Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Search for Reality

It never fails to amuse me how some people end up on this blog.  That’s one of the things I LOVE about the hit counter services.  (I use StatCounter, and love it!) 

My Stats site will not only give me the location and IP address of anyone that lands here, but also the search criteria they used, if any.  Some of those really leave me scratching my head.

As you may have noticed, I use a lot of Monty Python references.  One of my favorites is “I wave my private parts at your aunties…”  That’s usually used in conjunction with this French Taunter picture, from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Do you know what that brings me?  People searching for “Indian Aunties”, usually people from India or the Middle East.  Maybe I’m missing something here… is there some kind of niche porn involving Indian Aunties?  Or maybe it’s just the hope that someone is waving private parts at them.  I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ve had to disappoint some people that landed here looking for Indian Aunties.

I’ve also gotten a few search hits from people looking for bra pictures.  I did a post in my very early blogging days that used a bra-related picture I took.  Today, I got one from Japan, searching for “Found bra on.”  I’m not sure how that’s punctuated so I don’t know if someone was looking for a picture of stuff they found a bra on, or they found a bra somewhere… who knows?

Picture raiders are a whole different category.  That’s what I call the people that just show up as they’re searching Google Images looking for pictures to use for their own purposes.  On one hand, it bugs me because they’re like empty calories… false hits that increase your hit counts, but you know they’re not really there to read your material.  On the other hand, I do the exact same thing when I need a shot to illustrate a point.  So I have to cut some slack.

What I do like is when it’s one of my own pictures that gets the hits.  A week or so ago, I had 3 different people all Google search “Rainbow Cake” and land here for a shot I took of my birthday cake last October.
This is Rainbow Cake.  It was very good.

The funny part (to me) is that the searches came from Virginia Beach, the Netherlands, and the UK.  All occurred within 40 minutes.  It was as if there was this worldwide vibe of “Aaahgh!  I need Rainbow Cake!!  Right now!!”  Maybe it was for some massive Gay Pride demonstration…  Either way, I’m glad I could help.

In March I was running my musical memoirs over 10 or so posts, which were chocked full of rock star shots.  Know which one is getting all the attention?  Not Albert Collins, not Roy Buchanan, not Garth Brooks, not Jeff Healey, not Melissa Etheridge, not Meat Loaf… I’m getting a couple search hits a day for Alannah Myles, the Canadian beauty that sang “Black Velvet” back in the 80s.  I can’t say I blame the searchers… she’s really hot and I was belly up to the stage, taking pictures.  Plus, I’m not in any of them.  

I just wonder what’s up with her all of a sudden.  Why the interest?  I tried Googling her myself and didn’t find any recent news that would explain the increased buzz.  I guess you just never underestimate the drawing power of hot chicks with glowing boobs.  Her chest looks like ET's finger.
Alannah Myles, finger-guns drawn.

I suppose I should mention hot guys as well.  I still get a bunch of hits from people (probably women) searching for Penguins defenseman Kris Letang.  You may recall that he is the object of Sitcom Kelly’s desire and if he is not careful, he may end up in her Silence of the Lambs pit she’s digging in her basement.
“It puts the skates upon it’s feet, or else it doesn’t get a treat.”

I’m still getting frequent hits on the post I did about the 24 Drinking Game, which I think is weird, since it’s not on TV any more.  Maybe they’re still running it in England, since that’s where most of the searches come from.  And any time someone searches for dirt on Lawrence or Darlene Bishop, proprietors of the Great Flaming Jesus, odds are they end up here for a short spell.  And the joke is, I don’t have any dirt on those two charlatans.  All I was doing was figuratively dancing around the smoking remains of their gargantuan former statue.

But hey, a hit is a hit, eh?  I can’t complain.  Every day, I wake up amazed that anyone shows up here at all, to read whatever it is I have to say.

So to the picture raiders, Indian Auntie pervs, Japanese bra mavens, English alcoholics, male and female hound-dogs, and those of you that actually do more than look at the pictures, I say thank you.  You make this worth doing.

Deep bow.


Miley said...

If Kelly gets Letang in her basement, I demand directions.

And thanks for the link to statcounter b/c I have been poking around trying to find it. I'm very curious as to why people from other countries (non-english speaking ones) would be reading my blog but ya never know! Maybe they are looking for indian aunties?

bluzdude said...

I don't know about yours, but almost all my foreign traffic comes via picture searches... and I run a butt-load of pictures. That's probably why I have so many more countries on my flag tracker, even though you had yours first. (Whoooo!)

But seriously, I highly recommend StatCounter. They give you a TON of information, for free.

klahanie said...

Hey bluzdude,
Canadian dude here hanging out in the U.K. I actually found out about your blog via our mutual blogging friend 'AskCherlock'.
I check out your excellent blog every so often. I just want to thank Sidney Crosby, captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins, for scoring the winning goal in the gold medal game at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.
Vancouver, is my other home. There you go, a 'hit' from England by a Canadian living in some place named Leek, which may show up as Manchester, England. I check out my own hits and apparently I live 61 miles from myself.
Take care, Gary.

bluzdude said...

Hey Gary,
I was really conflicted about that game. My country vs the best player on my favorite team. I was nonetheless happy with the outcome. My team played well, and Sid became a hero.

According to the Statcounter, your hit was from "London." Certainly not as glitzy as "Leek"... I think the counter goes by where the ISP server is. I know when I click in from work, here in Baltimore, the hit comes from somewhere in New York.

Lastly, let's hear if for the Cherlocks!

Judie said...

Oh, Cowboy! Oh! I want people to read my blog like they read yours!

Yeah, o.k.,forget that shit! I'm just glad you read mine.

IKNAB said...

I've been meaning to do a similar post for some time.
My Alannah Myles, according to StatCounter, is Brandi Chastain (seems the searchers using Bing must be real soccer fans). No glowing boobs, but what a nice sport bra!

klahanie said...

Hey bluzdude,
I kinda reckoned the whole ice hockey thing might have been a bit of a dilemma with the Penguins' fans. Glad to see that Sidney is considered a hero. Although, I wish he played for the Vancouver Canucks. Well, I can dream.
It does go by the ISP server. Today, I apparently live in Birmingham and I don't mean the one in Alabama:-)
The Cherlocks rock!

bluzdude said...

Your blog is quality stuff! I'm glad to drop by!

Big ups to Miss Chastain. She may not have glowing boobs, but they're gold medal boobs.

bluzdude said...

the even tougher part is that we also had a guy on the USA team, Brooks Orpik. Pens fans had a decision to make. Like I said, I was happy with the outcome.

Miley said...

well, now that I have pics of my butt, maybe I'll get more traffic LOL
Although, apparently "big booty girl getting laid" brought someone to me already...

sherry stanfa-stanley said...

Where can I get a cake like that?!?

I'm an October baby too--the 25th. When's yours?

bluzdude said...

There you go... just type that phrase in every so often and you'll see more traffic than Time Square.

bluzdude said...

I don't know where they got it... it was what they got for me at work. (So it's obviously a place in Baltimore.) It was good... each layer had its own distinct taste... it's not like it was just vanilla cake, dyed.

B-day is October 1st... a proud, well-balanced Libra.

CrackerLilo said...

I wonder what brings people to my blog sometimes. I don't even look. That's hilarious, some of the things that draw people to yours!

If the wife didn't object, I'd come up with a setup like Sitcom Kelly's for Bill Guerin, just to keep him from getting any more ideas about working out with the Flyers. While we're talking hockey, that was the first and hopefully last time I cussed and teared up over a really clutch Crosby goal.

Jessica R said...

First of all, awesome Japan photo. So true!

Second, I should have known you were a fellow October baby. You are such a a Libra and that is one awesome cake!

AND I just saw in the comments that your birthday is October 1st. Wonder of wonders, we actually SHARE a birthday. :) Awesome!

Anonymous said...

That's some hilarious stuff. You also share a b-day with my sis, Sharee.

Love the Japan pic - so funny. Good stuff - keep it comin'!

bluzdude said...

Sorry it's taken me so long, today, to answer your comments. I was out watching the Orioles lose one to the Red Sox, but that was OK because I got to hang out with Still a Dog! Owwooooooo!

All those search hits provide amusing fodder, but I much prefer when people read something I wrote, then make it their business to come back and participate. They should separate those into a different category of hits… like VIP hits. Collect so many VIP hits and you get a free bowl of soup.

Jessica R,
Holy Crap! Same birthday??? That’s too cool!

Pretty sure the year is different though… lol…

Thanks Cristy.
FYI, the “Japan” picture was just pulled from an email that went around, and had a slew of those “De-motivator” sayings on them.

Lucky for me, pissy American light beer is fine with me. But for the sake of people that know and appreciate their beer, they should have had some microbrew and local options.

And yes, I do figure that I got off OK with the loss… $50 for an afternoon’s entertainment is not unreasonable. It’s just more reasonable when you win a few that pay off.

Bachelor Girl said...

I wrote about a boob koozie, like, TWO YEARS AGO (see here:, and that's been in my top five search terms ever since.

Hey, at least people know what they want.

bluzdude said...

Bachelor Girl,
That does it. Now whenever I think of boob koozies, I'll think of you.

DCG said...

"It puts the skates upon it's feet, or else it doesn't get a treat." HILARIOUS! Great insights into the weird world of blogging. Who would ever think of such crazy connections?

bluzdude said...

DCG, (Who I'm assuming is Mr. DG)
It's all the magic of The Google!

For more on Sitcom Kelly and The Pit, please see:
this post