Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Odd Bits - The Skippy Skeeve Edition

I don’t really have any fully formed thoughts today, so it’s time for another refreshing “Odd Bits” post.

I took yesterday off… I have a number of untaken vacation days left so I scheduled off most of the week after Christmas, and one day off a week for the rest of the year.  Commence the 4-day workweek!  But it’s always good to take the day off after the Steelers play a night game.  (Especially such an aggravating one.)

Game day mojo did NOT help any this week.  The Harrison throwback jersey won’t see the light of day again this year.  But I can’t say I wasn’t surprised.  Even in my weekly picks, I picked the Pats over the Steelers.  Brady owns us, that’s all I can say.

I also noticed over the weekend that the NFL formally apologized to the Steelers for 2 penalty calls made against them in the Bengals game.  The two calls came on a Bengals drive that led to a TD during their 4th quarter comeback last week.  If the Steelers hadn’t held them off for the win, there would have been a lot more fuss, I’m sure.  But it’s like I’ve been saying, quality teams don’t let bad calls beat them.

Speaking of, the Ratbird fans are still crying about a non-call of offensive pass interference in the game they lost against the Falcons.  Not that I’m surprised or anything.  I mean it DID come on the game-winning TD pass, but still.  They could have put the game away any time prior to that with a couple of defensive stops.  Instead the Falcons went 80 yards in 40 seconds on the Big Bad Super-Scary Chest-Beating Ravens Defense.

There was no forthcoming apology from the league, though, about the non-call, so one can only conclude that it was correct.  Except around here, it’s just more “proof” that the league is out to “get” the Ravens.

Out and About
So with my free Monday, I went out to do some errands, starting with a haircut.  I’ve posted about my semi-annual appointments at the fabled Hair Cuttery.  Last time I got sheared by a Russian Stylista who, rather than doing what I asked her to do, made me look good instead.  Sadly she wasn’t there this time so I had to explain to this other lady, “Do what Irina did.”  In other words, break out the clippers and don’t take no prisoners.

You know, when you look in the mirror and you usually can’t see any hair without the use of multiple mirrors, you tend to forget about what it looks like back there.  So it’s always kind of jarring when these tufts of hair start to appear on your cape that appear to have been left by a shedding calico cat.

How come no one told me there was so much gray back there.  What, you think I knew?

Good thing it just makes us men look all distinguished.

Next up was a trip to Wal-Mart for some supplies.  I used to fret and feel guilty about going to Wally’s, but ever since Target donated that shit-pile of cash to that Republican candidate in Minnesota who was campaigning against gay rights, I’m back to not giving a shit.  Either way, someone’s getting screwed.  At least I’ll save some money.

One thing that bothers me about the health care reform law that was passed was the removal of over-the-counter drugs from the list of approved health care spending account items.  That’s a big one to eat… I probably spend $300 a year on OTC medicines, from aspirin to cold medicine to allergy pills.  So I’m blowing the rest of my HSA money for the year on stockpiling pills.  Maybe they’ll be back in play by 2012.

While there, I also perused the bargain Blu-Ray bin and found “Silence of the Lambs” for $8.  With all the talk here last week about Sitcom Kelly’s Pits for Kris Letang and Matt Bahr, I figured it was time for an upgrade over the DVD I had.  It was right there on an end-cap, like a sign especially for me.  As soon as I saw it, I started chuckling, like “Oh yeah, that’s the one.”
Approved by Buffalo Bill.  And Precious.

Automotive Bluz
Another stupid thing I had to get was a new windshield scraper with a longer handle.  The Concorde I bought this summer is significantly wider than my old Neon and I noticed last week when I had to scrape the frost in the morning, I had to lean all the way across the hood.  So unless I wanted to routinely show up at work with giant wet spots on the front of my pants, I figured I needed a longer scraper.

While I was in the Auto Dept., I picked up a bottle of Rain-X, for use on the windshield.  I’d heard it did a good job of keeping the windshield clear and beading the water.  I’m hoping it helps in frost removal as well.  When I got home, I put it on all the glass around the car.

As a special added bonus, it rained here all day today so I got to see the Rain-X in action right away.  I’m pretty pleased.  It says on the bottle that the water will bead up and run right up your windshield as you drive, and it certainly did.  I can’t wait to get into a real hard downpour and turn that baby loose on the freeway, just to watch those water droplets scream up the glass.

How much do you want to bet that I plow into someone stopped at a red light, because I’m focusing on looking at the windshield?

RIP Skippy
Lastly today, it is with a heavy heart that I have to bid adieu to Steelers kicker, Jeff, “Skippy Skeeve the Foul Dwarf” Reed.   They cut him today and signed a new kicker, Shaun Suisham.  Reed missed a 26-yard field goal Sunday night and later blamed the turf on the field and took shots at the media and the fans.

Say what you may about his off-field poon-chasing, paper towel dispenser-smashing, cop-fighting, crotch self-photographing ways; he’s been an amazingly accurate kicker since he first signed with the Steelers.  And he’s been the world’s easiest punch line for jokesters everywhere. 

Now I’m not saying we should have kept him or cut him.  He’s acted like pretty much of a douchebag and I’m sure the Rooneys were tired of his shit.  But I am saying to those that celebrate his exit, “Be careful what you wish for,” because they’ll be booing Suisham too as soon as he misses a couple 30-yarders into the open end.  Remember, he’s a guy that 31 other teams didn’t want.

Farewell, Skippy, and good luck with the SlutQuest some other locale. 

Tell the kids he’s been taken to a farm somewhere… a Poon Farm… where he can run free and never have to wear a shirt again.

24 comments:

  1. OK, it's time to put the cosmos back in order: let Tiger get back to whoring around and return to playing stellar golf; let Roethlisberger get back to walking checks, forcing himself on drunken college girls and generally being an all-round ass so the Stillers can get on a win streak here before we run out of games; let Reed get back to taking care of Roethlisberger's left-overs and foisting his beer muscles on cops and paper-towel dispensers so he can get back to the business of kicking field goals; let the Republicans get back to lining their own pockets and pontificating about the sins of others while they're out "hiking the Appalachian Trail" before they start a class war in this country.

    Oh, wait, it's already too late for the Reed and Republican scenario.........

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  2. Skippy looks like a half-wit with that awful hair. And I am not at all impressed with his chest! I like a man with some love-handles and no six-pack!
    Bluz, I notice you are getting gray in the back.

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  3. I am shocked they brought him back for this season. The Rooneys don't normally tolerate a jackass. Well Ben is the exception.

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  4. Dick,
    Dude... you have to post more. You have a lot to get out of your system.

    Skippy may have some problems with the ladies until he hooks into another team. He's a guy that would have zero game if he wasn't an NFL player.

    Judie,
    How could you notice that? I've never posted a pic featuring the back of my skull. Admit it... you've been stalking me.

    Whoo hoo! I haven't had a stalker since college! At least I think it was a stalker... wait, maybe that was me.

    Trash,
    I was surprised as well... I mean, they were cleaning house already... what's one more dwarf put out with the recycling?

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  5. We definitely need a photo of this new haircut.

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  6. After the way Reed talked about the fans yesterday, I'm glad he is gone. I remember how lovey-dovey he was after the last Super Bowl win and THE FANS had him all the way. Guy has no class.

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  7. You can't call your boss a lier and miss field goals. I approve of the way this was handled, it also sends a message to the rest of the team. On another note, why no fine or investigation for Hines getting a helmet to helmet hit? Dad

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  8. "Tell the kids he’s been taken to a farm somewhere… a Poon Farm… where he can run free and never have to wear a shirt again." Ha ha ha ha. I can think of a few people who would be better off locked away at a place like that.

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  9. I'm trying very hard not to celebrate Skippy skipping town, but it's hard work. I wanted him gone a long time ago when his asshattery off the field began to be more widely known than anything he did on the field. I'd rather see a missed FG or two than have to worry about Ravens fans having something to validly make fun of, y'know?

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  10. "So unless I wanted to routinely show up at work with giant wet spots on the front of my pants,..." You really expect us to believe that? :-P

    I commented when Reed missed the FG on Sunday "He's playing for a contract, and that's how he kicks!" Good move by Tomlin/Rooneys. Two of our embarassments gone. One staying out of public trouble for the time being.

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  11. What exactly do NFL-groupies think they're getting when they drink with the guys? Geesh.

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  12. I remember seeing "Silence of the Lambs" with friends. I'd never heard of it and thought it was just another slasher movie.

    There are a few films that surprised me. I actually got to see them without knowing anything about them. (Hard to do these days.) I had low expectations and was blown away.

    Movies like:
    "Field of Dreams"
    "Sixth Sense"
    "Shawshank Redemption"

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  13. I love Rain-X. My husband swears by it, and he goes out of his way to use it. They make it for windshield washers too (rather than the usual blue stuff you put in there). And I apologize, but I had to laugh about you plowing into someone at a red light because you're watching the water on your windshield. It would NOT be funny, but watching how Rain-X affects water is way cool.

    Re: Skippy. Yeah, he's been a punchline as well as a great kicker, and I do wonder what pushed the Steelers organization over the edge — after they made him their franchise player. Oh, well. He'll be fine. I hope Suissam [sic] knows what he's getting into at Heinz Field. Poor guy. At least he'll be nice to look at while he lasts.

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  14. Re: wet pants. Can't you just walk around the car? Or am I missing something?

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  15. Mrs Bachelor Girl,
    (Wow, you really are a night-owl, aren’t you?)

    Eh, the haircut is unremarkable… the same buzzed, acorn-headed look worn by accountants all over the world.

    Sigh. I used to be so determined to always wear longish hair. It’s sad when one finally gets tired of fighting it and gives in to convention.

    On the bright side, I use much less shampoo and save wear and tear on the old comb.

    Cher,
    I can’t blame him for faulting about the sod, but he should have kept his yap shut about it to the press. And he should never squawk about the fans, ie: those that pay his salary. But then he’s never been much of one for thinking before acting.

    Anonymous Dad,
    I just hope Suisham is worth a damn. Either way, I expect some serious competition for the kicker position next year.

    The league thought the hit was legal, but I’ll be damned if I can tell the difference between that one and the rest that were fine-worthy.

    Jessica,
    Truth be told, I was pretty proud of that line. It totally just tumbled out as I was writing.

    Michelle,
    I know what you mean. I heard one of the asshats on the radio this morning bellyaching about Ben and criticizing fans that still support him… this coming from one of the biggest Ray Lewis supporters around.

    DG,
    On the other hand, the giant wet spots could actually be useful. If I slump over in the subway seat, sporting the wet spots on my pants, no one will want to sit beside me and I’ll have a seat to myself. This is helpful because then when I have to get out, I don’t have to squeeze around the moron blocking me in because they’re too goddamned lazy to stand up and let me out.

    Cristy,
    Oh, I’m sure they know what they’re getting. And in this case, it’s a little skeeve that’s prone to taking his shirt off in public. And a Don King haircut.

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  16. Baggers,
    Oh good, I get to talk about movies!

    I saw Silence based on positive reviews… saw it by myself at a mall movie theater. Was thoroughly intrigued by Hannibal Lecter. He became a kind of role model… no, not for the sick stuff, but for being that observant, smart and insightful… And for a diminutive English actor to construct such a frightful character is just brilliant. Even now, in my cabinet at work, I have a picture of Lecter from a magazine ad for the movie that says, “Even the word “Clarice” sounds scary coming from him.”

    Lastly, the final scene with the night-vision goggles had me on the edge of my seat, clawing at the armrests. I practically cheered out loud at the conclusion.

    Now to your others:
    Field of Dreams- I was kinda “meh” on that one. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it all start to finish. Not bad though.

    Sixth Sense- Loved it. Was totally sucked in and never saw the twist coming.

    Shawshank- The movie was good, but ruined for me because I’d read the book long before I ever saw it. So I missed that great moment when you realize what he’d been doing all through the movie… that “zing” moment.

    Let me add one more… have you seen The Usual Suspects? Great mind-fuck movie, with one of the best “holy shit” endings ever. I watched the last 5 minutes over and over again the first time I saw the movie. Reminded me of “The Sting”… another all-time great mind-fuck movie.

    RPM,
    Regarding staring at the Rain-X effect… remember, I am the Poster Child for Easily Amused.

    Skippy will be on another team in no time… probably right after the next kicker misses an important kick. And I’m sure Suisham knows exactly what he’s getting… a big fat paycheck. Beats workin’…

    My previous scraper was short, only about 2’ long. Yes, I know to walk around, but I had to lean against the car to get to the middle of the windshield. Now my old cars, like my Hondas… they were small enough that I could reach clear across from one side, unless I really had to dig into the ice.

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  17. I bet you got SOOOO tired of everyone looking at your crotch.

    You could have pulled a Jeff Reed and said, "Like what you see? It also contains syphilis."

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  18. You know, I'd be all pissed about you guys looking great in gray--because it's true. But fortunately, I'm 49 and still my natural (though ho-hum) brown. So, can't bitch yet. That time will come, I'm sure.

    And thanks for the heads-up about Target. I'd never heard that. I've avoided Wally's Place like the plague, thinking that was the right thing to do. Might as well just Save Money, Live Better, from now on.

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  19. Cassie,
    Sorry... this junk is pristine! In fact, I can do someone that has the clap and by the time we're done, it's gone.

    Sherry,
    Yeah, that's the cross we have to bear... looking all distinguished and shit... except when it all falls out...

    Shit, I'd rather have a full head of gray hair than be bald. But I play the cards I'm dealt.

    I considered adding a link to the story about the Target donation, but decided it would take too long when I was just trying to get the post down and then commence watching TV. But it's easily Googleable. You know, for someone other than me to do.

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  20. There's no SKIPPY in football! Football is Mike and Vick and Buck and Schmuck. Football is Terrell and MarVel and Donat and Donovan. (How do we cheer Mewelbe?) And remember Pouncey and Trouncey and Posey and, of course, the great ROSIE!
    But NO Skippy!!!
    Whatever happened to Norm Johnson? Saw him once, was in love for a whole weekend.

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  21. I didn't see Usual Suspects in a theater. Got the DVD and for some inane reason I started watching it with the Director's Commentary. BIG MISTAKE. (spoiler alert) As soon as Kevin Spacey first walked on screen, the director blurted out, "And now we see Keyser Soze." Thanks, jerk! So I never saw this movie with a first time perspective.

    I think "Field of Dreams" only got to you if you had great moments of playing catch or enjoying baseball with your dad.

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  22. Mary Ann,
    Pouncey is one of the best names ever, except he should be a cornerback or something. It’s like you need to say the name a whole bunch of times… “Pouncey Pouncey Pouncey Pouncey!”

    Geez, Norm left ages ago… I always thought the whole stadium should have shouted “Norm!” whenever he came on the field. Or maybe they did…

    Bagger,
    OMG, what a horrible way to have that movie ruined! That movie is all about the end twist… otherwise, it’s just another caper flick. I bet you never start with the DVD commentary again…

    Dad and I used to play a lot of catch, growing up… But I was still kind of “meh…” Maybe because deep down, I really wanted one of those “Pitch-n-Catch” nets that bounced the ball back to you when you threw it.

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  23. Last time I got sheared by a Russian Stylista who, rather than doing what I asked her to do, made me look good instead.

    Love this. My stylist NEVER does what I tell her to do. Even if I bring pictures. I'm still not convinced I don't know better than she does, though, which I'm sure makes me an idiot.

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  24. PD,

    To me, it was a major milestone of maturation to be able to walk in there and be all, “Whatever…” Time was, if the cut wasn’t exactly the way I wanted it, that was good for a solid week’s worth of depression and general mopery.

    Now, I realize that I’m old and it pretty much doesn’t matter any more… hence the “whatevs…”

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