Just in case I don’t feel geeky enough on a regular basis, I
suppose I should tell the story of my prom night. I alluded to it in my post about being on my high school newspaper and writing a
gossip column called, “The Ear.”
I never went to the prom as a sophomore or junior, because I
was terrified. Even though I had a
girlfriend, a big dress-up event like prom was so intimidating to me. I had no idea what it entailed or what I was
supposed to do. When the girlfriend
first mentioned it, (as sophomores) I was like, “Sorry, no freakin’ way.”
Remember, I was incredibly naïve and completely without
“game.” Aside from being devoted, I was
terrible boyfriend. I eventually told
her I’d take her, if she really wanted to go.
This came so late in the year, it was probably too late. Anyway, she appreciated the gesture, but
said we could wait for the next year.
By the end of our junior year, I don’t think we were dating
any more. (I’d have to look it
up.) Regardless, we weren't in a good
place, so we didn't do prom then either.
At the end of my senior year, I wanted to go to prom but I
was still single and didn't have much in the way of “prospects,” so I didn't know what to do. I some solid friends
in Rik, John, Brill and Billy G, most of whom were going, and it sounded like a
good partying opportunity.
I seriously had no idea who to ask. I had a number of female friends I spoke
with during classes, but no one with whom I was particularly close. One day, as I was walking between classes
with one of them, the subject of prom came up and she said something like, “Who would take this old cow to prom.”
Oh man, what an opening!
I pounced and said, “Hey, why
don’t you go to prom with me?”
No dice. She
stammered something about being in a “complicated” situation and turned me
down.
It there was any consolation, my buddy Billy was in the same
boat as me. He’d only been at the
school for a year, so he didn't know that many people. I had the same problem, and I’d been there
for three.
So, we came up with a plan… we’d each ask one of the
sophomore girls that worked with us on the newspaper staff. My target was the girl who was my “Ear”
counterpart. We’d been working together
all year, she was cute, and I was getting desperate. It would be a big deal for a sophomore to go to the prom with a
senior right?
Of course, right.
She accepted, so Hot Damn, this boy was going to prom! Billy’s girl accepted too and Rik was
bringing his girlfriend from out of town, who was even younger than my date. I don’t remember if John was planning on going with his
girlfriend or not. I do know that it didn't matter, because at our senior picnic, John got tossed in the creek and
cracked his head on a big rock, sending him to the hospital. That put him out of commission for a
while. (The rock was fine.)
The biggest dilemma seemed to be what we were going to do after
prom. I had absolutely no idea, and
leaned on Rik to come up with something, since he was practically a lifer in
our town. All he knew about was some
vague notion about a party down by the river.
(Yeah, I know, that sounded shady as hell.)
All during the lead-up to the prom, my date kept asking
about the post-prom plans. I’m sure her
parents were concerned about what some sketchy senior had in mind for their
little girl.
I finally caught a break when a girl from my physics class,
(coincidentally, the same one that shot me down as a date), said I should come
to this other classmate’s party, in the ritzy section of our little town. I didn't know the host very well
(technically, I didn't know her at all), but this was the de facto after-prom
party for the National Honor Society and “upper-class” crowd, so I jumped at
the chance to have a tangible plan. My
date was most gratified to have something that “wasn't down-by-the-river”
related to tell to her parents.
Now, before you get too wrapped up in expectations here, let
me clarify something. While I liked the
girl I was taking, we had no romantic history, so I wasn't expecting to make
out with her or anything. In fact, it
was like an overly fancy first date. I wouldn't have minded if it led to
something, but I wasn't exactly in “hot pursuit.” We went out one other time after prom night, I think, as part of a
double date.
And Billy, he had no designs on his date at all. He just wanted someone to walk in the door
with. So it was no surprise that once
we all got there, Rik and Bill disappeared out to someone’s car, to get their
drink on. My date and Bill’s date were
part of the sophomore prom committee, so they spent the evening running around
and doing “prom stuff,” like circulating and collecting King and Queen ballots
and whatnot. I barely saw her all
night.
 |
| Our theme was “Fantasy Island.” I’m not sure any teenager fantasizes about sweating through his suit-jacket in a hotel ballroom. |
I basically spent the evening with Rik’s date. She didn't know anyone there, so we talked
most of the night. In fact, she was the
first girl I ever danced with, you know, in
public. She wanted to dance right
away, but I wasn't a dancer at all, so I said I’d slow-dance with her, if they
played a slow song.
Next thing you know, they played “Stairway to Heaven,” which
fit the bill, so we slow-danced to that.
It was nice. She was tall (as
well as cute), so we fit together well.
Anyway, I forgot about the part in “Stairway” when they speed it up at
the end, so I then had to fumble my way through my first fast dance in public,
as well.
Things loosened up after dinner. By then, I think everyone but me had been out to their car for a
few belts. All I really remember after
dinner was a bunch of us dancing and carrying on, and then Billy yelling for
everyone to do “The Worm,” whereupon he threw himself down on the ground and
began thrashing about. I think some
people thought he was having a seizure.
And it was even funnier because practically no one knew who the hell he
was. His date wished she didn't either.
After surviving the event, we eventually landed at the
after-party. Finally, I could get a
beer. Unfortunately, my date did as
well… in fact, she had many beers and
ended up drunk and yammering for one of my classmates.
“Where’s Shhteve? Heesh the only one that undershtandshh meeee.”
I don’t think he even knew who she was. Meanwhile, Bill’s date and I tried to keep
her out of trouble. I don’t know if Rik
was there or not. I think he grabbed
his date and took off for his house, for a little hot monkey love. I don’t remember Billy being at the party
either. He might have been banned after
his performance on the dance floor.
Bill’s date was staying at my date’s house for the night, so
I took the both of them home at the appointed hour. (They had to be home by 11:00, I think.) Bill’s date was very appreciative that I
looked out for them and got them home safely.
As she helped my date into the house, I went back to the party.
It was a good night for me, not so much because it was prom,
but it was a chance for my classmates to see me in a social setting, with a
beer in my hand. To tell the truth,
many of them were shocked. They’d never
seen me party before, probably because I was new to it, and hadn't partied with
anyone but my buddies. That summer, I
found myself at more parties, wondering why I never got out in the previous
years.
Prom night was also fortuitous because we didn't know Bill
very well either. But after his
“performance’ at the prom, (coming on the heels of his stunt at my first party,) we knew we needed to
hang out with that guy a lot more.
