Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Odd Bits - The Snorting Bacon Edition

A couple of news stories grabbed me last week.

Bacon: The WonderMeat!
Doctors at Detroit Medical Center treated a 4-year old girl’s life-threatening nasal hemorrhage by relying on the curative powers of bacon.  They used cured, salted pork as a kind of “nasal tampon” to stop the little girl’s nosebleed.

Just when I thought bacon couldn’t get any better, this new development is brought to light.  Apparently it used to be a common treatment for nosebleeds but modern medicine relegated it to the dustbin of history. 

The article doesn’t specifically say whether the bacon was cooked or raw, but I gotta figure it was raw.  Might be a little too crackly if it were cooked first.  But I bet the girl cold have really freaked out her friends.

Hey watch this!”  [Girl pulls giant shard of bacon from her nose and eats it.]

Eh, a little girl probably wouldn’t do that.  A little boy, on the other hand… I guarantee it.

I’m wondering if it helps bleeding ulcers too.  I’d be glad to volunteer for the research.

Excuse me… I think it’s still bleeding.  You better give me some more bacon…” They could just treat me at the breakfast buffet at Embassy Suites and save on the hospital bill.

Garbage In – Garbage Out
I just love this one.  According to Live Science, “People who give in to racism and prejudice may simply be dumb, according to a new study.”        It further finds that “low-intelligence adults tend to gravitate toward socially conservative ideologies.”

While the article takes great pains to say that these are all averaged findings and that obviously there are intelligent conservatives and dumb liberals, it certainly explains the demographics for Fox News.  Remember those studies that showed that Fox News viewers were less informed about world events than those that didn’t watch news at all.   They were also less likely to accept scientific positions. 

I can’t blame all of that on Fox though… the communities pushing un-scientific science classes aren’t helping either.

Driving Me Crazy
I’ve been saving this since September, but Allstate conducted a study and found that Baltimore and Washington DC ranked as the bottom two in a study to find the nation’s worst drivers.  (Baltimore was ranked 192; DC was 193.)

Among the findings, the study said that Baltimore drivers average 5 years between accidents, and they were 88.7% more likely to have an accident, compared to the national average.  I guess that makes me a pretty slick driver, with no accidents in the 14 years I’ve been here.

This study surprises me not at all.  I figured this out the very day I moved here in 1997.  Once I crossed the Delaware line into Maryland, the difference was palpable.  No signals, camping in the left lane, tailgating, refusing to let people merge… I was shocked.  I’d driven all over Ohio, Pennsylvania and New freakin’ York, and had NEVER seen so many incompetent drivers.  I had to ask people if they even HAD driver’s ed here.

Just this morning, on my 10-minute, 3-mile trip to the subway station, I saw 2 people roll right through stop signs, barely slowing down.  They’re also very good at pulling out right in front of you, then going 10 mph slower than you want to go.  On days that Pinky isn’t here, it’s a safe bet that the first spoken words out of my mouth will be profanity in the car.  (Usually it’s something along the lines of “Nice signal, fuckface!”) 

I just thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to go through any tunnels here.  I hear from my fellow Pittsburghers that tunnels have a paralyzing effect on the drivers there.  Here, I think it’s bridges.  All in all, it’s enough to make me install a retractable, hood-mounted water cannon.  It’ll be Road Warrior – Beyond Baltimoredome.

Anyway, it’s nice to receive independent validation.  Thanks Allstate!  (But don’t tell my State Farm agent I said that.)

Deer Me
Hey, we saw some deer this weekend, right out our patio window!  They were just walking across the street, like they owned the place.  Lucky they didn’t get drilled by a car.
"Hey, lets go over there!”

“Hey Mom, are we there yet?  Wait up!  We want a snack!  This looks good…”

“OK, you two eat that bush; I’ll check out the grownups buffet.”

Icy You
And the weekend before, we had an ice storm.  I took these out on the same patio.

And now Icy you later…


Dazee Dreamer said...

Icy you later. bwua-ha-ha. I'm glad to hear that someone has worse drivers than those in Utah. And your deer. Yikes, they will eat all your flowers. Yes we have them too.

bluzdude said...

Now I would have pegged all the Utah Mormons as being all polite, courteous and turn-signally.

Jessica R. said...

I wonder whose idea it was to bust out the bacon? I guarantee the doc had a thing for it like you do.

Also, it's been in the 70's here and I'm really happy we're not facing any ice storms.

bluzdude said...

Doctor probably Googled "Weird nosebleed cures."

We were in the 60's today. I'll take that every day for January.

Anonymous said...

Pittsburgh drivers are notoriously awful at signaling. The ultimate in being lazy. You can do it with one finger!!! Cars pull out of alleys and you are expected to know telepathically which way they are turning. I promptly show them another thing you can do with one finger!

Facie said...

Yes, the dreaded tunnel monster. The odd thing (to me, anyway) is that often during rush hour, people actually go from their 5 to 10 mph crawls on the parkway all the way up to about 25 or even 30 mph once they hit the tunnels. And I agree with Bagger; signals seem to be optional around here for far too many people. Bridges don't seem to faze us. :-)

Cool ice pics, by the way.

bluzdude said...

I think the thing with signaling is that since it primarily benefits others, the self-absorbed people around us don’t think enough about anyone else to use it.

It drives me absolutely ape-shit around here. Signal use is so erratic, I always have to assume that signal or not, I can’t assume anything. If I see a signal on; I don’t know that it hasn’t been on for the last mile. If I pull out in front of them, I’m as likely to get T-boned as not.

Other times I pull up behind someone at a two-lane intersection without a left turn light and see one car in each lane. You’d think that if the driver in the left lane doesn’t have his signal on, he’s going straight. Normally I would do this if for no other reason than to not block up the right lane, so that others may make a right on red. But I can’t tell you how many times I pull up behind the non-signaling driver in the left lane and as soon as the light turns green, they inch forward and THEN put on their signal while they wait for all the opposing traffic to pass. Meanwhile, I’m smashing my head on the steering wheel because if I’D have been selfish, I could have breezed through in the right lane.

bluzdude said...

We have a tunnel here, but it’s on the opposite side of town from me, so I rarely go through it. But there’s a giant bridge, the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, that goes from the mainland to the Eastern Shore (where Ocean City is) and it becomes a giant CF every morning and evening in the summer. (And it’s a toll bridge, to boot.) It’s the biggest reason why I’ve lived here for 14 years and have never been to Ocean City. Not worth the trouble to get there.

Facie said...

I have to admit, I am a little intimidated by that bridge. Much, much longer than any Burgh bridge, not to mention (though I will) that I can't help but picture my car plunging into the water.

bluzdude said...

You know, that has actually happened. A summer or two ago a big tractor-trailer bashed through the barriers and went over. Normal cars are pretty unlikely to do that though. But yeah, there are a lot of people out here that have bridge issues, due to that monster.

sherry stanfa-stanley said...

If only bacon could cure Fox News, then we'd all be happy.

Sadly, it takes me several beers to wash away that pain.

Judie said...

Fabulous post, Bluz!!! The fourth letter on my keyboar has stoppe working, so you'll have to use a little brain-power here. Reality shows contribute greatly to the umbing own of America, so it's not just Fox. They ARE oing their part, though. Who wants to watch the news an the ebates, when one can watch "La ie Hoggers?" or the Kar ashians???

As for bacon, it is in ee a won rous thing!!

The last item has way too many of the letter that I am missing, so I will close! Go see you photo on my post!!!


bluzdude said...

Your problem reminds me of an old Monty Python sketch were a guy said he couldn't pronounce the letter "c", so he used "b" instead. His friend asked if he might try to substitute the letter "k" instead. That worked. The guy said, "I'm such a silly bunt."

I saw your picture post earlier. I'll admit it... I'm adorable and can totally rock a fedora, even as a 4-year old.

bluzdude said...

Try stuffing the bacon in your ears when Fox "News" is on...

Judie said...

What??? And you didn't leave a comment??? DDDDDDamn you! See! I took my keyboard apart and fixed my D with a pair of tweezers and a butter knife.

Vicki/Jake said...

Over from Judie's K post and may just stay awhile to read more...you're a hoot!

bluzdude said...

Sorry… I was stunned and left speechless. I know… it doesn’t happen often…

bluzdude said...

Thanks for visiting! Make yourself at home. I’m glad you think I’m a hoot, mostly because hooters are some of my favorite things.

Cassie said...

I love these posts!

I hate driving through tunnels here. I mean, where's the sign that says, "Brake before entering?" I'm still wondering where they are.

Judie said...

I'm glad you mentioned "hooters" because I plan on opening a restaurant with the same idea as "Hooters." I will hire only gorgeous young men, and make them wear only butt thongs when they serve the female patrons(matrons???). I am calling it "Dick's."

bluzdude said...

Yes, while you were off creating bicycle seat calluses on your lady bits, I was here writing away like one of those thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years, hoping to create the works of Shakespeare.

Man, I gotta stop drinking and answering comments.

bluzdude said...

But Judie, that's been taken by the big sporting goods retailer. Perhaps you could call it "Salami's." Or "Jake's Trouser Snake." Or just "Hop'a Schlong Cassidy's."

Mrs. Bachelor Girl said...

I don't think it's that conservative people are inherently dumb (I, myself, am quite conservative on a number of issues), but dumb people are drawn to ideologies that are extremely rigid, because they leave little room for interpretation and remove the need to be responsible for one's own decisions. When there's a rule for everything and no shades of grey, life's pretty simple.

bluzdude said...

That’s basically what the survey concluded. Dimmer people are drawn to black/white conclusions, and have a diminished capacity to seek nuance, hence the popularity of Fox “News.”

Oh, and the “need to be responsible for one’s actions?” That’s another bugaboo I have. I hate that whole, “It’s in God’s hands, everything happens for a reason” bullshit. To me, that’s just a way to absolve ones’ self of responsibility for one’s own decisions and actions. I say, we make things happen in our lives.

Other times, things just happen, regardless of what we do, like with natural disasters. I don’t buy the Divine Hand theory, when everything hits the fan. Some things just don’t have a rhyme or reason. When a hurricane/tornado/flood/earthquake/lightning strike/wildfire happens, it’s not because we were bad and it’s not because God is trying to tell us something, no matter what Pat Robertson says. I call it the Shit Happens Theory of Existence. It goes like this:

1. Shit happens.
2. To nice people.
3. Deal with it.