three for future games, so I’ll make out pretty well.

The games were scheduled for 4:05 and 7:30, so I felt I should take a half day off to attend.  It was funny, because I walked with two of my office mates, as I was leaving and they were going to lunch.  One of them, an older African-American lady said, “What time is the game, 1:00?

I said, “No, 4:05.”

She looked at me incredulously, over the top of her glasses… “So why you leaving now?”

Well, I have things to do, and it could be a mess at the box office, with everyone having to exchange their tickets.”

That was mostly true, although my worries proved to be unfounded.  The main reason I left so early is that I was meeting Sitcom Kelly and her Sitcom sister for a bit of day-drinking down at The Bullpen.  We got there just as they were opening.

The Sitcoms belly up, while our man Doug readies the bar.  We had the place to ourselves for about a half hour.

As we sat there, deep in discussion about Sitcom Kelly’s life, I came to a conclusion so profound, I had to tweet it immediately.

Our original seats were under the upper deck, but with a relatively clear forecast (20% chance of rain until 6:00, then 10% afterwards), we decided to try to move up.  We ended up in the 6th row, halfway between 3rd base and the left field wall.

Our view from section 64.

I wore my black Andrew McCutchen jersey, while the Sitcom Sisters went with Orioles t-shirts.  As with all games where Pittsburgh is visiting, there were a significant amount of ‘Burgh fans in attendance.

Because it was a t-shirt give-away day, I kept getting asked what I was going to do with mine.  One guy asked if I was going to wash my car with it.  I just said, “Hell no, I’m wearing it!

I told everyone that day, “I love the O’s, and I’ll root for them over any team except the one from my home town.

Cutch, being awesome.

The Pirates really need to work on making some new stars.  Out of all the jerseys on display in the crowd, they were almost all for McCutchen and Roberto Clemente.  Maybe it’s different, back in Pittsburgh.

About midway through the first game, the skies opened and generated a 20-minute rain delay.

20%, my ass.

But eventually, the sun returned to shine on the B&O Warehouse, and the game resumed.

 By the end of the first game, I was already starting to feel tired.  I’d only had one beer during the game, so it was probably due to the seven I had beforehand.  It also didn’t help that I woke up at 4:30 that morning, and couldn’t fall back to sleep.

In between games, it started to rain again, hard.  This delayed the second game by about an hour.

This is what 10% chance of rain looks like, in Baltimore.  No wonder the streets are collapsing.

We ended up moving around a lot, during the course of the game.  Mostly, we retreated back to seats under the deck, where we were supposed to be in the first place.  I don’t think we watched more than 3 innings from any one place.

When they finally started up, there was one moment of uplift, as 3rd base phenom Manny Machado came out to play his first game after hurting his knee late last season.

“Man-ny Man-ny”

I’m sure I confused people by standing and clapping vigorously for Manny, wearing my Pirates jersey.

He seemed none the worse for wear, and was up to his old tricks in no time. (Even during warm-ups.)

The second game seemed to drag.  In fact the Orioles pitcher threw over 50 pitches in the first inning alone.  So by 10:00, even though it was only the 3rd inning, I’d had it.  The Buccos were up 4-0, so I took that as a sign that I was free to go.

I figured I’d watch the end of the game from bed, on my new TV.  (I didn’t have the mirror up yet, or else I could have watched from the Throne.)  The O’s climbed back into the game and tied it up 5-5.  But at that point, I was almost comatose, so I cut the TV and went to sleep.  Turns out, the game went to extra innings and didn’t finish until 12:45 AM.  Good call to bail on the game, I think.  (O’s won, 6-5, for the sweep.)

I was going to write about the March of Dimes walk I did on Saturday, but as usual, this post went on longer than I expected. Stay tuned for more Bluz Adventures in the Wilds of Downtown Baltimore.

Special thanks to my brother-in-law, who sent me this over the weekend.  It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all year.  Click the pic, to embiggen.


  1. Cutch, drinking and cats are all awesome Don't know Manny but he seems cool.
    The bottom contour sheet will always be a hot mess. Wad it up and stick it in the closet..

  2. Just came across this youtube video link that I have not watched. I'm with your mom on this one. Who cares about folding them in a neat pile. I generally try to fold them and put all four corners together and then fold over the edges where the elastic meet. But I really don't care all that much about it.

    1. That's what it tried to do there, with the corners. It just didn't work very well.

      And Giant Lump of Flannel would be a good name for a Canadian grunge band.

  3. "GIANT LUMP OF FLANNEL" in lights. Just imagine the costumes, tshirts hats, cocktail napkins, all manner of groupie wearables AND the lead singer could wear cute little flannel bib shorts like Angus
    Their first hit could be 'What's Up, HOSER'. Or 'EH' Everybody would know all the words right away. .

    1. We could do a cover of TNT, only instead of opening with “Oi! Oi! Oi!...” we could go “Eh! Eh! Eh!...”

  4. The watching tv from the bathroom mirror just blew my mind!!



    1. No longer will I have to miss any action while I’m dropping the kids off at the pool.

  5. Just fold yr sheets and shut up.

  6. This:

    Problem solved!

    And that map is hysterical!! I was reading it outloud to the hubs and explaining which areas were being described. It was great. Thanks for forwarding it.

    1. Thank you, Counselor.

      I nearly wet myself over that map. But it’s definitely funniest to those of us here in town. Or in your case, who work in town.

  7. That TV/bathroom setup is every bachelor's dream. Your sheet folding issues sound familiar, I can fold a short-sleeve shirt like a boss but long sleeves give me fits for some reason.

    Bummer that your doubleheader was kind of a washout. 10% chance of rain. Yeah, I've heard that one before. Friggin weathermen. Cutch is awesome though. I call him Andrew McClutch-en. Have you seen his SportsCenter commercial?

    Awesome map of Baltimore, btw. I'm drawn to the "scary mall (but has Target)"

    1. I can do long sleeve shirts. Maybe I'll do an instructional video, for a quick blog post. You also ought to see me fold underwear. That was one skill I learned from the ex wife... Ninja-level underwear folding skills.

      Love the Cutch commercial... "Plunder the lox."

  8. Drinking talk goes better with dogs.

    1. Definitely. Dogs can be trained to go get you a beer. Cats just wait for you to pass out so they can try to eat you.


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