Wednesday, December 8, 2010

From the In-Box

I love it when I get those emailed memes that go around, not because they’re necessarily deep or clever, but because I can get a cheap post out of it.  I got one this week… I’m sure you’ve seen it before; it’s been around a while.  So I thought I’d run with it and add my own observations.

Adult Truths
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.  I can’t believe there’s no Self-Destruct key yet.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.  Not that it’s ever happened to ME, mind you.  OK, really, the tip-off is when the subject changes.  I hate that when I’m having an argument though… when my opponent changes the subject, which basically means, “OK, I may be wrong but I’m still pissed off, so I’m going to bring up something from the past, be it yesterday or 6 months ago, and start in on that.”

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.  I now understand how naps are under-rated.  Every office building should have a hammock room, if you ask me.  You start the timer, then after an hour, it flips over and dumps you out.  Hey, I’m no barbarian… I’d put cushions underneath.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.  I heartily agree.  As if I really care…

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?  I’m glad it’s not just me that stores the bottom sheets in a ball on the shelf of the linen closet.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?  I haven’t used it since 10th grade.  I use a kind of hybrid of printing and hieroglyphics.  In fact, I don’t think I’m even capable of writing anything in cursive any more, aside from my signature.  And even then I still print the capital letters.

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.  They need to work on a way to make it easier for you to start with “I-695 near Pikesville.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.  Sucks getting old (er).

9. Bad decisions make good stories.  Been saying that for years… good comedy comes from suffering.  Who laughs at a story were everything goes just right?

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.  And some days, it comes earlier than others.  Like, say, 10:30 AM?

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.  Probably too late for this one… here comes 3D-TV.  You have to buy a whole new TV for that one…

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit from Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.  So even though I KNOW I didn’t change a thing, I’ll still hit {Save} just to be sure.  We have become a paranoid culture.

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.  That’s valuable intel.  To me, Caller ID is the greatest invention ever.  And because of the wireless receiver that you can take with you, I don’t even have to get up to know who I’m ignoring.

14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.  Right!  Why wouldn’t we need to see in the freezer too?  I think that’s why we so often find those frozen artifacts that have been in there since 1986.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.  Or a shot of Jaegermeister or similar concoction of girly drinks masquerading as “shots.”  To be considered a shot, it has to taste like fire.  The ‘burn’ means it’s working.

16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.  Of course, then I’d never be able to get around anywhere in Baltimore.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.  That’s a new habit for me… mindless munching.  I never used to do that.  Of course, I could barely afford “dinner” at the time, let alone snackables.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a damn word they said?  From me, they get twice.  Sometimes I’ll even take my earphone out.

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!  I’ve only seen that happen once around here.  In Maryland, everyone is trying to cut in at the front.

20. Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.  Amen.  I have a pants rotation in that I don’t wear any pair of pants more than once a week.  Therefore, unless there’s some kind of spill or accident, they don’t go in the laundry more than every 6 months.  OK, some black slacks get to looking dusty, so I’ll toss them in the wash a little more often.

21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.  I’d like to say that was another byproduct of getting old (er) but I’ve always done that.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone  can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds,  eyes closed, first time, every time.  Sorry, on this one, I have to go another way.  I never use the snooze.  I wake up gradually to the radio because  I want to hear the news when I wake up.  Unfortunately, by the time I’m actually out of bed, I can’t remember a single story.  (See previous entry.)

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.  This should not be a surprise.  But I can tell this was written by a woman, because any guy would tell you that given a choice between a taking a puck in the melon, or one in the ‘boys’, we’ll take the head shot every time.  It has nothing to do with brains, just the avoidance of excruciating agony. 

19 comments:

  1. HA! This meme is great, but it's even better with Bluz commentary.

    I'm just going to start forwarding all my emails to you.

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  2. Mrs. Bachelor Girl,
    That's like tossing an old tire into the monkey pit. Do it!

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  3. I'm not sure...I don't know if I should turn left or right out of my driveway sometimes. I mean I DO live in a cul de sac, yanno. The opportunity is endless...

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  4. Cassie,
    So then you can't go wrong either way!

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  5. Love this!

    You know... I'm the only person I know who can actually fold a fitted sheet better than Martha Stewart? Yeah, I actually picture myself in a televised broadcast of a folding competition, and of course I bring home the trophy!

    Fun read!

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  6. Oh and I agree: getting old SUCKS!

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  7. Miss Nikki,
    I'm convinced that fitted sheets are a plot by women designed to make men feel incompetent at household chores. Which is yet another reason why we don't do them.

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  8. I haven't seen these before!! I have to agree with #4 - totally in need of a sarcasm font. #7 On my Droid, Google keeps giving me street/exit NUMBERS rather than the street NAME. This doesn't help at all since the signs only have the name. I miss Verizon Navigator. #15 is f'n priceless - and no doubt true.

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  9. I work with a nun who looks down on people who "print" instead of write cursive. I think she needs to get with the times!!

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  10. I love that error message! Awesome. I'm even more paranoid - I think maybe I saved it in the random folder it goes to automatically and cancel out of the msg and do a Save As... even though I've made no changes. *sigh*

    These are great. I think when I got it, it said "DVD" instead of "Blue Ray" - that's darn hilarious!

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  11. #13 is my favorite! When my phone rings, I always answer "Bueno!" If it is a Republican, they hang up, ditto the people looking for a donation, and if it is a Democrat, they always laugh and say, "you had me there for a minute!" Works for me!!

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  12. Lots of thoughts on this one:

    1. Keith Carradine needed such a friend to take him out of the noose and put him in bed.

    6. I don't know where, but I once heard that if your writing uses both cursive and print letters, you are a serial killer. That's me, I guess. I just haven't started yet.

    10. Evidence: I'm doing this at work.

    11. The day after I buy a Blue Ray, the next big technology will come out.

    12. When your browser freezes, does anyone actaully submit the report?

    15. Many kisses begin with roofies, too.

    17. Am I eating because I'm bored, or am I bored because there's nothing interesting to eat?

    23. Actually, not only do NFL players not wear cups, they don't even wear jock straps anymore. Either do the kids, I guess. Jock strap technology is fading away to the land of typewriters and Instamatic film.

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  13. Kernut,
    Glad I could provide something new!

    I have to admit that sometimes we take for granted the life improvements we now have. Flawed as it is, I would have LOVED to have been able to use Google Maps back in the 80’s. Getting accurate directions from people had always been a problem. Then when you show up an hour late, the person that gave you the directions says, “Oh, I meant go left! Going right takes you straight to the ghetto!”

    Jessica,
    As I recall, the nuns look down on pretty much everyone.

    I opt for there being a slight chance of someone being able to read my print-scrawl, as opposed to “no chance” of anyone reading my cursive. Plus, it would take me an eternity to write anything, because, and I’m not exaggerating, I do not remember how to do it. I’d have to consult an example page.

    Cristy,
    I agree… I think the first time I saw this it also said DVD. The saving grace with Blu-Ray is that it will still play your old DVDs.

    I don’t remember where I found that Error Message pic… I’ve had it in The Vault for a while.

    Judie,
    “Organic call screening.” I love it!

    Bagger,
    1. I did a post on Carradine’s death, back when no one was reading me. But one of my points was that it would have made a good Very Special Edition of Ghost Whisperer. The ghost of Carradine visits and says, “Say, I have a bit of an emergency here… I’m hanging in a closet over at the Marriott with no clothes on and a used Kleenex at my ? Could you get down there and cover my ass up before housecleaning gets there? That is, if there’s room enough in the closet for my rigor mortised boner and your enormous eyelashes.

    6. Perhaps it’s also indicative of a procrastinator.

    12. I NEVER submit the error report. It just ties up my computer longer.

    13. I think sticks and pucks have a higher likelihood of ringing your bells than a football. Unless you’re a member of the Guards’ Team in The Longest Yard.

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  14. Bluz, I'm totally with you on folding fitted sheets. Truly, I thought I was the only one who couldn't make the linen closet look neatly stacked. I have tried every which way and now I'm convinced there isn't any. So...they get tucked behind the nicely squared, folded sheets. Also with you on cursive writing. I half print, half write so it's my own combination and I like it just fine!

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  15. Cher,
    Wow, I was sure you'd have been a sheet-folder from way back. My mom can do it... I should have taken notes when I still lived with them.

    I've never had good handwriting, and it all goes back to moving around a lot as a kid. When we moved from Pittsburgh to Chicago, when I was in 2nd grade, we were still printing. But my new school in Chicago was already well into cursive so I just kinda got thrown in. I never had much of the rote practice it takes to drill it in. By 10th grade, I took a course called "briefhand", which was an organized way of omitting letters when taking notes. I started printing then and never stopped.

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  16. #23 - the kids still wear them!!! At least while their mothers are still in charge. I want grandchildren some day, dammit. :-)

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  17. DG,
    Good point... otherwise, when their children are born, they'll come out all crooked.

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  18. OMG! I cannot believe that I am the only person to know how to fold fitted sheets!! Am I going to have to come up there and show you? It isn't rocket science!

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  19. Judie,
    You need to do an instructional video. We're all awaiting your sage, Southwestern wisdom. But feel free to come up and demonstrate, if you wish! I have 3-4 balled up sheets in need of folding.

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