Saturday, October 16, 2010

A Karma Malfunction

It’s been a rough week and a half at work, not so much for me but for a number of my friends.

Last week, it was learned that my old department’s work was being sold to another company.  The department would transition for the rest of this year and be disbanded in February.  It wasn’t a total surprise… people knew something was going to happen eventually.

I’d seen sufficient writing on the wall 4 years ago and made a move to get into another department and hoo-boy, am I ever glad I did.  Having been through a couple of rounds of layoffs already, it’s kind of a sore spot with me.  Both times, it completely fucked up my life.  And now, it’s harder than ever to find a job.

So yesterday, my friend Jenn appeared in my cube, for a talk.  You remember Jenn… she works in my old department and was one of the featured players in this post about office pranks.  She’s the one whose red binders my buddy replaced with ugly black ones, just to shake up her orderly/OCD tendencies.
This is Jenn.  Just look at how her supplies are all lined up on her stack tray on the left.

And don’t feel bad about us pranking her.  Before the job fell to Cassie, it was Jenn’s job to always remind me how painfully old I am becoming.  Of course now, I have an angle with which to fight back, because Jenn’s boyfriend (aka the BoyToy) is significantly younger than her.  That’s more than enough for me to work with.

Anyway, given what was going on, we needed more of a talk than would be realistic in a cube, so we decided to go to lunch.  We decided on her favorite downtown eatery, the Hooters at the Inner Harbor.  (Guys, is this a cool chick to hang with or what?)

It turns out that 5 days before the department elimination was announced, her house got broken into, ransacked and robbed.

She was on her way home from work and talking to the BoyToy on the phone as he was getting home himself.  He spotted some closet doors open, clothes and stuff on the floor, and was all, “Geez, were you in some kind of hurry going to work today?

She didn’t know what he was talking about.  Obviously, given her orderliness obsession, no clothes were ever left out, nor were doors left ajar, nor was anything ever left out of place.  He went on describing the disorder in the house, thinking Jenn had some kind of fit before leaving that morning. 

Jenn was becoming more and more agitated, knowing that she’d left everything all buttoned up, as per usual.  Then the BoyToy got to the back door, which was smashed in.

(Note: holy shit, this is weird… the Warren Zevon song “Disorder in the House” just came on my PC music shuffle, right after typing that phrase 2 paragraphs ago.  Whoa…)

Jenn was eventually able to fight through the bumper-to-bumper traffic and screech into the driveway, and survey the damage for herself.

They took so much stuff… Every drawer had been emptied.  They’d even gone through her files.  They took her PC and laptop, (with a life’s worth of pictures on them), their Sony Playstation and games, all her jewelry.  They went through all her clothes!  They took the BoyToy’s authentic Ravens jerseys.  They stole 2 half-full bottles of vodka.  The TVs weren’t taken but they figure it was only because they didn’t fit into the bags they used to carry the shit out.  They also somehow missed a stack of cash that was sitting out on the microwave.

Never one to miss out on making a scene, she told me she ran out of the house to where the BoyToy was talking with the neighbors, collapsed onto her knees and began wailing into her hands.  Gotta give her style points on that.

When the police finally showed up, they were asking her what was done in the house.  She was like, “Look around.  Anything that’s on the floor, they did.  This place was immaculate when I left this morning.”

Sometimes having OCD tendencies pays off.  Jenn was able to provide the police with 8 pages worth of items she knew to be missing.  They were amazed that not only did she provide such a detailed list, but that the list omitted any mention of cash.  They said everyone says they lost cash.

But that’s not Jenn.  She would never do anything like that; her guilt would not allow her to do such a thing.  And she also said that she feared the Karma of lying about something like that.

The Karma here is the rub.  While we ate, she agonized over why such a thing happened to her.  She didn’t live in a crime-riddled area.  The cops said they rarely saw such a thing in her neighborhood.  Was it someone they knew?  An unforeseen guest that had been there for a party? 

Why her?  What had she done in the past that she was being punished for?  Was it stealing that roll of nickels from a friend in grade school?  Or walking off with someone else’s clothes at school?

Naturally, I said it was because she was a Ravens fan.

Nah, just kidding… I did say that whatever she’d done as a kid, she’d more than paid for with the 20-odd car accidents she’d had.  For this, I don’t have any answers.  Sometimes shit just happens.  Bad shit happens to good people.  What can you do?  Life isn’t fair sometimes.

It kills me so see such things happen to a dear friend.  I mean, look at her picture above.  Hurting Jenn is like stomping on kittens.  It’s mean, it’s cruel and it’s just not right.

Whoever had robbed the place knew what they were doing.  They wiped down everything they touched and probably wore gloves as well.  There were no fingerprints left anywhere.  There was, however, a ton of synthetic fingerprint dust all over everything, and the problem there is that when you try to get it out of all the clothes you’re washing, it doesn’t come out.  It just stains the washing machine and comes off on everything else you wash.

It’s enough to bring your average OCD chick to her knees all over again.

All I can say now is that whatever Karmic debt she had, it’s paid in full.  Or more likely, it’s a sign that things are going to soon get better, to balance out this obscenity.

No one’s luck can stay that bad, can it?

My advice is to never again wear whatever she wore that morning.  It’s obviously bad mojo. 

Instead, I recommend a nice Steelers jersey.  It’s on me!

20 comments:

  1. Thank god you didn't say she got laid off. I would have been crying my eyes out for her.

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  2. Dazee,
    Not to upset you n'at but yeah, she's part of the department that is being eliminated. That's what's so messed up about the whole situation. It's like the world is piling on.

    However there are 2 things in her favor:
    1) She's insured for a lot of the losses, so there is some compensation there. Not that it can replace the one of a kind things like pictures or jewelry, though. And there's a lot of hassle involved with setting up your life all over again.

    2) She's very smart, talented and driven. Someone will snap her up quickly; I hope another department w/in the company.

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  3. That's a damn shame. Shit like this just pisses me off so bad. I mean, for real. What's wrong with people!?

    In this economy, however, it doesn't surprise me that she got broken into, especially when you wrote that the cops said it's an odd location when it's so 'safe.' Well, of course, safe and money typically go hand in hand. I'm sure they were excited with what the got away with.

    But don't you worry, those people are the horse's ass and will *hopefully* get what they deserve.

    I'd spit on them if I knew who it was. For reals.

    By the way, now is when I'd call you old, but that's bad karma.

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  4. I won't be happy until those bastards are getting ass-fucked in prison and Jenn has her grandmother's rings back.

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  5. I just HATE it how life is like that, it sends you endless bullcrap one hit after another (but at least it's sweet smooth sailing for a good number of years after). Tell her your blog community sends her good wishes and positive vibes (unless she doesn't know you blog, if that's the case just tell her she's on her own!) ツ

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  6. Poor Jenn....I know the agony she's going through. My sister and her husband were moving into their new home about a month ago and it wasn't quite ready for them to stay the night there. Well one night my sister was working late in the house painting and she felt uneasy, like she was being watched, so she wrapped up her work and headed back to where she was staying. The next morning they went back to the house only to discover they were robbed. The total is up to $12k now. They just had brand new appliances delivered a couple days before that...gone... the robbers actually hauled the brand new washer/dryer from the basement. A 50" & 42" TV, gone. My brother-in-law just bought a couple thousand dollars worth of tools, gone. The list goes on, but my sisters tears were for her video camera that she had 4 years worth of video of her 2 girls on that was never backed up (no sense in lecturing her about that now). So, not only did they move into an empty house, but my two little nieces 6 & 9 are scared shitless to be in a room by themselves. At this point my sister is grateful for her king size bed. But new homes are suppose to bring new memories, not exactly the new memory I would want to have. So, I hope karma finds these cock-sucking, asshole licking, motherfucking, memory stealing, lazy jerkoffs who can't be bothered getting a real job...thieves and show them what it's like to be robbed of not only your personal belongings that you worked your butt off to get, but your sense of security!! Pardon the potty mouth.

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  7. Sassy,
    Not to worry, Potty-mouth is spoken here.

    Thank you for reminding me of I point I meant to include in the post:

    Get photographic evidence of your belongings! Digital cams and video make it easy! Be sure to get the backs of electronics, that include the serial numbers. Shoot your CDs, DVDs, books, jewelry, appliances, family china or heirlooms... whatever! Then load the shots, along with all your digital photography and videos, onto a thumb drive that you can keep somewhere besides your house.

    Jenn has a freakish, photographic memory... most people don't.

    I know I backed up my photos once, but since I maxed out the thumb drive I have, I haven't added the new material. And I've been meaning to do the "apartment shoot"... this might just get me off my ass to do it.

    Sorry about your sister and her family. I didn't know they had thieves in Canada.

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  8. Miss Nikki,
    First, she knows of my blog. In fact, I got her permission to write about it when we spoke. I'll send her the link on Monday, because, well, she doesn't have a home computer any more now, does she?

    Jenn is a dear friend, like a baby sister to me. It kills me that something like this happened to her. She never hurt anyone.

    Lastly, what the hell are you doing in Glen Ellyn? I used to live there, ages ago, and so did my buddy the Carpetbagger. Glen Ellyn represent!

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  9. You are such a good friend and Jenn needed that on such a wretched day. My feeling is that this sort of thing will happen more and more often as people are desperate and needy, not to mention just plain bad. I convinced Rich several years ago that we needed an alarm system. He asked why because we live in a good an safe neighborhood. Well, I said, where do you think desperate people will go when they want stuff? To the ghetto? We got the alarm system. It was a nominal price to pay for my peace of mind.

    Sure hope Jenn feels better soon...

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  10. Hey, what's going on with your header trophies? Are they covered in chocolate? Or are they half-fig now?

    Jenn looks like suuuuuch a nice girl, and man, that sucks for her. The stealing of the vodka especially pisses me off. Like, okay, so you think you have it so bad that you need to steal people's stuff and sell it just to eat? Yeah, I agree that our capitalist piggy ways have helped you get there. But when you're just trying to get drunk, you're officially a douche.

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  11. Cher,
    Jenn said that hers was one of the few in the neighborhood that didn't have at least a fake alarm sign. That will probably change shortly.

    Mundane,
    Are you kidding me? You don't recognize a bowl full of bacon when you see it?? I'm so disappointed. But I at least have to give you props for noticing and commenting about it. You're the first. But I thought it was a waste that those cups were empty and I figured, what better thing to fill them with than bacon?

    The funny thing about stealing the half-bottles of vodka is that there were unopened bottles of vodka there too, and they were left behind. Truly a WTF moment.

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  12. Poor Jen, I just couldn't imagine someone violating me like that and taking all my stuff. What is wrong with people today?

    I know life isn't fair, but that just seems above and beyond.

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  13. Oh my gosh, that's horrible. And I'm sure the feeling of being violated is the absolute worst, especially for someone so organized.

    I hope they catch those bastards and good karma comes flowing her way a million times over.

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  14. That was great! Never thought I could read that story and laugh about it too. :o) Everyone's comments are hilarious! With all of the bad karma wished upon the morons that broke into our house by you and the fellow bloggers, these guys are in for it. ;o)

    Thanks bluz!

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  15. Raven,
    Just the thought of someone thinking they have the right to intrude into someone else’s life and take what they worked hard for, makes my blood boil.

    Jessica,
    I’m with you. And I’m sure Jenn appreciates the support.

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  16. Jenn,
    Never underestimate the power of the mojo that can be generated by a bunch of pissed off bloggers! I won't be surprised if a safe drops on their heads.

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  17. Poor Jenn! I'll definitely send good thoughts her way. And you know, she probably WOULD look awfully cute in a Steelers jersey...

    ...just saying.

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  18. Mrs Bachelor Girl,
    Sadly, the worst thing about Jenn is that she’s a loyal Maryland Girl through and through. She’ll never leave the Ratbirds, no matter how deluded, asinine or thuggish they behave. Believe me, I’ve tried to recruit her over to our side.

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  19. If Karma were to come after me, I'd be screwed and not in a good way.

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  20. Christy,
    From what I’ve read about your life, it looks to me like Karma owes you some even-up calls. Have you been doing secretly evil things and not telling us about it?

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